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Numba Cruncha
15: The Mages Remain True To Type

15: The Mages Remain True To Type

15: THE MAGES REMAIN TRUE TO TYPE

A raucous squabbling, grunting and thumping galvanised the young men awake. Imagining they’d left the door to the terrace open and wild animals had somehow found their way into the apartment, Peteru crept out of the tiny cupboard in which they’d slept, stealthily tip-toed down the passageway and peered into Ishbel’s new reception room. He was almost right, but the beasts were human. Daylight streaming in through wide open doors illuminated a scene that a week earlier would have merely sickened him. This morning, after a day spent with Seb and his friends, his entire being was revolted. Naked Mages clawing at each other in a frenzy of noisy, stinking sexual lust were defiling not only the morning, but also Ishbel’s pristine new salon. He crept back to Uretep and warned him to be careful. They dressed and managed to creep unnoticed to an alcove beside the nearest negrav chute. They had only just concealed themselves when…

‘Where are those two black bastards!’ Fabien shouted as he wandered down the corridor, stark naked and alarmingly aroused. ‘I’m going to ream their cute little arseholes till they beg for mercy.’

‘You’ll split them open,’ Augur snapped. ‘We need them alive until they’ve finished setting up this thing. As soon as everything’s fixed you can do what you like with them—and I’ll watch,’ he added with a slimy laugh, taking the Chief of Enforcement by the arm and leading him back to the lounge.

From their concealment Peteru and Uretep could scarcely breathe. Cold fingers clutched at entrails and spine. ‘What’ll we do?’

Uretep took a deep breath. ‘Wait till they’ve calmed down then wander in breezily pretending we’ve come from the negrav chute.’

‘What if the chutes aren’t working?’

‘They will be, because as we’ve just heard, these debauched creatures need us. Come on, we’re smarter than them and as long as we have our computer and an enseemat they can’t get us.’

‘OK, but we must never let each other out of sight!’

‘Never!’

After a very long half hour the cacophony subsided and, hoping everyone had dressed, they wandered noisily along the hallway into a room full of still naked Mages draped unappetisingly over the armchairs. The aura of bestiality had been replaced by loathsome self-satisfaction. Twenty-six predatory eyes fixed on the young men. Fabien licked his lips. Xanthippe scratched lewdly between her legs. Augur fondled himself and Agnes caressed her long nipples. No one smiled.

‘Where’ve you been!’ Ishbel presented an awesome figure. A pale mountain of flab literally quivering with rage. Sweating and stinking—as were all the Mages the young men discovered as they approached, relieved they’d put on their clothes.

Maintaining a realistic smile while trying not to retch was difficult. ‘We’ve just been to take a look at the Arena and workshops. You were right as usual, Ishbel, everything’s exactly the same here as at home so there’ll be zero problems.’

Irritation unappeased by the flattery, Ishbel reached forward and slapped Peteru with all her considerable force on the side of his head, knocking him off his feet, rendering him temporarily deaf. ‘You’re needed,’ she snarled, hands on hips, massive legs astride his startled, prone body.

He looked up in shock, having understood nothing.

‘This’ll teach you to be there when I need you!’ she screamed, releasing a stream of urine. ‘You have to check the latest enseemats and wireless terminal placements, then rehearse the Emperor and Empress in their role—they’re as thick as a couple of mattresses, so if anything goes wrong you’ll pay for it!’

Peteru was too busy shielding his face from the hot stinking liquid to hear or understand anything.

‘Yes, your worship,’ Uretep said humbly, ‘we will make sure everything is to your satisfaction.’

‘You’d better!’ Giving a kick to the cringing body beneath, Ishbel stomped over to an armchair and flopped into it.

Peteru slithered away and sat against the wall, not daring to even wipe his face while Uretep kept trying to calm the Chief Mage down. ‘Were there any problems with your NumbaCruncha trip here?’

‘Does it look like it?’ she snarled, heaving herself to her feet and raising a massive fist ready to strike.

Uretep stepped back in alarm.

‘Never forget, you creepy black maggot, that Mages have superb self control.’ Her voice was lethal. Low and sibilant. The hiss of a venomous serpent considering whether to strike. Deciding not to bother she dragged her fingers between her legs and flicked drops of urine at her genius inventor before turning to her smirking entourage. ‘There’s still only that bloody algal muck here and I’m starving. Everyone assemble in my apartment in one hour.’ She stepped haughtily onto a mat, whispered a number into her tiny computer, popped it into her mouth, touched her wrist and disappeared, followed by the others. Only their stench remained.

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It took several minutes before Peteru stopped dry retching and was able to join Uretep in a shower where they scrubbed themselves raw.

When at last they felt clean, Uretep took a deep breath, held it as long as he could then exhaled loudly. ‘That was terrifying. After pissing on you she looked so furious when I asked if she'd had any problems with her NumbaCruncha trip I honestly thought she was going to kill me. That’s the fear all her Freemen and Vassals live with night and day. I can’t go back there! Let’s just escape to the forest and if the Men don’t want us, we’ll try to live on our own.’

‘You call that terrifying? You weren’t nearly drowned in her stinking piss! It was so hot!’

‘I’m so, so sorry Peteru, are you all right? Can I do anything?’

‘How do I smell?’

‘Like fresh air. Was it very terrible?’

‘Hot and foul. I was too busy not letting it get into my mouth and eyes to think.’

‘I couldn’t help you.’

‘You distracted her, that was plenty.’

‘So, shall we go away now?’

‘I thought you wanted to destroy Oasis?’

‘Don’t be ridiculous! How can we?’

‘I’m certain Seb and the others want the same thing. He said we had that in common. Surely we have to return and give them more information? We can’t just wimp out.’

Uretep sighed. ‘Yes, of course you’re right. Sorry. You’re so brave. And she hit you too, are you OK?’

‘I was deaf for a while, but I’m fine now. It’s the first time I’ve been hit. I had no idea how demoralising it is. I was completely unmanned! It’s nothing like verbal insults—those you can rationalise and dismiss, but being physically abused with impunity! No one has any mental defence against that. Suddenly I realised they have total power over my life and death. I have no rights, nothing. In their eyes I am nothing! No wonder everyone else including the Aristocrats is so pathetic—they’ve been brainwashed with the fear of Domino and Domina as well as the Mages. So we have to at least try to get rid of them.’ He took a deep breath, shook himself and grinned bravely. ‘Let battle begin.’

Back in their room they breakfasted on tasteless mush, wondering how to explain their scratches and scars.

‘Ishbel’s room isn’t well illuminated, they probably won’t notice.’

‘But if they do?’

‘We’ll say we had a fight.’

Ishbel’s room was darkened when they arrived. Several Mages, still naked, were loudly complaining of headaches. No one noticed the minor abrasions of a pair of very temporary honorary Mages. Xanthippe, who was wearing her wig and nothing else, told them what would be expected from the royal couple at the public demonstration, and gave them the text for the Emperor to learn.

‘This is a very delicate and important propaganda exercise I hope you realise,’ Melvyn announced pompously. ‘The success of the enterprise depends on a convincing performance by the Emperor and Empress. They aren’t the easiest people to get along with, and dumb as shit—which they even look like.’ He waited successfully for a laugh.

‘If it’s so important, why are you entrusting it to us?’

‘Because you’re as black as them.’ He yawned and lay back, caressing a potbelly that seemed to have grown overnight.

‘You’ll need your universal key,’ yawned the teenage Nell who had recently been rejuvenated. ‘It gives you entry everywhere, even the royal suites. But make no decisions outside your expertise! Use the vidcom to ask the appropriate Mage if you’re even slightly unsure what to do!’

‘You’d better wear these,’ Xanthippe waved a hand and two Vassals appeared with tunics and cloaks similar to the ones the Mages wore in public. ‘As Melvyn said, this is too important to get wrong. Wearing these you will be treated like gods.’

Before they could respond Ishbel interrupted irritably. ‘Off you go, then. Inspect the engineers’ work on mat and terminal placement, and tell them to hurry everything along. Things are more desperate than we realised, according to Ruby and Justinian. After that, go and teach their Royal Highnesses how to use NumbaCruncha, and then make him learn his lines by rote. Let me know when you’ve been successful.’

Relieved at their summary dismissal, the two inventors returned to Alger and Begum’s office wearing their new cloaks. Both engineers welcomed them with cool but distinct respect, unable to conceal the gnawing irritant of their curiosity while holding out their wrists to show their silver implants.

‘Everyone, including every Aristocrat, now has one of these things imbedded in their wrist,’ Begum whined. ‘They’re all curious—some very angry, and threatened to kill the implanter until he threatened to call a Mage. There are mats everywhere, screens that show maps and numbers and those terminals to speak into. The whole city is going crazy with curiosity and,’ her voice took on a hectoring tone, ‘we think it is time you told us…’

‘Freemen and Vassals are neither curious nor impatient,’ Peteru interrupted curtly. ‘They do as they’re told without curiosity, just as Aristocrats must. I am certain Mage Fabien will be interested in the names of any Aristocrat who is being unnaturally curious and impatient.’

Begum reddened and Alger plucked nervously at the sleeve of her gown. Suddenly panicking, she gazed in horror at the Mage cloaks as if she’d just realised who they really were, and threw herself on the ground, whimpering apologies. The two novice Mages turned on their heels to hide grins, and went through to the main workshop, removing the hoods of their cloaks.

The assistants greeted them like old friends. They complimented everyone on the excellent protection provided for the public enseemats, the user-friendly maps and number lists, and the astonishing efficiency with which everyone had been implanted and an enseemat and terminal had been placed in every Aristocrat and Freemen apartment. The Vassal’s mats would be completed within the day. With great pride the head technician informed them that the automated manufacturing process was so efficient that New Oasis too would be fully set up within the next two days, with everything controlled by the designated Mainframe computer in Computer Central.

Peteru could scarcely contain his delight. ‘You guys are really fantastic!’ he beamed, spreading his arms to include Alger and Begum, who had followed the Mages into the workshop. You all deserve medals. I’d no idea there was so much talent in Oasis.’

Furious at being included in praise given to Freemen, the Aristocrats asked to be excused.

‘Certainly, you must have plenty to do,’ Uretep said sweetly.

As the door closed behind them the atmosphere relaxed and Peteru and Uretep took the extraordinary step of shaking hands with each of the Freemen whose efforts had been so remarkable. At first shocked at being touched in friendship by someone so powerful, they nervously smiled and thanked and complimented the two inventors. Unfortunately, Alger returned and threatened everyone with extermination if they weren’t back at work instantly.

Alone in their room, Uretep sighed. ‘They could be redeemed, don’t you think? The Freemen?’

‘No. They responded to kindness, but once that stimulus was removed they reverted. Infant conditioning is permanent. No change is possible. Are you ready to meet the Emperor?

‘Can’t wait.’