"What is called a miss?"

Today is the day she gets married, the girl that I spent my most beautiful youth in love with, to have a crush on.

Today is the day that the girl I loved very much becomes someone else's wife, and in the future, she will become the mother of children whose father is not me.

I like her, have been for many years.

But, ask me, do I love her?

I do not know how to answer.

Love is a difficult word to define.

Receiving the invitation card in hand, I knew it was time for the opportunity that might have been given to me to end.

Why didn't I speak to her?

Why didn't I confess to her?

Why can't I open my mouth when I'm in front of her?

The moment I saw her, the brightest moment in a girl's life, my heart throbbed in a strange way.

What is missed?

I liked her for three years in high school, quietly following her like a shadow, silently being her horseman. Even when I went to work, accidentally sharing the same agency, I still calmly continued my role. Only thing…

I like her, she knows, everyone knows. They teased us many times, created many opportunities for me to confess, but never succeeded. Why?

Between the two of us was an invisibly thin layer of ice that we couldn't even name. A block of ice that contains distance, confusion, and fear.

We were and are friends, what happens when we take it one step further, into a more intimate relationship?

I spent many nights tossing and turning, many nights with my arms above my head, a young man just sixteen years old, but, in the end, I still couldn't answer all of these things.

After that, we just kept maintaining our friendship because no one spoke to each other.

I have feelings for her. It is a fact, a fact that everyone knows.

But, does she have feelings for me or not? This is not known by anyone?

And perhaps, this is what created a half-way in me because… I was afraid I would have to hear that I didn't want to hear.

Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

At the age of sixteen and seventeen, the son always contains ambition, hopelessness, and arrogance. What if I open my mouth to confess and she rejects me? What if we can't just go together like before? What if people say behind my back that she doesn't like you?

Just like that, I faltered.

Three years of high school passed quickly, four years apart in college, I thought that this crush of mine would pass quickly when in a new environment. But no, I was wrong, I could not forget her.

Somehow, she remained deeply imprinted in my subconscious. It's strange that I can't get to know any other girls because they're so far from the standard I want. Standards are drawn based on a person's silhouette.

Going to work, God once again gave me the opportunity, we worked in the same agency, and fortunately, we shared the same department.

I thought that after seven years, my boldness would be honed by lectures in lecture halls, by participating in speech contests, and by answering questions with lecturers. And also the times to meet the difficult requirements of customers. All of that brings pressure and boldness in me.

However, in the end, I still couldn't speak.

Ridiculous right?

Just like that, in addition to friendship, we put on a colleague's shirt again.

Sometimes, I think that's fine. I don't meet anyone, she doesn't meet anyone. Both are like two parallel lines that can run to the end of life, that is a very good thing.

But God always knows how to tease people the most, he gave me an opportunity but I couldn't take it, procrastinating and hesitant. And then, annoyed, he passed that opportunity to another son. That person is none other than our partner, a person who always makes me admire with confidence and determination in work. Today, I know one more thing in the opponent, fierceness.

From my co-workers, I heard how that person pursued her, a pursuit that is hard to match. Even more interesting is that at first, she was not affected at all, even refused. But then, over time, will women fall in love?

They've known each other for three years, so during the three years of working, I didn't even know? Is it because she's too quiet or I just didn't pay attention.

Obviously, today is your happy day but also the saddest day of my life. You are no longer a parallel line that will run with me anymore. Now, my life will turn sideways, turn in a direction that I want to go.

Seeing you happy, seeing you holding your husband's hand, looking at you shyly when your husband kisses you, those expressions can't escape his eyes.

"You are very beautiful."

She is really pretty, pretty in the wedding dress.

In this large hall, perhaps everyone thinks that in the eyes of the groom, the bride is the most beautiful. But no, there's also me, I've used all that I can express to look at you. Look at me in a seductive way. Of course, I will stand in a hidden corner, enough to be able to see you clearly, but other people will not notice me.

I sneered, a smile filled with bitterness.

I missed, missed many opportunities.

I admitted.

It was my cowardice that closed an opportunity for the two of us.

It was the fear in me that closed a future for the two of us.

However, when I saw you smiling brightly, I felt no regrets at all. Because You have been happy, you are happy, and the future is sure to be very happy.

Therefore, my loss will be exchanged for a more colorful future.

You should be with the person who makes you flutter, who makes you feel more in love with life, who makes you know the taste of love, not with me. A man who is always hesitant.

"I wish you had a happy life."

Leaving the wedding hall, greeted me with early summer rain.