Offline

As I gazed at the words written in crimson red. I pondered. For what reasons have I deserved this? Never before have I sat at front of her four monitors. Why would I? I knew the term internet, games, players and online. She taught me. But never before have I touched a mouse ever.

The warmth left behind lingered. Felt heavy like the long breaths of mine. Stiffened like my tensed fingers. A burden I moved left and right.

“A good gaming mouse always gets you far!” She said, have always said. Next generation was it? She replaced it, the next generation every year…

Whenever we spoke about her games, I had no idea what language she spoke in. But even with a maneuver within less than an inch on the gaming pad, the cursor had already gone from right towards the left monitor. Just like the time spent with her.

With effort, eventually I had the cursor at where I wanted it to be, hovering over the peculiar words, “Offline”, and “Begin”.

I was proud, it took a while. But why, I question myself? Was it not suppose to be like all the other days? Me whom knocked the door. Opened it with a loud crackling squeak that raised the goosebumps. Not that she would ever mind.

The light squeezed itself into the room, while the fragrance engulfed my nostrils, and there I would find her. Sitting there, at the corner beside her curtain tagged with her virtual name “Eswhar”.

She sat on the same seat where I currently am. A dark cozy room with musical chimes of her computer. With her crimson red hair towards me, it always started with a click with her tongue. Her complains that is. Not about life, not about boyfriends, but about games. Funny, yet how it saddens me… I don’t recall much about the other days, yet this one burned into my mind.

She raised her virtual gear. Probably because there ain’t any use for it for the next game. But is it not heavy?

My thoughts never reached her, for she rested it above her hair, and leaned onto her palm with her elbow on the custom ordered birch desktop. “Che, one game after another… Repetitive! Boring! Where is the innovation?!”

She grabbed her joysticks. Her torch burned with a new goal unknown to me. All while the butterflies tickled my inner giggle.

I might not be familiar with computers, or in this case, games. But I knew how cute her personality could be. She might be complaining, but with another careful look. They wouldn’t be surprised that she might have tried every game out there.

Now what was it? A bright smile? No… Her iris, green like the emerald leaves bathing within the sun. If only she ever tried the game called life, the world outside the door. Raiding, or was it PvP? Either way, she called her goal the reason for not going outside.

Something like that. She whom stayed up late, concentrated, never winking with her sharp yet wide open eyes.

How she have yet to obtain the dark circles or eye bags, I wonder how. If only she knew that anyone would ask her hand out at a single glance, maybe the outside world could poke her interest? But… Even with her rosy cheeks paled from the four monitors, or rather, already porcelain from not going outside at all. There is always something hidden beneath it all.

I shivered, the smell… I know it from experience. Traumatized perhaps. Did she hide it once again under the bed?

Like the usual routine, I checked every corners of the room. Tidied as much as I could, paved my way towards the source. Grabbed the wasted clothes, sorted her old accessories, handhelds, gaming headsets, controllers, and all of the same category. Until eventually. My eyes burned!

Now calm down, I told myself. For what I saw could not really be what I believe it was… Right?

I sighed, for I had to do, what I had to do. But do I dare? Dare to reveal what would burn my eyes?

I gulped down the voice before it escaped my throat, steeled my fingers and mind for war. And as the sweat rolled from my itchy back, I saw it… And I dare not scream.

The pizza, the cheese glued between every fibre of the clothings. The pores of those ugly nasty mold, leaking from under a stack of clothes! If one questioned the meaning of life, I questioned the reason for the stack of clothes when she have yet to set a foot outside of her house…

I should start cleaning her room daily… Wait… Maybe she is showing her rebellious age of me who bought clothes for her?

Nah… It can’t be? Is my taste that bad?

I glanced at her, and before I knew it. I focused at the white tank tops. Proudly presenting her petite sculpted beauty, while she sat with her short blue jeans before her rainbow colored keyboard, two joysticks and a customized mouse from some secret benefactor.

It pierced my heart to say this, but she is cute… My sister that is… Now, before you call me anything weird! Mind you... While currently she did not use the virtual gear, she still had it combined with her headset on her. For me, it looked just like the main character from a sci-fi movie. Ready with the joysticks to pewpewpew at the baddies.

“Fite me!” She once said against all robots. Or did she mean fight me? Something from the internet I suppose.

Suffice to say, she is cute. But it is all nothing more than admiration… What shattered that idea though, was that none of her gaming equipment even had a stain! No dust, no anything. Not even the fingerprint of everyday oily sweat!

Why… Why you do this to me?

That case though, full tower was it? Made out of steel with illuminating red crimson lights. Nicely colored but somewhat evil... Though I cannot fathom the care she has for it. All the stickers… Evga, Nvidia and Asus, you name it… If only she took care of her room as much as her… I scratched my head, sli… sli… 1380 Titan? Ti? Close enough, she had four of them at least.

The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.

I turned my gaze towards her, and before I knew it, she “Htmh!”ed at me and returned to her little world.

Did I stare at your beloved that much?

I sulked. But the smell that tingled and caused my nose to be runny, finally forced my hands…

I made my way to the closest, renowned as my arsenal of destruction. Grabbed my heroic weapons, my rubber gloves, my mop and bucket. I crashed into the room. But neither did she care.

Fingers forged by sweat. Body strengthened by sweeping, and mind unbreakable from the torture of particles of dust. I was fast, swift, effective at what I did. And when I was finally satisfied, I inhaled the soothing smell of limes, as I swiped the greasy sweat off of my forehead.

Am I not great?

…

...

Met with silence, I left the room and glanced at the clock before the Tv. But then… It hit me… My eyes focused upon the time once again, and then outside the window.

It was late! If I don’t hurry, I won’t make it to the grocery store!

I drained the soot and threw my beloved cleaning equipment into the storage, ran towards the door, shoved my two feets into my summer shoes. Went back into the storage to properly place my weapons against the wall. Went back to the front door. Opened the door and let the wind chill me from the heat of work.

“I’m heading out for groceries!” I shouted, lungs gasping for air.

…

No answer. Not that I expected any. With that, I closed the door, locked it may I add. Checked three times. I had to be sure that my sister wouldn’t mistake someone else as me.

I sighed… Truthfully, I am a disgrace. For all I had thought of my sister, I’m actually the one without work. If she was lazy, I am worse than lazy. You could say that the reason I might be still in this house of hers, is because I am her somewhat unofficial house maid. Not that I’m complaining though.

But where in my life did I choose the wrong road? University? School? The part times? Or my motivation… For all I remember, my sister never left her new house ever since that day...

A genius? No, she left school for competitive gaming. I found it fun watching her win as an anonymous player who gambled with high stakes, but never did I really see the reason for playing games. Well, I blame my parents for parts of that.

No matter. Today I will celebrate with the finest dining. A hard work needs to be supplemented with the goodies! Potato? Rice? Maybe juicy meat marinated with my super spices and butter! Before long, my thoughts had already wandered me back home.

But I wished until this very second, that I had never left home at all.

The bag of groceries slammed against the floor. It all went blank. Gone… Gone! I checked the bathroom, knocked first may I add. Checked the kitchen, the storage, bashed open my room, checked under every chair and behind every curtains. I ran back to her room, ran back to the door. Held my head as I recalled that I had unlocked it with my key.

I was somewhat happy until it… It was still there… The key within the box beside the front door, and the pair of shoes… Untouched.

I don’t know how. But I froze, lost my balance, horror overshadowed my mind. What if… I didn’t want to think of it, yet I knew I had to call them. And I did.

And they arrived… The cause? At first, the police sent parties outside to locate her with the help of german shepherds. They wandered around the neighbour, but eventually found themselves back at the front door… No… It barked… They barked… They barked at me.

They thought I did it, no… They thought I was spouting lies. Who wouldn’t? The room was spot clean! Even her chair had no ass prints of someone ever sitting there!

But they could not see what I could… Markings, unidentified markings etched across her room.. I tried to explain, but they thought I was crazy? Mental? Those eyes looked dead silent at me, tried to wring the truth out of my very soul.

Suffice to say, my tears welled up and I cried.

Since then? A long week passed. Felt like years before the discharge. Deafening as if someone strangled my throat. I could still hear the siren, the echoes, the table that crackled from each slam. My headache from being thrown against the wall. The smelly cigar, the rough voice which threatened me as I was held by my collar. Falsified proof that entered my ear and exited the other... All because no one believed me…

But the damage was already done. The old lady, the ma’am, the butcher. The people whom told their child to look away, stay away. None of them even glanced at me anymore. People, humanity… Is this how those innocent felt when accused of murder?

Before I knew. I sat before my sister’s desktop. Comfortable from the cushion of the seat as I succumbed myself into deep thoughts.

Somehow I nudged the joysticks, Found my fingers before the triggers. Why? Maybe I wanted to see how my sister felt, but the awakening of the computer fished me out of my thoughts.

I saw them, the markings, the language still lingered. From across the room, it moved towards one singular point. The central monitor, pitch black, but the language combined into a word. Illuminating itself with a crimson header “Offline”.

Crimson… It reminded me of her messy hair straight from the bed. Though, I’ve always wondered. Why is her’s red, while mine is black? No… I knew the answer all along.

When our parents… died… Father left a dying message for me alone. The older brother. Or son… even so, she is still my family, the only one I cannot replace.

For that very reason. What had drawn me towards the computer since that day. Beckoned me to click “begin”. So I did, and with a flash, the world fell apart.