1

He’s sitting in a dark room where the only light is coming from a small yellow desk lamb. Trying to tie his tie but he can’t. his wife always tied it for him. Today is her funeral. He stared into the mirror remembering his wife’s face, her smile. How she was the only light he saw in this dark and grim world. He didn’t used to believe in love, the one, angels and all that fairy tale nonsense but when he met his wife, he felt like he was standing at the gates of heaven.

Someone entered the room interrupting his thoughts:

“Hey, how are you holding up?”

He looked at her from the mirror and gave her his usual kind smile which now looked as a crack in his reflection and said “I will live, Airi”

“You don’t have to act tough. Not all things can be faced with a smile”

“I don’t know what else to do. I lost her, the love of my life, the only light I saw in this dark world. I couldn’t save her” then he broke down into tears.

His sister ran to hug him and also she started to cry “don’t say that Akihiro, you tried to save her, she died knowing that you tried. That you loved her from the bottom of your heart”

“I’m sorry for troubling you sis, did you need anything?”

“Never apologize to me dummy, especially for feeling. Oh, I came to tell you that we are ready to go”

“Okay, let’s go”

                            2

During the funeral he felt like he’s deaf. He can’t hear anyone speak. He’s seeing himself being swallowed by darkness. He never knew this darkness could come back.

Before meeting his wife, he surrendered to life. His name is Akihiro Hirayama, 25 years old, a detective in the RPD. When he used to think about why he became a detective, he would never find an answer. The world was never going to become a better place just because he caught this criminal or that one. And why would he think that. People who never saw the light, would never understand how it feels. Anyway, let’s go back to Akihiro meeting his wife.

He could remember it like it was yesterday. The Christmas party that he was invited to by his sister, the lights, the song California dreaming by the mamas & the papas is playing in the background and his feeling of loneliness is crushing his soul. He is staring at people talking and laughing and thinks to himself “why are they happy, how could they just live?”

He always felt like there’s this glass barrier between him and other people and he’s just allowed to look from his side. His side that’s being eaten by darkness every day. He lost hope that he could just be normal. It seems so easy and so hard at the same time. He felt a panic attack coming.

He stood from his chair and walked towards his sister “excuse me sis but I’m going to leave”

“No come on stay, you’re going to miss all the fun” she said with a sad look

“Maybe another time, good night Airi”

“Good night brother” she knew this would happen and that he won’t listen to her but she was still sad that he left.

“you brother is so weird” said one of Airi’s friends to her.

“Why do you say that?” said Airi with a small grin.

“I meant nothing wrong Airi, but he has a look on his eyes like he’s empty inside. A dead stare I guess”

“Well, life wasn’t easy for us growing up but for him it was more than that”

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing, I’ll grab us another drink” she said with a smile that hid her despair about what she remembered.

                          3

You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.

Akihiro went to a bar on his way home. He sat down and ordered a white Russian. The moonlight sonata by Ludwig van Beethoven was playing in the background. His brain was like a well-oiled machine designed for breaking him. Despite not being a sociable person, he never likes to spend time alone because whenever he spends time alone, he remembers. He remembers his father and how his father was one of the main reasons that made him sink into darkness. His father that used to beat him for every small mistake, for being “a softy” as his father used to say. He remembered how his father tied him to the bed and started beating him with a walking cane. That was the first time that Akihiro imagined killing his father using an ash tray.

But that’s not the worst thing he’s done. No no, that came when one day when Akihiro and his sister were 10 and 8, and for the first time Akihiro and Airi were fighting over a chocolate bar. Their dad woke up because of their fighting and he was furious but didn’t say a word. He just took them both to their room and started beating them with a wooden stick. Akihiro was always jealous of his sister because she was never beaten unlike him. But now as he looked at her being beaten on the face and body. He felt like he would never love himself again and that there’s darkness surrounding him. On the inside he was afraid not from his father but because he was seeing actual darkness swallowing him and then.

“Excuse me, can I get a white Russian” said a lady that sat next to him and interrupted his thoughts.

The lady looked to her right where Akihiro was sitting and said “great choice huh”

“Not really,” said Akihiro

“Then why did you order it”

“Just the first thing I read on the menu”

“You’re not that good of a liar pretty boy” she said with a warm smile.

“Well, normally I’m better than you think”

“Okay, tell me something and I’ll guess if it’s a lie or not”

“okay”

He turned to her and looked at her dead in the eye and said “I haven’t killed anyone in my entire life”

Her smile faded a bit and she said “I hope that’s the truth”

“you’ll never know” said Akihiro with a forced smile.

“So, you really have killed before.”

“Take it easy darling, I’m a detective so yeah I have killed before when the situation demanded it”

“Oh, a sad pretty boy and a detective”

“Well, that sums it up I guess” he said with a smile.

“Well, so that’s what your real smile looks like huh”

Akihiro never really understood women and never tried to be in a relationship. Let’s just say he never viewed himself as someone who deserved love and women often found him unsettling.

He finished his drink as the bartender is putting the drink that the lady ordered in front of her and after she took a sip she said “I really love Beethoven, moonlight sonata is one of my favorite musical pieces”

“Why do you love it so much?” said Akihiro.

“So, you do want to have a conversation”

“I’m just not that sociable”

“I figured. Well, I guess I loved it so much because it reminds me of love that will never happen just like Beethoven and Julie Guicciardi his lover. It’s a bit sad I know but sadness Is also a part of love I guess”

He looked at her as he saw light for the first time and said nothing.

“Why do you look so surprised pretty boy. I know a thing or two about a thing or two. Do you love it”

“Yeah, I love it. I guess it reminds me of my own loneliness. It’s as if despair itself composed it”

“Well, despair is a part of the living experience. It means that you’re alive”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” said Akihiro. He heard that before and always thought that this optimistic talk is just a lie humans keep telling themselves to get through life “I’m sorry but I have to go” he paid for the drink and as he was leaving, the lady said

“Smile more, pretty boy, I see light in you”

He looked at her surprisingly. No one has ever said that to him. He, the monster who is sinking in darkness. He found himself asking her “do you want to grab a cup of coffee sometime?”

“Well, that’s a surprise. Sure, here is my number. What’s your name by the way?”

“Akihiro Hirayama, and you?”

“Anastasia Aristov”

He remembers how she looked that day. Her blue eyes that can see through his darkness, her yellow silky hair which always reminded him of the warmth of the sun and her smile which always made him feel like he took a glimpse of heave.

                          4

Akihiro is standing in front of a crowd waiting for him to say a few words about his late wife but he is in total shock. He is staring to the back of the room like she will now open the door and this will all be a bad joke.

“This is useless” he said angerly staring into the crowd. The crowd looked at him in pity.

“What am I supposed to say here? Anastasia was a good wife, kind and one of the purest souls to ever exist. But she wasn’t any of that. she made mistakes, loved people even if this gave her nothing but heart break in return and she trusted that all people had light in them. I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m just…angry with her that she left, angry at God if he’s there and angry at the destiny that made me meet her. Because if I didn’t meet, I wouldn’t have loved her to death. I wouldn’t have felt her worm light which is the only thing that keeps me together at the moment. And I wouldn’t have felt this pain because she left”

His voice cracked a bit and he started to shed tears “Anastasia you were the only light I saw in this world and after you my world was swallowed by darkness. You’re the only one I loved and the only one I’ll ever love. You were killed because your light was too bright for this world. Your love was too beautiful to exist. I love you forever and always”

He stepped off the stage while the crowd is silent and most of them is crying including his sister who’s the only one close enough to him to know how really hard this is for him.

He left the funeral with the eyes of a man who will burn this entire world.

“Brother, wait, I want to talk to you”

Airi barely caught up with Akihiro. He looked back to see her running towards him.

“Don’t do anything stupid” said Airi while trying to catch her breath.

“I have to find him. He has to pay for what he did”

“you’re a detective Akihiro. You bring justice not chaos”

“You didn’t see her. You didn’t see how she died. How she was han…. hanged from a tree like some sort of animal. Whoever did this, to me he’s not human. And I lost my humanity when Anastasia died?”

“Brother, I know that to be a lie. You can try to deny it but you really changed. You smiled for the first time. A real smile. You loved and you gave your heart out. For the first time in your live you were actually alive. You saw light and people who see light become addicted to it”

“I have to do this Airi. I need to breathe Airi” said Akihiro as he was trying to hide his panic attack which stopped when he met Anastasia and returned after her passing.

“I believe you’ll do the right thing brother. You were always the smart one”

“You say that because you were always the kind one” said Akihiro while hugging his sister.

He rode his car and drove away and while he was heading to the station, he got a phone call “Akihiro speaking”

“Hey Hiro. This is Raphael”

“Talk to me”

“It happened again. We found another body”

The eyes that were always hollow are now filled with the fire of vengeance

“Where?”