During the dead of night, I had woken up to find that Hinata had left at some point. While rubbing my eyes with my knuckles, my sight started to adjust to the dark lit room. There was just enough light from the moon outside to shine a path from the window to the kitchen. I stumbled across the tiny space that was available for me, and grabbed a bottle of water that was left out from earlier. I chugged it down so fast, that by the time I was finished with it, I had let out a big huff of air. What is going to happen now with Hinata? Did I like him as much as he liked me? Is it because I'm lonely? Another thought had occurred to me, and so I walked back over to my phone to check the time. It was 3:21 a.m. and that meant it had to be at least noon in California. In my time of crisis, The only person I could really rely on was my mom. I decided to call her to see what she might have thought about my situation. And just as expected, she picked up right away.

"Hey honey! What time is it?"

I started yawning as soon as she asked that question, "Too late."

"Is everything okay?" I really hate when she asks me that, because she knows I'm not okay, and most likely, I'll start crying.

"Ummm... No, not really. There's just a lot going on." She stayed silent on the other end, waiting for me to spill my guts.

"Did I tell you I started dating someone?"

"No! Oh my god! Really?" She seemed genuinely happy about this.

"Y-yeah... I mean, it's weird. I mean, it's not weird. I guess I'm just being weird about it."

"There's nothing wrong with that. Do they know everything?"

"Yup." I let out a big sigh, "I told them-I mean him, yesterday."

"How did 'he' react?"

"Supportive. He didn't seem to mind. Maybe that was because I was bawling my eyes out. It was embarrassing."

"Don't feel any shame in that Tabitha! You are human and you have feelings too."

"I-I know. I'm sorry. I'm just trying to wrap my head around the whole thing."

"So what are you thinking about then?"

"Am I allowed to do this? Am I allowed to be happy?" Mom was silent on the other end. I can't imagine being a mother and having to hear your daughter sound so depressed.

"Tabitha, I'm going to say this again. Before you decide to make someone else happy, make sure you focus on your own happiness. I know you're smart and I know you know that, and with everything that's happened... It's really shitty, but you know James wouldn't want to see you like this. I love you so much! I just want you to be happy." Trying not to cry, I mustered out the words, "Thank you."

"You know, as much as I love to talk to you and as much as I miss you to death, it's 3:00 in the morning for you and you should probably get back to sleep. If you can't fall back asleep just call me, okay?"

"Yeah. Okay. I love you Mom."

"Love you too sweetie. Good night!"

I crawled back into bed and threw the covers on me. My mom's voice popped into my head, as I started closing my eyes, "... make sure you focus on your own happiness..." It's such a simple phrase, but so difficult to put into action. I thought that moving to Japan would've made me feel happier, however it's just made me more confused and depressed. Do I need change again? I can't go back to the states, at least not yet. Maybe I need a vacation away from Japan, and maybe Hinata might want to go on one with me. Even though I've been working on finding my happiness again for a long time, I should just try to start over again and take it in small strides. Yeah, that's what I'll do.

• • •

You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.

I've never been good with confrontation, if anything, I hated it. I don't want to deal with the tension between myself and the other person, meaning Cho. I want to just quit my job as a makeup artist, but Hinata convinced me not to. As I was stepping off the train, I could feel a sharp breeze which caused my hair to spiral upwards. It almost felt that the Kamaitachi was warning me from getting off the train. As much as I wanted to believe in the yōkai folklore, I knew I had to speak to Cho eventually.

I stood in the alley, staring at the back door as though it might open by itself if I had stared at it any longer. I took a breath of air and gently pulled the door open. Everyone was chatting amongst themselves, not noticing that I walked in. I started grabbing my brushes and pallets out of my backpack, when I heard my name being called out, "Tabi-san!" I recognized the voice and turned around. Cho came rushing towards me, she looked upset, and I was ready to get my defenses up when she came in for a hug. I was taken aback by this! Why is she hugging me? What did Hinata tell Todo?

"Tabi-san, are you okay?" She quietly spoke into my neck, while her arms still clung around me.

"I-I'm fine Cho... Are you okay?"

Ignoring my question, she continued with concern raised in her voice, "I was so worried about you! I didn't know what to do an-and I didn—"

"Cho it's okay!" I pushed her back lightly, while making eye contact, "I'm sorry I worried you so much..."

"I shouldn't have said all those things at once and-and..." I needed to interrupt her because I felt all the eyes in the room were on us.

"Cho, l-let's talk about this later. Ok?" She seemed to have caught on because she replied with a slight nod.

The night continued with no interruptions, and with the occasional hostess running to the back needing help with their hair or makeup. It felt intimate, like nothing had happened with me missing a day of work or Cho and I getting into an argument. It was peaceful and I enjoyed it. At one point, Cho came up to me and asked if we could hang out during the week. I must've given an anxious look, because she immediately put her hands up in an apologetic wave and said, "No, no! Not like that! Just hanging out, girl time. Nothing serious." I agreed to hang out with her, and told her to just call me when she wanted to meet up.

Hinata didn't come in until closer to closing time, and found me in the back alley vaping away.

"Did Cho talk to you?" He asked this with apprehension in his voice.

"Yeah, she did. We're fine now." I paused for a moment, "Thank you again Hinata." Looking up at him, he gave me his cute eye smile and drew me in for an embrace. I embraced him back and took in the smell of his familiar cologne, it was nice and I always appreciated his warm hugs. At the same time we both looked at one another, while still wrapped in each other's arms. I'm not sure how it happened, but in the next instance our lips were touching. The kiss felt wet and hot, except it felt strange. I didn't want to pull away, but I didn't want to continue either. I hadn't kissed anyone since James left and I'm not even sure if I know how to do it, nevertheless I was still kissing Hinata.

The kiss started going on longer than expected, then suddenly I felt the slip of his tongue. I pushed away from him, not meaning to push as hard as I did. He looked at me stunned, "Sorry! I didn't mean to do that without asking!" I felt myself flustered by the whole situation and I didn't want Hinata to think that this was his fault, "N-no! It's fine. I'm-I'm sorry! I was just taken aback by the whole thing. It's been awh-"

"I understand. You don't need to explain yourself." He gave me a reassuring smile, which made me feel at ease. Hinata continued the conversation, "Since work is slow, do you want me to drive you home now?"

"Yeah, that should be fine."

The car ride back was quiet, which meant I just got lost in my thoughts more. Why couldn't I have enjoyed that kiss more? Do I feel like I'm betraying James? Like my mom said, I need to find my happiness first. I think Hinata makes me happy, but there was always something off, like I didn't see the bigger picture. It felt as though something was missing and I couldn't pinpoint it. Maybe I just needed to force myself a bit more, put myself out there.

I'm not sure when we had arrived back to my place, but all of a sudden, we were parked outside of my apartment building. I sat in the car for a minute, thinking about what to say to Hinata, but he talked first, "I'm sorry again about earlier Tabitha. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." God, stop apologizing to me. This isn't your fault, this is my fault. That's what I wanted to say at least.

"No-no don't worry about it. I liked it. I guess I was just thrown off. That's all." I attempted to give him a comforting smile. He smiled at me back and said, "Well, I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Yeah... See you tomorrow." I grabbed the handle and started opening the door, however without thinking, I turned my body rapidly and threw myself at Hinata to give him a kiss goodnight.

He must've looked as shocked as I did because I immediately started babbling, "Uhh... Okay... Well, goodnight." Before he could say anything else, I jumped out of the car and shut the door, and started walking towards the front door of the apartment building. I'm so glad it's night time because my face is probably bright red right now. As I got into the elevator, I felt my phone vibrating, a text from Hinata:

"You are so cute :)"

I tucked my face into the corner of the elevator and started smiling like an idiot. Is this what it feels like to be infatuated?