Serepto Fields, Humanoid Territory

Hex opened his eyes to the roof of a tent over his head.

"Ah, good. You're finally awake," Skel said, patting him on the stomach. "I was just telling the others my plan while you were napping." He was besides Hex, along with Dracala and Brains, mapping out something on a piece of parchment.

"Napping?" Hex sat up, trying to remember what had happened right before—Oh, Creator... No. No no no no no. The Professor was talking to us. He said something about being separated. And then... Then...

"You fainted," Dracala said plainly.

"I did what!" His cheeks melted. "Did anyone see?"

Brains raised his hand.

"Um, yeah, like everyone, mate," Skel replied.

Dracala slapped him with a wing. "No, just a few of the skeletons and zombies."

"And Professor Darion and—"

Dracala slapped him again.

"Oh, Creator... I have to go. It's over. I ruined it!"

"Don't be dramatic," Dracala said. "This probably happens all the time, right, Skel?"

"Oh yeah. Of course. There've actually already been three more faintings since yours, so you're good." He gave an unconvincing thumbs up.

"I'll go back with Calcio," Hex said. "I'll find a hole somewhere and just..."

"You can't leave me." Dracala pleaded. "I need you here."

"I-I can't. I'm not cut out for this." He wiped excreted goo from his forehead. "We haven't even gotten to the entrance exam yet. What's gonna happen then? Or when I have to go through a World Gate?"

"You won't be alone," Dracala said.

"Sure thing," Skel added. "You've got us!"

Hex took a deep breath, tasting the cool air as it filled his lungs. It calmed his nerves, if only slightly. "I appreciate that... And I never thought I was afraid of things. But now that we're out in the real world... I don't know. Maybe this is just who I truly am."

"Hey," Skel said, placing a hand on his shoulder. "You think I'm not scared too? Son of the most successful Monster to ever attend the Academy. Everyone moment of my life I'm compared to my Pa, worried I'm going to let him down. Worried I won't live up to the legacy he built. And you know what the funny thing is? I know I won't. I can't. I don't have the drive or work ethic. I enjoy fun too much." He smirked. "But I can still try to be better than I am."

"But you're such a natural. You're so confident."

"You are whoever you want to be, Hex. Create a vision of your best self in your mind. That's what my Pa always told me. And don't just strive to be like that slime. But imagine you are him. What would he do? How would he act?"

Hex slouched back, trying to imagine a version of himself that was brave. A warrior. It was a ridiculous image—a slime in fancy armor, swinging Rupert's axe around like he knew what he was doing. You make it sound so easy, Skel. He didn't necessarily buy into Skel's theory, but it did at least make him feel a bit better.

"What do you say then?" Skel asked. "Ready to go mess with some orc scum?"

Umm... No. I literally just finished telling you how I'm terrified of everything moments after waking up from fainting over practically nothing. So... What do you think?

Instead of voicing those thoughts, Hex tried to picture the brave version of himself. He sighed. "What's your plan?"

Skel grinned. "That's the spirit. You're gonna love it."

Spoiler: Hex did not love it.

With night fallen over the valley, he found himself bouncing along behind Skel, Brains, and Dracala. They had made their way to the edge of the field and past the tree line, moving in secret with tree trunks and the foliage of low bushes for cover.

He kept his distance from Brains, who carried the 'Sack of Vengeance' as Skel called it. Even in the dark, Hex could see it leaking a brown moisture, which dribbled down Brains' back.

When Skel had first shown him the sack, he'd nearly vomited from the stench alone.

"For the past day," Skel had informed his partners-in-crime, "I've been saving all the zombie waste from our journey."

Hex held up an appendage to stop him. "And by zombie waste, you mean...?"

"Yup! Zeces. Zoop. The ole dropped zog."

"You're joking."

If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

"I would never."

"You want us to throw poop at a bunch of orcs?"

"Zoop," Skel corrected. "Much more pungent. Even comes with free maggots by default."

"This is insane."

"Sanity is in the eye of the beholder," he'd said with a smirk.

And so here Hex was. About to go do probably the stupidest thing he'd ever done in his life. No, not probably. Definitely the stupidest. But he had to make up for the embarrassment he's already put himself through. He had to show Skel and the others that he was more than a liability, even if he didn't believe it himself.

They stopped behind a crop of trees with thick trunks adjacent to the orc's camp site.

"Dracala, you're up," Skel said.

She nodded and flew up into the trees, keeping to the shadows. Once no one was looking their way, she'd whistle a signal.

Hex's entire body trembled. They were really doing this.

Brains placed the Sack of Vengeance on the ground and opened it, reveal the dark balls of sludge within.

Skel must have sensed the apprehension in the air. He raised a boney brow at Hex. "They'll keep doing it, you know. They need to make themselves feel superior by admonishing us any chance they get. They want us to believe we're less worthy than them."

Hex cast his eyes aside. And what if we are less worthy? Sure, Skel is better than most Monsters. Son of a legend, confident and suave, but a slime can't do anything. After after training at the Academy, the Humanoids will still be stronger, faster, and smarter than I could ever dream to be.

"You're still with us, right?" Skel asked. "remember, picture that brace Hex I know you can be."

He nodded, despite his lack of conviction, and picked up a dripping sphere of grossness. It was gooeyer than his own goo, with a disturbingly firm center. A trickle of muck wiggled its way up his appendage.

Then a gruff, commanding voice spoke up behind them. "Well batten my hatches and bury my treasure. What've we got here?"

Hex nearly jumped out of his goo at the unexpected voice. He reacted on instinct.

Poor instinct.

He turned and hurled the ball of zombie poop, his mind screaming at his body to hold back—his mouth actually screaming. But it was too late. The nugget flew through the air, trailing a tail of sludge behind it like a steaming comet.

The intruder's eyes grew wide as Hex squeezed his shut.

Then came the sound of sizzling, like a hot pan, and the scent of something foul burning.

Hex opened one eye, afraid to see the result of his instincts.

A flaming sword illuminated the woods around them as the giant turd stuck onto the side of the blade smoked and melted away. Behind the sword, its wielder revealed a wide grin, half his teeth replaced by gold veneers that reflected the firelight. He stuck the sword into the dirt. A thick aura of flame remained on the weapon, even as he released it and stepped forward.

He was large for a dwarf and wore a fancy red coat with golden trim. His muscles threatened to burst the seams of his jacket, yet somehow that wasn't the most threatening piece of his appearance. That belonged to the patch over his left eye and the massive scar that ran from under the brim of his tri-cornered hat all the way into the hidden tangled hair of his thick, braided beard.

I'm not seeing things, right? That's a legitimate pirate.

"Now that's a throw!" the pirate said, still grinning wildly.

"Are—Are you going to kidnap us?" Hex asked, unable to hide the quiver in his voice. He'd heard tales of children taken away by pirates to serve and slaves on their ships. Or worse.

His question earned a swift punch and a scowl from Skel, who pointed aggressively at the pirate's waist.

Wrapped around his belly, rather than his shoulder, was a familiar red and yellow sash.

Hex's gooey center froze.

The professor released a full-bodied laugh. "No, ya'r all safe here, little Monster."

"P-Professor! I-I didn’t—"

He held up a hand. "Now don't ya worry about that." Then he stepped between them and stood over the Sack of Vengeance. He leaned his nose closer to the sack and sniffed twice, making no reaction, as if he were simply smelling a flower. "Is that... zoop? Well, that's one I haven't seen before. I certainly have ta credit yar creativity."

Skel stepped forward and bowed low, like Calcio might have. "I'm sorry, Professor, but I don't know what you mean. We were just exploring the woods and found this here, same as you. Is there anything we can do to help you dispose of it?"

Hex stared at Skel, wide-eyed. Suave might have been an understatement.

"Alas, ya cannot," the professor-pirate said. "Rather, I'm here to help ya stay out of trouble. At least for a day. Ya see, if ya decided ta actually launch yar little stink rockets over ta those poor folk over yonder, it wouldn't end well for ya."

"Professor, you wound me! I'm an honorable skeleton. None of us would dream of performing such an atrocious act."

Hex rolled his eyes. I take that back. Not suave at all. The professor clearly knew Skel was laying it on a little thick as well.

"Oh, well in that case..." The professor raised his arm and a dark shadow swooped down to land on his bicep. "I'll allow ya ta be the one ta tell my friend here that it wasn't ya who she watched carry that bag all the way over from a little skeleton and zombie camp back there."

A large black bird now sat on the man's forearm. Its glowing azure eyes looked straight into Hex's, as if they could pierce straight into his mind. Yet he couldn't look away.

"Ah, gnoll testes," Skel mumbled in defeat.

"Brains..." Brains agreed.

Dracala dropped down from her hideout in the tree above and stared at the bird. "You were right next to me that entire time and I had no idea?"

"Ah, welcome ta the party, little bat," the professor said. "And aye, this here is Florimell, my eyes and ears, spirit raven extraordinaire, and best friend." He brushed a gloved hand through the bird’s midnight feathers, which faded to a dark purple at their tips. She dipped her head into his palm and cooed softly.

Birds were not sentient like Monsters, but it was still odd to see one acting like a pet to a Humanoid—especially one as rare and mysterious as a spirit raven. But Florimell's calm, pet-like demeanor didn't last. She cocked her head at Hex momentarily, then switched her attention and glared at Skel, her eyes appearing ablaze with blue flame.

Skel returned the stare, an eye twitching, as if he and the bird were somehow having some unspoken battle.

"Fine!" he relented, finally breaking his gaze from Florimell. "You had it exactly right. We were gonna throw the zoop at the stupid orcs, happy? They started it though. Attacked us on the way here."

Florimell hopped proudly onto the professor's shoulder.

"See now, that wasn't so hard. And worry not. There's be no more of that. Ya think ya'r the first Monsters and Humanoids ta try ta pick a fight prior ta the entrance exam? It's the same every year. And every year my fellow professors and I save ya'l from yarselves. We've already caught a group of imps, two pairs of trolls, and a lone elf trying ta cause mischief, if ya can believe it." He peered through the foliage at the orc camp. "This might be the highlight though. Ya sure do know how ta choose yar enemies. There's royalty in that group. Lucky for ya I was here."

"Royalty?" Hex gasped.

As if it couldn’t have gotten any worse?

The professor nodded. "Yessir. That carriage there belongs ta the heir of the orc warlord Garo'tan Bloodfist. And if I'm not mistaken, he's got some equally important company."

Hex shook his head. With a name like 'Bloodfist' they probably would've ended up dead if they actually went through with the plan. Leave it Skel to nearly get them all murdered or expelled before they even stepped foot inside the Academy.

"Thank you for warning us, Professor... umm, what's your name?"

He bowed deep. "Professor Captain Rufus Krakensbane Blackbeard. The fourth. At yar service."