"I don't know who you are, but not my former female classmate, it is for sure," Tyler said in his mind. "I've read enough books to know how it goes. We make a deal, you get my soul, and then I'll be your slave forever!"

"Hahaha," hearing this, the existence before him laughed. At the same time, it started to change its form as if being made out of plasticine. As it still laughed, it no longer looked or sounded like a busty teenage girl. Instead, it was in the form of Tyrel Chestnut wearing pizza delivery form. Hearing how something laughed in his own voice was disturbing, to say the least—especially considering that Tyler himself could no longer create any sounds.

"I'm not a demon, Tyler," the existence claimed. "Sorry for being so rude, my dear friend. I should have introduced myself from the start. My name is Asherintelleonieash-777. Friends just call me Ash Seven, and so can you."

"This name is not suspicious at all," Tyrel sarcastically thought, "now I'm sure that you aren't a demon who wants to steal my soul, thank you very much!"

"There is no word in your human language to describe a form of existence like me," Ash Seven just pretended that it didn't hear anything - and it actually didn't, thoughts were soundless, after all, "but the closest term would be a god. Your soul is worthless to me, but what you can potentially do and achieve - this is what I really want to get my hands on."

"How the hell can you get someone else's achievements?" Tyler was dumbfounded. "Do you plan to take over my body or something?"

"Nothing so vulgar, no," Ash answered in Tyler's voice. "Do you know those achievements in video games? It is something like this. The one who gets those achievements aren't your game avatar, but you - the player. The difference is - I wouldn't directly control you, but help you indirectly."

"So you want me to be your game avatar, but in the real world?" Tyler pondered. "And in exchange?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Ash Seven smirked. "You are going to have another life, another chance. You have nothing to lose but everything to gain. It is a win-win deal, don't you think so?"

"Sounds good, but no thanks," Tyler would shake his head if he still has one. "Can you just directly send me to Paradise instead? Preferably that one with busty virgins."

"Unfortunately, it isn't in my jurisdiction," Ash shook its or, rather, Tyler's head. "And, honestly, I don't know much, and I can't guarantee you in what kind of Afterlife you'll end up. Let's say that all of your human religions are right, to some extent, but they are also wrong. I can't guarantee you that you wouldn't end up in some kind of Hell soon after bidding goodbye to me."

Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

"Hell?!" Tyrel mentally exclaimed, as if offended. "But I did nothing wrong in my whole life! It isn't fair!"

Hearing this, Ash Seven changed its form to the busty high school girl from before and looked at Tyler with a judgemental glare.

"H-hey! Masturbating while imagining how you steal your crush from her boyfriend isn't a sin, right? Right?"

Then, Ash again changed form, and now it looked like a plump middle-aged woman wearing glasses. Its glare still was the same, though.

"Everyone cheats on the exams! It isn't my fault that they blamed the teacher, okay..."

Then, instead of his former teacher, a burly man in his forties wearing a tuxedo sat at the crystalline throne, glaring at Tyler.

"It isn't fair! Everyone talks shit about their boss, right? He is an asshole, so secretly letting his wife know that he is a cheating bastard was a good thing to do...right?!"

And, at last, Ash Seven morphed into a frail lady who seemed to be in her late seventies.

"How much did you spy at me, you asshole?! I'm not some character in a video game, you know?! What could I do against that tall and muscular robber? I'm just an ordinary guy! I could even die! Moreover, this grandma wasn't hurt at all. She just lost her purse, and she probably got it back soon after, thanks to the police."

Ash Seven sighed with a faint smile while shaking its head. Soon after, the existence again took the form of the busty blonde schoolgirl.

"I didn't try to shame you for your choices, Tyrel Chestnut," the existence stated without emotions. "I just wanted to show you that you aren't a saint. And you don't need to be one, either. This isn't your path. I didn't choose you as one of my avatars to see you acting like a good person. No, in fact, I wanted to see you doing bad things. Unfortunately, you didn't survive long enough to truly become the villain you are destined to be."

"Me?" Tyler pondered. "Villain? I doubt it. I personally think that I'm a really nice person."

"And this is exactly why I love you so much, Tyler," Ash Seven said in a seductive voice.

Logically, hearing his former crush saying those words should have made Tyler happy. But his whole existence shuddered instead, and he felt stifling discomfort. It was so creepy that if he still did have his body, he would probably throw up.

"The true villain isn't one who accepts that they are the villain," Ash slowly said. "It isn't someone who commits atrocities while feeling pleasure or guilt. The true villain is someone who never acknowledges their villainy. It is someone who always justifies their actions and never feels that they are at fault. And doing this is your talent. It is your superpower, Tyler. You are a naturally born perfect villain!"

Tyler Chestnut didn't pay much attention to Ash Seven's speech. Something else bothered him instead.

"H-hey," Tyler thought cautiously. "Are you a male or a female? If it is the former, then, just now, you were super fucking creepy, dude!"

After perceiving those thoughts, even an ancient godlike existence felt a strong urge to facepalm.