The horse races were pretty boring in comparison to the views I had on my left. Both Caius and Nero were physically so close to me, yet seemed so distant. I knew I couldn’t be with Nero because of him being an emperor, but I was hoping fate could push him my way. And I hated myself for thinking that. After all, I didn't even know what kind of person he was, and from the history lessons I was pretty sure he was a madman, and so not really boyfriend material. More than that - I had some kind of feelings for the person sitting right next to me.
It was all too complicated and left me thinking all the possible scenarios over in my head. What if we did like each other and all the little signs I thought I saw from him were real, wouldn’t that be weird considering that his parents took me in? And were those “signs” true in the first place? Maybe I was just assuming too much? All these questions and no real answers, meanwhile my heart beat faster whenever I looked at either of them. Perhaps it was my intuition trying to get me to open up to others. “I mean I am in Rome, this could be an opportunity…”
All this made me not even realize, when the competition was over and the winner was decided. The noise the crowd made was nothing I’ve ever heard before, maybe because of the VIP spot or just as a result of me never going to any sporting events. Either way, the thundering roar of happy viewers was enough to make me stop hearing my own thoughts, and finally focus on the world around me.
It must have been an hour later, after Rufus took us out to eat something when we finally decided to go back. Caius must have noticed me acting a bit odd because he seemed just a bit more attentive than usual, so was his father. When asked - I explained to them that I’m just not used to crowds. Which pushed me down another one of my overthinking sprees. What if I was wasting my life? Always somewhat afraid of trying new things. I was stuck in a new place without a way to go back and yet I still was just an observer.
Everything I did there in Rome seemed so inconsequential. It wasn’t my real life, they weren’t the friends I gained over the years. They were a group of people from a world completely different to mine. The people I wouldn’t have met if I wasn’t sent here as some kind of a punishment. And I was still just the quiet “new one” in their group. What did it say about me? That I’m not ready to take my life and do something with it? That I’m scared of change?
It was all too confusing to me, different emotions I’ve never felt in my entire life. “I didn’t?” I asked myself quietly, or maybe just inside my mind. It wasn’t true. I felt attraction to someone in my real life, yet it was a different feeling to what I was experiencing now. And somehow it felt equally as real.
I got so hyper focused on my thoughts, that Caius had to say my name twice to make me finally look at him.
He was looking at me visibly worried, standing next to Nerva, who must have joined our walk a moment earlier.
“Oh… Sorry, I kinda dozed off.” I explained myself, slowly going back to reality.
“That’s okay, was that your first ever horse race?” Asked the green eyed man.
“Yeah, I’m not a sport’s person.” I laughed, trying to make myself seem a bit less pathetic, but it was so quiet and unsure, it must have had an opposite effect.
“Um.. Okay… So I was asking if you want to join us for dinner.” Was it dinner time already? Could the time have flown so quickly today? I still wasn’t entirely aware of what was happening around me.
“Yes! Sure! I’d love to!” I answered, finally smiling.
They looked relieved, seeing me light up a bit. But I was still worried. I wasn’t used to dozing off like that. Or rather I was used to letting my mind wander, but I always could bring myself back to earth. Why was it different this time? I didn’t let myself go down that rabbit hole, and without another session of overthinking I followed Nerva and Caius. Who were weirdly quiet.
The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.
***
After dinner, which consisted of some food I didn’t even attempt to pronounce correctly - the three of us sat in the garden. It was a pleasant evening, at least if it came to the weather. My mind was still in shambles from encountering the shadow person and having odd thoughts about both Caius and Nero (The emperor). Luckily the presence of my friends made me quickly calm down a bit.
“So, how did you like it?” Asked Nerva.
“Dinner or horse racing?”
“Both, both is good!” He answered, making me smile. They couldn’t have known the meme, but it felt like a reference.
“Well for starters you are really gaining serious skills in cooking.” I complimented him, to which he responded with a fist pump. “And the racing was like nothing I’ve ever seen, honestly! And so was the emperor.” WHAT?
I became two shades paler. That was a stupid comment, I had to come up with some good explanation quickly, but instead all I did was laugh. “I mean, the lighting and all.”
Nerva and Caius looked at each other, visibly amused, before breaking into laughter.
“Oh I didn’t know you swing this way!”
You didn’t? Was I being too subtle?
“I mean it’s totally okay with us, I’m gay for example!” Proclaimed Nerva, to which Caius looked at his friend with a mixture of surprise and a weird gleam in his eye.
“You are? You never told me that.”
“Oh you know, wasn’t it obvious?” He waved it off and laughed. “Besides, we are now talking about Nero’s little crush on… Oh Jupiter! On Nero!” He started choking up with laughter.
“Come on! I don't have a crush, I misspoke!” I tried to explain myself, becoming two shades redder for a change.
“I can’t believe it,” teased Nerva further, “Nero with Nero huh?”
I wanted to dig myself underground, to get away from this embarrassment. But I couldn’t help it and laughed too. It did sound so ridiculous. Nero x Nero, huh? Like in one of those selfcest fanfictions I… was told about on Wattpad.
“Oh come on Nerva, leave him be, I’m sure you were into him too at some point.”
“Point taken and point thrown away.” He answered, with his hand on his heart. “My love was always pointed towards someone farther from the throne.”
“Oh really? Who then?” Caius teased, but his expression changed slightly.
“I’m not telling you!” He shook his head. “All I will say is that being a king’s lover sounds incredibly boring, and he must be so thin under those clothes. I mean, I need a strong, working man, you know?”
Caius looked almost as red as me. I took my opportunity.
“And you Caius? Who are you into?”
He sent me a betrayed puppy look and deflected it with a, “so you are attracted to Nero! You just admitted it!”
“Oh I’m not letting you go down this path, come on fess up!” Nerva backed me up, making Caius stutter a bit.
“Come on guys, I didn’t even say I was gay, maybe there is a woman in my life.”
His best friend just stared at him, with a raised brow and half opened mouth.
“I can’t even begin to express how lied to I feel right now.” He shook his head, sighing. “We’ve known each other for almost fifteen years. Don’t think you can just joke straight to my face and expect me to believe that!” He finally cracked up, letting go of his ‘disappointed parent persona’
“Oh come on Nerva, don’t be like that.” He pleaded, only fueling the green eyed man.
“Nero! You tell me, is this man obviously gay?” The emphasis put on the ‘obviously’ part was very noticeable.
“I mean… I’ve known him only for a month but…” I started to wonder what the right answer might be. If I were to confirm Nerva’s suspicions I might make Caius feel bad. On the other hand - everything we were saying was clearly a joke, so me acting too seriously could ruin the good mood. On the other hand again- I stopped myself. “I’ve never met a gayer man in my entire life.” I joked, bracing for their reactions.
“Exactly!” He laughed, quickly joined by Caius.
They looked so happy together, laughing and joking. There was no reason for me to act cautious or overthink my actions. I was among friends.
I smiled, looking at them, and soon joined in on the laughter and calling out each other gayness. Neither of them mentioned Nero (The emperor) again and Caius didn’t reveal his crush to us, but he seemed happy in my presence and we crossed our eyes too many times for this to be a coincidence. Maybe he didn’t say who he liked, because that person was right there with him?