I woke up face down against a cold surface.

My memory felt foggy… Where Am I?

As I slowly opened my eyes, I immediately noticed that I was laying down on a stone floor.

My heart instantly started racing in my chest. A surge of energy ran through my entire body and I jumped to my knees and started walking backward, away from whatever the blur that still clouded my vision hid in front of me. My back roughly hitting against the wall behind me.

It’s finally happening, isn’t it? I’m back. Back at the estate.

The ball was growing in my throat and I couldn’t control the muted wheezing from escaping my lips.

How did they find me? Had they known all along and simply waited for an opportunity to kidnap me so they could hurt me again?

It became difficult to breathe as the panic set in. It felt as if I was choking on the air around me. I tried to grasp for Darkie, but he was nowhere to be found.

I was alone.

I blinked rapidly, trying to see where they were hiding in the shadows. Those blue eyes… But to my surprise, I wasn’t in my room as I had expected. Instead, I was in some kind of Iron cage within a larger room. Through the gaps of the iron bars blocking the way, I could see lanterns hung on rock walls.

I was finally able to steady my breathing.

[It’s alright. This isn’t the estate. Just another stone floor. Another stone floor.]

I repeated to myself over and over again.

Slowly, my beating heart also grew quieter inside my head and I was able to breathe and think normally.

So, if this isn’t the estate, where am I?

I tried to recollect the events that had led up to here. I was at the Spring Bloom Festival with Jade… And then someone grabbed me… Then it becomes blurry again…

I approached the iron bars to have a look. Beyond, I could see two more cage-like areas with iron bars. I also noticed a man sitting on a chair beside a metal door.

His head turned toward and I backed away, afraid he would come for me, but he simply looked at me for a moment before saying something toward the door. He stood up and carried a chair and table to the center of the room. He then came for the door of the cage and opened it. As he did, I retreated to the back, but he simply picked me up by the collar of my dress and dragged me into the main room.

He sat me on the chair facing the table and the door. He went back to his seat beside the door and waited. It felt painfully long to sit on the stiff wooden chair, but I was afraid that if he got up he would hit me so I stayed still.

Eventually, the door opened and two people entered. They were dressed in the garbs of Firsland’s knights, but instead of the usual royal blue colours, their uniform was a muddy grey. One of them was a young woman with golden hair kept in a short ponytail, while the other was a silver-haired man with stubble for a beard. At first I thought I was being saved, but then the woman sat in front of me and I understood I was their prisoner.

She placed a large sack on the table from which she pulled a pile of paper and placed them in front of her along with a quill and ink bottle.

She looked up and finally met my eyes.

Her expression was neutral. Not angry nor happy. As if emotions were a foreign concept to her.

She asked me something and waited expectantly for a response. Unsure how she would react, I simply remained silent. She asked something else, but I still kept quiet. This went on for a while and every time she asked something, she wrote something down on the paper in front of her.

I couldn’t help wondering what she could possibly be writing about since I wasn’t saying anything.

After a while she put down her quill and raised her hands.

-What is name?-

The woman signed to me.

Surprised it took me a moment to react. Apart from Jade and Hare, I had never seen anyone use the secret language.

-Silika-

I responded, but she looked surprised.

Did she not expect a response?

-Repeat words.-

Her siging looked clumsy. It looked like she wasn’t very familiar with the symbols. Maybe she was still learning? I repeated slower.

-Si Li Ka-

I spelt once more for her, as slowly as I could to which she nodded and took notes.

-Family?-

I felt a weight being lifted from my shoulder. If she was asking, that meant that she was not sent to take me back to the estate…

I better keep it that way so I shook my head.

-Family name?-

She insisted.

-I don’t know what it is.-

I told her a white lie. I actually couldn’t spell it, so putting it into symbols was impossible. Hare had once mentioned he could teach it to me, but at the time I had been more surprised that he knew my complete name at all so the focus of the conversation had shifted to that.

But it looked like my answer annoyed the woman. She wrote something on her piece of paper. Maybe she knows I’m lying after all?

I was about to clarify that I simply couldn’t spell it, but she started signing again before I could.

-Where were you sent from?-

Sent from? Did she mean where I came from? Afraid of her reaction if I gave another white lie, I honestly answered.

-Salland.-

Lucky for me, one of the few subjects I had started studying since I learned the secret language was geography, so I could tell her that much… But my answer displeased her.

-Don’t lie.-

I felt confused and angry from her accusation.

-I’m not lying! I was born in Salland!-

I rebuked.

It’s rude to assume people are liars! She stood up from her seat angrily and slammed her hands on the table making me jump back. The chair tilted back dangerously, but I was able to catch myself before falling to the floor.

-I no ask where born! I ask where sent from! Who give you work?-

Anger flashed in her eyes, but she seemed to realise her outburst was excessive and sat back down on her seat.

What can I answer? I don’t work yet so I don’t know… Maybe she meant something like why I was at the church or at the festival…?

-I live at the Plum street Orphanage. I help kinsmann F’ĺḉ for the Spring Bloom Festival. That’s all.-

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I tried to explain, but she continued tapping her finger angrily on the table.

-Kinsmann give this?.-

The other knight dug through the sack and pulled out my yellow satchel.

-No, it was a baptism gift.-

I simply answered.

-What’s name?-

This was much before I could sign and so I had never learnt the name of anyone I had met before spring.

-I don’t know.-

-You don’t know who give?-

Now that she was saying it, it was a bit rude not to know their name…

-I don’t know his name.-

The conversation was obviously very tiring for her. I remembered when I had just started I used to feel exhausted only a few

-Do you want to take a break?-

I innocently asked her, but this seemed to anger her greatly.

-You take break when I say you take break!-

I gripped my hands together. She looks very scary when she ‘s angry.

-Where keep secret word?-

She said as she opened the bag.

Secret word? Did she mean the secret language? What did she mean by where do I keep it? Did she mean the book?

-I already know the secret language. I don’t keep the book.-

She looked confused

-What language?-

-The one we’re speaking now.-

I tried to explain, but it seemed to irritate her. Was she having a hard time saying what she meant?

-No not talk Ŝľṁn language. Talk secret words on paper. Where keep things in bag?-

I was extremely confused about what she was trying to ask. Her sentences made no sense to me. She was angrily showing me the bag.

-Where are secrets in the bag? How give secret words?-

-I keep all my things in the main pocket right…-

As I tried to point at the entrance of the pouch, she slapped my fingers.

[Ouch!]

I held onto my bruised finger.

-No touch. Only words. That is rule for you.-

She said, but I felt confused. Why wasn’t I allowed to touch my things? They were my things…

She took the bag and emptied it on the table. From it tumbled down on the table my things and amongst them Darkie.

[Darkie!]

I was about to grab him, but the woman raised her hand menacingly. I retracted my hands and she picked him up by the ear.

-Careful!-

I said as she handled Darkie roughly flipping him around, but she ignored me. She put him down on the table and swiped everything to the side. She said a few words to the man at the door who nodded and left the room. She stood up and walked around the table standing right beside me. In front of me still stood the silver-haired knight who looked on calmly, scrutinising me with his blood-red eyes.

What was happening now? Why did they stop asking questions? Why is everyone standing and looking at me? Where did the other man go.

My heart was beating so strongly that I thought I might stop breathing right there and then. The woman placed her hand on the back of my chair, right behind my head. I held my breath, trying to be as small as possible, but it was a vain hope.

After what felt like an eternity, the guard returned and in tow a man in ragged merchant clothes. The man looked completely out of it. His face was swollen and red. He could barely stand without the help of his captor.

He was made to sit on the chair facing me. The silver-haired man stood right behind him, holding the man’s shoulder so he wouldn’t fall from the chair. The woman yelled something at the broken man, but he didn’t move.

The knight behind him grabbed him by the hair and forced his head up.

I gasped. The man’s face was so swollen, he could barely open his eyes. His jaw hung half open and I could tell several teeth were missing. His nose was bloody and looked like a pudge of putrid yellow and green colour. I suddenly felt nausea take over me. His face… It looked like my skin back then. How could they do that to him?

She asked the man a question, but the man didn’t react immediately. The knight behind him slapped the back of his head roughly and this sent a shiver through his body. His eyes lazily looked up and locked with mine.

The woman repeated her question. He kept looking at me. Tears streamed down his face. He slowly shook his head. His jaw followed the movement of his head like a broken puppet.

There was nothing in his eyes. Only pain and sadness.

The woman turned to me and signed.

-Did he give yellow bag?-

Uh? Give me the bag. I looked at the man and finally recognised him. Despite his roughed up appearance. l remembered him. He was the man wearing a velvet coat at the orphanage the night of my baptism. Had he been the one that gave me the yellow bag? I coudln’t really remember, but it was likely.

I nodded at her question and almost immediately, the knight behind the man smacked the merchants face into the table.

I let out a scream and tried to look away, but the woman gripped me by the shoulder and forced me to watch as the man’s head was lifted once more.

Bloody chuck oozed out of the man’s face and nose and I felt my stomach turn.

Why are these people doing this over a bag?

They asked him something again. This time, his jaw moved slightly, but he had barely made a full syllable before his head was once more shoved into the table.

I was forced to watch as tears started flowing from my eyes. I felt confused and scared. Why do they hurt him like this?! Are they going to do the same to me?

When his head was raised once more, his eyes were upturned as if he was looking inside his own skull. A moment later, he started convulsing violently.

Unable to hold it anymore, I hurled on the ground beside me. I would have fallen if the woman hadn’t painfully kept my shoulder in place.

The silver haired knight put his hands on each side on the man’s head and slowly the convulsion stopped and the merchant slumped into his chair, eyes closed.

I watched in horror from the other side of the table. Did he just kill him?! To my relief I saw the man gasp for air, but his eyes remained closed.

He was picked up from his chair by the door guard and roughly tossed into one of the cages. The woman circled back to the front and sat in front of me.

-What mission he give? How give information?-

She signed as she signaled to the collapsed man.

-I don’t know what you’re asking me. I only met him once!-

I tried to explain, but it seemed she understood the wrong thing.

-You admit you met him before?-

-Yes, but it was only once at the orphanage!-

She arched her brow.

-Did orphanage say to give bag to you? Does orphanage also have mission?-

What is she saying?

-No! He just gave me the bag! He came to the orphanage and just gave it to me as a gift!-

-So you only one with bag?-

[Why does it matter!]

I couldn’t help but scream in frustration. I tried to compose myself before continuing to sign.

-Yes, he only gave the bag to me.-

This woman is insane! Ragging on bag this, bag that! Beating people because they gave someone a bag!

Slowly she reached to Darkie once more, holding him by the ear.

-Did he give this too?-

-No! That’s mine! Give it back-

I signed before trying to climb over the table to take Darkie back from the mean woman, but she simply pushed me backward, making me fall off my chair onto the stone floor. The rough stone scorched my knees and left painfully red and bloody streaks.

I tried to keep myself from crying, but the tears had started flowing a long time ago. I looked up at the knight angrily. Why were they doing this? What did they get from it?

She stared at Darkie intently, swinging him from side to side. Weighing the ears with her fingers. Suddenly she took out a dagger from her belt and started bringing it toward Darkie.

[No!!! Don't’ do that!]

I screamed.

She turned to me once more.

-If not here, where secret? What mission? How give information?-

-There’s no secret! There’s no mission! There’s no information! Please just…-

She stopped looking at me and started cutting the stitching.

I felt a throb in my head. It bounced in my head making me sick. The pain made my vision blurry.

[Stop that!]

I screamed as I stood up on my wobbly leg.

Her knife stopped in his track. She looked at me for a moment and smiled. Without breaking eye contact, she ripped Darkie’s head clean off.

[Ah… Ahhh…… AAHHH! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!]

I started screaming uncontrollably.

My vision started spinning. The woman’s blue eyes had stopped looking at me and now stared with macabre interest at the decapitated remains of Darkied. She dug her finger into his body and roughly ripped away his stuffing.

The world slowly got darker in my eyes. I fell to my knees as I gagged on every breath I took. The shadows and colours around the room started twisting and curling. The woman’s golden hair slowly turned a shade of pink.

She looked up at me, but her face had changed.

It was my mother’s.

All I could do was scream in horror.

She had a horrible rictus on her face, her blue eyes starring at me with pure hate as she dug her long fingers into Darkie. I threw up once more on the floor and continued screaming.

[Please stop! Please stop!]

I tried to speak, but simply couldn’t stop screaming. I tried to sign, but my body wouldn’t listen to me anymore.

I watched as the stones of the floor turned to marble and the walls into wallpaper.

I felt the ground tremble.

The steps.

They were coming.

I am back.

I am really back.

Or maybe, I had never escaped in the first place.

My vision grew dark as my silent screams continued leaving my mouth under the heinous expression of my mother.

The world around me vanished and I was left in the void.