The sharp, tinny sound of her ringtone jolted Vee from her sleep with a sharp intake of breath, blindly fumbling to grab the phone from her bedside table to silence it. She fumbled as she tried to pick it free of its charging cord, and swore under her breath as the phone slipped from her fingers and fell into the gap between her bed and the table, still singing its tune. Dragging herself from the bed, she quickly retrieved it just in time for the ringing to stop, the call officially missed. She squinted against the harshness of the screen’s light, reading off the number, or what would have been a number. Instead, it simply said “Unknown Caller”.
Her heart skipped at that, sinking down to rest somewhere next to her stomach. Unknown numbers were never a good sign, she’d come to know. They usually meant Ryan was finding some way around the blocks she’d put in place, either picking up new phones or new numbers from his so-called friends, or worse yet recruiting yet another lawyer to hear his case. She sighed heavily as she sank back to sit on the edge of the bed, resting her head in one hand as she stared down at the screen and her thumb hovered over the call-back button. She jumped when the phone buzzed in her hand, notifying her that a voicemail had been left, and a wave of anxiety-born nausea rose in her throat as she hastily set the phone away, both hands coming to cover her face as she buried her head and groaned in the darkness. She couldn’t deal with another lawyer, not right now.
The nausea passed and she sat up again slowly, letting out a long, slow breath. It was still dark out, she could glimpse just the faintest blue in the sky through the gaps in her blinds. The time on her phone’s screen said it was almost four in the morning, not yet dawn even for so late in the springtime. What lawyer would be calling so early? That just made her more uneasy; it was certainly Ryan himself, or one of his cronies. She cast a sidelong glance at the phone again, at the voicemail notification hovering on the screen there, and sighed as she reached over and swiped it away, turning the volume off for good measure. She’d check it later. Maybe.
Vee stood and shook her hair out, scratching her nails across her scalp to loosen the tangles that sleep had made and yawning as she walked over to her closet, finding a clean towel in the pile of washed-but-yet-to-be-folded laundry and wrapping it around her unclothed figure before she set foot out of the room. To the right of her room, Eli’s door was still shut, and there was no sound of stirring; the phone ringing hadn’t woken him at least. To the left, the bathroom waited, and she slipped inside quickly, the door shut quietly in her wake. It was early to shower but she knew there was no way she’d fall back asleep now, at this hour and after that kind of spook.
The hot water soothed her nerves, and she savored the peace, the catharsis of scrubbing herself clean after thinking about Ryan. It always left her feeling sick and grimy, no matter how fleeting the thought. Like a stain that never came out, or more aptly, a bruise that never faded. The bathroom was choked with steam by the time she was done, but she didn’t crack the window yet, taking her time to dry off and run a brush through her still-damp hair. Through the fog on the mirror she could just barely see herself, her normally soft-brown hair looked almost black when it was wet, making her skin look paler, almost sickly. She frowned slightly, regarding her dark-rimmed eyes, their normally vibrant amber hue dull and washed out from exhaustion. Interrupted sleep was simply an expectation these days, though the reasons varied.
Most of the time it was dreams that woke her. Though she was never sure why; they weren’t nightmares. Or at least they didn’t feel like it, the details always vanishing the moment her eyes opened, leaving her annoyed and tired and…somehow yearning. Like there was something important that was just out of reach. Fantasies about a life where Ryan never got his hooks in her, probably. But then, even that brought little comfort, as without him there would be no Eli, and that was something she’d never trade for anything, even at their worst moments. She squeezed more water from her hair and then ran the brush through it again, the half-muffled sound of a passing siren drawing her eyes to the fogged-up window. The song of the city, such as it was. There were always sirens somewhere in Portland.
She wrapped the towel around herself again as she cracked the window to let the bathroom air out, before returning to her room. Eli’s door was still closed, but she could hear a snuffling at the foot of the door that made her smirk briefly. Her son might have been able to sleep through everything, but Iron Man was ever-vigilant. And he knew that Vee being up meant breakfast wasn’t far off. Throwing on a plain green shirt and some worn jeans that she knew needed replacing but didn’t yet have enough holes for her to consider it urgent, Vee checked her phone again as she tied her hair up in a thick ponytail. It was almost 4:45, the blue in the sky was just a bit brighter, and she could hear cars starting up in the parking lot as her neighbors prepared to brave the morning traffic in the city. There was another voicemail notification and she pushed it away too. Later. Maybe.
Iron Man’s broad head slipped around the edge of the door as she quietly opened Eli’s room, his snout bumping her leg as he uttered his usual bulldoggish snuffles. A pitbull mix is what his paperwork at the shelter had said, but she was pretty sure he was more akin to a mastiff mix, with his big square build. She rubbed his brindled face, scrunching his velvety ears as she opened the door enough for the rest of him. Peeking into the room she could see Eli sprawled haphazardly on his bed, heard the steady, quiet puff of air from his breath over the faint chirping and sounds of rustling branches from his sleep machine, always set to deliver soothing woodland sounds. Iron Man snorted at her and she hissed quietly to shush him, closing the door behind her again as she withdrew. The dog lumbered ahead into the kitchen, pausing to stretch while Vee got his leash in order to take him out, his tail wagging in slow, lazy arcs as they left the apartment and made their way for the stairs.
Living on the second floor wasn’t so bad, even if facing a flight of stairs at the end of a long day was not exactly the most thrilling subject. After the divorce, they had first moved into a ground-level apartment at a different complex, but after someone smashed a window in the night Vee had wasted no time in packing them up to another. It had been lucky that the managers of the previous complex had been gracious of her circumstances, and gave her a break on the lease. The window-breaking had been an unfortunate collateral from some neighbor’s dispute, but Vee couldn’t shake the nightmarish images of Ryan tracking them down and breaking in after it happened. So in the three different places they’d lived since, she had always gotten them a place on the second floor.
It was just after 5:00 when she returned to the apartment, Iron Man having sufficiently inspected the morning sniff-posts around the complex, and when she opened the door she saw Eli sitting on the couch, slouched over on the pillows while perusing Netflix. “You’re up early.” Vee observed as she unhooked Iron Man’s leash, the dog plodding over to flop himself heavily onto the couch alongside the boy, who switched from cuddling the pillow to cuddling the big mutt without missing a beat.
“So are you.” Eli countered, smiling sleepily as she walked over to the back of the couch, leaning down to give him a kiss atop his head, his dark hair tickling her face where it stuck up in all directions. Vee smirked as she walked away to the kitchen, glancing over her shoulder while she opened up the fridge to pull out some eggs for breakfast. Eli had chosen a show, but while most eight-year-old boys might have defaulted to one of the cartoons about superheroes, or Transformers, or whatever other random subjects they made kids’ shows about these days, Eli had always had different, quieter tastes. This morning it was a documentary about wolves in Yellowstone. Yesterday it was an episode from a series about bears. She took out a mixing bowl and focused on cracking the eggs, seasoning them before she started whisking them up. Eli had always had a fascination with animals and nature, something that was hardly unusual for many kids in Oregon but which she felt was particularly profound in him. He’d never known a life outside of the concrete jungle of Portland. And while it was a city better at preserving nature both within and without itself than most, it was still very much a city, and in the neighborhoods and circumstances they’d been relegated to throughout his childhood there hadn’t exactly been many opportunities to indulge his wanderlust.
Guilt simmered in her chest as she turned on the stovetop, melting some butter in the waiting pan there. Vee didn’t have many memories of her own childhood by this point, but she knew she had grown up outside the city. Nearly an hour away there was a small town where she’d once spent her days running out the door to play among the trees that surrounded them. That had been her childhood once, before her father had remarried and moved them away. Here to the city, where she’d been ever since. She didn’t remember the last time she’d left. She didn’t remember the last time she’d been ABLE to leave.
A wolf howled on the TV and Iron Man uttered a low woof in response, making Eli giggle. The sound distracted her from the darkening thoughts at the edge of her mind, and she pushed them aside quickly. That unpleasant feeling was coming back, that hollowness in her chest that made her feel like something was missing. It was so hard to think back that far, beyond Ryan, beyond her stepmother. The memories grew fuzzy, like trying to look through static that only got worse the harder she tried to recall them. “Eli, breakfast time.” She called as she plated the omelettes, snatching a couple tangerines from the fruit bowl to accompany the simple breakfast. She set the plates on the table, leaving Eli to get himself settled while Iron Man came trotting for his own breakfast, waiting by his bowl as she got out a hefty scoop of kibble—plus a small scrap of egg she’d saved for him, dropping it on top of the crunchy brown pebbles and leaving him to scarf it down eagerly while she rejoined her son.
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“Thanks, Mama.” Eli had his head in one hand, elbow set on the table while he used his fork to cut the omelette into small, methodically-spaced pieces. He had a faraway look in his eye, which wasn’t an uncommon thing, but rarely seen so early in the morning.
“Feeling okay, baby?” Vee asked, watching him while she took a bite of her own meal, studying the way his pale blue eyes skimmed over his plate, darting beneath his lashes as he seemed lost in thought.
He nodded, though his silence made the response distinctly unconvincing. But he glanced up at her soon after, spearing a bit of egg on his fork. “Can we go to the zoo?”
Vee blinked at him, the question not what she’d expected—though to be fair she hadn’t had many expectations. “The zoo? Mm…I’ll have to check my schedule for the weekend, but yeah, I think we can do that.” She smiled, but he didn’t mirror the expression, turning his fork over and over in his fingertips as he watched the piece of egg wobble at the end of the tines. “Can we go today?” He asked, and there was something curious in his tone. Almost urgent, pleading.
“...I don’t know about today, baby. You have school, and I’ve got the night shift today, remember? But we can plan for the weekend. It’s already Thursday, so it’s just a couple days away.” She smiled again, renewing the expression to try and assuage whatever was gnawing at him as he met her eyes again. He stared at her quietly, and she had the distinct sense he was trying not to show his disappointment before he faintly smiled back and nodded, taking the bite from his fork and lowering his eyes to the plate again. “Okay.”
The uneasy quiet only hung between them for a few moments before it seemed like a switch flipped, and Eli began talking about the day to come, the strange pensive mood broken. Thursdays meant it was pizza day at school, and he would get to have art class, his favorite. He wanted to draw a new picture for his room. Vee listened happily, watching him as he chattered away and peeled his orange, her own sitting uneaten on the edge of her plate. She hadn’t quite the appetite for it after all, it seemed. Iron Man set his heavy head on her lap and she ignored the wet spots that his drooly jowls made on her thigh while she enjoyed her son’s company.
When breakfast was done she sent Eli off to get dressed while she cleaned up. It was almost 7:00 now, and she inwardly mused on how easy children could fill time with their boundless chatter while she washed the dishes, giving them a quick simple scrub before tucking them into the dishwasher. She still felt a bit strange about that earlier interaction, though. Going to the zoo wasn’t such an odd request, but it was the way he’d said it that just didn’t sit right with her. He had seemed worried, but what would be worrisome about going to the zoo? She was tempted to ask, but at the same time she felt like digging would only serve to unsettle him. Whatever had been making him pensive, he seemed to have shaken off for now. Dredging it up now might trouble him for the whole school day. He had always been sensitive like that.
By the time 7:30 rolled around they had packed up into the truck, a somewhat weathered but reliable old Tacoma that she’d bought with the last of her savings after their previous car had been totaled after Ryan took it for a “joyride”. Iron Man’s heavy head loomed between the front seats as he sat behind them, panting in Vee’s ear while they made their way to Eli’s school. He stared out the window as they drove, humming faintly along to the music that played on the radio, a classic station that Vee favored playing quietly. Vee couldn’t help but glance over at the boy while they drove, watching him as he gazed out the window. “You’re gonna have a good day, yeah?” She broke the silence, and he seemed to come out of some kind of reverie, turning his head to look at her with a blank expression that thankfully melted quickly into the smile she knew so well. “Uh huh.” He nodded, adjusting his hold on his backpack as they turned into the driveway of the school, pulling in behind the other cars who’d come to drop their kids off. Vee recognized a couple of them, parents and kids alike who she’d met at occasional school events.
They’d managed to stay at this school for two years, and she hoped they wouldn’t have to uproot to another district again now that Eli was finally settling in and making friends. She leaned over, pushing Iron Man’s slobbery jowls out of the way so she could plant a quick kiss on Eli’s temple while he unbuckled himself and shouldered his backpack. “Love you, kid.”
“Love you, Mama.” He giggled, giving Iron Man a hug and receiving a lick that slicked up the whole side of his head before he climbed out of the truck and jogged off to join the other kids on the playground before class started. Vee watched him go, the heaviness in her heart lifted as she watched him join a group of other kids and quickly engage in their game. It had been a hard road to get here. He had been so intensely anxious during his first year of school, first grade had nearly been impossible for him. He was very bright, and caught on to his lessons quickly, but had shied away from the other kids and had been so timid with his teachers that he had to do most of his work in the counselor’s office where he wouldn’t be so stressed. He had been getting better by the end of the year, but then Ryan had found them and taken the car, and they’d been forced to move, which meant a new school.
Vee realized she was chewing her lip as she pulled back into the apartment complex, the skin already tender and raw, scarred from previous absentminded gnawing. “Ugh, damn it.” She muttered as she pulled into her parking space, running her tongue gingerly over the hurt spot. It was a habit she had thought she’d finally kicked, an anxious tic born of stress in the midst of a turbulent marriage and messy divorce.
Reaching for her seatbelt, she felt the vibration of her phone in her pocket and she felt that surge of nerves again, fumbling to get it out of her pocket and looking at the number on the screen. Unknown.
“Fuck.” She sighed heavily, breath hissing through her teeth. Whoever it was really wasn’t going to let up. But at this point, if it WAS Ryan, there was no way she was getting caught in a phone call with him. No, she’d just wait for another message and then listen to what he had to say, if it was anything coherent at all. It had been months since he’d called her last and he’d been drunk out of his mind, his words so slurred she barely recognized his voice. Not that she’d listened too long, having hung up the moment he started in on the insults.
She got out of the car, taking up Iron Man’s leash as he hopped out after her. The sky was hazy, caught between hanging onto the clouds that stretched in long uneven swaths across it and clearing up to let the sun shine through. Either way, the air was pleasant by now, not too warm but not chilly. By all rights, a perfect late-spring morning.
“Mrs. Hanes?” A voice behind her made her jump, and she turned quickly, Iron Man giving a low woof that was enough to intimidate most people even when his tail was wagging like it was. She must have looked more startled than she even thought, because the man who stood there lifted his hands placatingly, taking a half-step back. “Sorry. Are you Virginia Hanes?”
“What?” Vee so seldom heard her full first name these days she almost forgot what it was, blessedly. But far be it for her to be quite so lucky. “It’s just…Ms. Hanes, actually.” She bit back the urge to give him the more casual moniker she went by, too skeptical of who he was and what he wanted. He was dressed in a nice button-down shirt beneath a plain but well-kept vest bearing a badge, sleeves rolled up over forearms that bore the muscle and scars of a man who did a lot of work with his hands. He was probably around her age, certainly not out of his 30s at least, with a kind-looking clean-shaven face that bore just a bit of stubble at the corners of his mouth where he hadn’t quite gotten his razor in flat enough. Beneath his rusty brown hair which was combed back neatly from his face, his hazel eyes were scanning her just as intently as she figured hers were scanning him, though with much less wariness. “Sorry for startling you. I’m Douglas Atkins, Sheriff of Woodwill.”
A cold jolt ran down her spine at that. Woodwill. She hadn’t even thought of the name that went with the place from her fragmented memories in years. But the shock quickly turned to suspicion, and confusion. What would the sheriff of a town she hadn’t set foot in since she was eight years old want with her? The question must’ve been obvious in her eyes because he reached into the pocket of his vest and produced an envelope. “Does the name Kato Hanes mean anything to you?”
Another jab of ice in her heart, and Vee must have visibly winced because Sheriff Atkins’ face fell, his brow creasing in a worried manner. “Ma’am?”
“Sorry, I…” She fumbled for a response, a reason for her reaction, but even she couldn’t be sure why. Instead she redirected herself to the biggest question at hand, shaking her head as she focused on him. “Sorry, why are you here?”
“Kato Hanes. Your grandfather, assuming I’ve got everything correct?” He lightly slapped the envelope against his free palm, raising his brow as he observed her, no doubt gauging her response. But Vee was a bit more prepared now, and she held steady despite the turbulent emotions boiling in her guts, nodding in reply. “We received a call from his property a couple weeks ago. We found a letter that explained we needed to give you this. Took us a while to track you down, but here we are.” He offered her the envelope then, and she felt a terrible conflict rise in her mind. Half of her wanted to grab the envelope, to see what it could possibly contain after so many years. The other half wanted to recoil, to run upstairs and lock the door as if that would make it all go away. She closed her eyes, swallowing hard before she forced her hand out, taking the paper from his hands. “...You received a call?” She focused on that, one detail among so much ambiguity that she could grab. “What does that mean?”
“I’m sorry, Ms. Hanes.” He shrugged, and she believed he really was sorry as he fixed her with a solemn look, head inclined and brow knitted together just enough to set a crease between them. “I’m afraid your grandfather’s gone.”