In a small apartment somewhere, neither here nor there.

"I don't have time to explain right now."

I slipped on my shoes and then tried to head for the door, but a petite woman with long black hair blocked the way.

It was my girlfriend, Chisa Bruschetta.

"You're not going anywhere, Daisuke Panzenella. Not until you explain this."

She shoved my laptop in my face. On the display was an open browser showing the image web search results of a certain query.

"It's really nothing, Chisa."

"Nothing? You call this nothing?"

"Listen, I'll explain later. I can't be late on a payday."

I tried to walk around her, but she kept darting in front of me.

"Are you cheating on me, Daisuke?"

"No, of course not."

"Then explain yourself."

"I told you, I don't have the time."

And I really didn't.

I gave up on the front door and raced to the bedroom. I closed the door behind me and then hopped out of the window.

Fortunately, I was only on the third floor. As long as I rolled forward upon contact with the ground I would walk away unscathed. That's exactly what I did.

"I should start erasing my browsing history before I go to sleep." I realized.

--

Showdown at the Carnival

--

My part-time job was at a carnival. After I arrived I went to the Duck Pond, my assigned game.

Basically, how it works is that there are 24 toy ducks floating in a small plastic pool. Each duck has a single number written on its bottom. At the cost of a ticket, you can pull a duck from the pond.

If the duck you selected is labeled one or two, you get a shitty prize like a pencil or sticker. If you're lucky and the number is three, you get the big one. Unfortunately, I'm not allowed to say what that prize is.

"You're late." my boss said.

"I'm sorry, I had a late start this morning."

"Is that so? Well, I'm sorry too. I'll have to pay you tomorrow instead of today."

"What? Why?"

"I had a late start this morning."

I forced out a laugh that sounded more like a growl.

Shortly after my boss left, the first customer arrived. She was a little girl, probably from the nearby elementary school.

"Ticket please."

"Here you go, sir."

"Thank you, madam. Now you know the rules, right? You get to pick one duck, and the number th-"

"I know, I know."

The little girl reached down but her hand was slapped away by a stranger. I looked up to see that it was my girlfriend, Chisa.

"Explain yourself." she demanded.

"Are you being serious right now? I'm at work."

I turned to the little girl.

"I'm sorry about that. Have another go at it."

She reached down again but this time Chisa flipped the pool over. The ducks went flying every whichaway as did the water.

My boss ran over to see what the commotion was about.

"Do you know this woman, Daisuke?!" he shouted.

"Sort of."

"Sort of?!"

"Yeah, she's my girlfriend."

"Oh, is that so?"

He briefly jotted on his clipboard and then handed me of a sheet of paper. It was pink.

"You're fired."

"You can't be serious..."

"Maybe you'll be able to keep your personal and professional life separate at your next gig."

I watched my ex-boss and the little girl (who was now crying) walk away and then I pulled out my smart phone.

"So, moving on." Chisa started. "What was those search results about?"

I ignored the question and continued editing my shittyjobs.com profile on my phone.

Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.

"Daisuke, I asked you a question."

"I'm busy. We'll chat about it later."

"No, we'll chat about it now."

The earth rumbled beneath my feet. She was transforming and she didn't care that she had a public audience.

The people began to disperse fearing an earthquake. By the time Chisa's metamorphosis into a M4 Sherman tank was complete, the crowd of hundreds was now a crowd of two.

"Are you ready to chat about it now?"

"You inconsiderate little..."

I grabbed a pistol from my waist, removed the safety, and fired off a few rounds at her turret.

The damage was minimal but she got the message. I don't care if you are my girlfriend that's actually a tank. This armored fighting vehicle on human male abuse will not be tolerated.

Chisa then fired a guided missile in my direction, but I managed to avoid it with a sidestep. I took this opportunity to run at her while firing two more rounds, but again, minimal to no damage.

"Why can't you just tell me?!" she cried.

"I told you I would. Just not now."

"Oh, I see. You need time to formulate your lies."

I decided to jump to avoid her guided missile attack this time. I landed on the tip of her barrel. All of the running I did earlier to close the distance made this action possible.

"An opportunity!"

I pulled out the rocket launcher from my back pocket, aimed it at her commander's hatch, and then fired without hesitation. The force from the discharge flung my body twenty feet and into an ice cream stand.

"Is it over?"

I collected myself to one knee. While I waited for the smoke to clear, I licked myself like a cat. The ice cream that covered me from head to toe was my favorite flavor: victory.

Five minutes later, the smoke cleared and...

And...

I fell into the dirt face-first. It was a display of complete and utter defeat.

The undamaged M4 Sherman tank, my girlfriend, rolled towards me and by the time I was able to face her, she was a human female again.

"So why are you cheating on me?" she asked.

"I'm not."

"Then explain all of those pictures of sexy tanks I saw in your browser history last night."

"Chisa." I took her hand and looked deep into her eyes. "You're the only tank in this city and I just thought that... I just thought that you might get lonely sometimes."

"D-Daisuke."

"I try my best to be there for you, but I'm not an armored fighting vehicle. I don't have a turret and I can't fire guided missiles. I just figured that, maybe sometimes, you'd like to be with someone that can truly understand you."

"You were trying to find friends..."

"Yeah."

"For me?"

"Yeah."

"Why didn't you say that in the first place?"

"Well, I had failed. I didn't realize fully operational tanks were illegal for civilians to purchase. Not to mention that... Oh, forget it."

"What, Daisuke?"

"I'm in poverty, Chisa. I have to reuse toilet paper, you know? Someone like me couldn't afford a tank even if buying them were legal."

"Oh, Daisuke. I don't care about any of that. Let's always be honest with each other from here on out, okay?"

"Yeah, you bet. Sure."

We cried as we embraced each other. Her tears symbolized our reconciliation, but I was bawling for a different reason.

The explanation that I gave her was a fib and one day, I would have to tell her the truth about that late night of internet browsing.

My name is Daisuke Panzenella and my girlfriend, well. She's actually a tank.