I hate my job, I hate my life, the taste of coffee permeates my mouth and the number of documents doesn't seem to end. I wonder how many hours must have passed since I started this extension, it seemed... I couldn't remember the exact time I started working, my head filled with static just trying to imagine those numbers, static painfully loud.
Better to focus on the task at hand, since that is my only purpose in life.
I feel tired.
I want nothing more than to sleep, but when I close my eyes I can only see the fields of incomplete tables in the exc$l and the words that are missing in documents to be compiled. I'm so hungry, but there's no food in the building, just coffee.
My thermos is empty, my bladder is full, but I'm drawn to the canteen, like a fly towards the light, I can't control the impulse, the hum of that old machine forces me to feed on it.
The end of the month is approaching, I remember almost reaching the three number positions a few months ago, probably, but this time I definitely can.
But I feel alone. It shouldn't have been possible, late in the night I hear people typing into the night, just like me, and at the same time so different.
I take the first sips of coffee feeling the numbing sensation consuming my thoughts, I imagine that Guy's face, ridiculing me with his position above mine, hate consumes me, like ice running through my veins, my focus lay solely to the screen in front of me.
I think difference between me and them is that I have somebody to hate.
That and the sound of the keyboards.
While they had a steady rhythm of the sharp sound of keys spreading the depressing symphony of continuous work, I found myself in a state of frenzy, trying my best to keep working on as many folders as they left me.
I worked until my eyes were completely red with blood and my fingertips broke the skin, forming deformed calluses when breaking the keyboard with my intensity. While everyone else passed out in their cubicles in complete unconsciousness.
I kept working.
-----
Some time has passed since I was accepted in this job, the days start to mix when you have so much to do, my position has gone up exponentially as I find myself in the position of three hundred. Even though it's 395, I'm now ahead of that Guy, at least, and that's enough to bring a smile to my lips in the most difficult of days.
A co-worker taps me on the shoulder while I'm trying to figure out what those black spots that look like spilled ink mean on these Exc$l tables.
Before I can turn around, I hear him walk away quickly, I don't have patience for them nowadays and I believe they know that.
I try politely to ask him to leave, but he is faster, delivering a message to me.
"The manager wants to talk to you," he said in a monotone voice, leaving quickly with a coffee in hand after he delivered the message.
His words echoed in my head, Does the manager want to speak to me?
I got up on the spot, straightened my shirt and tie, though I didn't have time to use the bathroom mirror, it is not like I needed to. I know exactly how I look nowadays, no hair at all, dead skin flaking off from the crevices, sunken eyes and protruding cheekbones, but it is not what matters, I will let my work speak for me.
I followed the sign on the wall that pointed to the management room, I knew from the first time that my department was enourmous, but it took me all my lunch break to get to his office, at times I wondered if I was even walking as the walls and cubicles started repeating with no apparent distinction. I felt myself growing nervous by the minute, the manager would not look kindly at an late employee.
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I put serious thought about just breaking into a sprint, sure it would be frowned upon by any normal person, but could he afford any more lost time?
I chewed furiously at the snub on my fingers, they used to be nails, but now it seemed like I dipped my fingers into a meat grinder. No more room to worry though, as I reached what seemed to be the middle of the floor, it seemed all the cubicles close to the door were empty, strange.
Faced with the black-streaked frosted glass door, my heart thundered in my ears, I believe that what I've been waiting for all this time is finally in my reach. Finally I will be getting the recognition I deserve.
But before I could knock, a hoarse voice with a deep rumble came from behind the door:
"You ... can come in ... now"
I could feel my blood freezing in my veins while entering his office, a strong smell of coffee coming from the room.
The place was not very well lit, just the brightness of computer screens on an impossibly large table, all displaying different types of data. It should have been impossible for a normal person to manage, but that was not the case with the manager.
The only light in the room came from a myriad pf computer screens, spread throughout a incredibly large table, all displaying different types of data. It should be impossible for a normal employee to manage it all, but the manager was anything but normal.
His face was like I used to look ... before. Well, not exactly, he was much more handsome. The kind of face you would see on TV, defined cheeks, a dimple in your chin and icy blue eyes, but that was his only human trait.
His face was like a mask glued to a bulbous mound of postulant flesh, with obscene tendrils branching across the room, tiny and big eyes covering the entire surface of his body, all focused on different shiny screens, only the eyes of the face trying to focus on me.
By his sides was a coffee machine all for himself. There was mugs scattered on the floor, where some of his extremities were dipped on the coffee, drinking it as if it were a tree with its roots.
Even after freezing, taking all this ... Magnitude with my eyes, he was quiet, staring at me with glassy eyes. The noise from keyboards started to decrease rapidly the moment he opened his mouth.
"Mr ######... I called you here ... because I have something to discuss with you, please, sit down" I did as I was told, but was that my name he said? Nobody has used it for so long.
His speech was punctuated with long painful pauses. With each keyboard that stopped producing sound and screens that went out, his eyes began to focus intently on me, every single one. The more human he sounded, the more nervous I felt.
I had it's complete attention.
"The actions of aggressiveness produced by you in relation to your stationmates were brought to my attention, due to the number of witnesses, we decided to proceed with your resignation" he said.
"I don't understand" it can't be.
“In simpler terms, you’re fired, collect your stuff by the end of the day" he said with a tone of finality.
"But... It can't be, it was so long ago, why now?" I was so close to the hundreds...
Without a thought the manager said.
"Trouble with the HR, their station is quite... underfunded" that seemed like a different pause than the others, but I had no time for suspicion, I had more pressing problems to deal with.
"Can't you reconsider? after all those extra hours, working into the night, I haven't left the company since I started drinking coffee, I am a great employee sure you can see it, sir" I felt myself growing frantic, trying to hold myself from falling to what felt like death.
the mask like protrusing deformed into a ridicularizing grin.
"You and a thousand others, you are not special little worker, we can't have violent savages roaming around in our company, sulling our pristine name"
"You can't be serious" I slammed my fist on the table getting myself up to do something, anything, but he beat me to it.
He got up, and his body towered over me, he must have been bigger than a house that away, I couldn't move, all his aways seemed to mock me, but as his face got close to mine, I felt real fear, the kind that seeps into you bones, that loosens your bladder and make you weak on your knee, I feared for my life.
"Go away while you still can, little employee"
-----
I left the office at once, I runned away from it. my whole body trembling and the urge to puke coming at full force, now I was bolting down floor.
my breath caught short and my heart burned in my chest, even while my whole body screamed for respite, I didn't stop until reaching in my cubicle. I leaned on my table and let my mind proccess what the hell happened.
I had been fired, that was what happened.
I felt the weakness on my knees coming back.