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Necromancer of Valor
Chapter 102 - Let us count the ways in which we suck

Chapter 102 - Let us count the ways in which we suck

The party had spent a day resting and recovering what little they could from the ruins of Ebonywatch. Among the found items were Anastacia’s backpack with its contents still intact, some of Gilbert and Emilia’s clothing and King’s sword. Basically, anything that could break had broken and they were left with just the bare essentials to get back home with, and now had to support one more person. Water wouldn’t be much of a problem, as King had been relieved from most of his burdens, freeing him up to carry a small barrel of it to supply everyone for the next two days. What complicated things however was Yulia’s diet: as a sheepfolk, she couldn’t eat meat, so hunting wouldn’t benefit her at all, and with the town’s remaining food reserves contaminated by goblins, they would have to be on the lookout for edible plants.

“Can’t she eat grass? Sheep eat grass, right?” Anastacia asked without thinking. “Wait… Was that racist?”

“I… I can eat grass…” The miserable looking lamb said, obviously trying to lessen the burden she caused for the party.

“No one is eating grass. Have some dignity damnit!” Gilbert protested and poured some water on the campfire to extinguish it before they left. “Anna, you’re pretty much doomed to get lost in a forest someday, so let’s use this to teach you what you can and cannot eat out there.”

At first the necromancer was slightly insulted by the assumption, but then remembered that she had already been lost once when she met King, and back then she had survived mostly with what the simulacrum had gathered for her.

Emilia’s condition had improved during the night, and she could now move without feeling violently ill. Though she didn’t know whether it was because she was actually feeling better or just that she had gotten used to feeling terrible. Not having to carry anything suited her just fine, and she didn’t mourn for the lost items. The priestess had a habit of carrying the more valuable and important pieces of gear on her person, so replacing what was lost was not a problem.

The morning was a nice and cool one, but the lack of clouds suggested that it’d probably turn into yet another hot one, which wasn’t exactly ideal for the tired travelers. Though even a storm would have beaten staying next to the ruins for another day. Not only was it a depressing sight, but the stench of moldy bread had become very noticeable overnight. Even the goblins had dispersed from the area and returned to where they had been summoned from, with even the one Anastacia had kept around having disappeared during the night.

As they were departing, Yulia took one last look at her home, before turning away with her head hung low and tears in her eyes. Gilbert gave her a pat on the back to encourage the lamb to take the first few steps. He knew that the matter was far from settled and that Yulia still largely blamed herself for what had happened, despite Anastacia’s less than gentle attempt to make her feel better.

“Time to go.” Gilbert said and smiled to further encourage her. “You’ll like it in Valor, people there are more than glad to help you out.”

Yulia remained silent but started walking, which Gilbert took as a good sign.

They walked through the forest along a path that had been used to transport lumber out from the town. When the woods eventually thinned out, the path came to a larger road that would head straight towards Valor. The easier footing and relative safety provided by the more used road was welcomed by everyone, and it also meant that Gilbert could relax instead of constantly having to make sure they hadn’t strayed from their route.

“How about we tally the results of our quest? Just to see how terrible we are.” Anastacia suggested to break the awkward silence. “Let’s see… I bothered some pixies, didn’t help out some really desperate people that are probably dead now, almost drowned in a swamp, got tossed into a lake, killed an innocent snake and a pair of socks, killed the lake monster, almost died in a thunderstorm, burned my arms in the sun, almost had to be killed for some desert people, fell from a roof so I couldn’t help to save a town and I think they tried to sacrifice me to the meat thing. So that’s what, one good thing and the rest are all bad? I didn’t even learn any archery!”

“You’re being overly cynical about it.” Gilbert pointed out but was ignored.

“And as for Emilia… She treated some people that are now probably dead, almost drowned in a lake, got a concussion, got dragged off a cliff, got gored by a bird, punched a bird back into extinction, saved and maybe converted some desert people or something, lost Sylvia somehow, punched some bad people to death but wasn’t able to save the town. That’s both better and worse than me, but can you see the pattern forming here?” The necromancer continued listing their achievements. “And then you. You… hurt your shins? Wait… Neither you or King got hurt at all! What’s up with that?!”

“I know what I’m doing and he’s nigh-indestructible. But really, you’re just trying to make us look bad. We did save Yulia after all.” Gilbert said, but even he knew that the whole trip was inches away from a disaster at all times and that it was a miracle that none of them had died.

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“So out of all the people we’ve met during the trip, only she and the two desert folk are alive. Somehow I’m not feeling too heroic at the moment.” Anastacia counted, she didn’t include Noir as the others hadn’t met the strange birdfolk.

Gilbert sighed. “We’re not heroes. We do what we can and then we get paid… usually. But you’re not taking into account the long-term effects of our journey. The fisher and giant eagle aren’t able to kill anyone anymore and whatever the cultists had in their mind, was eventually going to cost a lot of lives. So I don’t know about you, but I can sleep well at night thanks to what we’ve achieved here.” He explained.

“I’m going to stop you two there. What you guys are doing right now is basically just conjuring up another messed-up situation where everyone dies.” Emilia interrupted them. “Can we take a break? I’m starting to get a headache again.”

It was about time for a break anyway, so they set up a small camp by the road and began preparing for lunch. King was sent out to hunt while Gilbert and Anastacia gathered firewood and edible plants. Emilia was left behind to rest and keep an eye on Yulia, as Gilbert was still slightly worried that the girl might run off and get herself hurt, possibly even intentionally.

Emilia laid down in a shadow cast by a massive birch that swayed in the light breeze and listened to the calming sound of its leaves rustling against each other. Every now and then she glanced at Yulia, who had once again fallen prey to her thoughts and stared emotionlessly at the ground. The constant nervous wobble of hers was completely gone, despite finding it extremely annoying earlier, the priestess would have preferred it to this. “Do you want to help me cook?” She asked to wake Yulia up again.

The question immediately backfired as Yulia remembered the ramifications of her right hand being gone for good. She had always been somewhat proud of her cooking skills: in Ebonywatch, the townsfolk would often come to eat at her tavern despite living right next door. She even knew how to handle meat dishes despite not being able to eat them, which was rare for a sheepfolk. But Yulia was overwhelmingly right-handed and possessed none of the knife skills in her left hand. Of course, they could be relearned with time, but this didn’t seem like an option to the sheep who broke down once more.

“The first and by far the most important thing to remember is that you do not eat anything you don’t recognize! Just because something looks tasty, doesn’t mean it is.” Gilbert said, raising his voice and slapped some berries from Anastacia’s hand. “Unless you really know what you’re about, mushrooms are a bad bet since even the edible ones need to be prepared properly. Berries are slightly better, but you should stick to the basics like blueberry and cowberry. The ones you picked were pokeweed berries, eat enough of those and you’ll vomit and crap yourself to death.”

Anastacia raised her hand. “Question: can I eat grass?”

Gilbert sighed and rubbed his brow. “You can chew on some grasses for the juices, but generally they won’t do any good for you since humans can’t digest them, nor can most beastfolk.” He explained. “To be honest, once you starve for long enough, you’ll probably end up using necromancy and fire magic to catch something and cook it. But damn it, I will make you learn something! Even if it kills me. A meat-only diet won’t work forever anyway.”

They had wandered out from the camp in search of good examples. Gilbert had recognized enough edible stuff around the camp but felt like it would be a waste to rely on only one or two plants.

“Nuts are generally safe, but if you find a chestnut without tassels, it’s probably a horse chestnut and you shouldn’t eat it. You should still only eat the ones you know.” The old adventurer continued and pointed at some horse chestnuts on the ground. “Animals don’t like them either, so they’re often left on the ground like this.”

“Back in Mournvalley, I often just gobbled nuts since everything else tasted terrible.” The necromancer said while picking up some more berries from a nearby plant.

“…Never use that phrase again, you’ll regret it later in life.” Gilbert advised her and slapped the berries from her hand.

As the lesson continued, Gilbert realized that the necromancer actually had some basic knowledge on the matter, but only on plants that were able to grow in the hostile piece of land that used to be her home. Though a big part of it was about how to make slightly poisonous roots less deadly, which really made Gilbert wonder how all necromancers weren’t as stunted as Anastacia – perhaps they just ate a lot?

“Oh, brilliant! Do you see these?” He suddenly stopped and pointed at some white flowers. “These are wild onions, they’re amazing and you should always pick them up if you come across some. They improve pretty much every meal you can make while camping.” He explained and dug out a bundle of them. “With these and the few other things we’ve picked up, there’ll be plenty for everyone. I saw some dandelions near the camp, so let’s pick up some of those too. The flowers themselves are good, but avoid the white sap, it’s bitter.”

While returning to the camp, they searched around for a few more things. Anastacia was keeping an eye on their surroundings in case there were snakes or the like, but there was one more thing she noticed. “You know, during this trip, I’ve been feeling my surroundings almost the entire time ever since the whole incident at the lake. It’s really done wonders to my accuracy, and I’ve started to notice things… For example, I can tell that your knees are a bit swollen and your back muscles are tense. Are you just playing tough for us?”

Gilbert laughed awkwardly. “Busted, huh?... You’re not wrong.” He stretched his back and sat down on a rock. “It’s just how things are, for humans, it’s all downhill from the twenties. I’ve done more than my fair share of running around in my life, so that’s starting to show too. But don’t worry too much about it, I’ll get a proper massage once we get back to Valor and rest for a few days.”

The necromancer wasn’t convinced at all, as Gilbert was somewhat terrible at resting. When Rosie wasn’t pushing errands on him, he would oftentimes run around Valor, helping out the guard and newer adventurers on his own accord. “If you say so, but I’m not dragging you if your knees give in.”