Ok, the 5 month silence is actually suck, I have to obtain my BCS degree that time, and now I'm still in the process of establishing my own retail store....So, there you have it. Plus, being a single dad at 22 is not as rosy as many would think.
Yeah, long time of silence finally broken, enjoy this arc that I personally call as The Boring Part
=============================================================================
If you read a newbie god's resume you may find a treasure, well not a real treasure, but at least some lols that will be alive for a few weeks.
---An excerpt from an interview with Carl Rach, staff of the Multiverse Recruitment Officer, demoted by the end of this interview---
Our MC : "Finally ! The end of the shitty internship, fuck yeah !"
So, yeah, basically guys, shortly after the end of my fourth internship, I am finally free, viva freedom ! Shouting in the office hallway is bad, but it feels soooo fucking good to release the tension. Fuck those staring bystander ! They can lick my boots goodbye. To the quartermaster !
-Fifth floor-
Blonde Lady : "Oi, stinking brat ! Walk faster will you !? It's almost lunch time !"
Ok, here's the deal, that hag, is Linda Stern, our office Universe Development Program Chief a.k.a The Quartermaster, The Slave Driver, and many other titles that even I forgot about. She handle the acquisition of new universe and inherited universe for the employees. Before you ask, inherited universe is a pain in itself, you deal with another god's abandoned universe project. Imagine if you inherit a world that close to apocalypse just waiting to die without any chance to do anything which can be counted as fun, not cute. A lot of headache ensured in the form of paperworks for this, the shit among shit that could make you spend several cosmic months tied to your pitiful workspace that was separated with cardboard from other's desk. New universe is the best choice, ever.
Now the horrid part is Linda. She's the top dog in this department. One among few in the top of this office's food chain. At a single glance, she fit in a category that you plebs from earth calls as "Perfect MILF". Let me spell it for you, "PERRR...FEEEECTTTT".
I'm fucking serious here mate, when my group of fresh batch newbies came to this office, she gave a speech in the podium, all of the guys in my group instantly dislocated their jaw when they saw her, some even muttered "Big Sister", "Mistress", and I even heard two guys said "Mommy". Apparently, I'm the only one in the batch who was immune to her insta-kill charm. Whelp, being psychotic as a mortal has it perks when you're promoted as god.
Well enough of that, the point is, she's a bundle of packed explosives. Once, A monkey man beastfolk accidentally touch her ass in the cafeteria. She snapped, she smashed his face with a metal tray and landed lots of lethal blows to him. If that is not bad enough for you pal, here's the rest of the story. After the monkey guy got unconscious, she pull him to a corner, and piss on his face...She was urinating ON - HIS - FUCKIN' - FACE. The poor sod admitted to hospital for months, and he developed a nasty ass trauma that give him seizures up till now.
The moment of truth, time to say all of those pent up frustration.
Linda : "Samael, the last time I know something about you, is that you're frickin normal, not a damn turtle !"
Samael (le me) : *Inhale* "Alright hag, here's the truth. Linda, I quit being your boy toy, now that I think about it, the way you treat me isn't worth it after all. For years, I've been literally and figuratively licking your ass on every opportunity, just for this moment. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll take my stuff and leave now."
Linda : *twitch* "You..."
Le passerby : "Oh shit, he's a dead meat."
Samael : *inhale again* "Snatch and run !"
Linda : "You fucker ! Don't you dare to run from me !"
Samael : "(Oh man, she throw a knife, where the hell she got that knife from ?!)" *Critical dodge success* "See you later chumps ! Ha ha !"
Le passerby : "Argggghh ! What the hell ! Who throw a damn knife to my shoulder ?!"
Better run for my life now, time for a new job. A brand new universe ready for a good deflowering !
Samael : "Let's see, empty lot #35789 turion zeta. Another project holder within 1 million light year : none. The kit is complete, manual, here we go. Comm. device, wait, pager ? Who use a pager nowadays ? Taxi !"
Driver : "Where to, Sir ?"
Samael : "Crow's Garden Ave., the apartment with a big ass cat mural. (Oh, Steve is calling). Steve, need something ?"
Steve : "I told you million of times, my name is Stephany, you dickwad ! You mad fucker ! What kind of insult you threw to Linda that make her this pissed off ?! Wait, wait, considering that it is you, it must be a really stupid one isn’t it ?"
Samael : "Well, ain't you an understanding one. You know me best, don't you ? What are you, my wife ?"
Steve : "Hooo, you know what ? Eight people have been admitted to hospital just now and probably more will be included in the body count. She throw a guy from the fourth floor, and now she put wanted
Enjoying the story? Show your support by reading it on the official site.
posters with your face on every floor ! She nailed them to the wall, with knife !"
Samael : "Well, ain't that cute ?"
Steve : "Just disappear from the office for a while will you, let the burn fade off, and maybe she'll forget about it."
Samael : "Point taken. I got a new universe project anyway."
Steve : "Good, exile yourself there for a while so this office may see a little peace after all this years of torture you've done."
Samael : "See you later mate."
Driver : "Sir, we've arrived."
Samael : "Good, give the bill to Linda Stern, the office, fifth floor. Please tell her, Samael ask her for a favor."
Driver : "Yes sir." *taxi drives away*
Samael : "(Poor sod, heheheheh). Time to pack up ."
This apartment, as suspicious as it might be in this sector, this place is pretty nice anyway. Cheap, free food, cats roaming around shitting in the corner, toothless zombies in the basement for stress relief, a fight ring on the roof, and an easygoing cougar landlady who often seeks company.
Ah, talking about the landlady, Isabelle. She's actually filthy rich, she run this place just for hobby. Who can blame her anyway ? Her last few projects net her an amount which she can spend it like crazy for eternity. Her husband ? Dunno, there's a hearsay that she kill her husband. Some suspect that she did it so she can build her harem of boys in her last planet. Well anything can happen, she seems nice, all tenants here say so, me included. Some sort of brainwashing I recon, with all 13 guys here is man except the landlady, get laid for free once every 2 weeks doesn't seems like a bad deal if you're looking at it from every angle.
Well, packing up, done. The landlady is out, so I'm just gonna leave her a note along with my key.
To Isabelle : I'm out for a new universe project, I've cleaned my room, you can rent it to someone else. Try a girl this time, a nice change of scenery might be good, or suck. Wish me luck, Samael.
Note : If I got suddenly broke, can I ask you for some loan ? Don't worry, I'll make it up to you, in a very, very special way.
Now, off to the closest interdimensional gateway. Hope this time they don't throw me off to a battlefield somewhere. After 6 blocks of walking, a shitty gateway keeper is the staple on every gateway, for like forever. Oh, that's Sarah.
Samael : "Sarah ! Off to a new assignment ?"
Sarah : "Oh, it's you, again. Yeah, a new universe one. You too ?"
Don't get me wrong right here, there's something about this chick that keeps irk me up. As a matter of facts, this muscle freak is pretty cute. But her demeanor, no, something about her rub me in the wrong way. I don't know which, but I knew about it was there since the first time I met her. Forget it, let's just play along like how a normal should be, shall we ?.
Samael : "Yeah, same like you. Mine is #35789 turion zeta, yours ?"
Sarah : "#124 capricio janus, a new plot recently developed."
Samael : "Well, a new plot ! Ain't you supposed to be happy ? You can make a quick buck there."
Sarah : "I don't know, I just can't leave my kids in the dorm for too long. I'm gonna miss them *sob"
Right, I think this was the part that make me don’t really like her….She’s well, what is it called ? Weak willed ? Crybaby ? Somehow her traits doesn’t even fit her appearance. It’s legitimately disturbing for me.
Samael : "Here some tissue, well that's your call, good luck !"
Sarah : "Yeah, you too."
My turn then. Shit, that's buckteeth !
Buckteeth : "Hey you ! Don't make other people wait longer ! Move faster ! So, it's you pretty boy, what's this time about ?"
Samael : "Ol' buckteeth. How's gateway business now ? Still miserable ?"
Buckteeth : "Don't fuck with me, give me your ticket !"
Samael : "Office business, you know that this time you can't screw with this one don't you ?"
Buckteeth : "Point taken, put your luggage there for inspection."
- A moment later-
Samael : "The fuck ! You can't confisticate my snack ! You're gonna burn for this buckteeth ! Mark my words !"
Buckteeth : "Article #16 of interdimensional traveling, 'No dangerous substances or hazardous materials are allowed to be carried during the phase, in fear of lethal contamination to the working site.' Are we clear on this one ?"
Samael : "That's just some fucking snacks !"
Buckteeth : "Looks dangerous to me. Hey guys ! Don’t you think this things dangerous ?”
Gateway jerks group : “Yeah ! (Guy 1) Those things looks so evil ! (Guy 2) For the love of...Purify those abominable things ! (Guy 3)”
Samael : "I'll make all of you pay for this."
Buckteeth : "I'll be waiting then. Make sure that it will be more interesting than your last gig."
Alright, that hit my bottom line. Can't let my emotion got the best of me right now. Time to cool down a bit, done. I'm gonna pluck his buckteeth next time, or maybe I can make Linda do it for free. Chill man, make sure that you won’t screw this one. Your future prospect is at stake.
*Pheew !* So readers, after I step into this suspicious looking, misery filled, black hole look-a-like interdimensional gateway, are you up for a new game of creation and destruction ?