Kim spat out feathers and staggered forward. Somewhere behind him, a man was screaming about losing his trousers, and up ahead, a rival team had just been flattened by a runaway donkey cart.
"We need a plan!" Amina yelled, shoving a cyclist off his bike and hopping on.
"Plan?" Major Otis scoffed, sprinting beside her. "Real soldiers adapt to chaos!" He immediately tripped over a discarded cooking pot and face-planted into the dirt.
Chege wa Munene, still dizzy from his earlier fall, pointed at a barely visible path veering off from the main route. "Shortcut!"
Kim hesitated. "You sure?"
Chege nodded confidently. "Definitely. Probably. Maybe."
They had no time to argue. The Marauders were steamrolling through the crowd behind them, tossing people aside like sacks of ugali flour. Kim took a deep breath.
"Screw it—GO!"
They darted into the narrow path, cutting through dense vegetation, avoiding the madness of the main road.
For exactly thirty seconds.
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Then the ground vanished beneath their feet.
Kim barely had time to scream before they all went tumbling down a steep slope, rolling over rocks, bushes, and—was that a goat?
They finally crashed to a stop at the bottom, dazed, bruised, and covered in questionable cow dung.
Amina groaned, peeling herself off a stunned chicken. "That... was NOT a shortcut."
Kim wiped mud from his face and looked around. They had landed in the middle of a Maasai cattle auction.
Hundreds of very confused herders and their equally confused cows stared at them.
One elder pointed at them. "Who are you?"
Before Kim could answer, Chege sat up, blinked at the crowd, and confidently declared:
"We're the entertainment!"
The herders cheered.
And just like that, things somehow got even worse.
---
A large, muscular man in traditional shukas stepped forward. He had the calm confidence of a man who had never lost a fight in his life.
"You are the entertainers?" he asked, eyes narrowing.
Chege, never one to back down from bad ideas, nodded enthusiastically. "Of course! And now, for our next act..."
He turned to Kim and whispered, "Please do something before they kill us."
Kim sighed, stepped forward, and did the only thing he could think of.
He started dancing.
It was terrible.
Amina and Major Otis stared in horror as Kim flailed his arms like a malfunctioning windmill. The crowd murmured in deep concern.
"He's cursed," someone whispered.
"Maybe he's possessed?" another suggested.
Just when it seemed like the situation couldn’t get worse, Major Otis joined in.
He drop-kicked the air, landed badly, and somehow knocked himself out.
Silence.
Then the Maasai elder burst out laughing.
The entire crowd followed.
"You fools are insane!" the elder declared, wiping tears from his eyes. "I like you."
Kim exhaled. Crisis averted.
Then the elder grinned. "As a reward, you will help us!"
Kim froze. "Help you with... what, exactly?"
The elder clapped his hands.
Immediately, two young warriors emerged, dragging a furious, thrashing bull into the clearing.
"You will ride Ngamia!" the elder announced.
Kim gulped.
The biggest, angriest bull he had ever seen snorted, glaring at him.
He turned to Chege. "You and your shortcuts."
Chege grinned. "You're welcome."