Alice sat upon a couch carried upon the shoulders of two goblins; the traveling situation had baffled her at first, but after parading through the cursed forest in such style for a while, she had changed her opinion on the matter. The slight rocking from side to side as each goblin took a step forward upset her sensitive stomach, but she much preferred this bizarre form of transportation over walking endlessly for hours.

The two had traveled in mostly silence as Alice was beyond nervous. She didn’t believe that Terry nor the two goblins had sufficient combat ability to protect her against the monstrosities that supposedly lurked in the forest. Yet it’s so quiet around here. If not for those distant roars, I would have believed I woke up in the wrong forest! She cast a nervous glance toward her rotting travel partner; he was slouching into the weathered couch’s cushions and looked ready to watch a theater production. They had barely exchanged a word since leaving the overlord’s ice sculptures, and the silence between the two was driving Alice mad, so with a deep sigh, she murmured, “Why did you do it?”

“Do what?” Terry lazily replied from her side; luckily, the wind was blowing eastward, so she didn’t have to deal with the nauseating stench.

“Become a merchant? Sell people? Be an absolute arsehole?” She cocked her head to the side. “You realize that selling people is fucked up?”

“Circumstances, lady.” He raised a weary hand in defeat. “At first, many years ago, I too was hesitant about being in the business. But selling clothes and furniture wasn’t cutting it when times got tough. All it took was one night of alcohol and poor decisions, and before I knew it, I was a part of an illegal slave-trading ring.”

Alice felt beyond bitter. Terry seemed nice enough, but memories of him stumbling into her carriage, reeking of booze and dumping an unwashed wooden bowl filled with lukewarm gruel through the iron bars, refused to vacate her mind. Although he was now a zombie, he still had that roughish face with that constant smirk. She hated it.

In an attempt to distract her weary mind, she summoned her System. Her brain lightly buzzed as blue screens that shimmered in the afternoon sun appeared floating before her. No matter where she looked, the screens always followed. Some zealous fanatics claimed these screens were a window into our soul, and honestly, I believe them to an extent; it’s just a shame my soul has been dyed with darkness.

[Name: Alice]

[Race: Human]

[Level: 12]

[STR: 30, DEX: 42, CON: 12, INT: 72, WIS: 56]

(Weak) (Slave)

[Blessing: Darkness ]

[Class: Awakened Black Mage (Locked 12/20) ]

[Sub Class: Apprentice Merchant]

[Divine Mission: None]

[Skills]

[…]

[Class Skills]

[Stealth II]

[Further skills locked]

[Sub Class Skills]

[Fast Counting I]

[Identify I]

Getting bored of looking through the screens she had seen a thousand times, Alice pestered her travel buddy again. “How did your awakening ceremony go?” she carefully inquired; it was a touchy subject for some and a perfect chance to brag for others.

“Not well, as I am sure you could guess.” Terry sighed and leaned further back into the weathered sofa. This form of transport had been his idea while claiming Alice needed to rest, so walking for miles through the forest was out of the question. “I wanted, like many kids, to become a Delver. I was willing to be anything to follow in my pop’s footsteps. We lived a good life with his earnings until… Well, you know the fate of most Delvers. Don’t live long, those reckless idiots.” He spat some green gunk from his mouth, and it landed on the unsuspecting skull of one of the goblins carrying the couch; surprisingly, it didn’t react and kept walking along. “Alas, I was one of the few to receive nothing.”

Alice frowned. “Nothing? Not even a trading class or a divine task?”

“Nope. Absolutely shit all. Drowned my sorrows in alcohol for weeks before my mother kicked me out, and now…here I am. Dead but alive, serving an ancient overlord and helping raise his pet—ahem, I meant mistress…” Terry gagged as foul-smelling gunk drooled from his mouth. “Ahem, excuse me, being a zombie ain’t all sunshine and rainbows, you see. Better than being Bob, though, poor guy. Anyway, it’s not all bad; I finally got what I wanted, just not how I expected.”

“Oh?” Alice looked at the decaying and rotting man from head to toe. “You sure?”

“Looks aren’t everything. Especially in a magical world.” Terry winked a rotting eyelid at her, and she felt thoroughly uncomfortable and attempted to shuffle further into her side of the couch.

“Wait.” Alice suddenly had an idea. “Can you join my party?”

“Errr?” Terry’s groan sounded exactly how she had pictured a zombie to sound in her head. “Maybe? I could while I was human…but I am nothing but a…slave to the overlord? Wow, that’s a depressing thought, huh?”

Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.

“Guess how I felt then,” Alice said as she summoned the party screen, and with a swipe of her finger, the join party screen floated over to Terry. The zombie hovered his finger just above the join button with a wavering resolve.

“Just click it?” she asked impatiently.

The poor zombie stammered, “Don’t laugh, okay?”

“Fine.”

With one last wiggle of hesitation, Terry’s finger struck true and hit the yes button.

[Name: Alice] (Leader)

[Race: Human]

[Level: 12]

[STR: 30, DEX: 42, CON: 12, INT: 72, WIS: 56]

(Weak) (Slave)

[Name: UNKNOWN]

[Race: UNKNOWN]

[Level: 281]

[STR: 259200, DEX: 259200, CON: 259200, INT: 259200, WIS: 259200]

(Lifeforce Unstable) (Out of range)

[Name: Terry]

[Race: Immortal Zombie (Empowered by: UNKNOWN)]

[Level: 5]

[STR: 20, DEX, 7, CON: 999, INT: 0, WIS: 0]

Alice stayed silent for a long while. She had no reason to adhere to Terry’s warning because nothing about his status was funny. “Terry, you are a punching bag.”

“I know!” Terry covered his hands in shame. “How embarrassing…”

“No, no, no, no. I don’t think you quite understand the situation.” She clapped her hands as if trying to make him focus. “You are immortal; with stats like that, you will never die even if you were buried under the ocean or chucked into a volcano. A god could likely slap you in the face, and you would still live…”

“Huh.” Terry sat up a little straighter and puffed out his chest. “Maybe I am more incredible than I thought.” Dreams of Terry becoming a Delver as a child flashed through his mind. He imagined himself reaching the lower floors and taking hit after hit from the boss while manically laughing his head off…

“TERRY.”

“What?”

“I’M NOT IMMORTAL.”

Terry frowned. What was this woman saying? She wasn’t immortal? Who cares? “Oh, yeah…” His eyes widened in realization. “You aren’t immortal.” He looked around as his slow brain realized what she was suggesting.

Alice clutched her hair in frustration. “OBVIOUSLY!” She flung her hands toward the heavens, crying to the gods for this zombie to find his one last brain cell and put two and two together, “What was the plan here? How were you going to defend me or help me level up? The weakest thing in this forest is C-class, and you are weaker than a fucking stable boy!”

“But the overlord said it would be fine—” A screech that caused both Terry and Alice to reflexively cover their ears interrupted the zombie as a massive shadow turned the surroundings from evening to night.

Alice could feel her heart beating loudly in her chest with her hands clamped on her head. She looked around with squinted eyes, attempting to spot the threat. It wasn’t until she looked up through the tree canopy that she saw something black between the network of branches. Then, a moment later, there was a gust of wind so fierce it tore the few remaining leaves from their branches, and some smaller trees snapped in half and fell to the wayside.

As something massive crashed through the trees, loose soil pulsed out from the impact site in a wave and slammed into the poor goblin undead supporting the couch. One maintained their stature, but the other took a knee, causing the whole thing to tip to the side and backward.

Alice found herself lying on her back with stars in her eyes. A violent concussion threatened to steal her consciousness, but she fought through.

“Oh shit.” Terry’s words sounded distant and warped; she followed his voice, and then…she saw something that made her headache vanish in the winter wind.

A yellow lizard eye the size of her head surrounded by titanic-size black scales was right above her, only a few meters away; she could almost reach out and touch the magnificent creature—it snorted, and small plumes of smoke wafted from its nostrils. Its mouth revealed shark-like teeth, each longer than Alice’s arms and twice as wide as it snarled toward…Terry.

“I smell it on you,” the creature proclaimed in a profound voice that shook the land as it turned its barn-size head toward Terry, who stood there dumbly.

“Me?”

“Yes, you,” it snarled again. “I smell the curse of undeath that chains your soul to this plane. Forever and ever, a life of servitude, a vile servant of darkness.” The towering creature’s claw came round with vigor and snatched Terry up in its grip. “Where is your master? He has turned this beautiful forest into a wasteland, and his army of death threatens my lands.”

Terry had a defiant grin on his face. “Bah! Compared to the overlord, you are nothing but an overgrown lizard!”

A large exhale of amusement from the creature whipped Alice’s hair as she tried to cower behind the couch. The creature then began to tighten its grip around Terry. Slowly at first, but quickly, the colossal lizard’s arm bulged…yet nothing happened. Terry was fine, and he couldn’t have looked happier. “Run, fair maiden!” the buffoon hollered at Alice. “I will hold back this vile beast!”

“ Couldn’t you have just stayed quiet, you useless punching bag? ” Alice hissed as she got up to run; she activated her Stealth in a vain attempt to escape the creature’s gaze. She knew it was futile, but what else could she do? Hopefully, the beast would be more interested in the immortal zombie than her.

Sadly, it was not.

With a gust of wind and hard scales closing around her body, Alice felt her stomach drop as she was hauled upward; her legs dangled freely in the air as crisp winter wind rushed past her face. The canopy was left far behind, and only endless miles of naked trees and frost-covered ground could be seen in all directions.

Alice saw Terry in the creature’s other claw; the brown-haired zombie returned a grin and a little wave. “Mistress!” he cupped his hands around his mouth and howled over the wind. “Isn’t this fun? A real adventure!”

Please, Goddess, bestow upon me a divine quest to kill this fucking idiot.