“You don’t have to go if you don’t want to, okay? You can come home at any time. Just tell the office I said it was okay.” Grace was nervous for Finn’s first day back to school. Sure he had been okay lately. He had been leaving his room and talking to them. That was good. But everyone knew he wasn’t okay. He tried to tell everyone he was but he didn’t bother acting at night. Every night he could be heard crying. It wasn’t loud, it was as if he was trying to stop himself. He probably had his head in the pillow. Neither Grace or Michael brought it up to him, they knew that he would tell them if he needed help. Or at least they hoped he would.

“I’ll be fine mum. Really.” Finn insisted. “I have to.”

“Okay. If you say so.” She smiled tearfully and kissed his forehead. Normally he would have pushed him away out of embarrassment but after what happened he never rejected physical affection.

School was as difficult as he had predicted.

As soon as he walked in the whispers were all around him. The kids all stared at him with pity, suspicion, shock. It was hellish.

“Did you hear?” One whispered.

“Of course I did.” Another answered.

“I think he did it.” Yet another told their friend.

“No!” Their friend answered.

“Why is he back? It’s so soon.” More people spoke.

“I know right?” More and more.

“Finn, welcome back. I’m sorry for your loss.” The teacher distracted him from the cruel curious children surrounding.

“Uh. It’s okay.” Finn never knew what to say when people said they were sorry for his loss. It wasn’t their fault, why were they sorry? How does someone respond? He found any variation of “It’s okay.” Usually worked well.

Shaun had sat beside him in form class. The two of them at the back of the room together. It had been fun. When Finn sat down it all hit him again. It took everything he had not to cry. He couldn’t cry at school. That was the worst thing you could ever do.

The school day was awkward. All the teachers seemed to not know how to treat him. They decided that the best way was ‘ticking time bomb.’ This meant that they all acted as if he was going to break down at any moment. He hated it. He felt fine. He was fine. Shaun would have wanted him to be fine. So he was.

The other kids didn’t help. It was as if they judged his every move. He didn’t seem sad enough to them. They thought he was a murderer. They didn’t know what to say to him, not that they ever had before either.

It was lunch time when he was finally approached by some of them. It was the crowd that followed him from primary school (Jack, Jenny, Daisy, Sam, and Nell) with a few of their new additions.

“Finn.” Jack, their ringleader, stopped him in the hall.

“Yeah?” Finn turned to face the source of the noise.

“I have a question.”

“Don’t, Jack.” Daisy tried to pull him away.

“No. It’s an important question, Daze. We have the right to know.”

“What is it?” Finn sighed.

“Did you do it?”

Finn was silent in shock.

“What?” He managed to croak out.

“Did you do it? Did you kill him?” Jack asked. He was very cocky. Finn wanted to punch him.

He couldn’t speak. There was nothing to say. Or was there too much to say? He didn’t know.

“Jack!” Daisy shoved him. “That was sick.”

“How could I know? He might try to kill one of us next!” Jack exclaimed and shoved her back. The others egged him on.

“You’re so annoying.” Daisy glared. “I’m going.”

“Oh shut up Daze. You’ll come crawling back tomorrow.” Jack rolled his eyes.

“Not this time.” She said coldly as she put her arm around Finn’s shoulder. She led him off quickly.

They got to a secret alcove under the stairs and she sat down on the floor. She looked up at Finn but didn’t motion for him to sit or leave. The decision was his.

“I’m sorry.” Daisy said to him. “I can’t believe he would say that.”

“I can.” Finn laughed. Jack was very predictable.

“I guess you could, huh?” She frowned. She had always denied Jack’s bad behaviour. She had a small secret hope that he wasn’t as bad a guy as he acted, his latest stunt proved her wrong.

“Yeah.” He sat down.

There was a very awkward silence for a minute or two. Neither knew what to say to the other, the last time they had spoken properly they had been eight years old.

“How are you?” She eventually broke the silence.

“I don’t know.” Finn answered honestly. “School sucks.”

“Yeah.” She nodded. “It does, doesn’t it?”

“You don’t have to do this y’know.” Finn suddenly said. “Take pity on me, I mean. I’ll be fine. If you want to go back to your friends, that's fine.”

“No!” She exclaimed. “They aren't my friends. They aren’t good people. You just saw what they’re like. I don’t want to be with them.” She explained.

“Then why haven’t you left them before?” Finn asked.

“I never had a chance.” She sighed. “It was either them, or no one. And no one wants to be alone.”

“Oh. I didn’t know that.”

“No one does.” She smiled but quickly frowned again. “Let’s not talk about me and my problems. You need the most comfort right now. Not me with my stupid little problems.”

“All problems are problems.” Finn pointed out.

“Yeah but some are more important than others.” She counter-argued.

“Are they though?” Finn asked.

“Yeah. Mine will be forgotten in a few weeks. Yours is stuck with you forever.”

“Good point.” He nodded. “I guess you’re right.”

“So, do you want to talk about it?”

“No. Not right now.”

“That’s okay. But I’m here. Just, y’know. If you ever do want to talk.” She smiled and stuck out her fist for a fist-bump.

“Thanks Daisy.” He gave her her fist-bump.

He made it through the day after all. It was difficult but his talk with Daisy helped him slightly. Just knowing that not everyone hated him. It wasn’t much. One person out of the six hundred at his school didn’t hate him. Not great stats. But it was more than nothing and that’s all that mattered.

When he got back home he was immediately greeted by his mum who seemed to be waiting in the hallway for him. His dad was waiting in the living room.

“How did it go, honey?” She asked as she kept her voice as calm as possible.

“It was okay.” He gave nothing away.

“Were the other kids nice?” She asked as she hugged him.

“Yeah.”

“Okay, that’s good. And the teachers?”

“They were good too.”

“Okay, and-” Grace began.

“Mum.” Finn interrupted. “I just need a break from everyone for a while.” He stepped away and towards the stairs. “I’ll be in my room.”

“If that’s what you need…” She murmured to the stairs.

“What’s wrong?” Michael came out of the living room and put his arms around her waist in an embrace.

“I think I annoyed him.” She said quietly.

“You didn't, darling. He just needs some alone time. It’ll be okay.” Michael kissed her softly in comfort.

“Okay.” She nodded until she believed it. “Okay.”

Visits Shaun's grave

He decided to visit the grave. He felt he should, since the last time he was there he laughed so hard he had to be removed. That had probably not been the best thing to do.

“Alright.” His dad had nodded, no questions asked. “We’ll go in the morning, okay?”

“Thanks.”

“Of course.”

The morning came around and both men were dressed and ready to leave at eight o’clock. They told Grace where they were going but she didn’t want to go with them. She hated graveyards, they were too spooky.

Unauthorized tale usage: if you spot this story on Amazon, report the violation.

“I’ll leave you to yourself, okay? I’ll be over at grannys.” Michael pointed to another grave on the other side of the yard.

“Thank you.”

When Finn was alone he stood in silence and stared. The ground was wet from the earlier rain and the stone was darker than its usual colour because of it. Finn decided to read the headstone, he had intended to when Shaun was buried but became too preoccupied.

Shaun James Woods

Beloved son of Barry and Lisa

Taken too soon

It was all wrong. Lisa? Lisa shouldn’t even have been mentioned. She was not his mother. Sandra was. Sure, she gave birth to him but that did not make a mother. Lisa had been horrible to him. And the ‘taken too soon’? It was true but where was the emotion? The anger? The sadness? This wasn’t an old man who was supposed to die. This was Shaun. A child. Someone so full of life. Where was any of it? It was nothing. The stone meant nothing. Finn kicked it and then cursed himself when it hurt.

“It’s bad isn’t it.” A woman said from behind him. He whirled around quickly and saw Sandra. She was tidily dressed in a navy sweater and black jeans with grey trainers. Her hair lay wild around her shoulders, greying. The wrinkles on her face seemed ten times more pronounced than they had been only a few months prior.

“Sandra.” He came closer to her.

“I’m not even on it. You see? I was that boy's mother more than that other woman. But Barry thought it would be better to have her on it.” Sandra frowned and her voice cracked.

“How could he do that? Shaun knew you were his mum, not Lisa.” Finn said in outrage. “He told me so.”

Sandra choked back a cry.

“Thank you Finn.” She pulled him in for a hug. “Sometimes it feels like we’re the only ones hurt by this.” She whispered.

“Yeah.” He agreed. He didn’t really. He felt he was hurt the most. Shaun had been his best friend since they were little. Of course he was hurt the most. Him and Shaun were connected in ways that no one could ever understand.

“It feels like the world’s stopped moving.” She admitted as she looked at her son's headstone.

“Yeah.” Finn nodded. This time he agreed fully. “Everything feels wrong.”

“Yes. It’s like I’m not allowed to laugh anymore. How could I laugh after my own son…” She began to cry. Finn hugged her again to stop her from falling apart. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” She choked out.

Finn said nothing but held her safe. Out of the corner of his eye he saw his dad begin to come over. Good. He didn’t know how to deal with this. He’d let his dad do it.

“Sandra.” His dad said when he made it over. “Come here.” He put his arms around her in a hug.

“Hi, Michael.” She said into his shoulder.

“You okay here?” He asked gently.

“Yeah. I’m okay.” She lied. Everyone knew she lied but no one said it.

“Okay. I have to take Finn home now, alright? Will you be okay?”

“I’ll be okay. Goodbye Finn, goodbye Michael.” She gave each a watery smile.

“Is she gonna be okay?” Finn asked in the car.

“I don’t know Finn.” His dad sighed. “I sure hope so.”

That night, he didn’t know why, he woke up outside in a field. It was the field owned by the Oswald family a few doors up. He didn’t know how he got there though. He had fallen asleep in his bed securely the night before, and he wasn’t usually prone to sleepwalking. All he knew when he woke up was that everything hurt.

His limbs and head were the same as the night Shaun died. That worried him the most. Somehow even more worrying than waking up alone in a field with no memory of how he got there. It was scary. He had no idea what was happening with him. He wondered if this was a usual symptom of rabies.

“Probably not.” He thought to himself. “I’m pretty sure these aren’t symptoms either.” He looked at his new cuts on his body. They were deep scratches on his arms and a couple of his chest, though they weren’t fatal. Just sore if he moved them in the wrong way.

“It’s weird that this has happened more than once.” He couldn’t think of a reason why this would happen more than once. He had no reason to wake up in agony one night a month four months in a row. Ever since June this had happened every month. And all times with no recollection of how he got into that state. And both injured. During his flurry of thoughts and possible explanations, he remembered that it had been a full moon every time. In a way he thought that was it. But then he laughed.

“Werewolves aren’t real.” He laughed to himself as he stood to walk back home. The walk home was painful but he couldn’t not do it, he had to be home. Besides, he could clean his cuts at home with the first aid kit and he didn’t want to get infected just because he didn’t want to walk home. He didn’t pass many people on his way home, if he had to guess he would say it was only about six in the morning. It was nice walking around at this time. Not that he would enjoy it often, it wasn’t as good as sleep. Nothing was.

When he got back home, he managed to sneak back in through his window and forgot about his theories. He must have just been sleep walking. Sure it wasn’t something he did often, or ever did to be precise, but it must just be a new problem. Maybe it was brought on by the traumatic event of Shaun's death.

“That can cause sleepwalking, right?” He wondered. “Yeah. That’s it.” He decided to keep his new information to himself. There was no reason to tell anyone else, he could cope with it on his own. No need to worry anyone else. His parents were worried enough after everything. This was the last thing they needed.

“Good morning Finn.” His mum opened his door a few hours later. “We were thinking of going out to breakfast, what do you think?”

“Um… Yeah, okay. I’ll get dressed.” He sat up and rubbed his eyes sleepily.

“Alright. See you downstairs.” She smiled softly at him before retreating. She was glad her son was perking up again, she never knew how to help people who needed emotional support, it was a mystery to her. She was excited for him to be okay again so that everything would go back to normal. She understood that she shouldn’t feel this way, but she couldn’t help herself. It was frustrating for her and Michael. Sometimes it would spark quiet arguments that they had to ensure Finn didn’t catch wind of incase it set him off in some way.

“Okay.” Finn nodded as the door closed.

Gets told hes moving house

Their home was dangerous. It had been a year since Shaun was killed and nothing had gotten any better. In fact, it all got worse. There were bombs going off left, right and centre. There were people being killed often as well. It was bad. Grace and Michael were anxious to get out.

“Are we sure about this?” She asked as they sat up on the old leather sofa by the fireplace. Each had a wine glass in hand and they sat curled up together covered in an old fluffy blanket.

“Yeah. I mean it’s like you said… It’s safer.” He said. His face showed a hint of hesitation as well, but not as much as hers. He was never as emotional as his wife, he didn’t see the point in it. He knew how much the house meant to her though and despite his lack of sentimentality he still loved the house. It had been an important place to them both for many reasons. It was the place Finn took his first steps, it was the first house the pair moved into together, and it was the place where they had spent every holiday together for the past eighteen years. It was hard to give up.

“I know but… I mean. There were so many good times here. And is it really all that bad?” She drank from her glass. She thought back to all the good times too. “If everyone else can stay, surely we could too?” Not many neighbours had been moving away, it was a very stubborn neighbourhood.

“Grace… I know this is hard for us but we have to think about Finn. Do we really want him to be around so much danger? Any day he goes to school could be the last. I know that our new home won’t be completely safe. Nowhere is. But it will be safer for him. And for us.” She still didn’t look convinced. “Then what about Shaun? I know it’s been over a year but do we want Finn to be in a place where he’s haunted by the memory of him? I know I wouldn’t want to be around that if it was me.” Michael said. He wrapped his arm around her. “Besides, we can make memories in the new house as well.”

“No. Yeah you’re right.” She cuddled in. Then she began to cry. It wasn’t a dramatic cry with snot and drool and tears everywhere, it was a silent cry, just tears flowing and some sniffles.

“Oh Grace.” Michael held her closer. He reached for the tissues in his pockets. They were hard to reach so he had to lean back for a second to get them out.

“Where did it go wrong? Is this what we imagined for our future?” She sobbed.

“No. It’s not. But that doesn’t mean we can’t go on.” He comforted her as he dried her face.

“I know. It’s so stupid to cry but I just… I don’t think I can help it.” She wept.

“It’s alright. Cry all you need.”

When she was done, Michael kissed her softly and comforted her again. Then they went up to bed. In the morning they would have to tell Finn and neither was looking forward to it. They knew he would react badly to it, their town meant a lot to him, it was all he had ever known to live in and he had lots of good memories there also, and he had a friend buried here. It was going to be hard.

“Finn?” Grace knocked on his door in the morning.

“Yeah?” He called. He had just woken up and was still lying in his bed.

“Come downstairs, your dad and I need to talk to you about something.” She managed to say.

“Okay.” He responded as he got up and wondered what it could be.

When he came downstairs he saw his parents sitting together on the sofa. There was nothing in their hands, nothing on the table, just grim expressions on their faces.

“Finn, hi.” His dad greeted him with a smile. “Come sit with us for a minute.”

“Okay?” He didn’t know what was happening but had an inkling it wasn’t going to be great. He sat down on the armchair because he wasn’t sure if he wanted to be right next to his parents for this, it must be bad news.

“We want to move house. To a nice country town. It’s further North.” Michael ripped off the bandaid.

“Why?” Finn asked. His heart had missed a couple of beats but he was hiding it. ‘This must be a joke.’ He told himself. “Good one.” He laughed. “You tricked me for a minute.”

“It wasn’t a joke.” Michael said calmly.

“It’ll be safer, Finn.” Grace said with a convincing nod.

“Yes, and it’ll be farther away from here.” Michael nodded as well.

“Why do we want to be far away from here?” Finn asked with a cold voice.

“Well…” His dad tried to think of the nicest way to say it. “Here you have reminders of Shaun everywhere. We thought it would be good for you to get away from all those memories.” He saw by Finn’s face that this was not the best thing to say after all.

“What do you mean?” His voice was steely. “Why do I need to get away from Shaun?”

“What your dad meant is that it might be painful to stay around all the memories of him. It might be better for you.” Grace tried to reach out and hold his hand, but Finn refused.

“Why? How could it be better? You keep saying it will be better but you aren’t telling me how!” His voice raised in frustration.

“You won’t get flashbacks as much.” His dad said. “It will-”

Finn interrupted. “I don’t anymore. I feel fine. I don’t understand why all of a sudden you’ve just decided that I would be happy with this. I’m not.”

“I know Finn and we’re sorry.” His dad said calmly. “But you need to trust us that it will be better. We wouldn’t do anything if we weren’t sure it was the best choice for you.”

“You chose to let me go camping that night.” He said bitterly. As soon as the words escaped his mouth he regretted it. The remorse and guilt on his mothers face, the anger and understanding of his dads.

“Finn…” His dad began.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. Really. Oh mum, don’t cry.” His mother was close to sobbing.

“Finn, we know you’re still angry about that but that was too far.” His dad said with a tone of finality. “We’re moving house next month and it is the next choice for us all. Okay?”

“How will I visit Shaun?” He asked quietly. This was his main concern.

“I will drive you anytime you want.” His dad said.

“Okay. Okay.” He nodded. “Okay.”

“That sucks.” Daisy agreed as they ate their lunch in the stair alcove. Daisy had kept to her promise, a year later and she still hadn’t gone back to Jack and the others. She was actually a good friend. Not as good as Shaun, obviously. No one could ever be, but she wasn’t terrible.

“Yeah.” Finn sighed.

“And they just told you last night?”

“That’s the worst part. If I’d known I could at least have done something about it. Convinced them not to. But now it’s too late. I have to go live in the middle of nowhere.” He groaned.

“I’m so sad for you.” She rested her head on his shoulder and he put his arm around her shoulders, a position they often took up.

“Thanks.” He smiled then frowned as he went on. “It’s just like… No one else understands why I don’t want to leave. They all think I should want to. To get away from all the bad memories and that but that’ll just make it worse. At least I know how things work around here.”

“Yeah. I’ll miss you.” She said quietly.

“I’ll miss you too.” He smiled again.

He didn’t get a chance to tell Sandra. He didn’t see her much anymore. He wasn’t sure he would want to. She was broken. From what he overheard from his parents, she was mental. She drank all the time, she never went to work, she had attempted her life. Just a lot of things.

“Mum?” He came to her late one evening.

“Yes, Finn?” She looked at him.

“Does Sandra know we’re leaving?”

“Oh, Finn…” She struggled for something to say. “I don’t think Sandra cares right now.”

“Why?” He asked. It hurt that Sandra didn’t care about him anymore. He could understand why of course, but she had been like a second mother to him.

“She’s not part of our lives anymore, Finn.” His mother tried to explain it nicely. “That… connection… is gone.”

“Shaun.” He said quietly.

“Yeah, Shaun.” She nodded reverently. “And since he’s gone, Sandra’s life and our lives just don’t come together anymore.”

“Do you miss her?” Finn asked. “She was your friend.”

“Of course I do. She was very dear to me. We’ll both be okay though. She’s going through something much worse than I am. I’m only sad I can’t be there for her through it.”

Finn felt this told him nothing. He had hoped that Sandra would convince Grace to stay but clearly that was a dead end. There really was no out from this.

“Good night.” He stood.

“Good night.” She responded.