It was a long, long time ago since I lived that first life of mine. So long that I am not able to tell or remember it.
I was born in Japan from about 1993 of that world. I say approximately because, as I said, it's been a long time since then, so I don't remember it well. At the same time, I no longer remember my parents' faces or the face I had at that time. I remember that I had a quiet life from the moment I was born until the moment I passed away. I always lived well. I didn't have great luxuries, but I didn't live badly.
I seem to remember that in school I never stood out but I never did poorly academically. What I do remember clearly is that when I entered high school I met the woman with whom I would fall in love and want to spend the rest of my life. However... I can't remember her face either. What did she look like... slim... what color were her eyes... green maybe... or were they brown...? If I am not mistaken, she was very energetic, cheerful and good-natured. Something I can't get out of my mind is that her smile left me spellbound from the first moment I saw her. I always wanted to see that majestic smile. Heck... I just wish I could remember what she looked like. I just know that I liked her a lot.
During the course of high school I managed to get close to her and even establish close ties. As time went by, we got closer and closer, until we ended up having a romantic relationship.
In college I studied everything related to manga and anime because I had always liked that kind of thing, and because I drew decently well. She leaned towards studying... What was it?... I think she studied medicine... Or maybe business administration.
Anyway, we both got married after we finished college. I was finally going to live with the person I loved. With that person I loved from the depths of my being. YES!!!!....WITH THE WOMAN I WANTED TO SPEND THE REST OF MY DAYS!!!!....THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!!!!....THAT PERSON WHO WAS IDEAL FOR ME!!!!... ... ... ... ... Argh... Damn..... If only I could remember something about her. Even if it's just the name... Or maybe the face... Or that smile I couldn't get out of my head. Just something that could bring back those beautiful memories of those nostalgic days.
Well, as I was saying. A few years after we got married we found out that she had become pregnant. I still remember that great emotion I felt from the depths of my chest. That immeasurable joy that ran through the depths of my body, from my strong, beating heart to the tips of my toes.
Aside from joy, I also felt nervous. Nervous of what lay ahead. Nervous about whether I would be able to raise this new life. Nervous of the great responsibility I had been given. But that nervousness was nil compared to the joy that surged through my body. I couldn't wait to start that new stage of my life. That stage where I could live with the woman I loved, with the job I loved and, above all, with the person I was going to love more than anyone else in my life.
I think it was after 6 months after we found out my wife had gotten pregnant when that happened. It would be around 2018. A few weeks shy of my 25th birthday.
It was a rainy day. Much more than usual. The streets were flooded and cars could hardly drive. There were really few people on the streets. The ones that were there were really desperate to get to a roofed place and take cover from the deluge.
The reason I had left home that lousy day was that I got an appointment with a company to see the manga I was developing. If everything went well, I would be able to work with them and get a stable and well-paid salary. This meant that I would be able to support my family with less worries.
However, it was at that moment that my life changed. There I was, waiting to cross the street. Behind me, about 10 feet away, there was a mother and daughter. The mother was carrying an umbrella and the little girl was carrying a yellow pilot. They were under a small awning so they wouldn't get soaked. They were discussing something. I imagine it was a minor issue because the mother kept repeating things like "Stop complaining about such insignificant things, you're too old for that".
I could imagine myself having those kinds of discussions with my own daughter. Because yes, the doctors had already confirmed that we were having a baby girl. A baby girl I couldn't wait to see and raise with as much love as I could possibly muster.
That's when it all happened.
As I was waiting for the traffic light to turn red so I could cross the street, a yellow silhouette appeared around my eyes. This silhouette was heading towards the street. A street where vehicles were still passing by. I knew very well who that yellow silhouette belonged to. It belonged to the girl who seconds before was behind me arguing with her mother.
"Wait, you can't cross yet!" those were the words that came out of my mouth as soon as I identified that the one who ran past me was that girl.
I don't know the reason for her flight into the dangerous street. What I do know for sure is that as soon as I identified the yellow silhouette, I ran after her.
I ran to catch up with a desperation I had never felt before. When I was a few centimeters away from reaching her, some lights shone on me completely and I heard a noise that any human being would recognize. Tong-toooong. It was a horn, more precisely a truck horn. I noticed it instantly. I saw that the truck tried to brake, but with the weather in that condition it was not going to stop in time. For that reason, I stretched as far as I could to catch up with the girl. When I reached her, I pushed her. I pushed her as hard as I could, to get her out of harm's way. However, there was no one there to push me out of this desperate situation.
That's how I died. Crushed by a truck. The last words that went through my mind were "Shit".
...
The only thing I remember after that was that I saw a big white flash. In the middle of the flash I could see a figure. A completely white one, so I couldn't make out its features in their entirety.
That flash lasted a few seconds. When I opened my eyes again, I was looking at the ceiling. One I had never seen before. Well... I guessed it was a ceiling because I could see everything half blurry. I didn't know why but I couldn't see clearly. I remembered the accident I had just had with the truck, so I figured it could be the after effects of the crash. I also came to the conclusion that I was in a hospital because I noticed that I was lying on a stretcher and because from time to time people in white and some light blue outfits were peeking out.
Something didn't quite fit for me, though. I felt like I was lying on something soft. But it wasn't the softness of a mattress, it was more like the softness of skin. I began to slowly turn my head to the right. What I found was something I wasn't expecting. I was being held by a woman. One I had never met before. I don't remember what her face looked like but I do remember that she was staring at me with a smile. Even though I couldn't see clearly I could make that out.
"It can't be" I thought at that moment. I kept turning my head towards my body to clear my doubts. My body, which should have been the developed body of an adult man, was not there. It was there, but it didn't look like it should have. It had a body much smaller than mine. One covered in a white cloth that did not allow me to move. I began to move my tongue back and forth inside my mouth. I didn't have any teeth.
That was the moment I realized what had happened. I had obtained the body of a newborn baby. Or more precisely, I had been reborn.
When I found out, I felt great anguish. I knew that I could not go on with my past life. That I would not be able to continue living with the person I fell in love with. That I would not be able to meet my daughter. That I would not be able to get the job of my dreams. A wave of feelings washed over me, and tears began to well up in my eyes. I cried. I cried like I had never cried before. I unloaded all my feelings of resentment, sadness, anguish, on that long and painful cry.
...
I continued my life as if nothing had happened. I never told my parents what had happened to me and tried to pass myself off as a normal child.
Years went by and I noticed some intriguing things that led me to a conclusion. First of all, I had been born in approximately the year 2000 in the United States, so I intuited that I was reborn in a time past my own. I ended up discarding that possibility because, as time went on, I noticed that there were small details of events that occurred that were different from what I had experienced. For example, the attack on the Twin Towers occurred on September 27 instead of September 11; or, for example, the history books mentioned the discovery of America in 1496 instead of 1492. Therefore, I concluded that I was reincarnated in a world similar to mine, but different in small ways.
No matter what world he was in, he had obtained the gift of reincarnation, so he intended to make ample use of it.
I decided to pursue my chosen profession in my previous life, so I dedicated myself to improving my drawings from an early age. All the other things in my daily life, such as school, were not a problem for me since I had already been through it all.
I kept living in a way that I had no regrets and trying to do everything I couldn't. I made great friends, worked at my dream job and married a woman I grew to love almost as much as the one in my previous life. I had 2 children with her. They both grew up splendidly and became men I was proud of. They married and had children, whom I spoiled as any grandfather would. I watched them grow up and even marry. One of them had a daughter at an early age, so I got to meet my great-granddaughter. When she was about 76 years old my wife died, and shortly after that I did.
Yes, that was my life when I was reincarnated. A quiet and carefree one thanks to the fact that my job was well paid. I had no regrets. I could die without worrying about leaving something unfinished in the past.
When I died, I saw a flash like the one I had seen in my first life and the same white figure. After that, I opened my eyes again. My vision was blurry and I was in a hospital ward. I repeated the same process as the last time and came to the same conclusion... I had been reincarnated again.
...
"How is this possible?", "Did I reincarnate again?". That was what I kept asking myself. Once is lucky enough, not to say impossible, but twice? It didn't make sense.
As time went by, I noticed that there were changes in the world. There were things that were different from my first and second life. That is why I confirmed the hypothesis I had made in my previous life, I reincarnated in a different world. However, it was not very different either, on a large scale it was the same but with small variations.
Unable to do much else, I accepted my fate and went on with my life as normal. I graduated, studied a different profession and, although it was hard to leave my former life behind, I got married and started a family. I enjoyed that opportunity again to the fullest. There was nothing I regretted, and just as I came into that world I also left. I died once again.
A flash, a figure and a hospital. Everything was repeating itself. I have been reincarnated once again.
...
It didn't stop there. I lost my life, and was born again. It didn't stop there either. I lost my life, and was born again. And it didn't stop there either. I lost my life, and was born again. Nor there. I lost my life, and was born again. And I lost my life and was born again.
Without realizing it, that cycle became a normality for me. I repeated the same process over and over again. I would choose a new profession, process leaving behind the previous world I had lived in, look for a partner and start a family. At no time did I know why I was being reincarnated, but I tried not to overthink it and moved on without questioning it too much.
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I went on like this until, in what would be around my 25th reincarnation, I could not go on any longer. I could not bear to go on living. I questioned the reason for everything. It made no sense to me to live so many good lives, if the only one I wanted to enjoy the most was the first one, the one in which I could not be with the woman I loved and I could not even meet my own daughter. That was my biggest regret. I did not want to continue with that farce. For that reason, I committed suicide. That's when I met him...
...
This time I was not reincarnated. I was in a completely white place. I could not see the background. In fact, I couldn't see the floor I was sitting on either. My body was what impressed me the most. It was changing its appearance in parts. I had no idea why.
Hello
I looked up. A few metres in front of me was a figure. It was the same white figure I had been seeing every time I died. I couldn't quite make out its features because everything was white, but I could clearly see that it was smiling.
Oiiiiiii, I'm talking to you
I stared at him. His words rang inside my head.
What happened? Don't you understand me?
-Where am I? Who are you?
Oooohhh, if you can talk
Where are we? Mmmhhh. It's hard to explain. Let's say it's a place out of spacetime, a place away from all worlds. And as for the second question, let's not get ahead of ourselves. For now you can call me White
-Huh? I don't understand anything. What are you? A god?
Hahaha. You could say that I am a god, and it is normal that you don't understand what is happening.
I didn't understand anything, what the hell was going on, was this guy really a god?
Several seconds passed without either of us saying a word. All the while we were staring at each other. He had a smile on his face at all times.
Now then, tell me... Why did you do that?
A shiver ran through my body. I was intimidated. As he said that he twisted his head to the side and his expression changed completely. That carefree smile he had was completely gone. He now had a serious look on his face as he stared at me.
Tell me, why did you do it?
Another shiver ran through my body. He asked me the same question again, yet I didn't know what he was talking about.
Why did you decide to take your own life? How did you come to that conclusion? Do you know what many would give to have a chance like yours?
Aahh. So that's what I was talking about. Wait, so that means...
-Are you the one who gave me the gift of reincarnation?
Indeed. I was the one who allowed you to be reincarnated all these times.
Answer me, why did you do it?
-I... I couldn't bear to go on living" I paused briefly. -I... I was suffering, I just want to be with the woman I left behind and live with her and my daughter the life I could not.
Huh? Were you in pain? What are you talking about? If this is nothing. I thought this was actually going to give you a break and peace of mind for what's to come.
-What's to come? What are you talking about?
Agh. We're running out of time, I'll tell you in detail the next time we meet. What I can tell you for now is this. You're going to live a total of 100 lives, so you've got a long way to go. From the 50th life, you are going to live a hell. So I strongly recommend that you enjoy every single one of them until you get there.
His smile appeared again. Everything around me began to darken, the place that was completely white began to turn black.
Well, it looks like this is where we say goodbye
-Wait, what does that mean? Wait. What does that mean? I reached out my hand as if to grab it but I couldn't move from where I was.
As I said, we'll save it for next time. But, I warn you, do not take your life again. If you do, I will begin such suffering immediately.
The darkness spread on a grand scale, until every tiny presence of the flashing white that surrounded me was no longer there. I closed my eyes, and when I opened them again, I was in a hospital bed.
...
After that, I didn't know what to think. "Was that really a god?" "100 lives I have to live, I've got more than half of them left!". However, as full of doubt as I was, there wasn't much I could do. So, I had no choice but to accept my fate and move on.
My lives were passing by. Each one I enjoyed less and less. I started to become a more serious guy, with less emotions even. The only thing that kept me afloat during that time was family. Those bonds I was forming with the people around me kept me afloat. Little by little the word family became sacred to me. Something that could bring me out of my moments of agony and calm me down.
In this way, I reached my 50th reincarnation.
...
Hello hello. How long have you been
-I stared at the white figure standing a few steps away from me.
I said hello hello. How are you? How did it go?
-Argh, my near mental breakdown aside, I'd say okay.
Oh, you're a bit of an exaggerator, aren't you?
I didn't say anything, I just stared at him.
-Well, now explain to me what this is all about. The last time we met you said that I had to go through a hundred lives, and that from now on I'm going to live through hell, right?
Mmh, looks like someone is going straight to business. Haha, I like it. Well, I'll tell you more details. You...
He paused briefly.
You have been selected as a soldier. More specifically as a champion
-What do you mean? What do you mean?
I'm sorry to tell you, but you're basically left in a dispute between two gods. I am a god from a different world than you. Said world has been in a constant dispute for control between two gods. Since neither can directly affect the world itself, each chooses people who will fight on his behalf, called champions, i.e. his soldiers. And you... have been selected as one of them.
-What the hell are you saying? Me? A soldier? You've got to be kidding me.
That's right, the idea of all these reincarnations that you are living, is that you prepare yourself for what is coming. This is the only way you will survive
-Huh?
So, from one moment to the next, I was involved in a fight between gods, and a huge burden was placed on my shoulders. Such a burden, that I could not have imagined the future that lay ahead of me.
-I don't want to participate in all this, I just want to rest and see my first wife, so I can apologize to her.
Mmmh... I'm sorry, but it's not that simple.
The mysterious god scratched his head as he answered me.
However, there is something I can do to cheer you up. I propose this, you will now live 49 lives preparing for the 100th life, which will be when you will be involved in the fight between gods. When you fulfill your task in that life, I will let you reunite with your wife.
... I stared at him in bewilderment ...
-Hey, are you serious? Am I going to be able to see her again? How is that possible? How do I know you're not cheating on me?
Well, I am a god after all, right. So of course it's possible. On the other hand, you're going to have no choice but to trust me.
I couldn't believe it. I was going to be able to see my wife again. I was going to be able to apologize to her. Apologize for leaving her alone, for leaving her the difficult task of raising our daughter alone. However, that was a long way off. I would have to work hard to be worthy of seeing her again.
-Okay, I'll do it.
Geniaaal! You didn't have much choice either, but it's good to know you'll make an effort. We don't have much time left, so before you go let me tell you something....
I hadn't realized it, but the atmosphere began to turn black.
No giving up, okay. If I see that happen, and you escape by the way of death, i.e. commit suicide, I won't let you see your wife. So, give it your best shot, good luck!
Darkness flooded the atmosphere, and I opened my eyes again. I had been reincarnated again.
...
What awaited me in my next lives, I could never have imagined. When that god said it was going to be hard, he was very serious. From that moment on, I lived the real hell. Life after life, I was molded into a soldier. In fact, after that conversation, because of the year I was born, I was forced to take part in the First World War. It didn't end there anyway, I've lived through different kinds of wars, whether they were international, national, medieval, or I just had to go through life on the margins, being someone who barely had enough to eat, having to make the hardest decisions I've ever faced.
In this way, little by little, I have been facing the crude cruelty of the world. Thus understanding my uselessness and what awaited me later on. I was a soldier, and I was fulfilling my mission.
I was slipping further and further into madness and despair. I began to feel lost and tired, with a somber look on my face and an expressionless face. Every time I reincarnated, my family worried about my health when they saw me in that state. A few times I was able to form my own family in that situation. However, the only thing I could conclude from that was that it was a waste of time to form bonds. Sooner or later this world was going to break them by force. I had to face the death of my friends, colleagues, family members, and even my wife and son. Little by little, I was sinking into a pit, into deep dark waters. I came very close to hitting bottom and giving up repeatedly, yet the desire to see my wife again kept me halfway sane enough to continue.
Thus, I became the soldier of that god. One who lost almost all his emotions. One whose face is that of someone lost. One of someone tired, and with the only desire to die and rest in peace.
So, here I am today, sitting in a chair contemplating the view from a skyscraper. All around me, corrupt government officials whom my mission was to assassinate. I was not going to make it out of this building alive, which doesn't matter, after all, I'm just a replaceable pawn. Multiple footsteps approached at high speed, it must have been security. The doors opened and they entered. In my right hand I held a switch. I pressed it, and everything exploded, killing me and everyone in the room. Thus ends my 99th reincarnation.
...
Once again, I was in a white room and, as expected, in front of me was the white figure.
-Well, it looks like the time has come.
That's right. It was a tough ride, wasn't it?
-No doubt, but as long as you keep your word it will have been worth it. Now please send me to that world.
Ohhh, so much excitement, what's rushing you so fast?
-I want to end this once and for all.
All right, all right. Anyway, before I send you off, I'd like to tell you something. This world is not like any you've ever seen. While it resembles a medieval time, like what you've already experienced, it has a more fantastic tone to it, so to speak.
-Eh? What do you mean?
Well...
He stared at me for a few seconds.
Ha, you'd better figure it out on your own.
Oh, this guy really irritates me.
Well, without further ado, I bid you farewell, and good luck.
So, once again, everything went black, and when I opened my eyes again, I was in a new body.
Mental stability: 15%.