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Original Passport Bro's

Original Passport Bro's

Passport Bro’s didn’t exist when I left my nation behind me. It didn’t exist the first time I went to Thailand. It does exist now.

To me, a Passport Bro is a subgenre: the type of digital nomad. In fact, many online haters of digital nomads and Passport Bros. like to splosh them together as the very same thing — much like the people who believe Freemasons and Jews are the same. Passport Bros aren’t necessarily digital nomads; some of them are just on short or extended holidays. The term is often synonymous with Americans and, more often than not, black Americans. This makes sense to me. Americans are notorious for the fact that 80% of them don’t have a passport — which seems insane to a British person. Having a passport is nothing significant to a Brit and certainly doesn’t warrant being blessed with some title that automatically makes you a member of some revolutionary pussy hunting tribe.

The philosophy of a Passport Bro has parallels to those expats and travellers — who may or may not work as a digital nomad. Your own country sucks and the women suck too, so go abroad to a spicy run-down nation and bag some local hotties who haven’t had their minds warped by bonkers ideas perpetuated by hate-filled cat-cult leaders. There is a link between anti-feminist red-pilled types and passport bros, but it’s a very loose one. If I had to choose between a Colombian 4 and a British 9, Colombia wins each time. Sometimes the penis likes what it likes, and courtship is more straight-forward in other countries — oh, and hookers are cheaper too.

The dating and shagging game in the UK is awful. Girls parade around on Friday and Saturday night in more revealing dresses than your average Santa Fe prostitute, yet the message is: We’re not sluts (apparently). It’s a confusing mess. Sexual promiscuity is liberation, and many men love to fuck lots of women, but no man wants to wifey-up a girl who has been ploughed every weekend by a different cretin for the last 5–10 years. It’s a paradox, and it’s somewhat hypocritical, but men can parallel park and women make better mothers. Men actually want something to procreate with, and though many modern young men are overgrown, sniggering toddlers, that desire remains ingrained in their DNA. We love sluts, but we don’t want to fall in love with sluts.

In Thailand, many men do fall in love with sluts, but that’s a slur because they’re not actually sluts; they’re whores — professional whores (though many of them aren’t very good at the business side of being a professional). There is a key difference between a slut and a whore. A slut is a loose, broken-brained girl who seeks validation from a long line of uncaring pussy-hounds because she kind of hates herself. A whore is a girl who sleeps with a long line of uncaring pussy-hounds because it pays better than working in a stinking third-world factory with highly dubious health and safety standards.

The old hip-hop saying goes: You can’t make a ‘ho a housewife. Well, this is true, but Americans’ interpretation of a ‘ho is a slut and not a professional whore. A professional whore in Thailand does not want to be a whore forever and wants a man to settle down with. A slut doesn’t know what she wants because her brain has been boiled by conflicting, ill-thought-out ideas. It is, therefore, not the worst idea to get into a long-term relationship with a girl who peddles her pumpum for cash, because the alternative is hell.

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Thailand is awash with expats, nomads, and travellers with hot, younger Thai girlfriends. This is no revelation — unless you just know stuff, of course. But not all of these girls are former — or current — prostitutes. There is a fine line between those sometimes, but I know well enough from experience that paying to play is not the standard. You see, Thai girls have a completely alien culture to the west, and therefore some things are just more straight-forward. The culture is far less judgmental, and there is a joy for life that we are missing. Thai culture, like British culture, has its wonders and its retardations, but that’s the balance of the universe, and you just accept it or crumble. Many men crumble in Thailand, including me. The roles of men and women are clearer. The game is easier to navigate. The western bullshit is nowhere to be seen; though the Asian bullshit isn’t a picnic, it’s less confusing.

People think that language barriers are a problem, but they’re actually a blessing in disguise. Communication is economical. The bullshit dance is cut away and reduced to matter-of-fact. What you want and what they want are spelled out in short, clear sentences with bad grammar. The modern dating game in the West requires a 4-week intensive course. The art of courtship has had its frazzled brains blown out all over the pavement of love. Looking for love on Tinder and its putrid imitators is more in line with starting a social media campaign for a business. There are tips, tricks, metrics, algorithm-serving strategies, and SEO buzzwords. The whole thing is so systematic and corporate that it disgusts me. Some people want to travel back in time and decapitate the teenage Hitler; I want to decapitate the demon who invented Tinder.

It’s not just Tinder that’s the problem; it’s our society. The UK has become ever more difficult. Dealing with women has become an extreme sport. Staring has become a criminal offence, so the old advice about getting attention through eye contact across the room is now a criminal strategy. The days of smooching, reaching your hand up for a cheeky grope, and being allowed to do it are gone. There is no mystery or suspense. It’s all routine to make sure you don’t go to jail.

Girls want to be bosses but also want men to take care of them, but they also don’t want to be taken care of because they are bosses. A lot of girls don’t even want children because the men have become children because having children will destroy the climate or something. It’s all bollocks. Everything has been stripped down into steps and strategies that appease Google SEO algorithms. Men and women are, essentially, simple creatures that have become overly complicated. There is no need for shit to be this complex. The Passport Bro has, like me, found an alternative to this nonsense: systematic destruction of fun and intrigue.

Oh, and it’s much cheaper and more free.