Shipping Mishaps Chapter 3
The alarm klaxons had stopped, and that was good. Geo was still more than a little scared. The things were still out there.
Whoosh went the door, and Geo prepared to run for it. I'm not going to run away, I'm not a ten year old any more. I will face this like any normal Scout First Class!'she thought.
“Charge!” She screamed at the top of her lungs. The things in the hallway were already halfway through the door, Ostrich man first in line. She barreled at them, sprinting at top speed. It started squawking.
*-*-*
The door had unlocked and opened properly, it was a concern on a ship this old; then the Dirt-Rockian had charged.
In Captain Lodjvgne's head it was still a jumble. The thing had charged into him, hitting him square in the chest with a straight arm/flat palm push that would have put a drill instructor to shame! He had flown back and over his subordinates, hit the wall, and fallen to the deck.
Having been several steps removed from the group, Ovkew was able to just stare at what unfolded before him. Grig, having been the last in line had been able to throw herself out of the way of the oncoming terror. Grug and Glug, sadly, hadn't been so lucky. The thing, having been slowed by the assault on his person, had spun (yes, spun!) in place, hitting poor Grug in the head with an armored hoof! Then it had grabbed poor poor Glug by his eye-stalks, and fell backwards! Only to plant its Armored hoof into his stomach and use it's leg to toss him behind it!
When it then stomped its way towards himself, he defecated on the floor.
*-*-*
“Now listen here you hopped up little ostrich! If you don't take me home this instant, I swear to god, I will roast you with onions and potatoes! I don't care if you are a sentient species!” Geo was going for broke at this point. Angry, frustrated, and at this point hungry, she jammed her finger into the chest of the mutant ostrich on the floor.
It raised its arms, squawking in a high pitched voice. Then the wall started making sounds, “Please, oh great and powerful Dirt-Rockian, don't hurt my captain”.
Startled, Geo looked at the wall, taking a half step back, “Don't do what now? You kidnap me? You drug me? You bring me into your ship? AND YOU EXPECT ME NOT TO HURT SOMEONE?!?!?”
*-*-*
If you stumble upon this tale on Amazon, it's taken without the author's consent. Report it.
Captain Lodjvgne stared at the speaker, then his assailant, then back at the speaker, 'Thank the 17! Campy could talk to it!' The Dirt-Rockian was saying something back to Campy. In a shaky, panicked voice he finally spoke, “Campy, please tell it we surrender! Please tell it we will do as it says, as long as it doesn't hurt us further!”
*-*-*
Hershtang had woken to the klaxon going off, and listened to the Dirt-Rockian warning. 'Hmm...this should be fun. Nothing has happened on this trip, except for that excuse for a bar fight at Sigma's L6 station last week.' He thought to himself. He put on his security uniform, grabbed his belt, and went looking for the trouble.
*-*-*
“So you're a talking computer? A fully functioning AI?” Geo asked. This was getting weirder and weirder.
“Yes. My name is Campy. I am here to serve, oh captain, my captain.” Campy, the ships AI responded.
“So, where did you learn English?”
“We became aware of your languages while approaching your planet for refueling during the Galactic War. We were able to compile from your openly broadcast-ed media. From there, the Fleet made several language codices. We are using one now.” Responded Campy.
“That's so cool.” then it hit Geo, “Wait, your captain?”
“Yes, Captain Geo. You have captured my former captain, and several bridge crew. In accordance with Trans-union Galactic Shipping's policies and procedures, when a pirate or similar personage captures the command crew of one of their ships, the computer is required to submit to all demands of said personage. Basically, you are in command until such a time as trans-union galactic shipping meets your demands.” Campy replied.
“Alright...so I am the captain of this ship now? Cool beans. Where do I begin? Oh, I know, Where is the nearest weapons locker?” Geo looked around, expecting a light or something to happen. Instead, the computer...Campy... started talking to the “Crew”.
The crew looked around, then started babbling, Campy translated “Weapons locker? Captain, do we have a weapons locker? We don't even have an armory” That was one of the slugs. Maybe Glug?
The Ostrich answered, “Captain, sir? We don't have a weapons locker, or an armory for that matter. We do have a security officer. His name is Hershtang, and he can be a bit...violent at times...”
Something resembling a rock hit Geo from behind, knocking her to the floor. Looking up from her new spot on the floor she beheld an overstuffed 4' tall, teddy bear. She squeed.
Hershtang jumped back in surprise and alarm, “It didn't fall unconscious? What kind of wonderful thing is this?!?” He said aloud, looking at his fellow crew, who were now cowering back against the wall, then spoke, “What new toy have you found for me to play with?” They stared at him, then all looked away.
Hershtang felt the impact in his groin. Then the pain. Then the coolness of the deck on his face. Then the most frightening words he had ever heard in his life were uttered into his ear, as translated by Campy “I'm going to hug you, and squeeze you, and love you to death!” He did the only thing he could think of, he fainted.
Getting up, Geo looked around, rubbing her back as best she could, “Ow. But he's so cute! I will forgive him, this time.” She bent over the fallen Hershtang and relieved him of his com set and gear belt. Attaching both to her pants. “Campy, as your new commander, I feel obliged to inform you that I will be taking full possession of this ship and crew until such a time as I get home. Please inform your previous owners of this fact, and that I will slay anyone who stands against me on this trip.” Geo's confidence dropped for a moment when she realized what she had said. 'I hope I don't really have to kill someone. That would be horrid!'
Turning to her new crew, she said “In the name of the Unified American Scouts, Troop 524, I welcome you to your new ship, and new life as my crew. I will not be a harsh mistress, I will be Trustworthy, loyal, helpful and brave. I will try to be courteous and kind. To you anyway. Campy, direct us to the nearest weapons locker!”
Three slugs and two ostriches hung on her every word.