My Health Diary 

10th of May – Starting from today, I’ll be starting writing a diary. It is not often that I write a diary especially at my age; I’ll be sixty years passed this month so happy birthday to me! Anyhow, my memories have been failing me these past few weeks and my doctor had recommended me to start keeping tracks of what I do everyday. He’s a very strict man but an old friend of mine. I’m very happy that he cares about me. Isn’t it a beautiful day today!

11th of May – Second day already and the day is as beautiful as it was yesterday. Anyway, this morning I met an old friend of mine back in the days when we were in high school. Lin is her name by the way. She and I went way back and worked together on a project. I’m not as young as I was but she does, that’s for sure! She’s almost the same as I remember her back then. I wonder what’s her secret…

20th of May – My wife died this morning. I haven’t been writing much because of it. I found her that day lying on the floor lifeless on the ground coming home after a morning walk. I called the ambulance as quickly as possible and she was put in the emergency room. My friend announced her death this morning. I feel devastated. The house is empty and the floor is dusty. She’s not here anymore. Betty…

30th of June – I feel better now even though the memory of her smile rest vivid in my mind. And just that morning when she greeted me a good morning. Now there is no one to greet me anymore when I go out for a morning walk. This morning, I walked out to the port where we first met. I sat down to the bench where we sat together on our first date; facing it was a panorama of the blue sea. Waves were gently swaying in and out and the sound of it and the smell of it calms my mind. I’m happy that I went back there. It felt like she was there, next to me, and I swear I could feel her hand placing on mine.

1st of July – I felt very sick yesterday and I still am right now. But I felt like I needed to tell you what happened yesterday when I was lying on my bed. Never in my life, I’ve felt so suffocated; it was like something was putting its entire weight on my body. I couldn’t move and it only made it harder to breath. I thought I was going to die but wouldn’t it be better: I could finally see Betty again. But here I am, still writing for you so maybe it’s not time yet.

5th of July – Murmurs. I heard murmurs last night when I was on bed. The murmurs are very soft but it prevents me from sleeping and it is getting on my nerves! No matter what I do, I can’t get them out of my head. I even hid my head under the pillow but the murmurs only get louder. I screamed at them and they disappeared suddenly.

6th of July – I went to the doctor today. Last night was worse and it was getting worser by the day. I even hear them during day. I hear them now. The doctor said he did not find any symptoms and that I was perfectly healthy. He told me it was only stress and gave me some pills to get over them. I trusted my friend and went back home.

8th of July – I’ve been taking the pills but it doesn’t work. I feel like it was getting worse so I stopped taking them since this morning. I think I need to work to distract my mind from all of these. 

10th of July – Yesterday, I took all day to set up my lab so I didn’t have the time to write but here’s what I did. I set up my lab, like I said; it is just like I remember it to be. Just like the old days. I brought them back from the basement. Reaching the age of fifty-five, I was supposed to retired from my research and give back the equipments but I hid some by making some false documents back at Titancorp where I used to work. Betty probably wouldn’t like that I’ve made our house into a laboratory. But I’ll tell you something, it is a relief that I could see all of this again; it reminds me of the old days. Some installments are still missing and it still needs a lot of work but it will work, I’m positive! 

15th of July – It is not as easy as I thought it would. Three days ago, I sprained my back trying to get my generator up to the main room from the basement. I took a rest for a couple of days and refrained from going to the hospital to not worry my friend. I had been also eating home delivering pizza everyday too. The kitchen is empty and voided of any life; I don’t need it anymore, I don’t dare step a foot in there, scared that I would miss her food and her presence. 

18th of July – The installments are finished: electrical cords are infesting the floor like wild grass. There is no saying if one day I would trip stepping on one of them. All these cords are connected a single machine that took me weeks to reassemble from scratch with pieces of useless metal. It is a giant machine almost double my size in length and triple in width, filling almost half the space of the main room. I’m a bit tired from all of this so I’m going to rest after this.

19th of July – I am hallucinating. Maybe. I don’t know. I woke up this morning and everything was gone. Not a single trace of the electrical cords nor the machine that took me weeks to complete. I rushed to the basement and the pieces were back to where they came from. What is happening? Is it the work of the government or the devil? And how could it be disassembled to nothing without me noticing. I’m sure I heard no noise or anything last night. I would have woken up if I did. Whoever was doing this, I won’t stay silent.

20th of July – What am I doing? All of this was for naught. The machine is once again put back to its usual place, down in the basement, and I’m very furious. They are playing tricks one me, whoever they are. Did they poison my drinks so that when I sleep, I can’t hear anything? I don’t know but now I don’t dare to drink anything at home anymore. Instead, I’ve been going to this small café across the street.

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21st of July – I can feel their stares, I’m sure of it or is it just a figment of my imagination. It started when I was taking my usual coffee at that café I mentioned yesterday. Suddenly, I felt a stare behind my head so I turned my head to see behind but there was no one. I turned back to have a sip of my coffee and that feeling came back more terrifying than ever. It gave me chills to my back and I accidentally slip the cup from my finger, spilling the hot black liquid on my pants. The waitress that was giving service did not seem to be very happy. Afterwards, it was getting only worse and before long, I felt the waitresses stares than the bartender’s than the clients. I was feeling nauseous so I ran out urgently to take a breath. I’m not coming back to that café. 

24rd of July – I did not sleep yesterday, and so was the day before yesterday, and because of it, I am having a hard time opening my pupils. They keep drooping every now and then. Curse my old age; when I was younger, I could stay all I want but now a single second of silence and my body starts to bend forward and my head starts to sway like a leaf in a windy weather. I’ve reinstalled everything back to the first day. I’m very happy. Right now, I’m looking at it, sitting with my back against the wall opposite to its placement. The machine seems even bigger than before, not only in its size but ts presence. I feel like I am sucked into it, absorbed into its gray colored steel plates. My skin, and my flesh, and my bones, that have turned into a gray color after many years seemed to make a contrast with the metal giant in the room. And in a way, I feel a surge of joy running through the visible veins of my hands to my brain. I wonder what this is but I feel satisfied.

30th of July – I don’t remember what I’ve been doing for the past six days but when I looked at the calendar this morning, it was already the 30th of July. What was I doing for the past six days? And why did I forget? So many question unanswered and I have nobody to share them with. Is it a sickness? I have heard of people having Alzheimer and forget things. Or is it something more sinister? I’ve been having this feeling that someone is looking from afar and sometimes right next to me but whenever I turned around to look for the presence, there’s no one there. I must be going crazy! But at the very least, my machine is still here, alive and breathing under my ceiling and it gives me a lot of comfort. 

5th of August – I can’t stand it anymore! There’s definitely someone in the house. Yesterday when I was guarding the main room, placing my back against the machine, someone whispered in my ears. What they whispered, I don’t know but I heard whispers, I felt the tingling air touching against my ear nob. They even had the courage to touch my shoulders when I was about to sleep. I’ve taken measures and bought myself a gun: a .34 caliber pistol. Even the gun keeper was staring at me with his pointy eyes and I felt his eyes skimming my entire body, probably seeing a worn-out old man. I paid him some extra money and told him to forget that I was ever here. He accepted the money and drew a grin on his face. He gave me the gun and went back to his work. I tried to hide it in my black jacket but they knew, I’m sure they knew! They are spying on me whoever they are! But they won’t be laughing for long because now I have counter-measures if they even think of standing between me and my invention!

8th of August – I shot my friend, he is laying on the floor right now on the dirty floor. There is blood splattered on the wall behind his corpse and a puddle of it underneath him. I still remember the dry and clear sound of the gunshot when I pulled the trigger on him. He is wearing his white lab coat that he always wears everywhere: at work, at home, at the restaurant. He always brags that it shows his commitment to his work. He really loved his work. Next to him was a heavy bag, I looked into into it: there was only his working utilities and his wallet. I opened his wallet and saw the photo of his wife and his ten years old son. I closed it immediately. O! What have I done?

9th of August – I need to hide his body. His blood has gone completely dry and seemed to integrated into a brown color like a stain on the floor and walls. 

11th of August – I did it. I buried his body underneath our small yard and took the liberty to plant some flowers on the dug up earth so that there are no suspicions. I took my friend’s possessions and drove to the nearby forest. I dumped them in the ground, in the middle of the forest and filled the hole back with the earth. When I got home, I took out a small blanket from the kitchen and wiped the floor. The spotless blanket started to crisped into a blackish mass of darkness. Out of fear, I threw it into a corner and decided to leave it there. The stains on the wall doesn’t seem to erase, I think. No matter, I guess I’ll let it be. However, I need to do something with the hole.

20th of August – I don’t remember why I am doing this anymore! What is this machine use for? I don’t know and I don’t seem to remember. The voices are getting louder in my head; they are telling to “kill”, to “bring back”, to “dig”, to “give”. It is a man’s voice and sometimes it would be woman’s. Here it is again, my head hurts. I can’t take it anymore!

Night 20th of August – I don’t know what to say but my friend’s body is again in my living room. He is covered in dirt and I’ve let go of my pistol, throwing it into the same corner where the brown blanket is. What is going on? I don’t get it! Is he still alive? Blood is flowing on the floor again, even more than before. I’ve shot him in the heart this time. He is lying there completely unmoving like a statue. I just kicked him to see if he was alive. I’m sure he’s dead this time. Now I’m going to put him back to the hole.

21st of August – I am scared. I can still imagine his corpse digging out the ground that is crushing his body. I dug his body out this morning to check if he was dead. This time, I’m sure he is but I am still scared. To make sure, I’ve bought a bag of cement and I’ll cover the hole with it. This traumatizing event made me think of something very disturbing. How are we sure if someone’s dead or not? What if somebody is not dead but seems like it? And that the next day, they would wake up in the darkness confined in a wooden box buried five meters under the ground. They would either die of the lack of oxygen or hunger or thirst! What if Betty is still alive?

26th of August – My stomach is churning. I am going to vomit but I can withstand this no matter what. In the main room is Betty’s corpse. Her usual beauty is nowhere to be found. Her body is filled with black spot as if she withstood heavy beatings and gained bruises from it. Or was she fighting her way out of the box? I feel very sad if she did… But there is nothing to worry anymore, I’ll bring her back to life. This is what the machine is for. I’ve created it for this purpose and this purpose only, it will work!

27th of August – The machine is currently working. Sparks of strong current of electricity is shotting out from the machine. I would better not get too close. Underneath the fire machine is my wife. She looks like she’s getting livelier than ever and I am too. Ever since I did this, the voices had stopped and I could sleep peacefully now. It is working, yes! How I wait to give you good news tomorrow! But first I need to join my wife as we ascend the heavens!

??? – Farewell.