Collapsed on the floor, Archfiend of Darkness XVII Vlan Evilsson lost it all. His legions of minions were in disarray. His immense power was sealed by the hero’s legendary sword. Even his monologue got cut short by a stray arrow. Not to mention that the giant mechanical dragon was taken down by his elite force of bosses that turned on him. And to top it all off, the princess wasn’t even that cute. She was like a 6/10 on a good day.

The heavily armored hero raised his sword. Vlan was bleeding from the various injuries on his body. Collapsed onto the floor of his famed Black Throne Room (he worked very hard to get the color balance right for this. Black, but not too black), he was helpless. Then the hero lifted his face mask and Vlan... saw the truth.

It wasn’t a man… No, the hero was a heroine. Her blond locks spilled out of the helmet as her cold, blue eyes burrowed into his.

‘Beauty… such beauty exists?’

Vlan felt, for perhaps the first time, his heart skip. Which was really weird because she was about to murder him. He tried to move some of his blood encrusted black hairs out of the way, wiped some of the blood away from his blood red eyes (colored contacts made by the local Alchemist really helped to complete the look!). He felt the urgent need to look presentable. Again, it didn’t matter that much because he was about to die.

“Foul villain! You have plundered the lands, slain my brethren, laid waste to a thousand villages… And now it is time to suffer for your actions!” She cried as she brought her golden sword above him.

‘Wait. I did what?’ He thought in surprise. Hesitantly, he held out one black, gauntleted hand.

“...Hold on. I don’t recall doing any of that,” he said. He was still partially dying from the wounds, but his regeneration (the only cool power that wasn’t sealed) was finally kicking in.

“That’s right, foul vi— Wait. What did you just say?” The heroine asked as confusion flashed across her face. Vlan was just as confused as her.

“I mean, I made this evil castle and formed an evil legion. Even built an evil mechanical dragon of evilness. But all I did was kidnap a princess, not destroy any villages or brethren,” Vlan claimed. He raised one hand and shook his head. “You can have her back if you want. She’s not even that cute.” He finally healed enough at this point to sit up. The heroine was looking more and more confused. She put one hand to her head as if stop her confusion. She gradually got more and more flustered as she attempted to think, eventually waving her hands around as she paced back and forth.

‘That expression is cute too,’ Vlan thought (despite the fact that she was still probably going to murder him). Maybe they could talk it out and be friends. He’d still be a villain, but he could do for a break or something. It was tiring to be evil every single day, after all. Well… he’d still be able to kick chickens while on his break. He hated chickens. It was only natural, right?

“Hero of Light, do not listen to his dark and sinister lies! He’s tempting you, trying to use you!” A voice called out from behind her. It was the archer, the one that shot an arrow during his monologue. Vlan didn’t like that guy for various reasons. He was dressed gaudily in gold and green and posed way too often as he spoke. Something wasn’t right with that man.

“Thank you, Sir Bardroy!” The heroine exclaimed, just glad to have an answer. “You’re right! All I need to do is stab him!”

Vlan sighed. He didn’t kill anybody, did he? He focused on being the best villain he could be, but he never did anything apart from theft or kidnapping. They were evil acts, but not something to get impaled over, right? Did his subordinates kill people? Was he framed? Vlan didn’t know.

“Die, monster!”

“Wait! I’m telling you I didn—”

And as the sword passed through his chest, he knew he’d never get the chance to.

<^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^>

When Vlan opened his eyes again, he saw white spreading infinitely in every direction. There was nothing else around. Nobody else around. Vlan was alone. He lost. He sighed.

Of course he lost.

The villain always lost. It was his job to lose magnificently, yet he felt so unsatisfied. He supposed it would have been unsatisfying if he’d won as well. In the end, Vlan supposed there was no way to win. Although, in the end, he did get to meet a beautiful woman. He would have liked to talk with her more. To get to know her. To understand how she works and how she upholds the title of “hero”. Vlan was barely able to manage being a villain, after all. He was unable to understand how anybody could desire to save people they didn’t even know. It confounded him and that desire to understand only further filled him with regret. He only got to drive the Mecha Dragoon X once, as well. So that was another regret.

“Yo, you died,” somebody suddenly said. Vlan turned his attention to the side to find a grown man in a black suit standing in the white space. His hair was black and unkempt and trailed behind him long enough to reach the ground. His ears and teeth were pointed and, unlike Vlan, he had naturally red eyes. To Vlan, he looked like an Evil God. To the average, currently non-existant bystander, the man’s hair was unkempt, his suit was untidy, and he gave off the aura of a slacker.

Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

“Who are you, you beautiful being of darkness? And how I can be more like you?!” Vlan asked as he suddenly bowed. The dark being laughed.

“Chill, bro. I’m the first Archfiend dude or whatever. Call me Chad,” he introduced himself. Vlan plopped his fist into his open palm.

“I see… Chad… truly a diabolical name…”

“Nah, it’s kinda normal, y’know?” Chad said with a grin as he crossed his arms behind his back. “Anyway, you know how the hero gets the goddess or whatever and always comes back to life and stuff? That sounds stupidly unfair, so I’m here to, like, send you back to before your death so you can continue being evil and stuff. Villains shouldn’t die so easily, y’know?”

“That odd way you talk… is that the way of the ancients?” Vlan asked, his eyes filled with awe and wonder as he leaned forwards. Chad shrugged.

“I dunno, man. I guess? It’s not a big deal or anything, man. It’s just how I am,” Chad said as he scratched the back of his head. “Anyway, you should get going. That stupid sword sealed most of your powers, so you need to be evil enough for them to use it on you again. Stupid thing is like on an on and off switch.”

“What is this ‘on and off switch’ you speak of, o great and powerful Chad?” Vlan asked. Chad just shrugged in response.

“I dunno exactly. I’m not an electrician,” Chad answered calmly. “Oh, and uh, bye.”

The nonexistent floor Vlan was standing on suddenly gave way and Vlan found himself falling into the endless abyss. Of course, he screamed.

<^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^>

“So I think I want to be a villain when I grow up,” eleven-year old Vlan said as he kicked his feet lazily from his seat on the edge of the bridge. Harner, his only friend, shrugged.

“Okay.”

“I want to have a legion of minions that swear loyalty only to me. I want to have power beyond compare. I want to deliver kickass monologues to the hero,” Vlan continued as his eyes sparkled.

“Sure.”

“I want a giant mechanical dragon! I want an elite force of bosses! I want to crush the hero and kidnap the beautiful princess! I really want to be the villain so badly!” Vlan cried as he stood up and threw his arms toward the cobalt sky. Harner shrugged.

“Go for it… I guess.”

Vlan turned towards his brown-haired friend and shook him energetically.

“I’m gonna be big, man! I’m gonna have it all! Just watch!”

At that moment, Vlan’s eyes suddenly widened and he fell backwards, convulsing slightly. Harner froze in shock and watched as his friend apparently went through some sort of seizure before the future villain suddenly stood straight up and shouted.

“I LIVE AGAIN, MUAHAHAHAHA—ack…” Vlan suddenly choked. He wheezed out, “I… think I might have… hurt something… ow…”

“...You okay, Vlan?” Harner asked, concern flashing across his otherwise impassive face. Vlan stroked his chin as he regained bearings. He had just returned to being a child. Harner, dear Harner was beside him. For as long as Vlan knew, Harner and he had always been friends. Nay, it was better to call them not-blood-related-brothers-of-VILLAINY! Or NBRBROV for short. Or just brothers for shorter.

They played together!

Got picked on together!

Turned to villainy together!

Harner was his first minion and had stopped the heroine in order to allow Vlan to escape to his Darkness Castle of Chaos (that Vlan himself had so brilliantly named). However, his friend had fallen in battle. While Vlan had gained immense power and had ascended from humanity, his friend had always remained human and always had been loyal.

Before Vlan knew it, he was hugging Harner and crying his eyes out, making sickening, blubbering noises.

“H-HARNER! MY BRO-BROTHER!” He cried. Harner just shrugged and patted Vlan on the back.

This kind of behavior wasn’t atypical of the future villain. In fact, it was par for the course.

And so Vlan was sent thirteen years into the past. He had thirteen years to fix his mistakes and become truly evil without most of his powers…

But for now, he needed a good cry.

<^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^>

A/N: First original story. Thought this website would be a good place to post it. I dunno. If you guys don't like it or feel I should be posting this somewhere else, then tell me. Anywhere is better than fictionpress or wattpad. I'm not new to writing, as I do write some fanfics on another site, but original stuff is a mystery to me. Hopefully this story will help me figure it out.