Ch 5 Feeling Hurts, Terribly!

After rushing to my last period, I passed by Mora in the hallway. She chased me down and gave me a mouthful. For disappearing on her without letting her know and how she’d worried. I hated causing her to be worried about me, so I told her I’ll make up with her soon and we exchanged phone numbers.

I stood in front of my locker, waiting to see Cher but as the students came out. I didn’t end up seeing her, and I sighed, disappointedly. Were my feelings found out by her? Or is this just a coincidence? Right, how could she possibly know? The only person who saw me leave was Juan in the cafeteria, and he's a rather quiet person. Besides, she was too busy eating some random girl's face.

I really need to get over this crush before my jealousy ends up ruining our friendship. I don’t like this overwhelming feeling that’s consuming me. I breathe out tiredly. Heading towards the exit, only to run into Mr. Miliano, whose voice cries out to me, and to turn around looking at him directly.

“Jessie, school just ended ten minutes ago. What are you still doing here?” His blue eyes eagerly asking me. My body instantly froze at his statement, scared to answer. My eyes roamed over the hallway on seeing a few students in here and panicking inside. I definitely can’t tell this man I'm walking home alone. I look at him in his eyes, irritated with my late reaction.

My mouth opens softly. "I'm waiting for my friend that’s in the restroom. I think I'm gonna go text, my friend, to hurry." Taking out my phone, turning it on, pretending to text my friend, glancing up at him to make sure he’s not getting in my personal space and I saw him texting someone, too. In an impatient manner, that seems like he’s a kid in trouble and is trying to save their ass.

Meeting my eyes, he wryly smiles at me. “Then I’ll see you at school tomorrow then, Jessie.” He walks out of the entrance, yelling loudly on his phone. Cursing out whoever’s on the phone and sprinting out the door. Slamming it hard, that the few students left around, jump at the sound of the noise.

I secretly peeked my eyes out the window to see Mr. Milano standing near the parking lot and looking at him, waiting. As if feeling my gaze on him, his head turns my way. I hurriedly squat beneath the window and crawl out to my locker. Slowly getting up off my knees, creeping to my locker that’s close to me. Ignoring the stares I felt on me, internally panicking.

Hearing them whispering in a low voice, "Is the new girl going crazy or something.” Glancing over weirdly at me. Passing by me heading towards the entrance, leaving me in the hallway by myself.

Aimlessly striding to the restroom, as distressed at the thought of being alone and possibly having a stalker of a teacher. Pulling my curls entering the restroom, when my phone ding and a text message popped up from an unknown number.

UN-Cherry told me to take you home. Are you still there?

How could she leave me at school alone? After saying she’d show me around and end up ditching me, frustrated and hurt, I text back, skeptical of who's actually texting me. Paranoid, I cautiously text back.

Jes- Who are you, really? I never thought she’d let a complete stranger take me home!

UN- Jes, calm down. It’s Juan, I'm here to pick you up. I’m gonna call you, okay?

Jes- Sure.

My phone rings and instantly answers it. Hearing a quiet familiar voice, “Jes, are you alright? You had me concerned for a minute.” Finally, let out the breath I was holding and put the phone to my ear, my voice trembling, “I was so sca-red. Everyone was leaving, and I thought Cher would take me home.”

“Are you hurt, Jes? Imma need you to breathe in and out. Can you make it to the lot?” Juan seriously asked, concerned. I shakily let out,” I d-on’t t-hink I-ca-n. Juan ca-n you get m-e? I'm scar-ed.” My body trembles at the word. I whimper out.

“Okay, you gotta tell me where you’re at?” He hurriedly asked. I heard his car door unlocking on the phone as he shut the door, talking and walking on the line. “I-m, in the girl restroom near the lockers.” Biting my nail as I hoarsely spoke. Tears running down my face. Internally thank Jun for helping.

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“Jes, I'm outside the restroom. You can come out now, you're safe.” I cautiously strode out of the restroom, seeing Juan figure by the door. I rushed towards him, trembling, glancing at him. His brown eyes widened at my disheveled appearance. I weakly smile at him, stumbling as I walk to him.

He looks at me, then grabs me gently, caring for me in his arms. Too tired to protest, I let him take me to his car and glanced over his shoulder at the parking lot. Mr. Miliano’s back could see him resting against the car, waiting for someone. I gasp. Was he waiting for her? How did he know I was lying? What does he want with me?

I started hyperventilating, fearful of what could’ve happened to me. Until a gentle hand rubs my back, comforting me and sitting me in the backseat. Covering me with a plush blanket, whispering comforting words to me, and my body relaxes, feeling safe. Forgetting about my crush and creepy teacher, that’s most definitely a stalker or worse.

Juan started the car, probably alerting Mr. Creeper as we drove off to Cher's apartment near to here. It’s about a ten-minute walk. As we approached my place, he seriously voiced out, “Jes, was that man the one that scared you, outside the lot?” Glancing to the backseat, I timidly nodded to him. “Does he work there?” “Yes,” I weakly replied, staring out into the dark sky.

“Jes, if something like this happens again, can you call me? Cuz, I'm your friend.” He said confidently, glancing in my direction. I nodded. Smiling at him, I knew at this moment we'd be good friends. Maybe my night didn't take a turn for the worse.

Exiting his car, shutting the door, waving him off as I head to the front door, unlocking it, and heading in. Opening the door, stumbling in, I smelled perfume and alcohol in the air. Lights turned off. I flick the lights on, to see bras, ripped underwear thrown all over the couch and onto the floor. Empty bottles of wine and vodka, on the dining table.

Wanting to cry out from the thought of my crush sleeping with another girl in our apartment and drinking together, while I've stuck at school hiding away from my creep teacher, that can’t stop bothering me. Maybe it’s my dreaming that got me feeling this way, or it’s all my insecurities surfacing up.

At somebody else seeing her flirtatious smiles or her speaking to me in Spanish. Despite me not understanding her. Was it a blessing or a curse, falling for someone like her? Knowing she’d only see me as a burden to be handed over to someone else.

Their words repeated as a record in my mind, “Knowing our little boy died, leaving us with her. Make me sick. “Daddy spat, harshly breathing.

“I know. I know. But it’s too late for that. We’ve got to take care of her. No matter how much of a burden she is.” Mommy softly whispered.

I dashed into my room, shutting my door behind me. Trying to shut out the repeating voices hammering into my mind and soul, that I'm a burden. Scared I'd end up believing that I'm a burden. At this moment, I feel like one and I hate feeling this. Why do I even try at all?

As I entered the darkroom, I realized how afraid of being alone I am but; I don't want to be the burden they said I am. Eying the ceiling of my luxurious room that’s supposed to make me feel happy or something. So why do I feel so numb and worthless? Why did I ever love my parents, which ends up leaving me disappointed time and time again?

Crushing my hope, even with the help of peachy being a light throughout my darkness, But I know I can’t always depend on others, maybe I should just live for myself and forget useless things. Like affection or love. I feel like I'm suffocating within in this dark room, that I didn’t bother putting on the lights that could save me from the overwhelming darkness.

Slouched against the wall as the coldness of the floor devoured me. Consuming my thoughts of reaching out to someone outside of my world of darkness. I promised myself to drag no one into my shit storm of life or twist my mind. Knowing that they would all end up scared of me, running far from my sight and leaving me alone again, broken. To pick up the shattered pieces, only for me to shove them to the side with all my other broken pieces of the former me.

Leaving me to fight my inner demons and monsters by myself. How can someone as broken as I loved or smiled at forever, maybe in the past? If it saved me before I entered this level of the point of no return. Masking away my true feelings, smiling to make others worry less, and hurting deeply repeatedly.

It’s not anyone's fault but my mind for believing that I'm more than a pitiful burden to family and friends, no matter how they try to convince me otherwise. How can they save someone that’s unable to help themself? I bitterly thought, silently sobbing to myself, and contemplated.

Whether I should give up and be free, looking over to my eyebrow shaver. But I decided against it, too afraid to. Actually, put my thoughts into action. Ignoring the ringing of my phone on my desk lightning up that side of the room, letting my inner thoughts pester away at my dismay.

Mocking my fearfulness of the unknown and leaving my pain behind.

Deep down I know I'd hate leaving everything and everyone behind. Because of my fear of not being able to see them, even when I'm slowly dying inside. Causing them potential pain that I wouldn't wish on anybody. Even demons like Mr. creeper.

Sighing deep inside, I wonder if I am forever going to be in my darkness alone? Just staring at the light from the outside. Masking away my hurt forever- it’s better that way.

No one ends up broken but me.