A hero to blame

Lilim never would have thought that she would see the white walls of the Force’s hospital ward in her life ever again. And yet here she was, sitting on the bed and staring absent-mindedly at her hand, not so long stained in crimson blood, now completely covered in a snow white bandage. The wound and the burns shouldn’t take too long to heal; she was a demon after all, but it didn’t stop them from stinging like hell. Frankly speaking, she didn’t even know how exactly she got here. The last thing she remembered was Alice’s horrified scream, followed by an absolute inferno, and then nothing. Speaking of which, she hadn’t seen the half-angel since she had woken up. Just where was she? Was she fine? And just how long was the succubus here? Though the more she thought about it, the more she was getting convinced that perhaps it was better that Alice wasn’t with her right now. After what the half-angel witnessed, she must have been terrified of her. And to think it just took one moment of weakness for the other her to take complete control. It was like that the last time. Lilim felt her eyes water. She was going to destroy everything once again. She never should have come here in the first place.

Her train of thought has been broken by a loud banging at her room’s doors. Wiping her eyes and trying to keep her voice from breaking, she gave her permission to anyone who deemed that it was so urgent to see her right now. Though perhaps she should have stayed silent. She would just spare people even more trouble than it would be worth it to deal with her. Seeing the red-haired demon enter the room with a rather worried expression on her bandaged face, Lilim tensed up.

“Forgive me if I ‘ve woken ya up, but the boss-lady wanted me to get ya. There’s a certain problem with that half-angle and-” Lilim didn’t need to be told anything more. Springing back onto her feet and wincing in pain from the sudden movement, she demanded Clementine to show her in which room Alice was being held. In a matter of a minute, the succubus had already found herself in front of the doors numbered seven. Already from there she could hear a rather heated argument between the green-eyed girl and Beatrice.

“Let me go!” Alice screamed as she was forcefully pinned down to the hospital bed by the older woman. She was thrashing with all of her might, but Beatrice steadily held her hands on the half-angel’s shoulders. “I have to go!”

“Alice! For the love of God, calm down! You will break open your stitches if you thrash this much!” Any plea towards the half-angel seemed to fall on deaf ears as the younger girl focused purely on getting out of Beatrice’s steel grip. She didn’t even notice both demons standing at the entrance.

“Beatrice, you don’t understand! There are people dying! We have to save them!”

“You will not be of any help Alice!” This came out much harsher than Beatrice ever intended it to be. However, it seemed to work—almost too well. Alice froze immediately, tears stinging her eyes as she tried not to let them out. Seeing this, Beatrice felt as if someone had stabbed her heart with a dagger. However, her words rang true. There was nothing that Alice could do to help. Battered, stressed, and exhausted, she would only be a liability to any services that were working on site. And even then, Alice had no spells to assist them in any meaningful way. All she would achieve is working herself to exhaustion. “Al, I’m sorry, but there is nothing we can do. Just let the necessary services do their job, okay sweetie?”

“But-!”

“Al, for once, give it a rest. Beatrice is right; you won’t help them much.” Alice’s eyes widened as she heard a familiar voice. Her head snapped towards the entrance. The tears in her eyes stung even more. Of all people, Lilim just had to see her like this. The same Lilim that was looking at her with concern in her eyes. The half-angel swiftly lowered her head. What would the succubus think of her now? That she was a mess? A failure of a protector? She gripped the white sheet with such force that her knuckles were just a few shades away from being indistinguishable from the sheet.

“Give it a rest? Easy for you all to say…you don’t have people's blood on your hands!”

“And neither do you.” Lilim tried to reason with her, but the pained look on the ginger’s face quickly shut her down. Frankly speaking, the succubus had never seen her like that. Her right cheek being fully covered by a square white plaster and her forehead covered by gauze, along with a few other smaller plasters and bandages on her arms, was one thing. But the agitation, resentment, and pure mental exhaustion that showed up all at once in her eyes were something else. They lost their once beautiful emerald shimmer, replaced instead with a mere dull green.

“No? Then whose fault was it? I am supposed to be a guardian, and yet I failed at keeping Tetra away from Znena, I failed at keeping the town from harm, and I even failed at keeping you from harm. And it wasn’t the first time people died because of me! I am a failure and a disgrace to my mom.”

“Alice-?!” Beatrice called out, not knowing what to think about the half-angel’s words. She feared that something like this could occur one day, and rightfully so, it seemed. That was too much pressure for anyone, let alone a teenage girl. And yet the higher-ups kept on demanding for her to keep peace. No matter how many times she, Tvardovsky, or Ezekiel pleaded to let the blonde take her place instead. It was the same, just like they treated Anastacia. Those bastards… No, not now. She had to calm Alice down first. Beatrice embraced the younger girl, rubbing circles on her back. At first, completely frozen, Alice was swift to grasp Beatrice’s dress. “Alice, none of it was your fault. And I beg you, never say that you are a failure or a disappointment. Al, you have so much responsibility on your shoulders, and yet you are still giving your best. I’m sure Anastasia would be proud of you.” In response, Beatrice received a barely stifled sniff. Alice buried her head into the blonde’s shoulder while letting out more sniffs and whimpers. Beatrice used her other hand to gently caress the half-angel’s hair as the first tears started to fall. She nodded at the black-haired succubus to come closer, while Clementine swiftly decided to give them some privacy and left the room.

“B-Beatrice…I’m sorry…I-I know I shouldn’t be crying right now, b-but…”

“Shh, it’s okay Al. I know. It hurts. It hurts not being able to keep your promise, but sometimes it isn’t possible.” Lilim sat on the bed. Alice stopped holding onto Beatrice’s dress and instead her hand sought refuge in the succubus’s soft and warm hand.

“S-Stil I-”

“No Al, you did everything you could. And if you want to blame someone, then please blame me for letting you take such a task in the first place.”

“B-Beatrice, you are cruel. I couldn't blame you for anything.” The next few minutes were spent in silence, as Alice was quietly sobbing into the blonde angel’s shoulder while Lilim put her hand over the half-angel. Seeing the usually cheerful girl turn into a sobbing mess, the succubus was trying her best not to show just how she was seething inside. She grasped the younger girl’s hand slightly harder; however, Alice didn’t seem to mind it. It was all Tetra’s fault. They were going to pay for it. And she will make sure of it.

It wouldn’t have come to this if you didn’t act like an imbecile. This is all your fault.

Shut up.

The truth hurts, doesn’t it?

Shut up. It was because of you.

Lilim, who are you trying to fool? I saved you all back there. And it wasn’t the first time. Admit it, you can’t keep her or anyone else safe.

Shut up, or I will-!

Or you will do what? Burn down this whole town too? Then better get started. Somebody got a head start on us. Or maybe…kill that half-angel of yours. Just like you did with Alicia.

“Shut up! It was all your fault!” The sudden outburst caused Alice to tense up and let go of Lilim’s hand. Beatrice protectively put her arms over the half-angel as succubus’s left eye started to glow brighter. Alice whimpered, and the blue-eyed demon took her hand off her. “I…I…Fuck!” Lilim stormed out of the room before any of the angels were able to question her, not even noticing Clementine standing just by the door. She went into the nearest restroom, closed the door shut and tried to calm herself down. The succubus couldn’t even tell when the cold sweat started going down her forehead or when her breath became ragged.

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Lilim could feel her legs becoming weak and had to use the sink as a support. She felt as if she was going to vomit. And the world around her spinning did not help at all. The blue-eyed demon was gripping the sink with such strength that it threatened to break at a moment’s notice. What was happening to her? Her eyes darted towards the red liquid that was trickling down the sink. Slowly, they shifted over to her bandaged arm. Once snow white, now crimson. Her wound reopened, but how? Was it also her fault?

It must be so convenient to be able to put all of the blame on me.

The voice didn’t seem to come from inside her head, but rather from right in front of her. Lilim knew that she shouldn’t raise her head and that she shouldn't look in the mirror. She was afraid of what she was going to see. Who she was going to see. Though maybe, just maybe, by giving it a slight glance, the horrid and sudden ringing in her ears would finally cease.

What are you so afraid of? You won’t see anything that you haven’t seen before. Or are you so terrified of the poor, old me?

Lilim gave in to the temptation. Though just as swiftly she made her mind, she regretted it. Lifting up her gaze from above the sink, she had not seen her reflection or even anything close to resembling it. Instead, what stared at her back was a mass of black feathers and sapphire flames. The succubus jolted away from the mirror with a scream. Tripping and falling onto the cold floor, she was more than sure that the ruckus she caused caught someone’s attention. Her fears were confirmed when she heard a loud banging on the doors.

“Lilim, are ya fine in there?” Clementine? Had she followed her? The succubus couldn’t let her in. She couldn't let her see the other her. She had to sway her away. But she couldn’t answer. It felt like a lump in her throat. “Forgive me, but I’ll ‘ve to barge in.” Panicked, Lilim looked over to the mirror. The reflection was gone. Taking a steady breath of relief, the succubus jumped as the restroom doors flung open. Clementine’s eyes were swift to pick up the open wound on succubus’s arm.

“I’m fine.” Lilim said half-heartedly, not even trying to convince herself that the red-eyed demon would buy it. No one would.

“I can see just right. Now come, we better get yer bandage changed.” Clementine gave the black-haired girl a hand, and after a short while, Lilim accepted it and got back onto her legs. “Now, mind tellin’ me, what’s this all ‘bout?” The black knight asked as she led Lilim towards her room. The succubus wondered why she was doing it in the first place. Didn’t she have anything better to do? On the other hand, it was better than walking in silence and risking her speaking up again.

“Nothing that concerns you.”

“Maybe it doesn’t. But ya are causin’ quite a ruckus over it. And before I got to ya, I’ve heard that the ginger was worried ‘bout ya.”

“She is always worrying about me. It’s nothing new. But I can’t see her now. Not like this. I-I need a while. Can you go tell her that?”

“Aye boss.” Saying that, Clementine left Lilim all to herself. The succubus stood before the door to her room, occasionally taking a quick glance at the crimson bandage. Opening the door, Lilim was met by an elderly, dark-skinned nurse. Said nurse took a huge sigh of relief, quickly followed by a concerned gasp as she noticed the demon’s arm.

"Goodness, gracious child, what did you do to reopen this by that much?” The nurse quickly approached the demon and led her onto the bed while examining the bandage. Swiftly taking it off, she handed Lilim a fresh gauze and ordered her to press it on the wound while she went to get the stitches.

While Lilim was having her wound taken care of, Alice sat absentmindedly on the bed with Beatrice keeping her company. Ever since the succubus left, she had not muttered a word, and the blonde angel didn’t know what to say herself. While she was aware that Lilim had some problems, it was her first time seeing the demon outburst. Though not surprising, seeing as Lilim seemed to have problems with controlling herself from time to time. Beatrice knew that succubi and incubi could get into ‘conflicts’ with their demonic selves, even if that wasn’t a common occurrence. This and taking into account the events of last night, she couldn’t blame her for an outburst like that.

“Do you think Lilim is doing alright?” Alice asked as she sat on her bed, allowing her head to rest on her knees. Last night made it clear that the succubus had a major problem going on, and she wasn’t able to help her. Not back then, not at any other time, and not even now. She couldn’t even mutter a word before the distressed demon ran away. “Sometimes I wish she would just say what is bothering her. Telling me not to hide anything and then doing so herself. She’s the worst…”

“Sweetie, I’m sure Lilim is doing just fine. Now you shouldn’t beat yourself over it and get some rest.” The fact that the half-angel wasn’t knocked out cold was still quite a surprise for Beatrice. She hadn’t had as much as a wink of sleep. Seeing just how agitated she was, the archeress couldn’t really blame her. “And Al, I beg you, stop digging your nails into your skin.” Before Alice could respond, a familiar, red-clad demon entered the room.

“How’s Lilim?”

“In a dire need to calm herself down, so take that however ya want. And in dire need of new stitches.”

“Huh? What did she do?”

“I think ya should ask her yerself ‘bout that. I doubt she would answer to anyone else anyway.”

“Being as cryptic as ever…Clem, could you go tell her that I’m not mad at her? I think she got distressed over something before her outburst and now probably blames herself for doing so.”

“Oi now, I ain’t an envoy.” Despite saying that, not even Clementine could resist the puppy-dog eyes that the half-angel was sending her. Good thing she hasn’t weaponized them. Those could sway anyone. “A’ight, a’ight. I’ll go tell her. But so ya know, I won’t play yer cupid even if ya ask nicely.”

“Thank you. Beatrice, could you turn on the news channel?” The half-angel’s eyes wandered over towards the small TV that was hanging on the wall. The older woman sent her a worried look but picked up the remote from the nightstand, and soon after, the silence was replaced by the jingle of the news channel. The TV showed the utterly destroyed district with many fire trucks, ambulances, police cars, and even their own units from the Force, as well as a few trucks from the Anti Demon Militia. Alice couldn’t bring herself to even spare as much as a glance at the screen. The news reporter was currently interviewing a familiar, military-cut man.

“Mister Roland, as the founder of the ADM, I’d like to know your stance on the uproar and public distrust towards the Extermination Force that have been on the rise since yesterday's tragedy.”

“Well, for one thing, I am glad that people are finally starting to see just how shady and incompetent that whole organization truly is. I have never trusted them, and from the looks of it, I had a good reason to do so.” Roland continued to talk for quite a while, but the half-angel mentally blocked most of it. She couldn’t blame people for losing trust in them. They fucked up majorly.

“Beatrice, just how many people…” For a while, Beatrice remained silent, unwilling to answer. She gave into the pleading look in her eyes, though she wasn’t sure just why Alice wanted to know. She only hoped that the younger girl wouldn't use it to further blame herself.

“Forty. No one from the Culture Hall survived. They are now looking for any survivors under the debris.”

“Forty…”

“-though if people really want to blame someone, then I say that the succubus that Force took in is the one at fault. Ever since she appeared, those beasts started to flock to Znena like flies. I say we should get rid of her. Maybe then we will be able to prevent even more tragedies from happening.”

“Mister Roland, you have mentioned the succubus, but what about the half-angel? While still notably small, there is a group saying that she is the one to blame.”

“And I say that those people are fools. Trying to pinpoint the blame on a teenage girl. The Force and the fiend? Sure, but people should leave the girl alone. That’s all I have to say in that matter.”

“Thank you. Now moving onto the scene:

While Purgatorio was being taken care of in the hospital, Tetra along with their two guests were taking in their victory. Their subordinates have been tasked with bringing the finest chalices and wines while the six of them have sat around the round table.

“I see you have managed to find a solution regarding the problem of your friend's form.” Berith said while eyeing the new shape of Abbadon.

“This is but a temporary fix. Though for now, it should suffice.”

"Nevertheless, I am quite surprised that this plan of yours has worked out. Even if that black knight and the succubus were quite annoying to deal with, without the archeress back at full power, they won’t be able to achieve much.”

“That begs me to question: why haven’t you attacked sooner?”

“The archeress is the obvious answer. She is the only one who would be capable of taking all four of us at once and winning. Her arrows decimated our forces fifteen years ago as well as centuries ago.”

"My, oh my. It sounds like a terrifying adversary to go against.” The black dragon said it all with a smirk on his face as he brought a golden chalice to his lips.

“I still don’t understand why we couldn’t just simply kill them. Would make our lives much easier.” Adramelech lamented.

“Sadly, I do require them alive for further plans.”

"Then, at least, we should have battered them much more.”

“A broken spirit is more effective than a broken body. But even if you don’t agree, my friend, you are one step closer towards regaining your kingdom.” And he was one step closer towards his goal. Ah, it shouldn’t take that much longer from now on. Just a little bit more, and Abbadon will be whole once again. From there, he could already declare himself a victor.