“Next customer, please. Hello, how can I help?”

“Sorry, what was that?” an elderly woman asked, shuffling forward.

“I said how can I help you? What would you like to order?”

“What?” she asked again.

“What would you like to order?”

“What!? I can't hear you.”

“Order! What would you like to order!”

“Order?!” she cupped her ears.

“Yes, order! What would you like to order?”

“Oh, yes, thank you, dear. Sorry, my hearing isn’t what it used to be. What’s your name, hun?” she squinted at the name tag. “Jason? Oh, such a nice name! I knew a Jason once. He owned the bakery on Fifth Street, and made the most wonderful pastries, he did. I used to go there all the time, but then they started adding all that extra sugar when his son took over the business. At my age, I just can’t have that anymore—it catches up to you. Much like all this here,” she waved at the menu.

“So you don’t want to order?” Jason concealed a sigh.

“Oh no, I do, dear! It’s not for me, though, it’s for my grandson, Johnny,” she smiled warmly. “He loves this restaurant. Always stuffing his face, leaving crumbs everywhere. I keep telling him, ‘Johnny, fast food is no good for you, you need to watch what you eat!’ But does he listen? Of course not! Kids these days, they think they’ll be young forever.”

Jason nodded along, dying inside.

“Anywho, he won his championship today so I decided to bring him a little something. After all, he trained very hard to win this wrestling match. And his coach and teammates you know, they said he wouldn't make weight. But he’s still young and can snap back into shape like his grandfather, so I knew it wouldn’t be a problem. I told them but they wouldn’t listen. Now Johnny’s out celebrating with his new girlfriend.” She shook her head, checking her purse. “Okay, good. I didn’t forget to give him the condoms. Don’t want him to make the same mistakes his grandfather and I made in the sixties.”

“Ma’am,” Jason took a deep breath. “Please, tell me what you’d like to order.”

“One second dear,” the woman continued rummaging through her purse. “I have to find his receipt. It’s Johnny’s special day, so I don’t want to get the order wrong.”

Seconds passed as Jason’s manager scolded him through the headset.

“What’s with the fucking hold up?”

What’s with your hot ass breath reaching through the mic?

“Hello!? Earth to space cadet?” the manager repeated.

“She’s looking for a receipt?” Jason said.

“Well tell her to hurry the fuck up. The line is getting long.”

That’s what happens when you cheap bastards won’t hire anyone and keep leaving us with a skeleton crew.

“I paged Amber to help with the line, but she hasn’t responded,” Jason added.

*Static* “...She’s busy right now.”

“I know… Bob,” Jason muttered.

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” Bob said.

“Nothing. I’m simply acknowledging that she’s employee of the month.”

“Is that right, smart ass? Matter of fact, since you’re just standing there how about you go deliver Order #157 to their vehicle–a white Chevy Impala. Amber will take over the register, and you’re to clean the toilets when you get back.”

“What about the line?” Jason tried to pivot.

“Order #157. Now, cadet!”

I can just quit, Jason removed his earpiece. I can just quit and – and if you do that, you’ll get evicted, a voice of reason pushed aside his rising depression.

Sigh.

Jason’s shoulders slumped as he turned and bagged Order #157, his eyes making contact with Dennis flipping burgers.

“Cheer up. Fat Bastard doesn’t come on Fridays. The toilets should be fine.” Dennis said.

“Then you volunteer for it,” Jason smirked, having seen the five hundred pound glutton come in while Dennis was on break.

“No thanks. Boss already gave you the job. I’ll sit this one out,” Dennis winked.

“Sylvia?” Jason turned to the clerk at the drive through, her dark hair flowing to her hips. “You owe me a favor.”

“Hoy no, asesino,” she said, not even bothering to face him.

“Order #157!” Bob yelled over the intercom. “Now!”

Resisting the urge to point his middle finger at the camera, Jason finished bagging the food and went to deliver the order, when the old lady stopped him.

“Where are you going young man?”

“I have a delivery to–

If you encounter this story on Amazon, note that it's taken without permission from the author. Report it.

“What?”

“I have a delivery–

“What?! I can't hear you?!”

“I HAVE A DELIVERY TO MAKE! THE NEXT CASHIER WILL TAKE YOUR ORDER!”

“But I found Johnny’s receipt.”

“The next cashier will be with you in a moment.”

Before the rest of the customers started complaining, Jason dipped out of the fastfood restaurant. The sun blinded him as he looked around the parking lot, but it only took a second for him to spot the white Chevy Impala. A lowrider dipped in gold plated rims.

“Oh for fuck’s sake...”

Jason’s stomach dropped as he walked towards the customers. Five men with tattoos perked up, staring at him as he approached.

“Aye homes, what you doin on our turf?”

“I work here,” Jason swallowed.

“Aye what’s that mean? Aye you slangin on our turf, vato?”

“No fool, he works there. Look at his shirt.”

“Oh hahaha, I'm fuckin drunk.”

The gang started laughing as Jason inwardly cursed his luck.

“So what you got in the bag, homes?” One of the gangsters walked up to Jason and put an arm around his shoulder. “Damn this mother fucker tall, ese.”

Jason had to lean down as the man dug into the bag and fed himself some fries. He tried to hand the order over, but it was clear no one would take it but the leader.

“Aye fool, get yo greasy hands off him.”

Jason straightened uncomfortably as he stood before the leader. He dared not scrunch his nose as the strong stench of liquor caused his nostrils to itch.

“Damn ese, you cheap on the fries? There’s barely any left.”

Sweat dripped down Jason’s forehead as he brought up the price of the order. But before he could ask for payment the gang leader shook his head.

“I’m not paying for this, fool. The fries aren’t cooked right.” He ate another handful while handing out burgers to his crew.”

“Aye, you tryna charge for uncooked fries? What, you tryna give us salmonella or somethin’, ese?” One of the gang members pulled out a gun.

“N-no.” Jason stepped back, only now realizing there were two gangsters beside him. One on each side. They grabbed him before he could leave and just as he was about to piss himself, shots rang out.

Everyone dropped to the ground, taking cover while a frozen Jason stood stiff.

“Aye this fool set us up!”

A pistol rose towards his face, then another shot rang out and the man that just threatened his life died.

Fuck fuck fuck fuckkkkkkkk!

Jason didn't know how it happened, but time slowed. He saw bullets tear into the man’s chest. Saw blood rush out as it sprayed into the air, painting the pristine lowrider with trails of crimson tears.

In the next second the rest of the gang members angrily looked up at him. He saw their expressions change from sorrow to full on vengeance and rage. They reached for their weapons, disregarding all thoughts of safety as the cause for their member’s death was blamed on none other than Jason. The fool who’s luck had somehow rolled a negative.

Without thinking, he moved, flight kicking in before they could grab him. More shots rang out as the parking lot erupted into chaos. He dropped as low as he could, rushing for cover as cars raced to beat each other out of the lot. On multiple occasions he was almost run over as the world seemed to spin around him.

But with one foot forward he just kept moving. Adrenaline blocked out his thoughts. He made it to the fence and hopped over it in one go. All of his belongings at the restaurant didn’t even cross his mind. His keys, his ID, his spare change for the bus ride home, and his laptop–the most expensive thing he currently owned, had all been forgotten.

He just kept running until the shots sounded distant. Until sirens blared in the distance, growing louder and louder until blue and red lights flashed by. Yet still he kept running, his breath haggard. His lungs screaming in pain. He was a desk jockey. Physical activities were an excuse he used to occasionally get off his ass. He hadn’t properly worked out since college. Since before he had taken that IT job and his office got raided for hacking into a government facility and for leaking nuclear secrets, which pushed the world into chaos, edging ever closer to WWIIII

It wasn't him. The waterboarding had made sure he told the truth. The agents that kept interfering with his new jobs, made sure he was on the straight and narrow. Yet things just kept getting worse.

Jason’s breath caught as he tripped and fell on the ground, his face swelling as exhaustion finally caught up to him. It was all he could do to roll over, tears falling down the side of his face. What did he do to deserve this life? Surely his streak of unfortunate events was just a cosmic prank and would end soon. His bad luck was approaching five years. Five long years where he ran out of his life’s savings, barely scraping by as the world blamed him for armageddon.

The first two years were the worst. He spent countless days locked away in a secret underground facility where he was only released from a hole to answer questions. On his release, his friends cut contact in order to protect their families. Even his brother had changed his name and moved to a different state, selling his parents home and car. The bastard.

Long nights at bus stations awaited him after constantly being denied access to hotels and apartments. He couldn’t even sleep in parks, as the homeless people there were the worst. Somehow they all knew him, praising him for trying to bring down the new world order, while others sought to kill him for not succeeding.

“I give up!” He shouted, his spirit breaking. “I can’t do this anymore!” He spoke to the cosmos. Spoke to anyone who would listen.

Then he just laid there.

Time passed as the sun drifted through the sky. People watched him. People pointed at him, muttering their contempt. Day turned to night as the first person tried to mug him, emptying his pockets.

“Loser.” The man kicked him.

Next a stray dog pissed on him and kids laughed in the distance. One threw a rock at his head.

“See, I told you he was dead.”

And that’s when the sky rumbled.

Analyzing…

It wasn’t thunder. No rain fell. But something deep in Jason stirred, his entire being going on alert.

What was that?

His consciousness that had become a fog dusted itself off and his eyes stared into the heavens. What he saw, he couldn’t say. Nor would he ever remember. But as he closed his eyes, resigning himself, a beam of light descended from the sky.

“Oh look, a shooting star! Mr, are you dead? You can wish to be alive again if you wish on the star.”

“How can he wish if he’s dead stupid?”

“Oh. I guess you’re right.”

Jason’s dried lips cracked into a smile, bleeding. That was funny, he sighed, exhausted from being exhausted.

Finally, after hours laying in the middle of the sidewalk, he sat up, watching as more lights descended. An innumerable count blanketed the world. One of the many lights descended onto him. The sensation was… foreign. He felt as if he was plunged under water, the invasive light embracing his entire being as it seeped into his organs and cells, shedding light on his very DNA.

A single glance showed him that he wasn't the only one affected. The kids across the street glowed a brilliant white in his sight, and he noticed the outline of their ribcages, down to their small hearts beating beneath.

Jason strained his sight further, looking around in bewilderment. He had the wherewithal to look down at his own body, flexing his fingers, and as he did so a prompt appeared.

Scan complete.

Congratulations! Earth has been evaluated.

Survival chances: Acceptable.

Overall Grade: F.

Commencing transfer to Tutorial…

Prepare to select your starting ability.