I’m such an idiot. How could I let myself fall into the same situation, again and again? I just get so…angry sometimes, I need to let the frustration out some way and it’s not like I can just go walkabout and hit a couple of pillows. I’m literally stuck in this bed, stuck inside my own head.
It was that bitch nurse’s fault anyway. Hitting me in the face, calling me names, acting like I can’t hear her talking about me as she changes the fucking bedpan I shit in. I hear everything they say, my ears latch onto their conservations like an addict with heroin. I haven’t talked to anyone in five years, it’s the only form of stimulation I get.
They all think nothing is going on inside this head of mine. Oh god, if they only knew. Knew what I thought about them, what I think about doing to them, how I dream about them being crushed and ripped. It’s all I think about.
………………………………………………………
Helen had been feeling uneasy since the nurse incident. She couldn’t help watching over her shoulder whenever she had a shift, flinching with any inconvenience. She hadn't seen Jacqueline since her first shift, she only seemed to have shifts in the right wing unless she was training new staff.
The women Helen found herself with were all nervous and skittish, barely saying five words to her the entirety of the 9 hours. She could feel her mind racing ahead of her, paranoid thoughts floating around her and not drifting away. After the locker room had been cleaned, no one had said a word about the incident to her since. She had no one to help calm her or take her worries away. That had been Karen's job, but Karen felt so far away from Helen mentally and emotionally that she might as well be on Mars.
Karen had noticed a slight difference in Helen after she came home after her first shift. She'd even asked her if everything was okay this morning on the drive to work. How could Helen tell her? Karen already believed her to be a wackjob, going on and on about this 'problem' she believes Helen has. Karen definitely would not believe her, she'd just use it as proof to have her committed or something, or at least kicked out the house just like James wanted.
Helen would just have to deal with her thoughts on her own.
“Helen”
What if another patient escapes though?
“Helen”
What if the patient finds Helen on her own and she has no form of defence?
“Helen!”
She would most definitely die or at least be maim-
“Helen!!”
Helen is interrupted from the whirlwind of her mind to find her partner on her shift, Louise, to be calling for her. Her eyes bore into her and the grim line of her mouth tells her all she needs to know.
“Sorry Louise, just daydreaming”
“You seem to be doing that a lot lately, make sure it doesn't affect your work any further. Anyway, what I wanted to ask is if you could go back down near Ward 6? I forgot to empty one of the bins and you know if it doesn't get emptied by tonight, we'd get a right griping tomorrow”
We'd get a griping? It was your bin to empty, why should I pick up your slack?
Helen stood there for a moment, wondering if she should answer Louise how she truly wanted to or go the smart route.
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“Of course Louise, be back in a minute”
Smart route it is then, god, I'm such a pushover.
Helen left the staff room and made her way down the corridor, focusing her attention to the floor. It was nearing the end of her shift and the sky outside was becoming dark, the moon high in the sky. Shadows coming from the beams between the windows covered the area, giving an overall ominous feeling.
Helen hurried herself forward, wanting to get this over with and get home, somewhere she felt a little more herself. She made a right turn at the end of the corridor and saw the door to ward 6, she gave a sigh of relief.
“Stupid Louise and her stupid bin”
As she neared the door, she noticed something mildly irritating. One of the overhead lights was flickering in and out, even though none of the rest were turned on.
“Someone better fix that, I get enough headaches here as it is”
She entered ward 6’s door and saw no patients inside, grateful for the moment of reprieve. She still hadn’t got used to the patients presence as she worked, finding them a hindrance to her concentration. She couldn’t help watching them, wondering what led them here and if they would ever leave. She thought about it more than she liked.
Helen grabbed the full bin bag from the end of the room, tied it up and swung if over her shoulder, finding it easier to carry that way.
“I swear I’m becoming Louise’s bitch”
Helen lumbered back through the door and turned back towards the staff room. That’s when she noticed it. The overhead light that was flickering was now releasing some sort of liquid from the bulb, dropping straight onto the floor in front of her.
“What the hell?”
Helen was pretty sure that any electrical unit releasing liquid would short-circuit, but what did she know?
She placed the bin bag on the floor and crept forward, keeping her eyes on the drops as it made its way to the floor. The liquid was clear, so only water she suspected. She placed her hand out and caught a drop, watching it pool in her hand.
She thought about calling someone, a janitor maybe, but she’d only been there a week and didn’t know her way around. She’d call the other cleaners but she knew they were all tired and she didn’t want to come across as some baby who didn’t know her stuff. Maybe this was a common occurrence here? A lot of stranger stuff had happened.
Helen crept under the light and placed herself on her tip-toes. She didn’t want to directly grab the bulb, worried it may shock her but did want to get a look at the wire it hung off at the ceiling. She tried to reach up but knew she wasn’t tall enough to grab it.
She looked around the corridor and noticed a conspicuously placed stool near the windows.
Never noticed that before
She pulled the stool over and made her way up, now finally able to reach the wiring. Unfortunately she could find nothing out of the ordinary, the wiring wasn’t even wet. It seemed like the water was seeping out from the bulb itself. As she worked she felt a few more droplets make it’s way to her face, rolling down her cheeks. She rubbed them away with her hand and felt her stomach turn.
The liquid she previously thought of as water had taken on a dark red hue, becoming thicker and spreading like paint across her skin. Helen flung herself off the stool and landed awkwardly on her feet, finding it difficult to keep steady. She looked upwards and couldn’t believe her own eyes.
The bulb had grown in size, inflating almost like a balloon, like it wasn’t made of glass. Red liquid pooled in the bottom of it, swishing as it grew. It looked ready to pop. And it did.
The bulb exploded, spraying glass to either side of the corridor. Red liquid splashed down onto Helen, covering her blue smock head to toe. She screamed in terror, unable to comprehend what was happening.
The liquid began thickening on her skin and her dress, seeping into everything. It stung her eyes and entered her nostrils, making it hard for her to breath. She could taste it on her tongue, the sourness spreading from her mouth to her throat, creeping down her oesophagus in big gulps.
Helen tried to scream more, for anyone to come help her, but the congealed liquid enveloped her mouth and made it hard for her to open, almost sealing it shut like glue.
She attempted to take some steps forward, but the substance stuck her shoes to the floor, making it hard for her to even lift her legs.
I’m gonna die, I’m gonna die, I’m gonna die!
As she looked down the corridor, through her burning eye sockets, she noticed a tall shadow. The shadow was just a blurry shape to her but she knew it wasn’t just a shadow from the beams, it was a person.
“HELP ME! PLEASE!”
The shadow made no attempt to move, just standing in place. She could feel her chest beginning to burn and tighten, lack of oxygen making her head fuzzy. She tried to take more steps, get closer to the shadow, but her feet were still stuck and dizziness was coming over her.
Helen collapsed on the floor in one huge heap, the trash laying still beside her and she felt darkness overtake her.