Despite how unsettled he still was, Suho didn't skip class. He got up, got ready, and got there on time. Because he couldn't be a disappointment in two ways instead of just one.

“Today will be our first practical application class.”

The instructor for Advanced Spearmanship was Amanda Kelly, a tall, lithe woman with brown hair the school had brought in from the US. The translation pendant hanging from her neck made it easy for her to teach the mostly Korean students.

“We’re starting practicals much earlier than last year,” she continued. “But that’s to be expected. You’re in the advanced class. And you should never expect it to be slow or easy. Yes?”

“Yes.”

“Yes!”

“Yes, instructor.”

Responses with varying degrees of enthusiasm rang out from around the students, their voices echoing around the practice room they were in. There were only about ten of them in the entire class, including Suho and Yuna.

He scanned the faces present. Across the array of cadets, a messy head of crimson hair stuck out. Han Jaejin was giving him a once-over, not bothering to hide his judgement. He finished it off with an unsettlingly wide smile.

Suho focused back on the teacher. He had no energy to deal with whatever was going on today.

“Then, let’s get into things,” she said, clapping her rough hands together. “Pair up with another student to spar. Don’t worry about who you partner with—you’ll end up fighting everyone else in this class at some point. Warm up, stretch, and be prepared for anything.”

The students spread out at her word. Sparring was a staple at the academy. And since they were all kids who had made it into the advanced class, it wasn't something that fazed them.

Suho stretched alone. He didn't feel like finding a partner among the strange faces—he just resigned himself to getting paired with whoever was left. He’d called Jun last night, sniffling, and there really was no course of action except to go about his day as normal. And to properly apologize to the people he’d hurt, eventually.

Not that he felt motivated to do either of those things. The minute hand on the clock didn't seem like it could move fast enough. He wanted to be done with this already.

“Hey.”

A voice rang out from above where Suho was stretching. He looked up to see Han Jaejin standing there, spear in hand.

“Pair up with me,” he said.

Suho stared for a moment, processing. He’d cried for so long last night that he was still exhausted. His thoughts were moving at a snail’s pace.

“Sure,” he replied.

There was no point in rejecting him. The class work had to be done.

Jaejin looked at him sideways, then crouched down to his eye level.

“My friends told me you were acting super weird last night,” he bluntly stated. “Like you were a real mean bitch to them.”

There wasn't really malice in his words—it was as if he was just stating facts. It stung Suho nonetheless.

“Did your nice guy persona finally fall off?” he asked. “I’m interested.”

“It isn’t like that.”

“Doesn't matter to me if it is or not.”

Jaejin stood again.

“Just show me what you showed them, alright?”

Suho had no idea what he’d done to them. He gritted his teeth and looked away.

“I can't do that,” he said.

“I’ll make you.”

Before he could respond, Jaejin headed towards Amanda. He said a couple words to her, and then…

She turned to look at Suho.

“Suho, do you want to go first with Jaejin?” she called.

He must've volunteered them both. Suho picked up his spear and stood.

“Okay,” he replied.

They headed to the stage at the center of the room. The air cooled as they climbed the steps—the temperature perfectly climate controlled.

“You're a funny guy,” Jaejin remarked as they reached the stage. “You never say no.”

They split to take opposite sides.

“Do you just go wherever the wind takes you?” He took a stance with his spear, calm and steady. “Must be nice to live like that.”

“What?”

“If you’ve got breath to talk then you've got breath to fight,” Amanda cut in, raising her spear. “Go!”

She slammed the butt of it down on the floor. In an instant, Jaejin was already in Suho’s face.

Swoosh.

The tip of his spear swished past his cheek, a quick tilt of the head barely keeping it from piercing his skin. He was fast.

He backed up and swung again. Suho blocked it, but in the next second he had already retracted his hands and started the next strike.

If Suho’s reflexes had been any slower, he would've lost already. He continued to block Jaejin’s blows, unable to go on the offensive.

“Weren't you really scary last night?” Jaejin said. “Show me that.”

Suho gritted his teeth and threw him off.

“I can’t.”

“How come you only say no to me?”

He shot forward with his spear. Suho brought his up to block it, but Jaejin deftly avoided him, wound the tip around his wrist, and twisted.

Suho’s spear went flying. It clattered across the floor as Jaejin leveled his at his face.

“Look at you. You’ve got all the strength in the world, but you have no clue how to use it. How’d you even qualify for this class?”

Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

The tip of the blade pressed into the skin of Suho’s forehead, where a faint bruise had already formed from Dongil’s phone the day before.

“Have you ever thought a day in your life?”

Suho glared up at him as a drop of blood ran down his face. He felt something bubbling up inside him. Annoyance? Anger? Something more or less than that?

He was already exhausted. He didn't know what to do from now on. He was in a place he didn't even want to be. All of it was piling up.

“Spar over,” Amanda announced. “Jaejin, good work. Suho, don't get distracted by his trash talk next time.”

Jaejin retracted his spear and headed down the stage. Suho got up and fetched his

“Yes, instructor.”

Jaejin was waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs.

“Hey, no need to look at me like that,” he said. “We’re in the same boat, aren't we?”

“How could we possibly be in the same boat?” Suho replied.

“Oh—attitude! Finally.”

Jaejin chuckled, the only one amused. Others in the class were trying not to eavesdrop, but it was impossible not to, even as the next pair went up to spar.

“You probably think I’m a spoiled brat that got everything easily,” he explained. “My family paid for private lessons, for skill books, for all my equipment and constant medical checkups. It looks great, doesn't it?”

He smiled sarcastically and tapped Suho’s shoulder with the tip of his spear.

“And I think you’re a dumb kid who was born with everything you ever needed,” he said. “Strength that anyone would be envious of. And so much of it that most of the time, you don't even need to think in a fight. Isn't that a joke? While I had to pull every string in order to get here?”

Jaejin glanced back at the ongoing spar, pretending to be interested.

“Anyway, it’s not personal,” he said. “We just both have something to prove. So why don't we go at it officially?”

“More official than this?”

“Of course.”

Jaejin smirked.

“Let’s do a ranking spar.”

“You’re crazy.”

The voice that cut into their conversation was ice cold. They both turned to look at Shin Yuna, who was standing ahead of them, beside the stage.

image [https://i.imgur.com/kSWUg60.jpeg]

She frowned, clearly annoyed.

“Ranking spars were created so that students could challenge those in higher ranks and steal their position,” she stated. “You’re requesting a spar with someone who has no rank at all.”

“The ranking doesn't matter to me,” Jaejin responded. “We just want to properly face each other on a real stage. Right?”

He turned to Suho as if it was obvious that he’d agree.

“You already won against him,” Yuna pressed. “What more is there to prove?”

“That doesn't count. He didn't even try.”

She raised an eyebrow at Suho.

“You didn't try?”

“I did.”

“But you didn't to the thing,” Jaejin said.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Suho was steadfast. Jaejin let out an exasperated sigh.

“Either way, this isn't bad for him,” he said. “If he wins, he can have my rank. If I win, I don't even get anything.”

“Yuna!” Amanda called. “You’re up next!”

Yuna nodded to her and glanced at the two of them briefly.

“I still think what you're doing is stupid,” she said.

“Well great news! It’s got nothing to do with your opinion.”

She scoffed and headed towards the stage. Jaejin and Suho exchanged a look.

“Come on, let’s try it,” he said. “If you really have no idea what happened yesterday, then shouldn't you want to find out too? What you're capable of.”

Suho hesitated. Jaejin was bending everything. He had no reason, actually, to give into this demand. Ranks didn't matter to him, and he certainly had no interest in being forced to figure himself out on the spot.

“It’s not a hard decision,” Jaejin continued, knowingly provoking him. “You just have to do what you always do. Mindlessly say yes.”

That ticked him off. Although he knew he was purposely getting poked at, Suho had had enough for one day.

“Okay,” he said. “Let’s do that.”

Mistake or not, he wanted to end this once and for all. Jaejin smiled.

“You’re always reliable,” he remarked. “I’ll get the profs to set a date.”

His smile went a little bit sideways.

“You better show me the real you then.”

⊕

“You gave in.”

Jun’s voice echoed through Suho’s dorm after classes had finally ended. He’d called the monk for advice, and he certainly didn't skirt around the problem.

“…I couldn't let him keep talking like that,” Suho mumbled.

“What about his words bothered you so much?” Jun asked. “Yesterday you were panicked because your dissociative spells came back. Today you’re willing to force them to the surface?”

“It’s not that,” Suho replied. He was sitting at the kitchen island, tapping his leg incessantly. “I don't want to be like that ever again. I just…”

He thought back to the way Jaejin had been talking.

“…He said he was envious of the life I’ve been living. That I’m so strong and I haven't had to work for any of it.”

For a second, there was silence on the other end.

“You have worked hard, Suho,” Jun finally responded. “Probably harder than any of them. But not in the same way they’ve worked.”

“What do you mean? Because I never studied in a school?”

“No. Because from their point of view, you’ve always been doing the one thing they have to go through so much to succeed at.”

Hunting. It was an easy industry to dream about, but probably one of the most difficult to actually get into. The students at National, most of them had had to put in years of work just to qualify to hunt their first monster.

All while Suho was just doing it in the wild in his free time. What a blessing it must have looked like to them.

“It’s easy for them to think: if everybody grew up around monsters like Lim Suho, then of course they’d be that strong. He didn't do anything special, it was just a matter of circumstance.”

Suho stewed on that, quiet.

“Can you prove them wrong?” Jun asked.

He fidgeted as Pit watched from the couch.

“I don't know,” he said.

“Do you think you can do this?”

“I’m not sure. Jaejin’s already beat me once—”

“I didn't mean defeat him. I mean can you go through with this without… losing yourself again?”

Suho chewed on his lip. He tried to recall what had happened yesterday, but there was nothing. His memory was totally blacked out. Maybe it had never registered in the first place.

“I don't know,” he admitted.

He put his head in his hands.

“I miss everyone.”

Jun was quiet on the other side, letting those words sink in. It wasn't often that Suho acted like a child—like someone his age.

“We miss you too,” he answered. “But you're not alone over there, are you? You made friends.”

“…I did.”

“Don't forget that they care about you too. If you go through this thinking you're all alone, then things are only going to get worse.”

“I guess so.”

Jun chuckled at his reluctant admission.

“I can feel your worries from all the way over here,” he said. “Suho, no matter what the other students think about your situation, you have to remember one thing. Nobody else stayed and fought like you did, and certainly not at your age. Whether you're stronger than them or not doesn't matter. You’re the bravest kid in the world.”

That made Suho’s lips finally prick up.

“Thank you.”

It felt like a bit of the weight on his shoulders had lifted. Jaejin had said a lot to provoke him, but Suho didn't actually have anything to prove.

He was here to learn and grow.

He’d do his best, whatever that was.

“It’s getting late,” Jun said. “I’m going to hang up.”

“Mm. Bye.”

Pit barked as if saying goodbye too. The line went dead.

Suho sat there in silence for a moment, gears in his head turning.

It was obvious from the spar in Advanced Spearmanship what his biggest weakness was. Suho had no experience fighting humans. Loan sharks and con artists sometimes came out to the sticks, trying to scam the old people, but they were easy to scare off. Now, a fight couldn't be avoided.

You made friends.

It was still foreign to him, what friends did and didn't do for each other. Maybe it was time to figure it out.

Suho tapped through a couple screens on his watch. He clicked a certain contact and waited.

Diriring…

The dial tone droned on.

Finally—

“Hey, Suho. What’s up?”

A familiar voice rang out.

“I need your help, Sunghyun.”