We need to have a talk.

The night breeze faded away and a stillness fell over the little clearing. Ainsel felt like she was adrift in a boat on a glassy lake, with hungry monsters gliding underneath. As long as she didn’t look down, she could pretend everything was just fine. So she met Zoë’s gaze steadily as she said, “All right,” and wondered why her voice trembled. She knew Zoë wouldn’t hurt her.

She knew that—but she also knew that Zoë would do whatever she thought was necessary to save those she cared about. She’d come for Ainsel in the woods that first night Ainsel had seen the wolves.

“All right,” Ainsel said again, her voice catching in her throat.

Zoë pressed her lips together and then pulled Ainsel away from the others, close against a tree. Then she hugged Ainsel for a long moment. Ainsel hugged her back fiercely, releasing her only when Zoë took a deep breath and tugged away.

“Ainsel, Lucien can turn into a human, just like the wolves.”

Ainsel nodded, staying calm. This didn’t surprise her. It seemed like everybody in the Five Worlds had some humanoid shape available. It was positively ordinary, really.

But Zoë had more. “When I saw him as a human—he looks just like you, Ainsel.” She stroked Ainsel’s silvery hair. “He can heal like you. He’s special like you.”

“Zoë, no,” protested Ainsel, immediately protective of Zoë. “You always—”

“Yes,” said Zoë implacably. “I think he came here to watch you. Meeting me was just… killing time. I don’t know.” She shook her head, her face twisting with frustration. “Don’t you see? I have to rescue him so I can find out. How he could claim to care for me, and yet…” She trailed off, her eyes squeezed shut.

“And you want… me to do that to Danui.” Ainsel could feel what Zoë was trying to tell her about herself pressing against her mind, but it didn’t matter. As long as she didn’t look at it directly, as long as she didn’t stare down into the dreadful glass lake, she could function. She could talk like this and just… not listen to herself. It was easy, really.

Zoë looked stubborn. “Danui is being mind-controlled already. We have to do something. Please, Ainsel…”

The wind picked up again and made the autumn foliage of the tree they stood under shake and shiver. The ease of talking around Zoë’s implications vanished. Fretfully pulling away from Zoë, Ainsel said, “Why are you asking me about this? I don’t know what Lucien did. I don’t know his magic. I don’t know… anything. I’m not like… I’m not him!”

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“You can both heal,” repeated Zoë. “You are like him. That’s why Tyler wanted you, and took him instead.”

Ainsel wrapped her arms around herself tightly and looked around for Remy, who had sheltered her from this before, and who had promised to tell her the truth when she was ready for it and not before.

He stood where he’d been before, near Galbaric and Danui, but his eyes were fixed on her. Meeting his gaze somehow made her feel ashamed, like once again she was running away. And yet… She turned back to Zoë again, new defenses bubbling to the top of her mind. “Healing is like an instinct for me. I’ve never made anybody sleep before. I’ve never felt like I could. Besides, if the healing doesn’t work on the mind control, why would this thing work?”

“Ainsel…” Zoë sounded frustrated and helpless, and it twisted at her heart. But what she said was true all the same.

“I don’t know how, Zoë. I want to help you. I don’t want to run away anymore. I’m staying here, see? But what you’re asking isn’t just… wishing. I can see what you’re trying to say, oh yes, and you’re being so kind about it, but… as far as I can tell, this is what I really am.”

And then she frowned, because while it had felt true when she said it, she remembered how sometimes when she ran, she felt on the edge of stretching herself into something else, something even faster.

“Ainsel?” Zoë repeated, this time with a puzzled note.

For her, Ainsel tried, just for a moment. She stretched herself, as if she was running, because somewhere deep in her mind, she was always running. Running… until she hit a wall of fear and horror. With a deep breath, she clutched at Zoë’s hand and flung herself against the nightmare-riddled blockage.

Once again, an alien calm enveloped her. The lake of her mind was so still and peaceful, other than the monsters. She could just tilt her head to the sky and let herself dissolve into wind and light.

Something dead lay in the depths. If she pushed herself any further, she’d become the dead thing. Dead, broken, limping on four feet. She wouldn’t be herself anymore. That was the true horror, worse than the monsters of her past.

Ainsel shook her head. “I… I can’t. I’d have to give up being me, Zoë. And I don’t want to lose myself. When it’s not crawling with nightmares, I like my life here. I like you, and Remy, and—” Covering her eyes, she said, “I don’t want to become a different person. Not again.”

After a moment, when Zoë didn’t say anything, Ainsel lowered her hands. Her friend was gazing at her, chewing on her thumbnail thoughtfully. When Ainsel met her eyes, she said, “I’m thinking. When we were walking around the woods, Danui and me, I kept coming up with all sorts of stupid plans to save Lucien, just you and me and maybe him. I think maybe with Remy and that big guy instead, we can still do something.” She gave Ainsel another quick hug. “It’ll be all right. Believe me, I don’t want you to become a different person, either. We’ll make this work.”

Then she turned away, leaving Ainsel to wipe unshed tears from her eyes. “All right, everybody. I have a new plan. Don’t argue, big guy, and we’ll definitely help you find your coat or whatever after we deal with Tyler.”

As she went on to outline her plan, Ainsel tried to focus, despite how her eyes kept filling up with more tears, consumed as she was by how bright and wonderful her friend was, no matter what she thought of herself.