My husband took the kids to visit his parents, so I was eating dinner by myself when the sky opened up. A cloud of creatures poured out of the jagged crack in the otherwise perfect blue. I freeze, more out of disbelief then fear. The bugs rapidly disperse all over the city. A beetle the size of a car flew to my apartment. Before I realize what is happening a beetle claw slices through the apartment wall and my chest.
The force knocks me out of my chair. I think. I end up on the floor one way or another.
As I lay bleeding out, I identify the bugs I could. I only knew any of them because of this one video game.
Next thing I know, I'm standing in the anthill, the tutorial of that game. The pain completely disappeared along with any blood or evidence of the attack. A health bar floats in the corner of my vision, following my gaze wherever I turn.
Glowing letters flash in the center of my field of view.
[press space to Attack]
The message disappears after I read it.
The anthill walls are made of dirt, but each individual grain is so large, bigger than my hand.
[press space to Attack]
I try to jump. I couldn’t move. I panic, breaths fast and shallow.
My breaths came, fast and shallow.
[press space to Attack]
“I can’t,” I yell.
[press space to Attack]
I take deep breaths. I can’t do anything when panicking.
[press space to Attack]
It’s Bug Hunting’s opening tutorial. Regardless of how I got here, I need to attack before moving on.
[press space to Attack]
I growl. I don’t know what it wants. I don’t have a space bar.
[press space to Attack]
I need to attack to move forward.
I punch the air.
[press ↑ to Move Forward]
I walk forward into a new hallway. It looks very similar, but the dirt clumps definitely shifted.
[Attack the Ant]
A dying ant lay on its back before me, legs in the air not moving. A glowing health bar was almost depleted, [Health: 1/200].
Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.
I punch the ant. It doesn’t seems as if I have any affect upon its carapace, but the bug disappears.
[Your Attack dealt 1 Damage]
[You Vanquished the Ant]
[after Defeating a Bug, you will Gain a Skill]
I’m really going through the whole tutorial.
[Skill Gained: Slap!]
I remember this one being really weak.
[Slap!: an Unarmed Strike that deals 3 Damage]
At least it’ll be helpful in the tutorial.
In the next room, buzzes a fairyfly. [Health: 5/5]
[some Bugs can Dodge Attacks]
[Attack the Fairyfly]
I slap the fairyfly.
[Fairyfly Dodged your Slap!]
Fairyflies are so annoying. At least this one can’t use magic. I try to slap the small bug, as it’s flying all over the room.
[Fairyfly Dodged your Slap!]
I try to slap it again.
[Fairyfly Dodged your Slap!]
Again.
[Fairyfly Dodged your Slap!]
[Fairyfly Dodged your Slap!]
[Fairyfly Dodged your Slap!]
I hate fighting the Fairyfly.
[Fairyfly Dodged your Slap!]
[Fairyfly Dodged your Slap!]
[Your Slap! dealt 3 Damage]
I still need to hit it again.
[Fairyfly Dodged your Slap!]
[Fairyfly Dodged your Slap!]
[Fairyfly Dodged your Slap!]
[Your Slap! dealt 2 Damage]
[You Vanquished the Fairyfly]
I’m so glad the bugs disappear upon death, I don’t want bug guts all over my hand.
[Skill Gained: Magic Immunity]
[Magic Immunity: Immunity from all Magic Effects]
I laugh. Immunities are the highest tier powers in the game, even killing the boss gives only a one in a hundred chance of gaining an immunity. Magic Immunity is the worst of the immunities, famous for being a bad deal. Albert made a whole video about it. Although part of that was because its always gained late, and it causes you to lose access to powers already relied upon. But it's leagues ahead any standard skill or even common skill that I might hope to get in the tutorial.
I’ll have to ask Albert about making a build centered around Magic Immunity, if I’m alive. If he’s alive. If this isn’t a dream that I’ll forget upon waking up.
[there is a Fork in the Path]
[press <- to Head Left or press -> to Head Right]
The one choice in the tutorial. Albert has worked it all out, you take less damage from the roly-poly if you attack with over seven damage, but if lower, the fruitfly is safer.
I head left.
The fruitfly takes up most of the room, leaving barely any room for me. Bug Hunting never showed the player, so I guess the room wasn’t designed with an extra person inside.
I slap the fly, I really have nothing else to do. The fruitfly feels the most standard of all the tutorial monsters as well, it attacks back and has no weird skills.
[Your Slap! dealt 3 Damage]
[Fruitfly Nipped you for 0.5 Damage]
[Your Slap! dealt 3 Damage]
[Fruitfly Nipped you for 0.2 Damage]
[Your Slap! dealt 3 Damage]
[Fruitfly Nipped you for 0.6 Damage]
[Your Slap! dealt 1 Damage]
[You Vanquished the Fruitfly]
[Skill Gained: Life Force]
[Life Force: Regenerate 1 Health when a Bug is Vanquished]
Life Force is a great skill, especially in the earlier levels. Especially if this is real life, and I die if my health reaches 0. I don’t want to die.
I hope I’m not already dead.
Besides Fast Travel, Life Force is my favorite of the standard skills.
The next room, the last room, holds a singular bug egg.
[Bug Eggs will hatch into Bugs if not Destroyed]
[Attack the Ant Egg]
Albert always tells me that I can gain an extra skill by waiting for the ant to hatch. I don’t want to possibly die to an ant.
I step on the egg, it squishes seemingly easily, squirting out onto my boots.
[Tutorial Completed]
[Skill Gained: Three Quarters]
[Three Quarters: Block 25% of all Damage]
Finally. Now I can return home, I hope. This experience is too vivid for a dream, too internally consistent. I can’t believe I’m hoping that Bug Hunting intruded into the real world, like one of those stories Sal reads. It’s selfish, if it came into real life thousands, millions would be dead. But I’d be alive.
I step through the portal, and look around, to figure out the damage to the apartment.
[press space to Attack]
I’m in the first room of the tutorial. I look behind me, there’s the egg room, but the egg has regenerated. I try to go back towards it. I’m frozen in place.
[press space to Attack]
You can’t go backwards in Bug Hunting.
You can’t repeat the tutorial either.
[press space to Attack]