I tried my best not to fidget and try to hide more of my body behind the frankly ludicrously small towel that had been provided while the maid, who I had learned was named Selena, tried her best to not ogle me. A task she was failing at remarkably, what with the way she would literally just lose herself in an apparent trance as her eyes literally roaved my body.

"Selena stop looking at me like that, despite my protests otherwise I agreed to let you help me bathe, you can leave if all you want to do is ogle me."

The look of guilt and horror was written on her face as she went red with embarrassment. "I'm so sorry master! I never intended to look at you in such a way!" She bowed her head in obvious apology while tears began to leak out, it was ridiculous. Was this kind of thing really what I considered good literature?

"Stop crying and lift your head. I'm not angry with you, now please show me my bath, I've not had one in days and I can feel the grime on my skin." With a bow she brought me to my bath, a large tub that was obviously well heated and full of flowers, honestly I still don't understand why she insisted on them, apparently they make you smell good.

As I sank into the water and felt its warmth embrace me I wondered if I could stay inside of it forever, the sweet aroma of the flowers combined with the water was enough for me to forget about the fact I was stuck in the body of a man that shouldn't exist, in a world that just a day ago I had believed was fiction. Honestly I still wasn't sure whether or not I was dreaming.

"Master, now that your fever seems to have passed, what are your plans for the day? I'm sure Lord Elias would love to speak on matters of state, and the men in the drill yard would be delighted by your presence." And there goes my relaxation.

"If you don't want to do that I can also recommend you visit Koen itself, I'm sure the Jakoban demesne has much for you to do." I didn't want to do any of those things, in fact I wanted to get as far from Elias Von Jakoban and his estate as I possibly could, maybe take a trip to Liuwan if I could. According to the novel it's supposed to be on the opposite side of the Empire across the great sea, a great desert in which I could run away from the story of this world and hopefully avoid the death Vahid is prophesied.

'Of course I can't tell Selena that, no doubt she would tell Vahids' father and Elias both if I suddenly started spouting my desire to go to far Liuwan.'

"I simply wish to rest for the day Selena, I've much on my mind and dealing with the stresses of state and training both are not something I wish to engage in today."

"Then you wish to visit Koen master?"

"What? No-"

"That's great Master! I'll prepare your clothing! Oh this will be great master just you wait!" Before I could say anything more she had already rushed out of the room, leaving me alone and confused. 'Why the hell did you insist you had to help me bathe if all you were gonna do is gossip and rub soap in my hair?!'

POV Change

I could feel my heart pounding in my chest as I leaned against the door that led to the master's bathing room. I simply had to get out of there as soon as possible.

His shining eyes reflecting against the water, that luscious hair that seemed to frame his face perfectly, and ohhh his rippling chest. I had never thought I could feel such heat rush across my body simply from looking at a man, but I was so very wrong.

But despite all that I could only feel ashamed, he was so obviously uncomfortable in my presence, it hurt to even think about the way he had looked at me, the pure scorn and disgust was enough to make me want to cry. I hadn't meant to make him feel as if I was pushing him into some kind of illicit affair! I just wanted to do what was right as his personal maid. That includes helping my master bathe!

How was I supposed to know he was so hot?! Whatever it didn't matter, all that mattered was that I have to make it up to him, and he had said he wanted a day of relaxation. What better way to do that than a visit to Koens' various restaurants and shops? I know Lord Elias loves to visit the town on his days off, and he and the master seem to be friends, surely they should have matching interests.

'Ok Selena pull yourself together! You have a lot to arrange for the master's day out, this is no time to be leaning against the door like some kind of love sick puppy!.' With a light slap to my cheeks I pulled myself together and exited the room, I had work to do.

POV change

"Selena don't you think this is a bit… Excessive?"

"What do you mean master?" What did I mean? What did I mean?! I was dressed in so much finery it made me want to throw up, not only was I decked out in a black suit with dozens of embedded jewels throughout, but she had somehow convinced me to let her apply make up and let her do my, no Vahid's hair. I had to remember this body was not my own, no matter how long this dream lasted I would not let myself fall so low as to claim another man's body as my own.

"I mean Selena, why does my outfit look like I could sell it for a fiefdom, and why do I need three different diamond rings?"

"It was a suggestion from lord Elias master, this outfit was picked out of his own wardrobe as a gift from him to you. It seems he still feels guilt over the fact you fainted in his drill yard with no one noticing how obviously unwell you must have been." Godammit of course he gave me his clothes to wear, nothing can ever be simple.

"While I'm touched he is so worried about me." For reasons I hope aren't what I think they are. "I cannot go anywhere like this, I refuse to be seen in public like this, I look like a pompous prick lording over his lessers."

"Master! how could you say that!" What? Why was her face all red all of a sudden? Don't tell me…

"You're so handsome master! I know you may not be able to see it but to me you're far better looking than any man I've ever seen!" That silence was deafening as I tried to process the fact that my maid had basically just confessed that I was man meat, at the same time I didn't fail to notice how her face had gone beat red as every drop of blood in her body rushed to her face in embarrassment.

This was… not good. I know this is a romance novel world, but come on its so fucking cliche. Was I expected to go beat red and suddenly feel my heart start rapidly beating in my chest? "Selena while I appreciate the compliment, please refrain from speaking about my appearance from now on, and please bring me some more practical clothes, if I really am hitting the town I'll be doing it comfortably at the very least."

Stolen novel; please report.

While holding back obvious tears of embarrassment she nodded and began helping me undress and change. This time instead of a suit of the finest silk and jewels I had on a much more comfortable black short sleeve shirt, some pants, and a pair of boots to pull the entire outfit together. Honestly I don't think I looked half bad in it, though from the looks it got me as I and Selena exited the estate I had a feeling many others would not feel the same.

---

'Yep this world is officially fucked in every way.' I expected the town itself to be more normal in comparison to the fairy tale-like qualities of the estate, instead I was surrounded by light, life, and beauty in every direction. It seemed as if everywhere I went at least one person would pass by who was far above average in terms of looks, and I had yet to see a single person who would rate anything less than a 7 back in America.

It was bewildering, confusing, and above all brought more doubts into my mind about this world being real. Maybe I really was dreaming but just not dying? Had someone found my dying body and gotten me to a hospital? Was I in some kind of coma that I would wake up from given enough time?

"What are you thinking about Master?" Selena seems to have cheered right up during our journey here, what with her constant chattering.

"My own death and whether or not this is all a dream I will wake up from, doomed to an eternity stuck in a bed kept alive through medicine and my own bodies unwillingness to die."

The silence was powerful.

'Thank god she finally shut up, if this really is all a dream couldn't my brain have come up with someone other than this girl to be my personal maid? Someone with some intelligence at least.'

"I can't speak on the truth of reality, master, as that is a matter best left to the gods, but I do know that this is not a dream. I know my dream's master, and I know myself, and I refuse to believe I am simply a dream to be forgotten."

I honestly didn't know what I expected her to say. Certainly not that at least, maybe my brain was catching on to my desires and altering her to be more in line with my own desires? Could it not be that she is simply more intelligent than I wished to believe?

"Enough on whether or not we're dream's Master! You said you wanted to relax! That's the whole reason I got you out of the estate in the first place! Now please follow me, I know the perfect place for you to enjoy some rest and relaxation."

I sighed as Selena pulled on my arm and quite literally dragged me through the streets of Koen, maybe it's just the fatalism talking, but I don't have the energy to do this right now. Ever since I had arrived here it was one surprise after another as I tried my best to rationalize everything that was happening around me.

None of it made sense! The worst part is the longer I'm here the more real it all feels and the more I fear this isn't some dream but all of its actually happening. What would I do if all this was really happening? If this world of myth, beauty, and tragedy wasn't simply letters on a page or pictures on the internet but a fully real world that I had been slotted into?

The world may be based around a Romance novel but I wasn't stupid, I had picked up on clues and read between the lines while reading the book. This world was dangerous, magic existed, gods were real, assassinations were common, and death was commonplace. Apparently the Empire itself had been established by an Emperor who had fought and killed godly avatars and rode upon the back of an actual fucking dragon! Like ok thats cool and all, but who the fuck is this guy and who had the balls to fucking kill him is my question, because yea even his ass was assassinated by an unknown assailant.

Sure in the original novel Vahid was a great warrior and leader of men, one who had won multiple battles along the border against the barbarian hordes, but even he had succumbed in the end! I was not Vahid! I did not have his tactical acumen, fighting ability, or his charisma. I would die in the first battle I was a part of goddammit.

"We're here Master! I present the best restaurant in Ellacuria, the Lazy Sovereign!"

I looked at the building and was not Impressed, it was rundown, stank to high heaven, and for the first time since I had woken up I actually saw some people inside that weren't good looking.

It was perfect.

"You know what Selena, maybe this isn't so bad, would you like to go inside?" Her look of excitement was ever so slightly adorable. You would never get him to admit it though.

With Selena by my side we entered the restaurant and took our seats at the bar. "What'll you be having?"

"A beer please, and the greasiest thing on your menu." To say I was surprised by Selena's order would be an understatement, but I wasn't about to be out done by some Romance novel side character.

"I'll have what she's having but change out the beer for a fifth of whisky and mix it with some vodka and rum."

"Got ya dear, that'll be all?" At our nods the waitress left and went to get our orders, leaving me and Selena to wait and be awkward around one another. What was I even supposed to say to her?

"Selena."

"Yes, Master?" Her eyes seemed to glow as I said her name and she seemed to instinctively lean into me.

"Please give me a little distance, you're too close."

"Oh.. yes, sorry master." With a look of utter dejection she scooted her chair a little farther from my own, maybe not my best moment, but I literally couldn't handle the way she was looking at me, as if she was just waiting for me to say something that would make her fall for me. It was embarrassing, and it was unnatural.

Thankfully the waitress returned soon enough with our food and I was able to forget about the awkward and less than pleasant moment, and I gotta say, it was absolutely delicious. The food was greasy, it ran down my face and left behind all kinds of oils that were obviously not good for my skin's health, and the alcohol! It was simply divine!

It wasn't long before I was quite literally near blackout drunk as me and Selena both tried to support each other through the streets of the town at night, dodging passing travelers and dark alleys as we went. Neither of us were in the right shape to get into a fight, especially her, what with the fact she was a solid five four at best and couldn't be over 120 pounds.

The feeling of a knife being pressed to my back was a none to pleasant sensation as you can imagine then. "Hand over the girl and your purse and we part ways no problem buddy."

'You've gotta be fucking kidding me.'