“Where does the sun go every night, as it sinks into the senseless abyss that is the sea?”

On a sunny beach, where the sea was clear as day and the wind blew smooth; where the sun danced with the ocean in magnificent color, beckoning the evening sparkle; where the skies would never ash and the glistening sand crystals never faded, one day on this sunny beach, the love my life sat at the edge of the shoreline. And there he stayed.

I walked over to him holding my arms out in embrace, covering his body with mine. He lay his head on my chest as I cradled his lap and run my fingers over his tightly coiled hair. We didn’t talk for a while. So, I just sat there, taking it all in the warmth of his skin against mine, the way his neck curved so temptingly. Lord knows I was trying to ignore how close I was to his…never mind. There was a reason why I went to find him. Something I had been trying to avoid for the longest time because…Well because I didn’t think I could take the heartache. In the silence, the pain grew louder, my heartbeat quicker. The air was thick and yet so terribly thin. But we both knew what was coming. And so, when I took his head in the palm of my hand, slowly tracing the edge of his face with my thumb until I settled on his bottom lip, this careless whisper barely escaped my mouth. “Why did you do it?”

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 He froze.

And just I had thought, just as I had feared, the love of my life had tasted freedom. Just like the sun does every night, sinking into the abyss that is the ocean, he stepped into the darkness. And there he learned to love the devil. So cunning she is. So clever. I’d lost to a worthy woman. Maybe she was better than me, I’m still trying to figure that out. But, staring into his eyes at that moment, a thousand emotions filled up within me, and anger wasn’t one of them. All I knew then was the sensation of a dive from the top of the highest point on earth into the depths of a steaming volcano. Fear, panic. Our life together flashed before my eyes.

What happens when you’ve hit rock bottom? When everything you thought you had seized to exist? Your heart no longer does what it's supposed to, numbness becomes a constant variable and the world goes slow. Sometimes, you cry. Sometimes, you can’t. The world around you becomes a single blur. You can’t really tell what’s going on. You think to yourself, is this how it ends?