...
Why…
why…
WHY!
Why do, I keep remembering?
How many times do I have to go through this? How many times do I have to see my death and mistakes, why can’t I relive anything else why…
…
I can’t even remember my friend's face or his name just the voice before he left the room.
Does God hate me?
Why do I deserve this, stuck in some endless void. I can’t feel, I can’t see anything… Yet I keep remembering feeling seeing that SHITY MEMORY!
Why…
Please… Someone… help…
…
Why do my mistakes keep repeating, why does it have to remind me that I could have done things differently that maybe, this was not the only way but why? Why can’t I remember what I did the week earlier why can’t I remember my friend, why?
In the void, a dull golden glow bobs around gently swaying and pulsing.
I never even got to see the card Sam and Izzy got me...
They watched me die, I… I died in their arms. How will they be... How will they be able to cope? I left them with deadbeat parents…
Ple… please, PLEASE!
…
Someone please… tell me what I need to do, to go home please. Tell me what I need to do to get out of this hell and return to my siblings.
Please...
Drifting aimlessly within the void the memory repeating over, and over, and over. The golden blob cracked stained with black, as its light flickers and fades.
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Coming to again I start to think back in the past. I remember just as the twins were born. We were so happy, but Dad got injured, since then we have lived off disability allowance, Life just got so hard overnight. Having to leave our house and move to a council house, we could no longer afford the mortgage and debt started to pile up. Mum used to go out for a few drinks with her friends however after we lost the house, she started drinking most days of the week. But life just had to get worse again, she got pregnant but had a miscarriage. How could Dad not blame her as she was constantly drinking at the time while knowing she was pregnant. They both started drinking after that. Constantly never seeming to ever be sober, Dad was mostly alright he stayed away staying at a friend’s house most days and drinking, but Mum no she had to stay, she never made food for us, forgetting to pick the twins up or God forbid she did pick them up, she would drive while drunk almost getting them killed. Dad was never home, and Mum started accusing him of cheating, but honestly, it’s unlikely, he can hardly move most days, he can’t even get upstairs on his best days, he can’t even get into cars.
Why did they have to change so much…
…
… … … … … Why. … … … … … … … Please. … … … … … … someone. … … … … … help. … … … … … … … … … …
…
…
…
With a bright flash the void lit up changing from nothingness to an iridescent gold and green, the light flashed all around me before suddenly engulfing me. Before I realised what was happening, I could suddenly see, I was no longer in the void, but floating above an endless forest of emerald Trees so colossal they would tower over any skyscraper built.
“Ah. There you are it took a while to find you, hmm soul damage 38.423454% this won’t do let me just remove that for you” A giant kindly boomed.
The giant was huge they were sitting on a throne made of trees even bigger than before, looking at the being was almost impossible he was glowing gold with hints of green, pulsing with an energy that made me feel safe and secure, that I could go to him if there is anything wrong. It was so distracting that I never got a chance to ask about what he meant.
Suddenly as his hand touched me, pain shot through me. Everything hurt my entire being, unimaginable pain it was what you could only imagine being boiled and stabbed at the same time while someone poured lemon juice all over and in you just to make sure it hurt. Then as sudden as it came the pain stopped.
As the giant moved his hand away, he kindly spoke “Sorry, that must have hurt a lot, you see, your soul was breaking down, corrupted you see, it came from the pain you experienced when in the void… you were not meant to be there.” As he sat back down on the giant throne, he sighed “Luckily most of it was not damaged, I was able to remove the corruption, however, some memories may become blurry or forgotten, and a chunk of your previous lives were destroyed as well, I am sorry to say”
Wait what do you mean some of my memories may be gone, and what is that about previous lives? As I spoke, I realised that I was not even talking at all. Wait why, why can’t I speak?
“Stop, stop calm down, I am sorry, but I could not leave you like that, your soul would have shattered, and you would cease.” He sighed putting his hand on the bridge of his nose. Looking almost amused he gently spoke looking straight at me. “You cannot speak due to the fact you have no body as you are already dead as you should know.”
I wanted to ask more about my family and what happened after I died, but he just started to talk again interrupting my thoughts. “Your mother was arrested and then found guilty for your death and was imprisoned, your father killed himself, 3 years after he lost your siblings he never stopped blaming himself for your death, and your siblings were adopted, and are living a good life, yet they have never been the same since they lost their innocence that day. They always visit your grave wishing you had a better life and a family that could have protected you.”
Wait how long has it been, what do you mean they are not the same, and Dad's dead what has happened to him, is he also stuck in the void.
The giant spoke again this time almost robotic and uncaring, “No he was not he went back to the cycle normally, and trauma child, that is why they are not the same.” The giant looked in the distance over the sea of green and spoke again. “I have helped you for free, you need not know more, time cannot be wasted everyone is meant to be reborn and no, you get no say,” he sighed.
Staring back down towards me it felt like I was stripped bare, nothing but dust to that what stands before me. “You have had a hard life and I’m sorry you never found the help you needed, but knowing more of the past will make things harder” he sighed while looking at me.
“As I found you, you are owned by me by decree, but I don’t need anything from you. So instead I shall give you a gift, from a worthless god, I will give you a new life, a better life it will be just as hard or even harder, but I will give you my blessing so go live well” he laughed. In quick succession, he replied, “Good luck,” waving in familiar way as everything went dark.
…..
Ba-Bump… Ba-Bump… Ba-Bump…
Where am I…
…
What am I …
…
Where was I…
…
What happened, mum and Dad where arguing…
…
Ba-Bump…
Ba-Bump…
It’s warm.
Ba-Bump…
What is that sound…
Ba-Bump…
…Checking for sapience and sentience… confirmed…confirmed.
*Ding* Welcome to the system and to Nova Natura.