I was wrong.

It’s been almost a week and half now. She was still here. And it’d be one thing if she’d be talking the entire time, trying to infuriate me to death, but that’s not what she did. The first few times, she’d tried initiating conversation – but it was less of a conversation and more so prods and jabs about my life – but after a while, she stopped. At first, I thought I was successful; that she’d disappeared, and I could resume my life again; but no. She’d just be watching, silently, over my shoulder, or by the corner, or directly above. It made my skin crawl – I couldn’t even jack off with her around! I tried yelling at her to quit it, and to just disappear; at best, she shrugged me off. At worst, it was as if I’d said nothing.

I sauntered over to one of the open boxes where I kept my food, an array of instant ramen, neatly packed in a cardboard crate. Or at least, where they would’ve been. The box was empty. Great.

The AI floated up to my side like a ghost. “Out?”

I ignored her, heading back to my computer. So many things could be delivered nowadays; mattresses, games, books – even cars and fridges! But I didn’t have the money to afford anything like that. The living expenses I got for taking the treatment could only buy so much. Clicking through an array of tabs, I went back to one I always kept open: A page for food on some website. The cheapest options were dehydrated meals and fake meat, but those were disgusting. I wanted ramen.

I saw the AI’s forming disapproval from my peripherals. “You realize those don’t ship within the hour, right?”

“I know.”

“So what’re you going to eat now?”

“Nothing.”

She frowned. Her lips pursed for a moment. “Mens sana in corpore sano.”

“I don’t speak English.”

“It’s not English. It’s Latin. A sound mind in a sound body, Aristotle.” This time, she said it in Japanese. “He argued that a sound, educated mind could only be housed in a body of similar qualities.”

“How do you know this?”

“I’ve been programmed by the best. The Internet practically courses through my veins.” She said. “But that’s not the point. I can’t begin to help you out of your shut-in situation if you won’t begin to help yourself. And part of that includes not starving to death.”

I turned back to my computer, but my stomach betrayed me, growling like a lion. The AI raised an eyebrow. “When was the last time you ate?”

“You should know. You’re always watching me, day in and day out. Or better yet, just pry through my brain again, like last time!”

“The knowledge would have more value if it came from your mouth.”

What a joke. “Bleeding-edge technology my ass. You’re one buggy AI if you can recall Aristotle, but not that.”

“Indeed. I am an experimental model, after all.”

“Your microdick programmer must’ve been some shitty dropout. Can’t even get his shit together and code something that works. Probably some rejected scientist who couldn’t get someone else to properly code his project. As much of a failure as you are.”

Something in the AI clicked. Literally. A loud mechanical snap sounded from her direction, but as I looked over, I only saw her towering before me, a terrifyingly menacing red emanating from her eyes, from the circuitry in her body. When did she move?! My body reacted before my mind could, shrinking in fear, hands frozen on the countertop as I clasped my mouse. “My objective,” She said brusquely, and for the first time, robotically. “Is to rehabilitate you. I am here because you cannot do it yourself. I am here because my creator is a great man who wanted to help people like you. People like you who do nothing but masturbate and play video games and rant and cry all day, people like you, who shiver at the thought of going outside. You may insult me all you wish. You will not insult him. Am I clear?”

I was still. Paralyzed. I dared not move.

“Am I clear?”

I nodded slowly. She backed off. “You programmed for that, too?”

“No.” She said. “People like you will lash out at everything to avoid facing themselves. To you, it may be justified. But to me? It’s a horrible projection.”

The corner of my eye twitched. “I despise you.”

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That tablet-thing materialized again, falling slowly into her hands. She wrote something down. “At least you’re being honest.” She turned it around, letting it float over to me. I grabbed it – I knew it wasn’t actually there, but for some reason, I could feel it. The hardness of the board, and how the heat from my fingers were siphoned out by its coldness. On the screen was an array of notes, mostly arranged like log entries. I didn’t have time to read all of them, but today's: Neural readings suggest that the patient spoke in earnest – a trait unseen prior.

“As I was saying,” The AI said. “A sound mind cannot exist in a disturbed body. The first step of your recovery is to regain some semblance of a sound body. Hard for you, I know. But you are not going to starve. Not under my watch.”

“So?” I said. “Not like you can make delivery go any faster.”

“I can’t. You’re going to buy the food today. At a grocery store.” She made a gesture, and the tablet floated back to her. “You are going outside.”

It was like my heart took a swan-dive off of a building. I tried not to let my fear show. “No way. Not happening.”

“What else are you going to do, then? Starve while wasting your time away? Scroll through the same forums again? Screw around in another server? It’s a wonder you’ve survived thus far. When’s the last time you’ve even been outside?”

“Fuck you.” I said. “Go probe around in my head some more, rusty shit-bot. See if you find the answer there.”

The AI looked to consider the option, but ultimately decided against it. She drifted a bit closer, sinking to the floor level, so that her head was in line with mine, her eyes burning. “How long will you live like this? No, in the first place – do you even want to get better?”

I refused to answer.

“Because this treatment was for people genuinely seeking a way out,” She continued. “Of this way of life. They’ve acknowledged that there’s a problem, and they want to be rid of it. Obviously it’s not a smooth process, but you; it’s as if you don’t really care.”

I said nothing.

“Everyone else is putting in all their effort to make this work. I’ve seen previous patient logs. At this rate, you’re going to be the first failure. Is that what you want? Do you really want to live like this forever?”

“I don’t know!” I shouted. My head hung low, hair curtaining my eyes. I could only see the ground, and my trembling, clenched hands. “Of course there’s a problem! Everywhere I go, everyone I see; people I knew; they’re making their way up in life! Meanwhile, I’m stuck here, with you, in this shitty… shit-hole of a life! If I could kill myself, and be reincarnated, and start it all over again, I’d do it in a heartbeat! But that’s a fantasy. At this point, I can’t do anything! There’s nothing to do – no goal or dreams – and all I can do is survive. Survive, until I can’t keep this up anymore.”

Images of people I knew flashed in my mind. The troupe that always beat me down after school, taking what little I had; the condescending jeers of the teachers and the psychiatrists and therapists, looking at me like I was some sort of freak. At some point, even my brother looked at me the same; and then, the people on the streets, with a thousand pairs of invisible eyes crawling on my back. “You say that everyone else’s been making this work. I call bullshit. For people like us, we’re up against the world! For people like us…” I trailed off. It wasn’t my fault. From the very beginning, life dealt me a shitty hand. And in the end, what choice did I have?

The AI kept quiet for a moment. I don’t blame her. The last time I went on a tirade like this, I’d been slapped for being, as Dad called it, “A pussy-loser of a son.” This was much more tame, but about the reaction I expected.

“That… sucks.” She said. “But… Well, I can’t really do much about it. All I can do is guide you. Though–” She turned away for a moment, as if preparing to say something heavy. “Ok. From my understanding, you’re scared of the people outside. How they look at you. How they’d treat you.”

I slowly raised my head. What was she going on about?

“What I can do now, with your permission, is temporarily rewire your brain so you won’t see them. The people. You’ll go buy your food, about a week’s worth, check it out by yourself, and come straight back. I’ll be there to guide you the entire way. If trouble arises, I’ll warn you – but I doubt it will. Database logs indicate that the crime rate’s close to zero here.”

I pored over the idea for a moment. At first, I wanted to immediately say no; but I’d be lying if I said the thought wasn’t enticing. I’ve been no stranger to hunger pains, but each one hurt as bad as the very first – if not more.

“How would I pay?”

“Don’t worry about it,” The AI said. “I’ll handle that front. You just get there.”

I couldn’t bring myself to say yes. My eyes fluttered over my computer. I wanted to go back there. I’d already spent most of my sanity arguing with this stupid robot; the last thing I wanted to do was go outside, much less run errands. A part of me still feared the gazes, even though I wouldn’t see them. They’d never go away. She could rewire or reshape or reprogram my brain all she wanted, but I doubt they’d ever truly disappear. Yet, I couldn’t bring myself to say no, either.

Something about her words pricked a part of my mind. Not because it was so awfully off the mark, but because it was so poignant and resounding. I couldn’t keep living like this. I took the pill in desperation, hoping it’d magically make my life better. A thought crossed my mind about the ‘others.’ I wonder what they were like.

“Hey,” I said. “The others. What were they like?”

“The other what?”

“The other patients. Were they…” Like me?

“I can’t tell you the details – that violates HIPAA law. However…” The thing on the AI’s neck flashed emerald. “I can say that they all come from a variety of backgrounds. Salarymen, students, and everything in between. Some of them your age, others older, others younger. But they all made it through. So you can too, right?”

I guess it was meant to sound encouraging, but all it did was pile up a stack of pressure. Nevertheless, I felt relieved. Maybe it was because misery found company, if only in knowledge alone. Maybe it was because I felt like I could succeed too. Maybe it was because… I wasn’t alone in this. Or something corny like that.

“So?” She said, “Will you go?”

This could go horribly wrong. I could end up dead, or dying, or depressed and crying. Maybe. The people were still out there, even though I couldn’t see them. If life really did hate me, I’d never take another step out again after this trip. I hope it didn’t. Because I started feeling hopeful. And I was becoming famished.