'MIKE, HOW MANY FOR the jungle?'

'There will be about twelve people if they all turn up.'

He was being unnecessarily pessimistic.

'All are from Germany and staying here at the Dusit.'

'Wow, that's great. Are they all in the same group? I mean, did they all travel here together, or is it people who don't know each other?' asked Kev.

'I am not sure. Their German agent came in and booked it, and she is quite a looker too.'

'Find out their ages, old, young, children, and any disabilities. Then, look at me; I'm telling you your job, sorry,' said Kev.

'Pat has already gone to the hotel, and she will get all the details. We must arrange transport from there and make sure there will be enough room on the boats. Hold on, here she is.'

Pat looked like a real business lady. Navy blue suit, black leather shoes, and a black shoulder bag stuffed with papers.

'There is nothing written in the papers if that's what you are looking at. But it looks more official,' Pat gave a little laugh. Then carried on, 'It's a mixed group, I mean men and women. Would you believe they all belong to a club, something to do with the history of the Second World War? So they are all around 60 years old, all fit, or at least no wheelchairs.'

'Pat, you can tell Pi Meow what you need and find out if he can help with minibuses, etc.'

Off she searched for the older man at his house by the beach. Pat had never been to Pi Meow's house. She approached the door, about to knock, when the door opened. The look on Pi Meow's face disconcerted her. She felt she was grown up and could handle any over-excited man. But she did not like the stare he was giving her. His eyes were all over her like a dog viewing meat in a butcher's shop.

On returning to the bar, Pat said, 'Mike, I donʼt like that man. I had to be nice because we need him, but next time you come with me, okay?' Pat said, 'We should take Kev, Nick, or both on the trip. We need some help.'

Mike's tour hits a problem.

'Nightmare! That pretty German girl with the tour group has caught some horrible fever. She canʼt be the translator for us. She can't even get out of bed. What are we going to do?'

'Leave it to me, Mike; I may have just the man.'

Off went Kev in search of Charlie.

'Hello Charlie, the house looks good.'

'Hi Kev, yes we are thrilled with the place, thanks for finding it for us. What can I do for you? Do you want me to sing somewhere? I'll do it for no charge?'

'Sorry, singing is not on the job description. How do you fancy an all-expenses-paid trip to Kaeng Krachan? We have a German group going on the excursion, but they don't speak English. All you have to do is help explain a few sentences here and there.'

'Count me in. I've never been to the dam.'

Kev plodded happily to the bar. 'Right, Mike, Pat, you owe me a beer. I have found you a German translator with perfect English. The ideal man for the job, heʼll even sing for them.'

'Great! Can he sing?'

'No idea, but he tells me he's the best.'

Another of Pi Meow's fan club, Skylab, was worried about having to be with him again. But the last thing she wanted was for Kev to have trouble with his gang. So she was determined to go, whatever.

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That aside, both Skylab and Kev were excited for Mike and Pat. Today was the first real tour of their new business.

Charlie was the first to arrive at the clock tower meeting point. The clock tower was on the main road, outside the big temple. It was an excellent place to meet as it was within walking distance for everybody. Also, there was plenty of parking space nearby. Next, a minibus arrived.

Pat and a clean-shaven Mike were next to appear. Skylab and Kev followed them. A good start. Everybody was present and only a few minutes late. The driver had to refill the screen washer bottle, which delayed them a few more minutes. He said there could be a lot of dust on the road in the park.

The minibus pulled up to the elegant hotel and parked next to its sister bus. Mike and Charlie went into reception to greet their group.

In front of the reception desk was a group of agitated "falangs". All were pointing and gesticulating at the clock. The receptionist was in tears; it was her first week at the Hua Hin Dusit. Not that anyone with experience could have handled these guests any better.

Charlie's wig almost lifted and floated away. As if it was looking for an escape route through a tunnel that wasn't there.

'Whatever is the matter?' asked Mike.

'Ten minutes,' said Charlie, shaking his head. 'Not only that, they are from the East. Ostpommersch, the language is Pommerellisch, more Polish than German. Mein Gott, can I go home?'

'Ten minutes?'

'Yes, ten minutes is what all this fuss is about. They are a very punctual set of customers. We will have problems today for sure. I can only understand bits of their dialect, and I suspect they can barely understand me. I am from Munchen, so not only is the language different, our politics are very different too.'

The receptionist had fled in tears to be replaced by a straight-talking Australian. He slammed an open palm on the counter. The noise it made brought silence and immediate attention.

'Right, you lot, anybody upsets my staff like that, we will throw you out of this hotel, clear?'

It was far from clear, but the point was made.

They rarely saw large, powerful motorbikes in Hua Hin. Big bikes were not made in Thailand. Any choppers or road racing machines, which were always of an old design, were imported. Often in bits to be assembled here. So when an attractive new bike roared up the hotel's drive, it caught people's attention. So did the rider.

'What is she doing here,' wondered Kev.

Charlie and Mike got the group into the minibuses as the bike roared past. Before they left the hotel parking area, Charlie tried his best to explain today's trip to the occupants of each bus. The group was a very upright, grey-haired, fit-looking bunch of older men and women. Charlie looked far from fit; also, there were no creases along the legs in his shorts! Add the obvious wig, which was not how Germans, east or west, should look.

Kev and the Thai girls did not understand a word from the seats behind them. Charlie had the misfortune of understanding enough of the complaints.

'Late, dirty, bus unfit for people like us, not a civilised country,' blah blah, it carried on. This was before they reached the end of the hotel's long driveway.

The group cheered upon arrival at the water's edge. This time Pi Meow had arranged a boat large enough to seat everybody. In an orderly fashion, they boarded without a whimper.

They produced a pair of binoculars from somebody's bag and passed them to a senior man. He was studying the horizon, but what for?

The boat hit the landing spot with enough power to force the bow upwards and forward. They enabled each passenger to dismount without getting wet. They were led up to the wooden building, where they all sat and waited to be handed a water bottle. Charlie then talked in German about how and why the King had built the dam. No one was listening to him. Was it because of his accent? They all appeared more interested in the gentleman who had taken the leadership position. And the man standing next to him looking out over the water through the binoculars.

Charlie, undaunted, carried on explaining about the area's wildlife. When the tour party arose, they pushed past the speaker and marched. Yes, they marched to the boat. They all jumped in. An energetic lady turned the engine key, and off they went. They did not need to speed away, as nobody could swim fast enough to catch the boat.

'Have they stolen the boat?'

'What just happened?'

'Are we stuck here?'

Cries rang out as the boat disappeared behind one of the many islands.

Something had puzzled Kev was how does the turtle curry man get there? Later he would find out.

Pi Meow did not seem unduly worried. He must know something. The girls, Kev, Mike, and Charlie, were anxious. They were discussing their situation when Pi Meow said,

'My friend is on his way, and I think you have seen him before. He is due to have a brief meeting with me in about an hour. So no need to worry about getting home. If the worst happens and the German group sink, he can arrange for us all to get back.' He laughed. 'My big concern is that if there is any damage to the boat, then that will cost me a fortune.'

'What about our guests? What if they drown?'

'Not my problem,' said Pi Meow.