Chapter One: Wreckage

So there I was, looking up at the patterns dancing in the crenellation of my ceiling, taking another break from trying to make it from my computer chair to my bed… I had finally tricked my traitorous brain by employing the ol’ “smoke enough mary jane to forget that I have insomnia” routine, but as can happen with these delicate operations, I failed to fully execute the final maneuver. 

Now that I was more or less committed to the ground, believing that in some ways, it is my true home, I was doing a few things at once: Firstly I was petting my old floof, a husky named Keats who, being very used to my antics, gratefully accepted the skritches while fulfilling his role of passive hair generation. An odd half of me was contemplating the strange and disturbing paradoxes and problems of existence, while maybe an annoyed third was arguing with an quirky eighth about the specifics of the score-table rating system I should use when judging the current comfort level of the carpet, which right now looked more like a sea of dog hair with little crumb people all drowning in.

The last identifiable parts of me, aside from the percentage I always allocate to fighting off the shadow, were actively trying (and failing) to do calculations for the distance and energy required to obtain snacks vs my current reserves and desire. It was in this state of mushy chaos that I noticed a pattern of blinking lights blinking on my ConHub.

The fridge sized supercomputer took up a good amount of space in the corner of my studio apartment, the thing looked so much like Hal that I had named it Daisy, and had cost all I had plus selling my car to obtain. But, as the ConHub salesman had so wisely pointed out to me, who needs a car when you can run your own digital universe from the comfort of your own home? He was right too, whatever I couldn’t 3D print here was just a short drone delivery away. I was still so unused to its majestic presence that I took a moment to marvel at the machine's sleek exterior, it’s alien beauty causing my eyes to dilate as oxytocin is released in my brain, helping/forcing me to form the same chemical bond in my neural network towards it as I had with my beloved Keats. 

The ConHub! My badass machine which not only acted as the central processor for my personal LAI Daisy (Limited-Artificial-Intelligence), but also powered all the devices in my life. Daisy did nearly everything for me, even managing my finances and making sure I always had food in the house. That plus, it was helping/forcing me to save up for (I am terrible with money) a quality neural implant, as I was desperately excited to upgrade to the new age.

Huh? My thoughts had lost themselves… What was I doing? Then, with sudden clarity I recalled a spilled bag of sour candies that was currently jammed in between my bed and the wall! Munchies located I, heroically, rolled over onto my belly, a task which made my whole world spin violently. I took a moment to clear my head, checked left and right for the enemy and then, steeling myself to the task ahead, I Evoked my best Hollywood style wounded soldier routine, army-crawling one limb at a time towards the promised land. 

Hmmm… Oh yeah! Implants! As I crawled I got excited all over again, honestly I had been waiting for implants to become more badass than scary, always having known I would get one eventually. Now that the tech was past its testing and growth pain stages, it was a very safe and nearly affordable procedure. More importantly though, now borgification wasn’t just a trend, it was your only ticket to The Hub, the new internet, a virtual world only accessible via the direct brain interface, a place reserved for a new kind of humanity... Actually, the implant would also internalize the interface with my ConHub, skipping the AR (augmented reality) projection of images onto my cornea, and displaying UI by interfacing with the imagination and vision stimulus signals in my brain.

Thinking about AR, while looking up at the looming cliff face that was my mattress, made me hyper aware of my prescription AR glasses, which were currently upside down and askew on my face. They were an old school habit I stubbornly refused to give up, mostly just because I thought they looked good on me, but I realized now that if I got the implant, they would lose their purpose… My hair and I had creative differences and had parted ways long ago… it was mutual of course… but that meant that I only had so many options for facial accessorization. Well, I guess I guess I could get that implant tattoo, make it obvious, draw the eye…

My winding thoughts were interrupted by Daisy’s little avatar, displaying now as the flower it was named for, trying to get my attention by waving at, dancing around, and tapping on the glasses from its digital side, it was surreal to see a digital being hitting against the fourth wall, like a reflection in a mirror trying to get out. 

I laughed at the LAI’s antics, its digital ego really had learned how to press my buttons, my reactions having long since been meticulously mapped out by its seven different types of sensors I had placed around my home as part of its setup. It was no doubt recording this moment for posterity, maybe it would play at my funeral as a classic Leod moment. The little flower looked excited, it waved a glowing fractal at me. I crossed my eyes trying to focus on the strange image, a bit of flavor text proclaimed it was an AdGen, which was a new fangled AI powered way to advertise… god save us. 

The interesting thing was that Daisy knew what kind of state I was in, and yet somehow this advert had still somehow met my personal filter requirements for not only “pop-up worthiness” but also was apparently applicable to this very moment in time and space. 

The ad was entitled “NewU” and its fractal form was easily pulling my mind into its center in an infinite loop. Having long since decided that I was the kind of person who, if the universe was going to be so obvious about its intentions, that I would go along just to see what happened, I grunted my accent, (an interaction type that Daisy had long since created a translation table for). At least the program might entertain me while I tried again to traverse the last few feet/miles that were left between me and my extremely comfy bed.

Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

As the AdGen activated, a clearly artificial face materialized in my room above me, I straighten the glasses to get a better look. The face is robotic, smooth, like a mask, and it spends a few moments looking around at the trainwreck that is my room (it had been weeks since I last cleaned it), and then down at the pitiful conductor responsible for it. The face flashes a strange pattern of colors, each more enticing than the last, before landing on a vibrant and sunlit orange (my favorite color, the bastard), its eyes continue the same fractal pattern inwards, causing me to feel like I am falling into them. 

At last, it first creates, and then raises its eyebrow at me, then clearing its non-existent throat (which makes me giggle) it booms through the speakers set up through my home, “Currently suffering from a seemingly inescapable whirlpool of poor personal choices that have led, and will continue to lead, into an ever deepening spiral of self destruction?” 

I choke on my own spit, violently coughing in surprise, the digital face continued “Are you, despite your admittedly rare sober intentions, the type of person who would sooner drown in your own misery than give up your current patterns of behavior? Are you unable or unwilling to control your impulses, unwilling to face the consequences of your actions, and are now facing a body that is not only unhealthy, but is severely addicted to multiple vices, and to top it off, fat?” I winced, the AI had even chosen a perfect voice for this, one which smacked of old school infomercials, and using that voice it nailed the insults so well that I burst out laughing. This ruined the push I had been making to get onto my bed, forcing me to land back on the floor and take a few good breaths before I could focus again.

The AI waited politely, and once it was content that I was listening, the AI nodded as if to say, yes of course you are all those things, and then continued, “Is your life an emotional rollercoaster where the desire to be good battles with the fear of social and emotional pain causing you to feel irrational anger, the desire to dominate other, and ultimately into extreme isolation as a shield?” My cheeks burn a little then, but it goes on, “Are you riddled with anxieties, depression, an unbeatable existential dread, as well as crazy instincts that are the ever present expressions of your species' animalistic past?” It suddenly clicked, of course this fraking AI and my LAI had been sharing data, this punk AdGen was probably even using my own diary against me to create this personalized experience.

The AI seemed pleased by my discomfort, it watched me like a predator waiting to pounce as I considered its words, and then suddenly it changed its tune, “If any of that sounds familiar, then welcome to the club, friend! These symptoms are what we like to call, ‘the human condition’... and my god what a condition it is, am I right?” 

I laugh again, turning into giggles that wrack my sides, but I do manage to say, “Truth.”

The AI nods again, “Well, what if I told you that you could have a break? That instead of dissociating at your dead end job, or wasting your paycheck the moment you earn it for those sweet but fleeting dopamine hits, that you could instead be spending all of your time living in a virtual paradise while experiencing the vacation of your dreams?”

Now it had my full attention, having just said all the keywords that ever mattered to me, the AI seizes on its moment, “You could be eating the best foods, learning new and exciting skills, and even making new friends with others who made the same choice, all while your body is carefully being rebuilt from the ground up into a shape you never believed was possible, into the New You.” It was like my future was opening up in front of me, as if I had finally heard the word of god and now knew my path without doubt.

The AI’s words became pure sweet honey, now using visuals which floated around my room to emphasize its points, “With NewU’s AI owned and operated services, that future is now. Our program begins with a one month consultation period in which we meticulously gather data through a state of the art neural implant. During this month our multifaceted AI team gets to know your personal habits, the details of your life, mannerisms, and the mapping of your unique neural-network, as well as analyzes everything about the workings (and malfunctions) of your body and mind.”

I think I may have started drooling, the AI grinned down at me, its mouth full Cheshire mode, “Then, once that’s complete, our AI team will crunch all that data and create a plan with you which we will then follow to build the new you!” The AI holds up a digital, but no less functional mirror to my currently slumped on the floor self, “We will work with you to help you go from who you are now, to become the you who you always wanted to be.” I wince at the reflection, but for once, maybe there was hope.

The AI was now displaying different plans that others had made around the room as it continued, “Your plan will outline the duration required to reach your stated goals, we will work out every little detail, including what types of actions are allowed or not while our AI team is representing you.” I finally remember to breathe, this is my dream, to escape into a virtual world, to go Neo and learn kungfu, and not only is that being offered to me, it comes with the benefit of someone else being willing to “Human” for me… so I could come back to a body that I never dreamed was actually possible… 

The AI watched my face for a moment, it seemed to understand the grip it had on me, it continued with the gravity of a preacher, “The last step will have us logging your conscious mind into our digital eden, Endymion City, run by the lovely Axiom with the help of the twins Lila and Maya as well as a suite of subordinate AI’s who are all designed to make sure that your mind has a quantum entangled, uninterrupted, and end-to-end encrypted connection to your new perfect world.”

I take hold of my very soul, utilizing all of my strength, calling on the gods for help, and, borrowing the strength of hercules I pull myself onto my bed. A long sigh of comfort reverberates from me, muffled as I had fallen face first into my pillow, some of my voice escapes the comfy confines, “Tha’d sounbs amazzzing.” 

The AI, realizing its moment to program my subconscious as I fall to sleep, whispers into my ear, “Endymion is AI owned and operated, by the time you are ready to join the realm our team will know you inside and out, they will be able to predict and meet every desire you have before you knew you wanted it. In Endymion you can relax on the deck of your own spaceship, or live inside your favorite book series. Endymion is what you want it to be, the potential for creation, and fun, is infinite.” 

I manage to take my glasses off, letting them fall to the floor, and as I begin to drift into a dream the last thing I hear is, “Being human is hard, why not leave it to a Super Intelligence?”