The gnomes were next, they shouldn’t be too disagreeable much like the halflings they didn’t involve themselves much outside of trade. If I didn’t interfer with their trade and experiments they wouldn’t care one way or the other. I was playing a hunch about the moving bolt hole being connected to them, but it was the only thing that made sense. My head was thankfully not to stuffy from the night of drinking with the halfling king, maybe teleport today, explore and make contact tomorrow?
Badb and I appeared in the new blot hole a little later and set about familiarizing ourselves with the new home. It was similar to the others but the magic felt a bit different, more regulated if that makes sense. A few minutes of exploration explained most of it. The entire island was floating, proving this was definitely a gnome city, and it caused the magic to feel more restrictive. It wasn’t restricted but regulated by a massive machine that kept the island in the air. None of it would affect me and even with not understanding of the machine I could easily shut down the magic, it was all just shards after all.
Breakfast was next on the agenda, a good omelet with peppers and sausage. The pleasent silence of us eating filled the place for several minutes while both of us ate. I finally broke the silence as I sipped my coffee.
“Figure I’ll go explore the city some today, do you know if I can just walk into the city”
“If I remember right the gnomes are not particular than the others, you would be noticed and
probably arrested.” Badb laughed. “It is a floating city, they don’t really have strangers just appear.”
“Oh.” Yeah he was probably right, I hadn’t thought about that. “Soooo sneak explore than.”
“Yeah probably a good idea.” I could feel him chuckling in my mind along with his words. “I can fly around and check it out, they’re used to birds.”
We set off not to much later, me slipping into the foundation while Badb set off into the air. I had to stop a few minutes later in surprise, it looked like a small village from outside but the machines that existed everywhere below the ground proved the truth. There was nothing normal about this place, every dwelling held magic, some building crazy looking machine while others built components for still weirder machines. Gnomes rode mechanical monsters down the streets and break neck speeds, their riders yelling at each other as they wove around one another. They missed each other by inches both riders angrily shaking their fists. It was insane and the more I explored the more insane I found it all.
Explosions banged in houses followed by smoke billowing out of a door as a soot covered gnome staggered out cursing. No one even batted an eye at this and the gnome just went back to work after the smoke cleared. I followed one of these back into his house and watched him for an hour as he repeated some experiment. Which blew up in his face launching him across the room and filling it with smoke again. Listening to the gnome grumble explained some of it.
“…lasted .07 second longer before stability failed so it closer….maybe the core isn’t attuned right, no that’s not right it has to be the swallow tail feathers maybe a higher grade…”
I didn’t understand any of it but figure this was gnome engineering, basically most races just assumed the smaller tinkers were insane. I stuck with that assumption and moved one chuckling at the gnome as he went back inside to do the same thing again. This behavior existed all over the city, which in an of itself was a bit insane. It seemed to meander randomly with no apparent plan or thought given to its design. That is until the center, there a single large home was surrounded by the only market I had found.
Now saying it was the only market might make it seem small, it was not. The stalls were six rows deep spiraling toward the large home at the center it easily covered a half mile of ground. The stalls were as crazy as the homes, various explosions were marked by billowing smoke. Soot covered gnomes cursed loudly mixing with the others hawking a wide variety of wares. It continued the same insanity that the rest of the city did. I had to admit it was all rather amusing to watch.
The house at the center was another fascination, it was obviously the throne but there were no guards barring the doors. Gnomes went in and out in a steady stream with no one challenging them. Following them in I was again surprised to find no wards or other magical protections. That was at first glance, when I looked further I discovered a ton of machines tucked into walls, defenses that would activate in a second. I wasn’t sure what they were specifically but the impression I got was dangerous. If these defenses targeted you, it wouldn’t be pleasant. The gnomes seemed the spilt into different offices, it took me a while to understand what I was watching and when I finally did it made me laugh while watching one of the interactions.
“It’s a robot to help manage the chimney.” The gnome standing across the counter explained to the bored looking gnome on the other side.
“Master Krim it is not patentable in its current form.” He sounded bored.
“What do you mean master Gills of course it is! Its new!”
“No it’s simply a variation of the robot used for cleaning up ink spills.” The obvious administer sighed in exasperation. “Changing one arm doesn’t a new creation make.”
“But I changed the …”.
I left once I understood what was going one, bureaucracy taken to a level that it was self creating. Other offices where turn in locations for parts, revealing a simple job board that had specification for manufacturers. The first three floors were all offices like this, leaving only the top floor for me to look at.
It was the court, if you could call it that. There was a large waiting area full of gnomes reading or designing various things, all looking bored and annoyed. A lone female gnome sat behind a desk ruling the door to her left with an iron hand. Only those she decided to be worth were allowed through them, it was obvious that first come first served didn’t apply here. This was her domain and all should bow before her, that was the impression I got from the lady. To be fair she was a three shard mage and could back up her will.
I ignored her, drifting through the doors to find one of the most amusing things I have ever seen. Sitting in a chair that stood easily eight feet tall was an old gnome, while the chair was ridiculous it wasn’t the truly crazy part. The real stand out was the desk, it was at least eight feet by fifteen feet. Stood six feet tall and was made of what appeared to be various machines. None of it made sense to me, aside from giving the king a sense of superiority.
“You know that’s not going to happen Figlspix. I will not intervene with calm business. “ The king said, sounding bored.
“But the Gartwixt clan is trying to steal my design!” The other gnome sounded a bit desperate honestly.
“Than simply patent it.” The king was quick loosing interest and it showed, his next words made it clear. “This is a matter to take up with the clan masters not me.”
“Yes my king.” Figlspix bowed his head and turned to leave the office. When the door closed the king pushed a red button in front of him before speaking.
“Doris, hold’em for a while and if you send another waste of my time here I’ll replace you with a hamster wheel!”
“No you won’t you grumpy old fool, these are problems you need to deal with. That Figlspix isn’t getting backed the way he should.” Doris snapped back at the man. “If you don’t you’ll sleep with the dog you old fool.”
“Yes dear.” The now cowed man replied and then released the button. “Supposedly king my ass, ruled by that woman.”
It was all too much, this was nothing like the other courts, it made me wonder if the king had any actual power. I explored the rest of the floor finding the kings living quarters behind the office. It was opulent but not overly so. That was something to look at tomorrow for now I wanted to really look at the market. That was the rest of my day, it was full of thing that if I am being honest I didn’t understand. Machines of various types laid out on tables with tags that made even less sense.
Transmogaphier
Thermal detonator
Klankspring
None of it made any sense at all, all completely confusing to me. Sure I could feel the magic in some of them and when I focused I could understand that part of it. After that though, it just got wierd. For example: the Klankspring …the magic it gave off was something to do with impact, focused on a minute target area. Why? I had no fucking clue. The detonator I understood at least somewhat it was a magical bomb but not for destruction, it was supposed to be used to heat something. Sure it might be used as a weapon but it would be completely inaccurate.
By the time I called it a day and headed back to the bolt hole there were more questions than answers. Badb was as confused as I was, none of it made sense to him either. We talked about what we had seen comparing notes, both of us realizing that gnomes were all insane. Badb had watched more than one gnome be launched into the air by some machine. Invariably something would explode sending the gnome hurtling to the ground. Some were saved by drinking potions while others had some other machine deploy a silky cloth that lowered them slowly. None of them died to Badb’s shock, they didn’t even look injured. He had actually seen a few of them repeat the process a few times throughout the day.
I understood this was a culture of tinkers and inventors but before now I think my impression was one of an intellectual gnome hunched over a small machine quietly working away. That was not the case, sure some of them probably did what I pictured but from what I had seen? Most of them were a bit obsessive about their projects and tended to take risks. If I understood the patent system right it was a race to add things to the market. Money and fame drove them, but there was also a compulsive aspect to it. Like some part of them drove their creativity, a force they couldn’t ignore. The more I thought about them the more I liked the m creators.
“I think I’ll visit the king tonite, I mapped out his home and office.” I said between bites of dragon steak. “Trying to catch him in his office would be a nightmare.”
“Office?” Badb’s voice held a fair amount of curiosity.
“Yeah they run on some sort of bureaucracy, mostly it seems like a pain in the ass.”
“Oh.” Badb sounded confused by the entire concept. “Why?”
“I have no clue.” Was my simple answer and it was the truth. To an outsider none of it made no sense. “It’s why I wonder if the king can actually do anything to help.”
“This might be more of a pain in the ass than we thought, sure you don’t want to deal with the elves first?”
“Definitely, that’s probably going to involve killing.” I knew the elves wouldn’t listen to me until I killed a few, maybe even the king.
“Really?” That caught Badb off guard, he hadn’t really thought about that.
“Yeah, half elf. They don’t like my kind much.” I shrugged.
“Guess we go visit the king then.” Badb still didn’t understand but he was willing to trust me.
“In a few hours, let them get through dinner before we disturb them.”
A few hours later we slipped into the ground and started heading to the center of the town, it was time to disturb the kings evening. Again I wondered about the lack of wards, my only guess was they bet on the weapons hidden in the walls. I shut those down as I came to the kings chamber, not destroying them just ceasing the magic that made them work. The king and his wife sat on a couch in-front of some odd fireplace, it radiated warmth but there was no fire. I appeared rising out of the couch across from them.
“Please don’t do anything excessive I am just here to talk.” I said as I rose through the couch facing the couple. They didn’t listen, both of them pulled on their magic targeting me with the weapons hidden in the walls. “I shut those down, please stop.”
“What?” The king asked, confused why nothing was happening.
“Who are you?” Doris was much quicker.
“The guy who killed the three dragons and plan on killing the other two.” I thought leading with this information might save some time. It did and didn’t, my point was made but both of them seemed the shut down. Evidently fear wasn’t good for cognitive thought, I waited for them to catch up.
“What do you want?” Again the Queen recovered faster.
“To avoid war and future problems. I need a few agreements before I proceed.” This wasn’t going to be as pleasent as the others I could already tell.
“How? And agree to what?” The king finally recovered.
“Well the agreements are simple, you don’t attack or aid those seeking to war on the humans for a few years and don’t sell or produce dragon hunting ballista ever again.” I smiled like those were easy. “If you agree I’ll supply the shards you need while the dragon population recovers and returns the world to a balance again.”
“No.” The king snapped cutting off the queen before she could speak, getting him a glare.
“No to all of it?” I asked casually but Badb could feel my anger at his response.
“Yes, we will do what we want. Always have, you’ll not hold us hostage.” He was adamant.
“Thank you, I’m sorry we couldn’t come to an agreement peacefully.” My anger was getting the better of me and I was already feeling for the machine that held the island in the sky. I hadn’t planned on crashing it but if that’s what I needed to do to make my point.
“What will you do?” The queen was more perceptive than her husband, she caught the flash of anger.
“Crash your island and try the next king.” My tone must have caught them both of guard with how causal I sounded. This time Doris slapped the back of his head hard enough to make his glasses fall off.
“Stop being a fool!” She demanded. “Make the deal!”
“Owww damn it!” The king looked a bit chagrined. “Fine, what’s your offer?”
“It’s simple you’ll get your shards for the next few years until the balance returns, than no hunting dragons and you can do whatever you want.” I was getting tired of this, it was annoying.
“So you’ll supply our two hundred shards and all…”
“Hundred and thirty.” I stated flatly.
“No, we need more.”
“Nope.”
“But..” smack! Again his wife interjected in her way, rubbing the back of the head he continued. “Fine! Damn woman I was just negotiating.”
“You don’t negotiate with someone whose alternative is crashing the island you damned fool!” She snapped back without a hint of hesitation. “Or have you not scanned him? Old fool!”
“Scanned?” I asked curious now.
“Yes.” She smiled holding up the small device I had felt her use earlier. I ignored it because it didn’t feel dangerous. Turning to face her husband she added. “It scans the shards a person wields. You registered as true mage.”
“Oh…” The king looked taken back, his thoughts came to one crashing conclusion. Pun intended. “Don’t crash the island your deal sounds perfect the gnomes agree.”
“There won’t be a problem with other people accepting it?” I had too ask not wanting to have to come back and deal with this again.
“No on this there won’t be a problem.” Doris answered. “Some will grumble about the ballista but we can deal with that.”
“Fine, I’ll drop off the shards after I kill the last two dragons.” I didn’t wait for a response, just fading into the couch and heading back to the bolt hole. These people were nuts but when I thought about what I knew it all sort of made sense. Gnomes were craftsman above all else. Me telling them not to produce even one particular gadget was more serious than I had realized. It was telling a gnome not to make something, not an easy thing for them to swallow. Still insane, understandably resistant sure but nuts.
I was glad to be done and it hadn’t required violence. The same wouldn’t be said for the next one, I knew the elves respected strength. I had a feeling the elven king would be the first king I killed, maybe that should bother me more but it didn’t. Most of them had always treated me like a plague bearer so fuck them.