Back from class, and of course, the first thing I do is toss my backpack into a corner, my shoes and socks on top of it, and hop onto the computer. It's been a long day of the comp-sci equivalent of "solve for 2+2" and all I want to do is numb my brain with some internet trash.
Nothing interesting on Tumblr, or Reddit. Got two more viewers than normal on my blog, that's good, I guess. ...wait, no, this one's a bot. What the hell is with that PM anyway?
CONGRATULATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You have been select to have
THE AMAZING OPPORTUNTY!
To leave your borig mundane lif behind, click here
This has to be a virus, right? It practically screams virus. Should probably just delete it.
...but then again, I have backups. Let's see what kind of bullshit ransomware this is...
Aaaaaand, click!
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I wake up two hours later with a headache. How do I know that it's two hours later? Because there's a clock in the top-right corner of my vision. It says it's two hours later. I'm pretty sure I'm not supposed to have that, or any of the rest of the HUD that seems to have appeared out of nowhere. ...to apparently replace my arms, legs... actually, all of my body, it feels like.
This tale has been unlawfully lifted without the author's consent. Report any appearances on Amazon.
Huh.
Standing in front of me is... a tree? Made of arms? Except... no, it's more like a pile of sponges. Or... an upside-down game of Jenga?
Double huh.
Oh, it's talking to me.
Triple h- no, no, we're not going there or we'll be here all day. Let's see what the very-probably-eldritch-abomination wants with little 'ol me. ...is it tentacle sex? I hope it's tentacle sex.
"Helloooo, I can tell you're not listening to me, you know. We're communicating telepathically. Tel-e-path-ic. That means I'm talking directly into what passes for your squishy mortal brain. By the way? Gross. No."
Oh, it heard me. ...yolo, no regrets.
"Rude, and innacurate, since I just reincarnated you. Now about what"
Yolt, no regrets. No, doesn't sound as good.
"Oh for my sake... I could have hand-picked a mortal, but no, I had to be clever and rely on random chance..."
Aww, I'm starting to think you don't like me. Love me Sempai!
"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?"
Well, I'm pretty sure I'm not in my body, or normal spacetime any more, so I'm fending off a panic attack with humor.
"...oh."
Yeah.
"...Would it help if I put you into your new body before continuing?"
Please.
"Okay, well, brace yourself then."
Can do captain.
You know that sensation of falling in a dream? This felt absolutely nothing like that. Really, it felt like trying to shove yourself into a dress that's two sizes too small for the sake of fashion™, except the dress was two hundred times too small, slightly damp, and had been left in a car during the summer. And someone was hammering you into it with a rubber mallet. Needless to say, I passed out again. Let's hope this doesn't become a habit.