“【ASMR】 KU100 ♡ whispers ♡ ear cleaning ♡ affirmations [NijiLive EN | Juliet Cromwell]”
I was lying in bed, staring at the video title on my phone.
I was on Juliet’s YouTube page, looking at her most popular live streams. Other than her debut stream, her ASMR streams were the most popular by view count. Her most popular one had well over two million views, with the one behind it about to break that barrier.
While it sounded weird at first, I quickly came to understand why her ASMR streams were played way more than other streams. For one, the ASMR streams capped out at an hour, which was around two hours shorter than her average gaming stream. You could watch it thrice in the time you could watch one ‘regular’ stream. The replayability factor of ASMR streams was way higher than other streams as well, because fundamentally it was a different type of stream. Rather than relying on your eyes to watch, you used your ears to listen. The point of ASMR was to relax the listener—most of them couldn’t care less if they were listening to a repeat video. In fact, I’m sure most listeners had their favorite streams that they had on rotation. It was like a song, or rather a lullaby I guess.
The title of an ASMR stream gave away what ‘triggers’ were to be used. Triggers in this case were things like the sound from spraying shaving cream, whispering onomatopoeias, and giving an ear massage. That was what I was getting from the titles I was reading.
To be honest, I had little interest in ASMR, mostly because I had other videos I could put on my TV. Sure, I could play a random ASMR video on my phone, and potentially be relaxed. There was also the possibility of it having the opposite effect–you never knew with that type of stuff. Especially when some of the videos have titles like ‘YANDERE ROLEPLAY’. That was the theme of one of Juliet’s ASMR videos. It was within the top ten most viewed streams from her. To be fair, it was a shorter stream, relative to the other ASMR streams, so it could be replayed even more. I wasn’t going to tune in just yet, but I bet it was still listenable, even if it was cringeworthy. If it was from anyone else I would make sure YouTube knew that I didn’t like their recommendation.
To relax and wind down, I’d rather have a race on TV. Having YouTube on TV was a godsend. Cable could run out of good things on air, but YouTube never had that issue. And the good thing is that there’s countless VODs of past races out there. NASCAR, GT, Rally, Hillclimb, you name it, it’s likely on YouTube. Unless it's F1–Liberty Media wants you to pay to see that–I’d have to go on a Russian website to bypass that hurdle. And unlike ASMR streams, there’s zero chance it’ll make me feel weird. Truth be told, I’ve never tuned in for an ASMR video. Not even once. One could argue that the sounds of motors revving rhythmically for hours straight is a form of ASMR, but that was only if it was commentary-free.
There was also the possibility that there was something on TV that I wanted to watch in bed–something like a football game or a NASCAR race. Those nights were sparse other than in the fall months. It was almost summer, so there was no football on, and it wasn’t the weekend, so no racing. There was probably basketball, baseball, or hockey on TV, but I didn’t really care enough to check. On most nights I would, but tonight was a different situation. I was going to listen to Juliet’s whispering voice. Her regular voice, the one I heard earlier, was relaxing enough already, but this was bound to be on a whole other level. There was also going to be ‘ear cleaning’, which to be honest I had no idea entailed. Maybe it sounded like when you used a cotton swab in your ear? I knew you weren’t supposed to do that, but I don’t care, it’s the only way to get earwax out without lighting a candle and putting it in your ear. As for affirmations, I already knew what that would be. Not really my thing, but I could handle it if it was coming out of Juliet’s mouth. Hopefully I’ll be asleep by the time she gets to those. Or maybe I’ll swallow my pride and aimlessly smile while she goes through the list.
I had my earbuds plugged in my phone. Wired ones, not wireless. I found it easier to fall asleep than wearing headphones. Headphones tend to slide off, and get in the way more if I’m tossing and turning. Wireless earbuds would be a nightmare to find if it fell out of my ear.
Enough beating around the bush–I tapped on the video to start it.
The video started immediately. The ‘intro’, if it could be called one, was about two seconds long. The screen was covered by enlarged wheat stalks, which revealed what was an illustration of her sitting on a chair next to a bed. There were no special effects or anything. Just her greeting the audience quietly.
Closing my phone, I had to open the lock screen to start the audio again. Annoying. After that, I closed it for good, along with my eyes.
Juliet spent the first few minutes whispering about the microphone. She had ‘recently’ got it repaired. This VOD was from over a year ago, so I hope it still works. From what she was saying, the KU100 mic was very expensive. Like in the four figure range. The KU100 mic was apparently shaped like a human head, which explained the stone face in the video thumbnail. It looked grey and nondescript. Perfect enough to be a self-insert. The more I thought about it, the more absurd it seemed that a microphone could cost thousands of dollars, even if it was a studio-quality one.
I was so curious about it that I opened my eyes and grabbed my phone.
Searching up ‘ku100 mic’, I got results for the ‘Neumann KU 100’. One of the first results was a listing for one:
$8,999.00 · Free 2-day delivery · 30-day returns · In stock
Well, at least the shipping was free.
On the page for the microphone, it was advertised as ‘THE EASIEST WAY TO CREATE 3D AUDIO’. The microphone was, as depicted in the thumbnail, shaped like a moai drawn from memory. Looking at images close up, the ‘ears’ of the microphone, which were where the two microphones were located, were modeled to resemble actual human ears. Guess that’s worth at least a thousand dollars each.
Going in deeper, I read:
Due to its natural and transparent sound, the KU 100 can be used for all kinds of head related recordings. Typical applications range from classical recordings and radio drama productions to experimental pop and ambient recordings. In addition, the Neumann KU 100 is also often used for industrial applications, e.g. documenting and examining noise in automobiles or work places.
From what I was reading, this microphone was so expensive because it was meant for professional and industrial use. Almost ten thousand…yeah, you would have to have a good reason for buying it at that price point. ASMR? Well, it fits in with the self-insert factor, since the microphone does give an almost perfect binaural feel. As if you were really there. My earbuds aided in this—watching this on TV would ruin the immersion. You’d have to be a real freak to watch ASMR on the telly in the first place.
By this time, Juliet had started her ‘ear cleaning’ session, which sounded exactly like how I thought it would—like cotton swabs being twisted around inside your earlobe. The ‘ears’ on her microphone were more than for presentation. You could hear it when she tugged on one of them. That authenticity was the only reason why people like her paid nine bands for it. It had to be. I’m still shocked at how much it costs that much. The price tag of the KU 100 was starting to get to me. It was such a huge investment for something to use only a few times a year. Juliet probably made that back in spades, but still. Nine thousand dollars! Shipping being free saved about ten dollars, so it wasn’t all bad.
Before I went deeper into the rabbit hole, I closed my phone. After again unpausing the video from the lock screen, I slowly drifted to sleep…at least that was the plan.
One minute passed. Two more. Then ten. Or maybe five. It felt like ten. All listening to Juliet ‘cleaning’ my ears while speaking intermittently. It was relaxing, I couldn’t deny. I felt at peace listening to her. Her ‘blowing’ my ears sounded even better. As someone who only got wet willies in the past, this was quite something special. The phrase I was looking for was ‘Better than sex’. Quite frankly, it was. The KU 100 was proving its worth second by second. I could listen to her soft whispers forever. However, they weren’t enough to drift into the dream world. It wasn’t anything to do with her. No. I knew what it was.
I had never been able to sleep on my back–I don’t know why, but unless I was dead tired, it was impossible. It just wasn’t possible. Another one of my skill issues. I could lay here for the whole stream and still not fall asleep, even though I was completely at peace with myself and the world. Rather than try to do the impossible, I resigned to reality.
I shifted to my side, which made it temporarily uncomfortable in my right ear. That pain subsided quickly, and I returned to my silent listening–with my right side sounding slightly muffled. The only annoying thing was the feeling of the cold cord touching my naked body. That too subsided, albeit taking a few seconds longer. I was lucky to not have any cord tugging issues when flipping–I usually had a tendency to flip by going ‘under’, which required more manpower than simply flipping over. For whatever reason, it often led to me being more comfortable once said side flip was done than if I did it the normal way. Anyways, that usually was a no-go with wired earbuds in. Flipping from one side to another, that is. Being on my back saved me from having to take my earbuds off.
Thinking about it, it was a good call to go with earbuds instead of my headphones. Sure, my headphones were wireless, which made the flipping problem above moot. They also had better quality. The issue was that it would be impossible to sleep on my side with them on. I’ve tried before. Maybe it’s possible for other people, but I’ve never been able to do it. Even with a rolled up blanket on my neck so it was stabilized.
Laying on my side, I laid there for a minute. And then two. And then five.
The position I was laying in was quite comfortable. I felt quite good. I was in fact feeling great. My chest was giving off a glow that only happened when I either was drunk or ‘in love’. I haven’t had this feeling in what felt like years. The feeling of listening to someone that you love. To say I was ‘in love’ with Juliet would be jumping the gun by a mile, but to say that I wasn’t infatuated at this point would be straight up lying. The feeling had to been intensified since I was lucky enough to have a 1v1 session (with Violet as the third wheel) with her. Tricked the monkey brain into subliminally thinking that she was doing this only for me, and not for her fanbase. I was fine with keeping it that way for now.
No, the problem was that my ear was starting to hurt again. The pain was minor, but just enough to be on my mind. I could try to wait it out, but it was the same as an inch. It was a psychological game I didn’t want to play right now.
All in all, it was an easy operation–all I had to do was lift my head–the earbud fell on my pillow and wasn’t able to be felt when I put my head back down. I considered myself lucky I didn’t manage to put my head on top of it.
The one major downside to this was that now I was only getting one side of Juliet’s ASMR. I’d only get to hear half of what she’s saying. There were multiple parts that were silent now. Maybe a bit more ‘realistic’, but a bummer since I was missing out on half the action.
She was now getting into her ‘affirmations’ section. To be quite clear, it wasn’t my favorite part. While her voice was as addicting to hear as ever, it felt pandering to be told that I was doing my best and all that ‘there, there’ stuff. I’d rather have her talk about random shit than whatever fanservice this is. Feels even more pandering especially since she had just beaten me in Street Fighter hours ago.
This narrative has been purloined without the author's approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.
That being said, it still did kind of make me smile.
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[“…Liberty, Liberty!”]
Fast forward…I don’t know, but I was definitely in the future.
I had been asleep for probably thirty minutes before I was awoken by an ad. Unfortunately insurance companies did their commercials in mono. And the Liberty people had a penchant for their particularly annoying jingle. They’ve been on my shit list for years now for that.
Opening my phone to see what the hell was playing next, my answer came instantly.
[“NASCAR Cup drivers have been ‘California dreaming’ of this-”]
Thankfully, YouTube decided that NASCAR was the next best logical step to play after Juliet’s ASMR. It’s based on my history, I know, but I’m glad it did that rather than play something related to what I just listened to. Apparently I wouldn’t get blasted with ads if I had YouTube Premium. Another fucking subscription offer. Sad thing was that I would probably benefit greatly if I got it. I watched YouTube way more than I watched television.
Going back to the ASMR video, I glanced at the comments. The top comment, as you may expect, was a self-deprecating comment. “Don’t let my family know I’ve down this bad.” Punchlines often get less humorous when they get repeated, but as I’ve observed in the VTuber community, they love pulverizing dead horses.
That aside, my mind wandered to what the live chat would’ve been like. The live chat of an ASMR stream…well, for one, bad behavior was often punished swiftly in chat, so perverts wouldn’t be around. With Juliet not talking to the chatroom (other than for a mic check), all I could imagine it would be is a flood of emotes and ‘TSKR’’s. That was about as good as it was going to get, which to be quite honest wasn’t that bad compared to other chat rooms. The flip side was that the existence of one reminded me that I was one of thousands listening. Not at the moment, but at the time live-streamed.
It’s an uncomfortable feeling, to put it one way. How many sickos were stroking it while watching? Even imagining that made my face curl. How dare you subjugate Juliet to your perverseness? If I could, I would kill those men, and even women if they were that depraved too! Although I doubt any woman would be ‘down bad’ that way–women tended to be horny more esoterically. More likely to masturbate to roleplay ASMR rather than…what was this called? ‘Comfy ASMR’? Horrible name, but it fits the billing. And it was comfy, I’ll tell you that.
I could go on, but I really wanted to go back to bed, so I decided to put my phone away, plugging it in so it would be fully charged in the morning. A good chunk of my battery was used listening to Juliet’s perfect voice. Combine that with it being used throughout the day, my phone was now in the red. Below 20% battery. It wasn’t before. That’s YouTube’s fault. My phone will be fully charged in the morning–that is, if I remember to plug it in.
Opening my eyes and tugging the cord to make sure it was connected, I was finally convinced that I did in fact plug my phone in. Just like saving multiple times in a video game, I also had to check over things I just did sometimes. Embarrassing, but not like anyone would know.
There wasn’t a reason to put on a timer, since I didn’t have to technically be up until after noon. That was a good half-day away, and while I enjoyed my sleep, I wasn’t going to be in bed for twelve hours.
With that, I went to bed for good.
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Fast forward…about probably nine hours. Around that range. It was starting to feel uncomfortable to sleep anymore, which was as good a signal as anything else that I needed to get up.
‘Getting up’ in this situation meant pulling myself back and laying against the headboard. Of course, I adjusted my pillows to give me some fluff between my skin and the cold hard wood. It was real wood. I could tell by knocking on it. That and because Miss Landlord told me personally. She was very proud of all the heavy ass furniture she had bought. All together, it was probably worth as much as the house, itself being in the middle of a Ship of Theseus situation with the constant repairs and improvements.
I had given myself about four hours to get ready for work in the afternoon, which meant that I could goof off for about two hours. All I really had to do was drink my coffee, eat something, take my shower, and brush my teeth. You’d be surprised how fast you can accomplish all four of those tasks when pushed to the limit. You could brush your teeth while taking a shower. You could make your coffee lukewarm enough to drink fast. The ‘something’ you eat could be half of a granola bar. You could drink coffee while on the way to work. It would ruin the point of brushing before, but that’s a sacrifice you have to make sometimes.
Today, I didn’t have to do any of those shenanigans. Like someone wise, I was up way before my shift started. I had never been one to wake up right before I had to go to work. Good thing today, that meant waking up anytime before 1 PM. I was way too old to be up at 5 AM gaming these days.
Opening my phone up, I pondered what to do with my few hours of free time…there was really only one thing I could do and still feel good about it–read a book. Some sim racing might be fun as well, but that was taken away from me. Well, walking across the house to (one of) Michael’s rooms half-naked would be a bit weird, sim racing or not.
Like any good PoliSci grad, I had PDFs and PUB3s of books I haven’t read yet on my phone. There was one in particular that I was interested in reading. The book? Not telling. Mostly because there’s a chance that it’s not worth reading. Or maybe it is, but the version I have is poorly formatted. PUB3’s often are. Especially if you don’t pay for them.
Opening my eBooks app, I pondered if I could step into decadence again. Get a little more sugar with my spice. The spice in this case being my book…well, thinking about it, my book would be the opposite of spice. A bitter book? Yeah, most books revolving around politics and history would be ‘bitter’, as in the way that you’d take the first bite and want to ‘leave it for someone else that enjoys it more’. As you may guess, I was that person. Even if I wasn’t reading these books for a class anymore, it never hurt to learn a thing or two. Teach you new ways of thinking. Maybe even give you more insight and perspective on issues and topics you already know about. You were never too old to learn something. That was my outlook on it anyway.
Realizing I was staring at the eBooks on my app, I went back to YouTube to decide on which Juliet video to play while reading. She had an extensive library of ASMR videos, I went with a random one. I don’t even know what the title of the video was–the thumbnail had ‘HEALING ASMR’ on it, so I imagine it was going to be some of the same as what I heard last night. It wasn’t as I was into ASMR more so that I was fond of hearing her. I was really digging her, and I had hundreds of hours of content to watch with her in it. It wasn’t like all she did was ASMR—I could watch her play a game or talk to her chat. She didn’t have much other content than that. I expected her to have a cooking stream or two, but I couldn’t find any. I wasn’t particularly interested in watching her cook, but I found it odd. I already knew she was better at it than Michael. Well, no one watched a VTuber cook because of their cooking talent, and it was quite a handful to set it up as well. I know from watching Michael do it. Playing a new game or reading unread superchats was easier to do. Juliet herself was enough in my book.
Enough thinking–time to read and chill out for a bit.
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It was sitting there, right on the top left corner of YouTube. The first thing that YouTube wanted to recommend me.
“[YANDERE ASMR] dont run away from me… [ AnyCloverEN | Francis Fukuyama]”
Yeah…Michael was doing an ASMR stream tonight. I had just gotten home from work–the time was currently 10:30 PM, which I could imagine was peak time for ASMR streams. All of my knowledge about ASMR I learned second-hand. Juliet’s ASMR was the first time I’ve watched, or rather, listened to an ASMR video. That was yesterday. And now the YouTube algorithm was pushing me other VTuber ASMR videos. This one way different however—for one, it was live. As in it was happening right now. For two, it was being done by my roommate in his room, across the house. If he was true to his word and not playing a prerecorded video, he was being ‘yandere’ as of now a hundred feet away from me.
Now, I wasn’t an expert on ASMR whatsoever, but one thing I knew was that it was supposed to be soothing to the ears. There was nothing that sounded pleasing about the scenario the listener was implied in. I knew my dere types as well–yandere was by far one of my least favorite ‘deres’. I’ve always viewed people that are into yanderes as people who are so desperate that they would take anything. Clinginess in general gets on my nerves, so this type of thing could turn me off even if it was coming out of Juliet’s soft lips. Also, he’s my roommate. I have to hear him everyday as it is. I don’t watch his regular streams, nonetheless the ones meant for the most mentally ill of his fanbase.
I don’t know what possessed me the next moment. All I could blame it on was curiosity. Or that it might be a trainwreck. Either way, what mattered was that I clicked on the thumbnail to the stream, which in turn redirected me to the livestream currently going on.
I cringed in anticipation of what I was about to hear–but what I heard instead surprised me more. What I heard was…nothing. I tuned in when he was muted. For whatever reason, I don’t know.
I sat there, waiting for something, anything, to happen. It took a good ten seconds for the sound of dead air to disappear. Then I heard what sounded like suction sounds on both sides of my ears. It sounded like when you got water trapped in your ears and you move your earlobe around your ear canal. Not at all like when Juliet did her ear cleaning. This sounded more like someone covering your ears, as to prevent you from hearing. Not really what came to mind when it came to pleasant sounds, but hey, most others probably loved it.
While there was definitely ASMR going on, there was a severe lack of a yandere edge to it. Not that I was complaining…it just…seemed too normal. I could say that he–or rather, the fan art of his model that was being used as a background–looked fancy. Not really screaming ‘yandere’, but suitable enough I gu-
“I’ll kill any man that looks at you~…even my roommate~…”
It was said in a slightly exaggerated lower tone, which I should expect, but the fact that I voluntarily was listening to this, and the fact that I just heard that my roommate was going to kill any man that ‘looks at me’, even me, both shocked and baffled me. The not so subtle dragging along of words gave me the creeps as well. Well, no sexual awakening tonight.
I closed out of the stream immediately. I shouldn’t have been there in the first place. All I hoped now was that YouTube wouldn’t further fuck up my algorithm because of this. I really should just delete the stream from my history. And all of Juliet’s too, since that was the source of all of this.
Even though I was only there for thirty seconds total, I came with some takeaways. Yes, he does do roleplaying in his ASMR. No, he doesn’t tune his voice down to a comically low tone. Yes, he tunes his voice down. No, he doesn’t bark or do any other weird noises which quite honestly would be the negative ASMR in my opinion. Yes, it was horrifying. This is based off of the thirty seconds that I heard, so you might get a different experience. Hopefully yours is more fulfilling.
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About two hours later after that incident, I got up one last time before I meant to set off to bed. I went to the kitchen to fill up my water bottle. It was 32 ounces big, and the fridge’s water filter was a tad slow, which meant that it took around 45 seconds to fill it up completely.
Sometime between those seconds, a pair of footsteps came from the hall. It was Michael, who came out with his tea cup in hand. He was probably about to brew another cup.
As he walked by, he said “hey” very nonchalantly. Like he didn’t just get done doing probably more than an hour’s worth of ‘yandere roleplaying’. He was really trying to act normal now.
Replying to what I saw two hours ago in my head, I replied with a “hey” of my own, plus a few chuckles that were unfortunately louder than anticipated.
“What?”
“Oh, nothing.” It would probably weird him out too if I let it slip that I tuned into his stream, so I decided to pretend that nothing ever happened.
The tension in the room could be cut with a knife, in my opinion at least. I was going to play stupid and change the subject.
“Are you still streaming?”
“Oh no. I finished probably about an hour ago.”
“Hmm, I see.” Playing oblivious was the right move. At least I think it is. For his own sake. “Well, hope it was a good one.” I said as I was walking back to my bedroom, ready to wash my face and brush my teeth.
At that moment, I dropped the oblivious act. I had to set the record straight. Plus, to be honest, I wanted to see what he would say:
“By the way, I’d smoke you like a Newport.”
“What?”
“You can’t kill me.”
Michael, confused at first, got flustered as expected. “You were listening?”
All I did was smile and shake my head. “I have ears everywhere son.”
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I was in bed, ready to go to sleep…not really. Tomorrow was Sunday, which meant that I was free from the shackles of the Lobby. Monday, however, was going to be a full nine-hour work day. On the outside looking in, it looks like hell. At least it does for me. But when I’m in the shit, then it’s okay. The process of getting to and from work is what is the worst for me. Also, the anxiety that creeps in when the day as you know it is coming to the end. I get this feeling that I haven’t done something that I really needed to do. Or that I’m missing out on something. Or that I don’t want this current day to end. The oddest part was that I was getting anxious about the day after tomorrow! What the hell! That was tomorrow’s issue! Other than the whole ASMR video ‘situation’, today had been normal. Simply, I didn’t want to start the process of going to work again. That’s what I think it was. Because I get the same feeling before going on vacation.
Anyways, I was on my phone passing the time by. I could be gaming, but I was already retired for the night. I didn’t hop on Street Fighter tonight–just didn’t feel like it. I really should turn on my TV just to have something on, but I was too lazy to grab my remote. So phone it was for now at least. I was on Twitter mulling around. Despite all the drama surrounding it, it was still the social media site to go to.
There was a tweet from Juliet:
“Should I do an ASMR stream next week?”
What this meant, in my interpretation, was that she was going to do an ASMR stream. The answer was already predetermined. Duh, of course me and all of your other simpletons want to hear you tell us it’s all going to be okay! But for real, it was like a teacher asking their class if they’d like to not have homework tonight.
Despite Twitter having a poll function, Juliet decided not to have one included with her post. I knew the outcome was already decided, but I still wanted to have a say. After all, every vote counts!
I went to reply:
[“👍”]
Every other reply under the post was a variation of what I posted. I’m glad we were all in agreement. Usually the blue checkmarks that replied had nothing good to say, but they were also saying yes. In this case, the ‘blue checkmarks’ were mostly other VTubers–some from NijiLive and some from other places. I guess those people were independent or part of smaller companies. My account, which didn’t have anything on it besides a keysmash that was my handle, was only used to reply. Usually to news or to call public figures I didn’t like stupid, but this was the first time I participated in VTuber shenanigans. Even if I followed Michael and his cohorts, I’ve never replied or even liked any of their posts. Now, I was a peon upon thousands of other peons. A simpleton upon simpletons. I didn’t care right now. Even if I had the pleasure of talking and playing a fighting game with her, I was the same as every other fan and stan. I think I was starting to get why these women and men were so popular. Well, at least Juliet. Who couldn’t love her? By the way, I’ve already paid the five bucks to have access to her member streams. Best value around.