Solveis maintained her resolve to not be drawn into any bad behavior by the B children. The strangeness of recent events made it easy for her to keep her mind busy, and to keep from participating in anything objectionable. She always had something to think about. She always had a reason to go on long winding walks, or to sit in her favorite trees.
Early one morning, Solveis was gardening with the old man. She was being more silent than usual due to the many thoughts rotating around her mind.
The old man grew tired of silence and sparked up conversation, “Quiet today? – Well, I guess you’re always quiet, but you know what I mean. You’re extra quiet. – I suspect it’s because your mind is loud.”
Solveis reflected on what he said, and she realized that if her swirling thoughts could be heard, they would be loud, cacophonous even. “Yes. I think maybe my thoughts are loud – at least – there are a lot of them.”
“Are they secret? Can you tell me a story of them? Would it help to get some off your hands?”
“I don’t know,” Solveis answered honestly. She hadn’t thought about telling the stories. She had only discussed them with Arlendr, and in a less descriptive way, with Livia. She was accustomed to only discussing such things in detail with Arlendr. Would it be beneficial – would it be ok – to share with the old man?
She was sure he could keep secrets, so she decided on one part of the story to tell him, “When you accuse someone of a bad thing – well you never should accuse someone anyway, because it makes more sense to talk it out anyway – but…”
“I understand. What is it?”
“When you accuse someone of a thing; and if you were wrong – but they were wrong too, and they did do a different bad thing, do you still have to say you’re sorry? The mother would say that I should have to, but…” Solveis trailed off.
The old man allowed the girl to stare off in silent contemplation.
Solveis continued, “It’s always the right thing to un-accuse someone, isn’t it. Otherwise it’s like you’re lying to them, and kind of to yourself too. But to say sorry when they were mean on purpose, I think that’s wrong too…” Solveis trailed off again. Then, a new thought occurred to her, “I think I’m always afraid of saying anything. I never say things, do I?”
“I think that was more of a concept dump than a story or a request for advice, but I still have a perspective, if you care to hear it,” the old man commented. Knowing that she did care to hear, he continued, “I think allowing a false accusation can be sort of like lying. I wouldn’t have thought to put it that way, but it’s true. Also, it allows strife to exist in a relationship where it could be wiped away. And even if it is difficult to say you were wrong – and admitting to being wrong is better than just mistaken, in my humble opinion – more good can come of it than bad.”
“What if – well – what if they are waiting for you to be wrong always? What if they want that to remember for the next time?”
“Oh. I see. Well, I would call it self sacrifice to put yourself at the mercy of such a person. It’s humbling, and may even induce suffering, but suffering isn’t always to be avoided. Sometimes, in the long run, it leads to the best outcome.”
This advice rang true to Solveis in a way that only factual truths ever could. It was the truth like a clear bell that reverberated inside one. It was good advice. Solveis was done with the topic though.
Since the old man had not pried, and had proven himself trustworthy and helpful, she felt that he had earned some knowledge of other events too, the ones she thought he was more interested in knowing.
“We have some upset-ness about disturbances on my mountain, in the ground and in the trees. That’s the weird thing mostly,” Solveis divulged critically to the old man.
He switched onto the new topic with her. “Ah. Yes. I don’t only stay around the garden. I go all around. I think I know what you mean.”
Solveis decided to use her intimacy with him to probe into the mind of grown ups, “You notice, but don’t have panic? You don’t tell the parents to keep us more safe?” Solveis questioned him seriously and cautiously. The last thing she wanted was for him to take it as advice and to have the parents revoke freedoms. She was curious about his perspective though.
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“I see what you mean. I guess it may be better if I did warn your parents to keep you safe, but I hadn’t really thought of it.” Seeing the fear in her eyes, he quickly soothed her fears, “But for now, I wouldn’t suggest for them to keep you from playing all around. As far as I know, nothing really dangerous has happened. I’m not really sure what is up, only that something is. – I would advise you to be careful though, always.”
Solveis’s own internal belief system and pillars of morality told her that she must un-accuse the wretched girl since she knew her not to be guilty of taking the scrolls and burning them on purpose. Her conversation with the old man convinced her further. She decided to do so at the very next opportunity. Otherwise, she would never do it.
She spent a whole week at her mainland house thinking over it, over and over again, deciding what to say. She had to admit she was wrong. What else? Nothing else really, but how did one do it? With what words? And the thought of doing so always brought up the potential responses that Girselle would throw at her. She tried to block them out. You do the right thing because it’s right, not because it will work out the way you want. Just do the right thing.
The next Friday when she and her family arrived at the island, the B family’s boat was already parked in the dock. The awareness of their presence made Solveis momentarily nauseous. Even so, she entered the children’s cabin confidently, standing upright. She was pleased to see that her favorite bed was unclaimed. She claimed it and then went off to spend the small amount of free time she would have before dinner and night time. It wouldn’t be the right time to apologize until they were all away from the adults anyway.
Dinner went off with the normal amount of harassment that could be gotten away with in the presence of parents. Livia came in time for dinner and gave the evening an extra boost of liveliness. Solveis chose not to speak to Girselle at all until tomorrow. To signal her unwillingness to talk at bed time, she covered her whole self with a sheet. She read a book with a portable light while the other kids chatted and got ready for bed. Luckily, Livia’s constant, engaging conversation prevented Girselle from trying much to engage Solveis.
In the morning, Solveis ate in silence and then left to one of her secret places to prepare herself.
She sat alone preparing a script to follow. She would say what she had to say and not respond to anything Girselle spewed back at her. She would not get explosive or be drawn into argument. She would say what she had to say – do the right thing – nothing more nothing less.
When Solveis was sure that all the kids would have left the cabin and gone out to play, she went to her quest. She found the kids at the plateau, she followed the sounds of fun.
Livia was playing with Oskar, holding his hands, his feet standing on her feet, singing and dancing. That was unusual. The parents didn’t usually let little Oskar go out with the big kids. That was not a thought for now though, it could be reflected upon later.
Solveis approached the group of peers. Arlendr spotted her first and screamed, as if passionately upset, “Solveis, always so slow.”
Knowing that he was just trying the feeling on, and not really upset, she teased him back, “Oye! Twig man!”
He laughed and went back to his game.
Girselle walked toward the newcomer. “We’ve got the little one with us today. I think he’s the only one who really likes Livia’s singing. Look,” Girselle sneered, looking in the direction of Livia and Oskar.
Happily, Livia was too engaged in her dance to hear the insult.
Solveis, grateful to have Girselle mostly to herself, began her way toward her desired conversation. “I have a thing to say – uh – well, I was wrong…” Solveis said this out of the blue, haltingly, and while staring at the ground.
Girselle took advantage of Solveis’s pause to take control of the conversation. She walked backwards into the group of child peers. “Wrong, wrong, wrong. Yes, always wrong. Because you’re too tiny to know anything.”
Solveis had prepared for this. Just keep saying the right thing. She had to walk further into the group of friends to be heard by Girselle though. She followed her foe into the battle. “Uhm. yeah. But I accused -”
Girselle cut her off again. She sensed that Solveis was very uncomfortable, and she meant to make the most of it. “Wrong, wrong, wrong, and scardy too. What were you wrong about this time?”
Solveis was beginning to feel overwhelmed. She did her best to continue, “I said that you burnt my things.” Then remembering her accusation, and feeling really guilty for such a strong accusation, she looked at Girselle’s face with an almost readable expression of regret.
“Oh yes, those little leaflets, just tinder really.”
Confusion and hate began to cloud Solveis’s mind. Then she remembered, no reaction, just get the words out. “I accused you, but I was wrong to accuse you.”
Girselle was genuinely bummed out by Solveis’s seemingly increasing confidence, so she leaned forward, face to face with Solveis, and made one of her horrible noises.
Solveis was determined. She hadn’t expected this attack though. She dropped into a sitting position at Girselle’s feet. Then she covered her ears and closed her eyes. She got the rest of the words out, “I was wrong. It wasn’t you. I shouldn't have accused you. – I hope you can fur… I hope you can to – uh. Sorry I accused you. I’ll be more careful in future.”
Then, without opening her eyes to check if Girselle or anyone else had heard her, she spun around, stood up, and walked away, all in one smooth movement.