Leaves of tall treetops offered a pleasant shade from the scorching moons. The forests of this world were beautiful. Beautiful enough to make me doubt my ideas.

The multi-colored trees weren’t like anything I’d seen on Earth. Their trunks consisted of hundreds of smaller trees coiled together as they grew upward. Some stalks were white, some brown, others closer to black. Each part grew separate from the rest, as if the tree wasn’t just one being, but many teamed up into one, working together. A rare occurrence for nature that usually fought for space until one remained triumphant.

All vegetation followed similar beauty. Grass gave off a clean odor, as if accepting me into their home with open arms. Lush flowers grew naturally under trees, offering the place much more color than any of Earth’s jungles.

I trotted aimlessly, constantly glancing backward to see if I was being followed. My body filled with pressure despite my attempts to stay calm. My instincts knew my intentions and were doing anything they could to stop the logical side of my brain from proceeding. I ignored the worries and continued onward.

The forest was free of insects. No mosquitoes swarmed to bite me, and no ants trailed the grass. I watched my feet for snakes and other nonsense that could lurk within the unpathed foliage, but nothing bit my feet.

I could have lived here. Friendly trees and calmness, no wars or human blood to stain walls. Of course, fantasy bears or other bullshit could have considered the forest its territory, but I had yet to be mauled. The forest appeared like a genuinely nice place.

Yet, I did not belong here. This was a simple fact. Staying caused everyone harm. Shiela had made a mistake sending me here, and I made a mistake by stretching my life where it didn’t belong.

A short walk later, a change in the air made me pause. Breathing became difficult, as if climbing a mountain. The place felt off, not just in the lungs, but inside my body. My mana chords squeezed, telling me to turn around. The feeling was similar to the mana well underground. Less potent, but far more uncomfortable.

What the hell? I thought. With hesitation, I stepped forward. The pressure only increased with each step I took. I tried my best to ignore it. Remy had told me the feeling of magic wasn’t dangerous.

The end of the tree line loomed ahead. Sunlight shone from between trees as if reflecting from an ocean. I squinted my eyes, struggling to see, until I crossed the last trees. A vast landscape revealed itself.

Rocky plains replaced trees. Dirt replaced grass. Lifeless emptiness filled my view as far as the eye could see. Cracks and crevices littered the stone amongst the occasional wider ravine. Several craters were visible without having to move my head, and I doubted they were from meteors.

The lack of life could be smelt in the air. And I don’t mean the place was dead. Nothing had been alive in the first place. Not one sapling of a tree, not one speck of grass attempting to grow from crevices. The land’s will had been sucked dry.

I let out a weak laugh. What an amusing sight. How could such a beautiful forest reveal something so utterly dead behind it?

The laugh came with a realization. The rocky plains were the perfect place to perform my plan. I could not have asked for a better spot. Miserable and unnerving.

I stared at the landscape in silence, considering. My plan didn’t feel right. Neither had the jump from the balcony, though this time I felt far calmer. Concerned, perhaps. Doubtful, nervous, outright scared. But calm—determined to perform what was necessary, as if no other solution existed if I didn’t go through now.

I slid down the grassy decline, passing the line where life ended. My mana chords squeezed like nerves trying to explode. Something was wrong with this place in the worst way possible. A long history was behind these rocks.

I walked further ahead below the setting sun and its three daylight moons, far enough that I was certain my actions couldn’t have caused harm to the forest before me.

Then, I pointed my palm directly at the ground between my feet.

I took a deep breath. All that was left was one word. Was I ready to say it?

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What would Shiela say if she received me back now? I doubted she would have any words of reassurance. From her perspective, she’d sent an apostle into this world to possibly save the world from a catastrophe, only for me to use her powers for this.

Then again, Shiela was at fault for choosing me as an apostle.

My soul would be extinguished. So what? At least I wouldn’t have to fight cultists and blast magic for a living.

“Fff…” I said, the words trailing off. The words felt heavy. My arm wished to lift upwards, back towards safety.

My heart pumped like a goddamned factory. Every ounce of its being was active, as if trying to communicate with the brain through the intensity of its pumping.

How would my friends—if my screwed-up team of maniacs could be called friends—react to finding me? What would my teacher think, finding her student’s remains? Would they find me at all? Did I care?

Hell, I had to do this quickly. Before someone came after me to change my mind.

“Firrh…” I said and grimaced.

This couldn’t be so fucking hard. I wasn’t trying to kill my mother for God’s sake. I was simply making a logical decision when faced with the difficulties of my life. I had no reason not to do this.

I found myself crying. For what? I couldn’t go back now.

“Fire…” I said. No, that wouldn’t work. I had to put my heart into it. “Fire… Fire… Ball.”

“Fire—”

I jumped. Something touched my shoulders. A warm and sharp pinch.

Mana surged through my chords along with a terrible wave of regret. Mana found my hand, but a fireball did not form. Instead, the mana dissipated into the air, like the cylinders of an old train releasing steam.

I turned to see orange scowling eyes. Rakash pierced her nails through my cloak, pinching at my skin. Any harder and I would bleed. “What are you doing?” she asked.

I struggled free from her grip, then fell on my back. I gasped for breath, tears flooding out on their own. Holy shit. She saw me; she knew what I was doing!

My next actions were fueled by pure primal instinct, not one logical thought behind them. I stumbled back on my feet and attempted an escape, wobbling towards the endless nothingness. Shame and every one of its relatives filled my head, enough bad emotions to cause permanent harm.

This was worse than death. Holy fucking shit. I was a fool!

I must have run ten steps before Rakash stopped me. This time, she used a spell on my feet—one that glued my shoes to the stone below me. I was utterly trapped.

She walked ahead of me. Her hooded figure faced my horrified expression. I could barely see through my tears.

The panicked part of my head considered blasting her with Shiela’s magic. I could cast an Arcane Snare, trapping her on the spot before taking off my shoes and continuing the escape. If I was really crazy, I could have easily cast a few fireballs in her direction, forcing her to leave me alone.

Thank the Gods I did not do that. Instead, I accepted my fate, letting out my wails. “I’m sorry… I’m so sorry… I didn’t mean to…”

Rakash tackled me, wrapping her arms around me. Her hood dropped, revealing watery eyes. I froze in shock. She squeezed me tight. I couldn’t have moved a shoulder had I tried.

“Dumb,” Rakash said in barely a whisper. “You’re dumb. An idiot. The dumbest idiot.”

My body trembled, pressure welling up. A mind-numbing wave of regret and panic washed over me, as if my life was still in danger. Holy hell, I didn’t want to die. I didn’t want to burn. I didn’t want pain.

Had I really tried to end my life, just seconds ago?

Rakash had no intention of letting me go. All I could do was cry, letting the rest of my stupid ideas flow onto her shoulder.

I didn’t know how long we stayed in the position. Maybe a few minutes, maybe half an hour. We stayed long enough for my panic to dwindle into embarrassment. I continued crying on Rakash’s shoulders.

Did I learn nothing from my time on Earth? What the hell had made me try this a second time?

“Promise me you won’t shoot yourself in the sky,” Rakash said. “Promise this, and I’ll let you free.”

“I won’t,” I said weakly. “I… Promise.”

Rakash held me tighter for a minute longer. “I’ll believe you,” she said, then let go. The spell on my feet dissipated into thin air.

She didn’t wipe her reddened eyes or her leftover tears. Instead, she sat down on a rock nearby and gazed into the rocky landscape.

I stood beside her, staring in the same direction. Neither of us knew what to say or do. The moment couldn’t have been called awkward. It was unnerving. If Rakash had appeared a second later, I would no longer have had the eyes to watch the landscape.

Rakash had saved me. For better or worse, my plan had been stopped.

Eventually, Rakash broke the silence. “Awful place, isn’t it?”