“I swear to god, if this is a sales call I am going to lose it on you!”

Quickly, I stand up from the couch in my living room and raise my voice over the phone.

“Wait, wait, wait. It’s just Akira.”

That was not what I expected out of the gate there, I see that, unlike Koi, some things just don’t change over time. This is the girl I remember.

Koi’s younger sister by about three years was anything but a model student at the time I knew her, she would constantly get in fights at school with other students and the teachers. The school faculty became her number one enemy over the time due to her blonde-dyed hair and makeup.

“And Akira, do you solemnly swear you’re not a sales representative?”

With one hand clutching the phone with every bit of my strength and the other firmly planted on my heart, I make the vow.

“I solemnly swear I’m not a sales representative.”

Sakura’s laughter can be heard booming out of my phone’s speaker.

“Well then, Akira, can I just call you Aki? Yes, okay I feel like we’re good friends already. Now Aki, what can I do for you, do I know you? You couldn’t be here to ask me out on a date or anything would you?”

Slow down, I swear to god, slow down.

Her brain functions a million times faster than anyone I know, and that confidence! Where does that come from and please god can I have it?

Don’t say something quippy, Akira, don’t say something snarky.

“It’s Akira, Akira Nonomi – I used to come over all the time…”

Sakura pauses over the phone for a moment, finally allowing my brain some well-deserved peace.

“Oh my god, you aren’t that guy who dropped out of school to start a gang are you? Like I already told your friends, I’m not interested in being your poster girl – find some other trash to be a part of-“

“I think there’s a misunderstanding, that isn’t me!”

I actually think there’s been a hell of a lot of a misunderstanding! Who are these terrifying figures that you’re associating with? Why would they want you as their poster girl?

There are too many questions, this girl is exhausting.

“Oh really? Then prove it! What’s the gang’s secret passphrase?”

The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

I let out a deep sigh.

“I don’t know the passphrase, I’m not in the freaking gang like I just told you.”

Sakura lets out a strange hmph noise.

“Touche, touche. You are a stronger opponent than I would’ve thought, it’s not all brawn over brains these days is it. Ah, how the kids grow up.”

“I’m older than you! And that’s not how the saying goes, it’s brains over brawn and now I’m left wondering if you really have that.”

“Well, I can’t say I have much brawn.”

“Are you just telling me you’re completely useless then?”

Akira, I told you not to be snarky and here’s where we are! Everyone reading will think you’re a massive jerk – that not only impacts viewer relatability but merchandising opportunities for your anime adaption.

“That’s really rude, you know? You called me and now I’m being insulted. I think I’m going to han-“

“Wait, wait! Let’s start again.”

“Okay, I’ll hang up the phone and you can ca-“

“No, no, please. My name’s Akira Nonomi – I’m a friend of Koi from when we were kids. I was wondering if I could have her phone number to catch up sometime?”

Throughout Sakura’s ramblings, somehow, I just managed to blurt everything out – it seemed like the easier option than dealing with whatever mess is inside her head. How can so many people from one family be so complicated?

My legs feel weak from standing on edge for so long as I fall back onto the couch behind me. These sisters are too exhausting for an introverted shut-in.

“Ten thousand yen.”

What? Is she trying to extort me?

“Excuse me?”

“That’ll be a hundred thousand yen.”

The price just went up astronomically!

“I’m sorry – I can’t pay.”

“Well, I’m sorry I just don’t deal with broke people. Maybe the next girl's house you ring up will be more charitable.”

“I can’t pay because I promised this wouldn’t be a sales call, I can’t go back on my word now – my word is my oath.”

My word is my oath? What am I even talking about?

Also, I only promised I wasn’t a sales representative, I never said there wouldn’t be a sale but it’s the best shot I have right now, and she doesn’t seem too bright.

“Touché, touché, mon ami. Now I understand why they call you Aki, the Greatest, Conqueror of Worlds and Women.”

I don’t like where this is going; where did the French come from?

“They don’t call me that and I really hope they never do! That makes me sound like such a womanizer and a tyrant.”

"Oh, but sweet Aki. When you said ‘my word is my oath’ that was just so cool. I think you could be whatever you want in life.”

Hearing my words spewed back makes my whole-body shiver in dread as my shoulders raise over either side of my head. I hope I can forget everything about this conversation.

“What I want in life is to be someone who has Koi’s phone number, if you can’t give it to me then I won’t be able to be whatever I want in life and therefore you’re either lying or stupid.”

Checkmate.

“You would beat a girl that’s younger than you at a game of proverbial chess this badly? You have no chivalry! Someone like you would probably be perfect for Koi anyway.”

Younger than me? You’re still a freaking adult, you can stand up for yourself.

Okay, slow down, Aki, you’re starting to sound like more of a jerk than usual and I can feel the readers finding it harder and harder to relate to you.

“So, you’ll give me her number then?”

Sakura pauses for a moment as I sit in anticipation.

"Yes, I’ll give it to you, I’ll also give you mine as well – you may have won this game but if you ever feel up to re-challenging me, Akira Nonomi, I will be honing my skills.”

What, are we rivals now or something?

Like I would ever want to talk to you again anyway, this was more Sakura than anyone could ever want in a lifetime.

Sakura gives me both numbers and leaves the conversation much nicer than she entered; I felt an affectionate presence from her at the end. Maybe she’s finally getting some character development and learning how to be nice.

As soon as she hangs up, I fling my phone across my apartment.

I’m done with everyone today.