Shen shook his head. The ultimate truth of the Alliance was too enormous for him. He should worry about slightly less big matters.
"Why are you telling me all this, Acting General?" he asked.
The favors the Queen had asked of him were minor matters. The way she had withheld the technique to save his Path from his Raw Self was critical, but the things she was revealing sounded like matters that he might not learn even at B-rank. She was too generous.
"Why even think of humankind?" he added.
The Queen raised her hand sideways. Abbav took it, and she stood up. She sighed.
"A-ranks can't change. That is an absolute truth. Our Realization is everything we are, and it can only grow in some ways. But to walk a Path is to carve your own truth into existence. I am the Queen of Spring and Autumn, and seasons are cyclical. I don't care if A-ranks can't change; nature changes and Time brings changes to all. Thus, I live in neverending cycles, learning, improving, adapting, changing."
Shen knew little about Realizations, but her words reminded him of the Expression of Change, which came from the intersection of the Aspects of Time and Space. Change was present in all things, but it was the first time he heard of an Expression being a direct part of a Realization. Paths were about Laws and oneself.
Could a Path, or its Realization, have dominion over an Expression?
"One of my children died ten days ago," she continued. "A mother dying after their child is an aberration. The current you cannot imagine the pain. Even after so long, even as I separate myself from them, even as I expect it, even as I authorize or sometimes do the deed... My very soul hurts. Winter came to me. The flowers died, and all color was replaced with monotone bleakness. I become a wasteland incarnate." She placed her hand on her flat belly. "Yet, a new life is being nurtured inside me. As a cycle closes, a new one starts. Nature goes on. At the end of winter is spring, and the seed of renewal grows strong.
"I'm helping you because life is a struggle, but nature gives as much as it takes. I have decided to give more than take in the new cycle. I often do so when the start of a new cycle is marked by motherhood. The Alliance might need generosity after the Calamity, too. Even more so if..." She sighed. "If something comes to pass, there will be an even worse war, and everyone will need all the help they can get."
Shen guessed she was talking about the Purge that the Primordials might bring upon the Alliance. Propriety had believed the Purge would happen if Discontinuity lost the war.
Speaking of which, the Purge might be one of the reasons the Alliance prepared for the worst with its military, but not all of it.
The General continued, "You're a seed of hope that Captain Abbav planted. I can't say more, or I'll be punished. I can only assure you there's no manipulation involved. It's for your own good. He'll reap very little benefits from it. I am watering the seed the best way I can. Some trees need a little wind to make them sturdy, but I have concluded you would twist in rage against the heavens instead. You need only gentle rain."
Her reasoning was a little too exaggerated. Shen couldn't accept such a radical change. Only him being completely wrong about Paths, A-ranks, and Realizations would let him accept her new personality as legitimate.
The Queen smiled and, as if guessing his thoughts, said, "I didn't become a different person, Lieutenant. I'll only suffer losses in some places. For one, I am Queen and have a duty to my people. But I noticed some mistakes and let them dry and die with the part of me that departed in the previous cycle's winter. You're conveniently part of the catalyst of my new understanding, physically at the right place at the right time, and linked to the right people. You got lucky when you were thrown away by the orcs and picked up by the drow. You got lucky again right now. It's almost as if—"
Her soul shook violently, and the version of existence imposed upon Reality by her Realization blinked out of existence a few times before stabilizing again. The Queen paled and stopped speaking. A moment later, she coughed blood. Abbav worriedly produced a handkerchief from nowhere, cleared her mouth, and helped her sit back on the swing.
Whatever she was about to say was so against the rules that she had been injured. Shen inferred the Queen meant someone was ensuring he was placed in the right places at the right time.
He was being manipulated.
His True Boundlessness shook violently in his own soul. It felt like being under mental compulsion all over again. His Path was being led by someone other than him. It was unnatural. Wrong. Unacceptable.
He hated it. He hated it with everything he had.
If that was true, he swore he would figure out what was going on and make the puppet master pay for it.
"That will be all, Lieutenant Shen," the Queen said tiredly. "I wholeheartedly suggest you Realize your Path before investigating the matters I discussed or hinted at. I need your answer about Samir."
Shen had almost forgotten about it. "Can't I discuss it with the human Sergeants first, Acting General?"
"No. I need the answer now. Will you go? And will you bring any D-ranks with you?"
"May I ask if accepting it means I can avoid going to SpecOps, Acting General?"
"You may. You cannot avoid SpecOps. The deployment to Samir is very coincidentally a five-month deployment."
Shen considered the offer. Going to Samir would let him talk to Marzia and help Earth. Elite combat training and his findings about the military had imparted to him the importance of supporting the weak, at least when it cost him little to nothing. At least while he was part of the military and also being supported by someone stronger. And if he was really about to die or desert, this might be his last chance to do so.
It would also be good for La'sing's D-ranks to share their experiences with the humans on Samir and vice-versa. If things were that dire in Samir, the shock of realities would benefit everyone.
Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.
Shen would benefit, too. Who knows? Maybe he was wrong about his new understanding of the military, and it just wanted to exploit everyone. Perhaps it was just raising people for slaughter like sheep. Or maybe he had been right, and he could go to his death at least knowing Alicia would be cared for to some extent.
His True Self—he—wiggled in indignation at the thought. Without True Boundlessness, he would be unable to even think he would die because he wasn't strong enough. Again, he had Limits, but there were also limits to where those limits could be.
If survival in SpecOps depended on his power and ability, and it should, he would survive.
"I'll go and take every human Sergeant with me, Acting General." He hesitated, then added, "And... You claim to have been honest, so I'll also be honest with you. If you didn't lie to me, I am truly grateful. In fact, I might be in your debt. The debt about the manipulation is of another nature, but we can discuss matters later. That said..." He took a deep breath. "That said—and I only say this because I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt—if you're lying to me, you should kill me now, or I swear I'll find a way to survive and seek revenge."
Abbav shot him a look of sheer rage. "Watch your mouth, Lieutenant! You're threatening your superior officer! If it weren't for her goodwill, I'd kill you for treason right now!"
The Queen smiled. "Captain Abbav isn't wrong, Lieutenant. Apologize and leave with your first Demerit." She chuckled. "Samir's Commander might see it as evidence of a ploy, but that's on you. Don't blame me. And if he asks, honestly answer that I didn't plan for it."
| You falsely accused and threatened your superior office
| +1 Demerit
| Total: 1
Shen could see how another Acting General might see this Demerit as a warning: he had accused and threatened his superior office; thus, the General shouldn't mess with him.
He agreed with the Queen, though. That was on him. He had vented his frustration about the puppeteer in the shadows on her. And as Abbav had said, he might've been killed for it.
The Queen's kind reaction proved that either she had changed as she said or that Shen was essential for her scheme to succeed.
"I apologize, Acting General," he said. "May I ask one last question?"
"You may."
"Acting General, can I discuss your change of heart with people I trust?"
He didn't outright state he might send messages through the system, but it was implied. If someone was pulling his strings, they might influence the system. And he already knew the System Administrator had some sort of interest in Liya.
"No," she said. "I talked about my Realization with you in an official military setting. It's protected by military privacy rules. You can gain information about Realizations and their limits in any way you want..." That confirmed she thought it was safe to send messages to Liya. "...but respect my privacy."
Shen nodded. "I understand, Acting General."
She waved her hand dismissively at him. "You have one hour to gather the people you'll take with you and get to a Rally Point. You'll be automatically teleported with them."
He nodded, turned his back to her, and walked away from her Manifested Realization. There were no steps to tread this time. He had to fly all the way down.
----------------------------------------
"What happened, mateling?" Abbav asked kindly.
Saelihn smiled weakly at him. "I blame you, Taily," she teased him with the nickname. He hated his tail but felt compelled to grow it as a protective measure for their child. "Your emotions are so raw, and our child is affecting my soul so much that I was too generous."
Those with a Realization had to deal with a unique issue when they got pregnant. Their Realization was the version of reality they imposed upon existence, but the new life was a form of Reality in a pure state. She had to let herself be "corrupted" in some ways, temporarily so, or she would reject that existence inside her, killing the baby. Because of that, some of her beliefs didn't find solid footing and grew softer, weaker. Like her belief in how generous she should be.
To her, personally, it was even worse. She had vastly understated to the human-drow boy how being pregnant at the start of a new cycle influenced her, much less when the pregnancy itself was part of the trigger of the new cycle.
Saelihn had consciously decided to give more than she took, but she had crossed a personal line. Her Realization couldn't take it. Her entire being rejected her actions. And so, she had injured herself.
Nature could be giving, but not too much. At least, not the current version of the Nature of Everchanging Eternity she had Realized and existed through her. Change was part of it, but it had to be slow when seen through the lens of Eternity. The seasons were predictable, after all, and no one expected the air to suddenly become fire. Balance was required, too.
A few days ago, Abbav would've become mortified at her saying her injury was his fault. But he was B-rank and learned quickly. He only showed a hint of guilt before rolling his eyes.
"Was it your Realization?" he asked.
"Of course. I expected a perceptive researcher like you to see the signs better than anyone."
He smiled as he grabbed the swing's wooden seat and cut the ropes with his sharp fingernails. He started kneeling and bringing her to the ground. Draggors, it seemed, were much more driven in certain areas than high elves.
"I saw the signs, but I never suffered a rebound. I wasn't sure."
"Never, Taily?" That was inconceivable. Unless... "Are you that new to your Realization?"
He hissed at the nickname, placed her on the ground, and pushed her back so she would lie down. "I have a True Self."
She didn't recognize the term and replied, "Shush, now." She allowed herself to be pushed into the ground. "How can you not take pity on a maiden who just coughed blood? You heartless brute." She playfully punched his very muscular chest.
"No, I must tell you. You said broken men were your weakness, mateling. I just found out generous women are mine. You touched my heart, so I want to share what I taught Lieutenant Shen with you."
She tensed and put a finger on his lips. "No," she insisted firmly. "No. Our relationship is about us. If it survives for ten years, then you can tell me things you wouldn't if we weren't together." She smiled as she relaxed her body. "You just fell in love with me? I'm sure you can prove it to me in a much better way."
Saelihn let go of most of her worries as they partook in that moment, only leaving a small part of her mind watching over the Cluster. Still, she couldn't silence the part of her mind that was on high alert because of the terror that had just been born deep into her soul.
She feared for her people. She feared for her child. She feared for her lover. And she feared for herself.
It had been a long time since she was so weak.
Curing Abbav's psychopathy had taken half her blood essence, much more than she had expected. His existence was that complex and paradoxical, and it was a wonder he had even had a functional brain. Making it healthy, too, had been too demanding.
Then, she had spent a third of what remained to cure him of his infertility. It was also challenging because it came from a curse the dragons cast on their genes to prevent draggors from reproducing. He had assumed she had known about it and already planned on healing it. However, she hadn't known. Still, for all that people badmouthed her, she never went back on her word when she offered to give herself to a new lover.
Now, her soul was cracked because she had gone against her Realization. The same Realization would keep her from being poisoned by Reality's Laws, even pregnant, but the pregnancy also prevented her from healing herself. She was vulnerable. She hated it.
And while she was like that, she had made one of the worst mistakes of her life: she had helped someone whom a Primordial wanted dead—to the point she injured herself.
The information on what had truly happened to Shen on Earth had cost her a lot, but she trusted the source. If that Primordial came in the Purge, her only chance of survival was being at S-rank and proving herself worthy.
The Queen had never wanted to risk reaching for S-rank, but she decided that if she survived her pregnancy, it would be time to take that last step or die trying.
She was Queen and feared for her people, but even at her level, every reign had its end—or evolved into an everlasting Empire.