I am not the monster you think I am.

I am much worse.

I've lived over six million Collective years, Rayne. In that time, I've committed more atrocities than I can tell you in one story. You must settle for the ones that define what I am and what you will become if you don't heed my advice. Assuming I lived long enough to give this to you before you finished me.

Let's start before the beginning. This is my understanding of the events, as I was told them.

Cinder's cities once reflected the stars with buildings of glass and shining alloys. Wingless Icari traversed them, pitching gondolas on canals and pools of water the color of rubies. Wing-ed Icari took advantage of massive vents with currents designed for efficiency and speed. Forests swept from the residential conglomerations. Gentle wildlife populated cranberry-colored trees and bright orange grass. Wild Vittle fields claimed entire continents.

Icari never went hungry.

Mother described her life before Li's implosion many times to us. Told us of her adoration for Elden, her father. A man whose existence was so far removed from my own that I couldn't fathom him.

As a child, Savis and the other children raced to the nearest mountaintops. She possessed no fear of falling, though she often fell. Elden always saved her.

As she climbed a crag she conquered many times before, the glimpse of smoke near The Great House distracted her. The vast rock temple bearing Elden's enormous throne on the veranda for service signified the capitol of Icarean civilization. A fire there meant--

Savis misstepped and fell. Only Earth-age thirteen, she'd yet to mature into wings. As gravity beckoned her, she waited. And waited. But Elden did not come.

The ground rushed up to claim her. With no options left, Savis opened her mouth and screamed.

Powerful arms scooped her from the clutches of death. Heavy wings beat around her. They hovered that way a moment with her eyes squeezed tight. Relief eventually replaced the shock.

"Father, I was so frightened. I--" Savis opened her eyes and shrunk away. Elden didn't rescue her.

Umbra, the oldest Coalition member, stared down at Savis as if assessing her. His steel eyes trapped her sure as his firm grip. "An urgent matter detained your father. He bade me look after you." Dark wavy hair fell off his shoulders as he peered up the mountain. "Your fearlessness is a credit to the race." Then his gaze traveled down her body as if seeing her anew. "Nearly grown."

Savis rasped with her breath heaving, and not from the fall, "Please, take me to my father."

Much older than her, Umbra didn't look upon her as a child. A hunger shone in his eyes, as he answered, "Of course, Savis."

The flight to the Great House passed uneventfully. He never touched her inappropriately. She only caught him gazing at her once. Not again after.

Below, people harvested Vittle for their pleasure, not for their occupation. Many retracted panels for gathering sunlight to cover their windows from the evening gales. The soft lights twinkled from the reflective metals and danced along the crimson water's surface in an endless orchestration of beauty and life.

At the Great House, a pyre smoldered. Elden often summoned Icari this way. It long burned out by the time Umbra returned her home.

She stared at the scorched lumber. "What happened?"

"A calamity may visit us soon. Worry not. Your father devised a brilliant solution." Umbra's voice dripped with disdain. He brushed by her to the Great House entrance and turned down the corridor to her father's chambers.

Savis gazed at the stars. Their beautiful cascade of diamond dust and sapphire near the constellations. Her favorite sight.

Shouts from within alerted her. Careful to silence her step, she headed to her father's chambers where he quarreled with Umbra.

Amolot, Elden's guard, rushed from the room. Her features squeezed uncomfortably tight. More so than usual. She spied Savis in the hall and stopped. The woman stared at the child.

"Our marriage would assure Cinder's return to glory after the calamity." Umbra raised his voice at his maker.

Elden's impossibly deep cadence resounded through the hall. He spoke each word slowly and clearly, as if he went forever without speech. "My daughter will lead Cinder on her own. And marry only as she chooses. When she is ready. Do not speak of this again."

During the long pause that followed her father's proclamation, Savis beamed with pride until she caught Amolot narrowing her gaze at the teenage girl.

Elden continued, "Li demands sacrifice to spare our kind. Tomorrow. We must erect the sphere, or Savis and every Icarus will die."

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The world tilted on its axis. The air thickened. How could he plan to leave her?!

Savis clutched her heart and cried out, "Father!"

Elden rushed into the hall with Umbra following in his wake. The Coalition member lingered near Amolot as their maker swept his daughter in his arms. "Bene. My star, I intended to tell you this evening."

Through the gulfing hole in her heart, she squeezed in a tiny voice, "Why?"

He held her tight and kissed her crown. "We will all die. I must save this world. Do not mourn me, daughter. Your people need your strength. Lead them. Keep them in the ways as we have always done. I know you can do this."

On this, Savis' last night with her father, she stemmed her tears. They shared their last meal and spent the evening discussing policy and room for scientific advancement. Her father planned many great things for the future of their species. She understood Elden lamented this loss over leaving his daughter to lead on her own. He thought more of the whole. Less of the individual.

Although Savis masked herself in duty for his sake, she couldn't separate her own misery. Cinder without Elden. Her leading alone with no one to consult. The man's praise showered his people with light and warmth. Their maker, her father, planned his own end. None of this was fair. Not to him and not to her.

Because one question--one very important question--scoured her every breath and twisted her heart.

Who would save her now?

The entire Icarean race watched as Elden and his Coalition sacrificed themselves to a hungry star. Catastrophe struck Cinder when something went awry, and the Sphere almost failed. Erected in time to save the planet, but not the entire surface. The singed fields, scorched mountains, and tarnished waters marred the once beautiful world. Billions of Icari died.

My father emerged from the ash.

"Glory to the Coalition, but it worked." Every step Umbra took across the field kicked up powdery ruin. He swiped it from his boots as he approached the witnesses staring from the Great House. "Li spared me, but for the Grace of Elden! They bid me to lead our great people into a new golden age. One that will prove impervious to the stars. Join me!"

Many Icari went to their knees before the most senior among them. Those directly descended from the Coalition remained standing. They frowned at Umbra's demeanor.

He all but smiled as he addressed a people reduced to cinder. He shaved his long hair down one side with patterns along his scalp. He swept the other half of his wavy hair over to one side with braids and beads. He wore black leather garments of a shine and quality unprecedented amongst their kind.

In their society, hair went unadorned. Clothes protected the bearer and nothing more. Is this how he showed his remorse?

Elden's own daughter stood tallest among the unconvinced. Savis came to Umbra's ribs, but that wouldn't stop her. Accusation weighed heavily in her voice as she shouted, "How did you survive?"

Umbra smirked. "My dear, I know it relieves you to see me."

She scowled.

"But you heard me say just now that Li spared me at Elden's request."

The girl shook her head. Long black hair swayed. "No. Why spare you so recently after the conflict with my father and not him?"

A light gleamed in Umbra's iron eyes. "He spoke to me before his end. He was tired and wanted to rest. Promised to watch over us from eternity." Taking a step toward Savis, he mocked a tenderness in his voice. "He bade me to revere and protect you until such time that we meet him again."

When Umbra reached out to brush his clean knuckles down her sooted cheeks, Savis recoiled several steps. Her iridescent eyes sparked. "I contest this. Why give into your demands on me which spurned the very same strife on his last wish? I refuse to believe this."

Amolot spoke up from the crowd, "Elden did not protest against Umbra over the potential of your union. Only of your youth."

Savis spun on the woman with her mouth gaping. The tall and robust Icarus smiled an ugly, spiteful grin. Her yellow eyes narrowed, more beady than usual.

"Am, why?"

No answer.

Behind her, Umbra whispered against her ear, "It is perfectly acceptable to fear the unknown when inexperienced in these ways, my darling."

Savis shuddered in revulsion.

"But I promise to make it quick."

Before he reached out, she shoved her elbow into his diaphragm and ran to the older descendants in the audience. They would protect her from his malice.

A much older Icarus, with white in his beard, stepped forward. "That's enough, Umbra. Leave Savis. She's too young. What leadership do you claim to offer us with Elden and the others gone?"

"A golden age, as I said. One where we finally meet the foreigners."

A few in the audience balked or gasped.

"That is a lofty promise," the wizened Icarus observed. "Even Elden himself never reached them."

Another Icarus interjected, "What means will you employ?"

"Elden granted me many gifts." Umbra looked to the sun-scorched sky. "Praise be to him."

"If these are gifts he already possessed, would he himself not use them to contact the Ancients?"

Umbra returned his gaze to the crowd. Savis disliked the confidence that shone in his deep gray eyes. He tilted his head. "Do you require a demonstration?"

"Why, yes. That would inspire faith in your--"

Umbra flexed his fist, and the wizened Icarus disintegrated into particles of light.

Savis shrieked and backed into the younger dissident. Others shared her reaction. Most everyone turned to Umbra, trembling with fear.

"Why?" Savis asked, breathlessly.

Umbra ignored her question and addressed the people. "I am your ruler now. I will tolerate no aversion. If you defy me, you are likely to die where you stand. Serve me as your King of..." He gazed at the surrounding field. "Cinder. Grant my demands."

The people cowed and shied.

Savis understood what was necessary of her as Elden's own appointed ruler. She took a step toward Umbra.

He watched with satisfaction in his gaze.

She offered her hand. "As Elden's descendant, I surrender myself for my people. Please. Please. Give us time to coordinate the new kingdom. What other demands do you make of us?"

Umbra's steel eyes shone with lascivious intent, and Savis fought to hide her revulsion as he took her hand. He did not jerk her to him, as she assumed. Gently, he pulled her to his side as he continued with his address. "I require a spire built of the basalt and obsidian rock from the desert. Made into the mountain overlooking the Vittle fields. If it is not constructed within six months, I will withdraw nacre upgrades and exchanges. You will remain within your current caste."

Savis stared at him, aghast. How? Her father gone, her family taken by the sun, and now this conflated demonstration of ego and power.

What happened next was not described to me in great detail. My mother only spoke of it once.

Umbra consummated his pairing with Savis on Elden's throne. Publicly. Without her consent. After which he declared all first consummations in a pairing be public to ensure population recovery.

I was born three months later to a loving mother and a heinous father.

I'd understand if you put this book down and never looked at it again. Set it on fire, if you wish. But I implore you to read on for the answers you seek.