"Lukas…” whispered a woman’s voice.

Hmhm.

“Lukas… time to wake up, my little prince” the woman’s voice spoke again in a singsong tone.

“Just one more hour…” Lukas mumbled through barely open lips. His voice sounded smaller somehow.

“Come on. Get up… it’s time for your medicine.”

Lukas reluctantly opened his eyes and propped himself up to a sitting position against the headboard of his bed. Looking up, he saw a familiar face smiling at him adoringly.

Mom?

“There he is…” she said pinching his cheek. “Now drink your medicine. I’ll be back with breakfast.”

She walked out of the room leaving the door open. He noticed she was still in her work clothes.

Lukas looked around the room and saw it was familiar but different. It was his bedroom. There were posters on the walls that he had replaced years ago. There were toys on the shelves he vaguely remembered having. His wheelchair wasn’t there and what he was sitting on was not a cold steel hospital bed but one still made of wood. Two long metal objects leaned against his nightstand. The last time Lukas was able to use crutches was when he was ten.

What is this? A dream? A memory?

He felt like he was floating and seeing things through someone else’s point of view. As if he was reliving a memory through the eyes of his younger self.

This is weird.

“And tada!” came his mother’s cheery voice as she walked back into the room carrying a tray of food which she laid across his lap. “I made your favorites,”

There was a bowl of his favorite brand of cereal, a banana, and a glass of strawberry milk.

“Now eat up. I have to leave for work in a few minutes,” she said with a smile.

“But you just got home.” complained ten-year-old Lukas.

Ever since his father left, Lukas’ mother worked two jobs just to make ends meet. Especially with his condition. Physical therapy and medicine for muscular dystrophy were very expensive.

His mother only smiled at him and placed a hand on his head to muss up his long black hair.

“Don’t worry about me… I’ll only do half a shift today and I’ll be back before you know it,” she said with a cheery reassuring smile.

No... Your eyes don’t match your smile, mom. There was sadness behind those eyes… pain, and maybe even regret.

The food in front of him didn’t look too appetizing. Every time Lukas saw his mom, he only felt guilt. Guilt for having an incurable sickness. Guilt for being dead weight. It hurt him inside remembering those nights when he would see her pouring over the house and medical bills in the kitchen thinking he was already asleep. The look of hopelessness on her face was heartbreaking.

...why am I fighting so hard to get back?

Maybe it was a good thing he was stuck in GFO. Maybe it was a good thing he was already dead.

“Mom?” said ten-year-old Lukas’ voice.

“Yes, dear?”

“… am I… am I a burden?”

What?! Did I really ask her that before?

His mother looked abashed for a moment. Lukas thought she would be mad and rage at the question but then she broke into laughter and squatted down to level with his face.

“And where did you learn a fancy word like that? Huh?” she asked with amusement.

“I heard the lady next door say it…” confessed young Lukas. “She was talking to another lady and she said I must be such a burden.”

“And do you even know what that word means?”

Young Lukas nodded.

“I searched for it on the computer… it’s not a very nice word to call someone.”

His mother sighed heavily and picked up the spoon of the bowl of cereal to feed him a scoop.

“Now don’t let stuff like than in your head, okay?” she said as he chewed. “Some people just like to talk and that’s all they do. Don’t pay attention to those types of people. I’m gonna be honest here… It is very hard keeping two jobs and taking care of you and with all the bills….” she trailed off shaking her head and rolling her eyes.

“But… and this is a big but.” she continued giving his ticklish ribs a few playful pokes. “...everything is worth it as long as I have you.” She smiled. It looked genuine… this one at least.

“I know it might be hard to understand but that’s just how mothers are I suppose... To be honest, I don’t know what to do without you, my little prince,” she said pinching his nose.

A child’s laughter filled the room and everything went blurry. The edges of Lukas’ vision started to close in until it all went to black.

Lukas opened his eyes again and his vision took a while to adjust in the surrounding darkness. Little by little, objects came into focus. He realized he was still in his room but it was more familiar. More up to date.

Is this the present?

He heard a woman sobbing nearby. In the kitchen maybe.

“Hello?” he called out in toward the crying. “Is someone there?”

There was the sound of breaking glass followed by hurried footsteps and the door to his room flew open. In the doorway stood his mother, wide-eyed and disheveled. Her hair looked it had been uncombed for several days and her face show the signs of sleep deprivation. She held a bottle in one hand and an unlit cigarette on the other.

What’s going on? Lukas thought in alarm.

The person standing in front of him was definitely his mother but he had never seen her in this state before.

“Lukas?... is that you?” she whispered into the room.

Lukas wiped a tear from his eyes and nodded. He didn’t even notice when he started crying.

“I’m home, mom… I’m here,” he said walking toward her to give her an embrace. But in one moment she was in front of him and the next she was behind. After a second of confusion, Lukas realized that he had walked completely through her.

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What is this?! It wasn’t a memory for sure. A dream? A vision?

“What are you doing, aunt Alita?” said a girl’s voice from the kitchen.

His mom turned sharply at the speaker.

“I… I heard someone inside Lukas’ room. I heard his voice… I heard it, Maggie.”

Lukas’ older cousin Maggie came into view. She was the daughter of his mother’s sister and was a practicing nurse at the hospital he used to go to. By the looks of her clothes, Maggie had been sleeping over in their house. Maybe to keep watch over his mother.

Maggie sighed and entered his room to flick the light switch. Lukas could now clearly see that the medical instruments were still there but were all unplugged and ready to be moved out. His personal things, however, stayed the same. Even the small blue box containing the Neuro-pill was still open on the nightstand. There was a thin layer of dust covering it all.

“Nope… nobody here,” said Maggie.

“But… I heard.” Alita slurred and she started to sob and dropped on the floor to lean against the door frame.

“Alright, auntie… I’ll take that now.” Maggie sighed taking away the bottle.

Alita only nodded and sobbed some more.

“I think it’s time for bed… the people from the hospital will be over early in the morning to pick up the heart monitor. After that, I could help you clean up Lukas’ room.” offered Maggie. “I think it’s about time.”

“No!” Alita howled. “I want to keep it the way it is… please. The smell of his room… it might go away if... It’s the only thing left reminding me...” she trailed off.

Maggie’s face filled with pity as she turned away to place the bottle of spirits on a shelf.

Lukas fell to his knees in front of his crying mother.

“I’m here, mom… I’m still here…” he whispered through his tight throat.

She didn’t react. Alita only kept crying as Maggie helped her up and supported her with a shoulder in a well-practiced motion.

“Come on. Let’s get you upstairs.”

The two women walked through Lukas and they seem to shrink the farther they went. He tried to follow but then realized he was moving away at great speed as if being sucked by an invisible force.

No...

“I’ll be back!” he screamed at the retreating figures. “… I swear I’ll be back, mom!”

At the last second, Alita looked over her shoulder, seeming to hear him.

***

Lukas sat straight up breathing hard and covered in sweat. He looked around in a panic and saw that he was still in bed in the dimly lit room at the inn they were staying. His breathing eased a bit.

It was just a dream. He thought. No… a nightmare.

“You were mumbling in your sleep…” came Kaya’s voice at the foot of the bed.

Lukas rubbed his eyes and became thankful that the room was dark. His hand came away moist with tears.

“Wha… what was I saying?” he said trying to sound groggy from sleep.

She only shrugged.

“I couldn’t really make it out but in the end, you screamed ‘Mom’ before waking up.”

Well, that’s embarrassing.

“Ow… yeah. I… I had a weird dream…” Lukas said trying to play it off.

It was too real though...

“You saw them didn’t you?” asked Kaya.

“What?”

“You saw them…” she repeated. “The people you left behind… back in the real world.”

Lukas was speechless for a second.

“How did you-”

“It happened to me too…” Kaya cut off. “...two nights ago.”

Lukas recalled that Kaya had been down lately. He thought that it was only because she was tired from grinding levels and the fight with the Skeleton Pit Boss. But now he could see that it wasn’t fatigue. It was melancholy.

“It’s fucked up isn’t it?” she chuckled. “Showing how people are handling your death… must be Damocles’ sick way of motivating us.”

Lukas’ vision adjusted to the darkness and he could see that Kaya gripping the sheets of his bed tightly. She was shaking with anger.

“It’s probably not real,” he said in an attempt to comfort her. “I mean how could Damocles even kno-”

“It’s real...” she said in a trembling voice looking directly at him. “It’s real, Lukas,” There were tears in her eyes. “I saw my parents… I knew they were having a hard time with my illness and I always thought they hated me for it… I didn’t expect them to miserable but at the least I expected them to grieve me a little. It’s been barely a month for God’s sake…”

She breathed heavily. It seemed like she had been keeping this all to herself and now the damn was breaking.

“I saw my room all clean and my things already gone… I saw them in the living room, laughing and smiling as if nothing happened. They were smiling smiles that I never saw during hospital visits, during chemo, in therapy… All I got were forced fake ones… All I got were smiles that say ‘Why are you even still alive?’... But in that vision, I saw smiles of relief. I fought my cancer as hard as I could, Lukas. And all I saw were my parents happy because I finally lost the fight. They looked glad I was gone.”

Kaya was smiling but tears were streaming down her cheeks.

Lukas did not know what to say. He didn’t like what he saw in his vision either but at least it gave him more drive to go home. If this was indeed Damocles doing to motivate people, it had clearly backfired on Kaya. Lukas wouldn’t be surprised if she wanted to stay stuck in GFO instead. But would that mean she wouldn’t fight alongside him anymore?

Lukas scooted over to the foot of the bed and gave her a hug. He felt it was the right thing to do at the time. When words fail you, often actions make a good compromise. Kaya buried her face in his chest and broke into sobs immediately. This was the first time he embraced a girl - Outside his family anyways. She felt so small and fragile in his arms. He started caressing the top of her head not really knowing why. He always saw it in TV shows and movies. The smell of strawberries wafted from her hair made Lukas’s heart beat faster and blood rushed to his face.

“You could stay here,” he whispered after a few seconds. “You could stay in Patriam if you want. Just enjoy your new life. Boris and I can-”

She shook her head vigorously against his chest.

“...if it were just my parents, I’d never want to leave this place, Lukas,” She said fiercely. “But my little sister… I saw her too. I went up to her room and expected her lying in bed with the Neuro-chip on. She was always playing GFO… But no. She was just huddled in one corner wearing one of my oversized jackets staring at a pile of my old clothes.”

Kaya chuckled.

“That little munchkin was always hopeless without me.” she lifted her head and smiled shyly. “Only a few people know this but… she has a condition of her own, you know… She’s sort of… special. Other kids always make fun of her making it difficult for her to make friends. I was all she had and I don’t think she really understands why I’m gone. My parents are always busy with their work and I’m scared they won’t give her the attention she needs.”

Kaya looked him directly in the eyes and moved her face a few inches closer.

Too close.

“I miss her so much, Lukas… I wanna go back just to let her know her big sister thinks about her every day. I want to go home. Now more than ever...”

The dim lantern light from the bedside illuminated the features of Kaya’s face. Her cheeks were flushed with blood and her eyes were sparkling from tears. Her full lips quivered slightly from sobs. Lukas always thought she was pretty but this was the first time he thought of Kaya as beautiful. He felt his face get warmer and his mind going foggy.

“I promise... I’ll get you back,” he said in a whisper. A hushed contract between just the two of them.

Kaya flashed a grateful smile and closed her eyes.

Should I kiss her? A thought popped into his head.

I think I should…

Lukas started to lean over, unsure of how to do the act. His heart was hammering against his chest. He felt his mouth going dry and his throat tighten. He had never kissed a girl before. This was a night of many firsts.

But before their lips could touch, the door to the room flew open to the sound of a jolly sea shanty sung in a rough Russian accent. The room was flooded with light from the hallway lamps.

“Ow ho! Come downstairs, you two! Join the merriment and-” Boris halted mid-sentence upon seeing them on the same bed.

“Was I interrupting something?” the old man asked wide-eyed.

Kaya laughed and wiped the tears from her face with the sleeves of her nightgown.

“Not really.” She said in a chuckle. “In fact, I think a bit of merriment is just what we need. Right, Lukas?”

“Ah… Uhm, yeah. Merriment… right.” He replied dumbly.

Kaya hopped off the bed and swiped the air with her finger navigating through her inventory. Seconds later, she was wearing a plain red shirt and a pair of black shorts.

“Uhm… You coming, Lukas my boy?” asked Boris with a pained expression.

“Yeah… you two go ahead. I’ll be right behind you.”

Kaya left the room first and Boris lingered long enough to give an apologetic shrug before closing the door leaving the room in semi-darkness once again.

Lukas dropped back into bed letting out a deep sigh. He felt a mixture of frustration and relief. His heart was still pounding and his face got warm as he relived the moment again and again in his head.

“Maybe next time,” he whispered to the room.