“Nope, nah, not happening,” Vish decided, once he had fully grasped Gling’s amendments to the plan.

“Come on, Vish. I was willing to do it!”

“Ah, but, my gormless friend, the difference is that I am otherwise useful to the group as a whole. You were going to do it because, to be frank, what else do you do?”

“I mastermind!”

Standing in a somewhat sketchy cabaret four days journey from their place of residence, Figo’s mum’s house, wearing a corset, skirts and, yes, his sister’s body, even Gabriel had to admit that this was not the best showcase of that particular boast.

Vish conveyed his opinion by means of a raised eyebrow.

“Alright, fine, I concede that you do pull your weight from time to time, but that doesn’t automatically bar you from helping out! We need you on this one, Vish! Goyun was very insistent.”

“He actually said that? He actually said that he wasn’t going anywhere tonight unless it was with me?”

“Well, I mean, I’m paraphrasing a little, but that was the gist!” Gabriel fibbed.

Vish narrowed his eyes but the captain did an impressive job of keeping his cool. Gling had, after all, caught Goyun staring at the mind-mapper. Sure, he might be making a few logical leaps, but he was pretty confident he had read the situation right. Yeah, pretty confident.

“Alright, look, if I do this, then you have to be ready to bail me out the instant things get… weird,” Vish finally relented.

“I promise I will step in before things get out of hand.”

“And not just you, either. I want someone reliable as well,” Vish thought a moment, “Have Lydia waiting in ambush in the room. When I say, ‘put out the lights’ she springs out and saves the day.”

“You have my word; Lydia and I will be waiting there, ready to grab Goyun as soon as he lets his guard down.”

Vish tugged at his beard, “Oh, and make sure Lydia is wearing one of those outfits, like the one you’ve got on.”

“Ordinarily, I’d let you ask her that yourself, but I need you alive for this to work.”

“Can you at least suggest it?”

“Vish.”

“Alright, fine,” Vish wrung his hands together, “So, uh, how do I do this?”

“Do what?”

“Sell it, I mean.”

“Just be yourself. Treat it like you would any other date,” Gling said, suppressing a smirk, “Okay, look, what do you normally talk about when you’re with a woman?”

Vish thought for a moment, “The price.”

Gling’s arms flopped to his side, “You know what I mean. What do you talk about when you approach a woman, you know, naturally?”

“Ooph, that’s been a while.”

“Oh, sorry,” Gabriel stared at his feet, “I guess you lose a bit of confidence over time. These things must get harder with age.”

“What? No, sod off. I just find that money has a way of dispensing with all that unnecessary talking and crap.”

“So, you don’t talk to women at all?”

“Oh, I do, but it’s normally more like: you have incredible feet; oh yeah, that’s right; you’ve got the toes of a kobold; show me what you think three coppers’ worth is; seriously, those feet; what was your friend’s name again?”

“Geez, Vish, you’re disgusting.”

“That’s normally the conversation that follows; it’s the initial one I’m struggling with. I mean, is any of that usable here?”

“Impressively, not a single word.”

Vish tutted, “Fine then, what do you suggest?”

“Well, for the purposes of this exercise, pretend you are talking to a woman that you like but don’t want to pay for carnal pleasures.”

Vish suddenly noticed who he was talking to, “Like how I talk to Bling?”

“Yeah, I’d appreciate it if you never spoke to my sister again, actually.”

“Sort of fair.”

“Shit, he’s looking this way. Look, just take him a drink and, I know this is hard, but be nice. Got it, Vish? Be nice. That’s all you have to do. He’s already interested. Just, don’t fuck it up.”

“Be nice. Be nice. Got it. Alright, I’m going in.”

“Great, I’ll chat to Lydia. We’ll make sure we’re upstairs waiting for you. When you get there, go into the room with the handkerchief lying on the floor outside.”

They nodded to one another.

Gling watched as the mind-mapper collected a goblet of wine from the bar, and advanced on Goyun. The mercenary captain was painfully aware that their hopes now rested on the least gregarious man in The Kaden Circle, and his ability to remain likeable for the span of an entire conversation. If Gabriel could have wept then, he would have.

Vish approached Goyun and slammed down the drink in front of the merchant.

“Oh, I actually already have one,” the merchant smiled.

“You seriously telling me you’re not going to want another one?” Vish replied.

“Ha! A fair point,” Goyun said, draining his current glass, “To your health, then.”

“Why? There’s nothing wrong with my health.”

“That I can plainly see,” the merchant winked, “What happened to my waitress?”

Vish sighed, “She thought you might prefer to have me,” he winced, “serve you.”

“She was right. Care to take a seat?”

“I’m not actually sure if that’s allowed,” Vish said with a glance at the owner.

Causally, Goyun made eye contact with Chloe, and flashed a gold coin in her direction. He set the money on the table and invited Vish to sit once more. Chloe snarled, but she dutifully turned her head.

“There, I think you’re off the hook now,” the merchant grinned.

“Smooth mother fu-, -err, thanks,” the mind-mapper said, taking a seat, and notes.

“You know, I’ve had my eye on you all evening.”

“It,” Vish bit the inside of his cheek, “has come to my attention.”

“Does that bother you?”

“Nooo, no I guess it doesn’t,” Vish said through gritted teeth.

“You should try some of this,” Goyun said, sliding his glass over.

“I think I’d rather not,” Vish tried to look somewhere else, anywhere else, but accidentally made eye contact with Gling, staring him down with matronly ferocity, “Oh, bollocks, fine,” he took a sip, “Mm, wine,” he declared.

“How do you like that, luscious?”

“Lucious?” Vish whispered, barely suppressing a shudder.

Goyun was apparently oblivious to his discomfort, “This is one of the rarest wines on the continent. Only three hundred bottles are produced each year. I make sure that Chloe keeps a few aside for me. Of course, I am the one that sells it to her,” he said with a shrug.

“Well aren’t you a regular entrepreneur.”

“I believe that one can mix business and,” the merchant dabbed at his lips with a serviette, “pleasure.”

This time, Vish did shudder, “I bet you do.”

“I’ve not seen you around here before,” Goyun went on.

“That’s because I’ve not been here before.”

Goyun laughed at this, “Then where have you been?”

“About.”

The merchant was visibly disappointed with this answer.

Vish sighed and dug as deep as he could, “I’m Vellorian.”

Goyun’s eyes lit up, “Vellorian! Now that is a first.”

“A first for what?” Vish muttered inaudibly.

“Be it clothing, jewellery, wine, food, or any other…” Goyun swirled his drink, “commodity,” he took a draught, staring at Vish over the rim of the cup all the while, “one can get bored of the local fare.”

Reading on this site? This novel is published elsewhere. Support the author by seeking out the original.

“Ew,” Vish mouthed to the table, but the mind-mapper fortunately had the presence of mind to latch onto one of those details, “Jewellery, you say? I’ve heard the local fare is pretty good on that front.”

The merchant shrugged, “Nothing to put us on the map,” the businessman responded, “but, that said, the occasional exceptional piece does pass through my hands,” the voracious deviant added.

“I should very much like to see some of those,” Vish said, and added a maniacally wide smile for emphasis.

“And I should very much like to see a hot little jewel of the desert pass through my hands,” Goyun said into his cup.

“What was that now?”

“Nothing, nothing. If you wish to see jewels, then you shall!” Goyun finished his expensive wine in one gulp, “Would you care to join me for a more private conversation?”

“I think I’m supposed to say, ‘yes’,” Vish sulked.

Goyun frowned at that but, nonetheless, he stood and motioned Vish to follow as if he were ushering a puppy.

Gling spotted the movement at the table, “Oh, shit, the son of a bitch actually did it. Come on!”

The mercenary near bolted for the stairs, with Lydia following closely behind.

“Good evening gents,” Gling hailed the bouncers, “The lady has requested a private room. I’ll show her up.”

The older of the two bouncers frowned over Gling’s shoulder, “You want a private room, with her?” he jabbed a thumb at Gling.

“Got a problem with that?” Lydia growled.

The bouncer looked to Chloe and received a nod. He raised his hands dismissively, “Your business, not mine. You’ll have to leave your weapons here though, establishment policy.”

Lydia looked to be toying with the prospect of using the smaller, but still huge, man as a toothpick. Finally, she relented, and whistled Figo over to take her sword and hatchet.

Gling decided he’d pull the warrior up on her communication skills another time. For now, the pair climbed the stairs two at a time, and selected a room down the corridor. They dropped a handkerchief on the floor, and pulled aside the curtains that served as a partition.

Gling groaned.

The chamber looked like a scatter-cushion showroom. There was no furniture to speak of, only mounds and mounds of pillows, blankets and furs. A few candles dotted the room, tucked away in sconces, but otherwise the place was devoid of the usual necessities. Most notably lacking were a closet, a cabinet, a table… pretty much anything where one might typically hope to hide an enormous, metal-plated Lydia.

“Shiiiit,” Gling said.

“I could just knock him out as soon as he walks in,” Lydia suggested.

“It’s hard to question an unconscious person, Lydia. Here, get in that corner, I’ll cover you in pillows.”

Frantically, Gling upholstered the warrior-woman, and then tucked himself in beside her as best he could. He slotted the last cushion into place as they heard voices approach.

Fortunately, the merchant, and his prospective paramour, were making slow progress.

Goyun clung to the banister as he climbed the stairs, almost toppling over it on one occasion. He was still spouting out sweet nothings, but now with an audible slur. Still, it wasn’t until the merchant referred to him as, “a sexy raisin”, that Vish realized just how much the man had actually drunk.

“Oh, I’ve got lots of things I’d like to show you,” Goyun spouted over his shoulder.

“Yeah, yeah, that’s great. Come this way,” Vish ushered.

“Why, what’s wrong with this room?”

“Uh, that one’s my favourite.”

“Oh, you scamp, you have a favourite!” Goyun said, wagging a finger in mock-chastisement, “Why, you’re nothing but a little sl-,” he hiccupped part way through.

“Ho-ho, what can I say?” the mind-mapper said, rolling his eyes, “Okay, just in here and… Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Vish said when he spotted the veritable mountain of pillows propped against the corner.

“What’s the matter?”

“Nothing, nothing, come on in.”

“You know, I think I had you all wrong,” Goyun said as he staggered into the chamber, “You are pleasantly forward!”

“Please don’t say that.”

“Why the heavens not? You should be proud of it. You’ve got this, this, chemistry! This raw essence!” Goyun clenched his hand as he said the last word.

“Look, I just want to see your jewels. No, shit, wait…”

“Ha! I bet you do! All in good time, my dear, all in good time. First,” Goyun stumbled into the room, frowned at the peculiar arrangement, shrugged, and produced a vial, “first a little pick-me-up!”

Goyun uncorked the small vial and all but inserted it into his nostril. The merchant inhaled deeply.

“Whoooo! Now we’re talking! Here, try this!”

“Absolutely, fucking, not.”

“Oh, don’t be such a spoil sport. It’s just a little energizer.”

“I prefer to keep a clear head, thanks.”

“I respect that, I respect that,” Goyun was swaying on his feet now but his eyes were lunar-wide, “A good choice, too, I’m going to show you such a, such a,” he belched, “such a good time you won’t ether wanth to forgeth,” his speech had moved beyond slurring, to melting.

“Urgh, yeah, I’m sure. Say, why don’t you put out the lights first?” Vish said, loudly and clearly.

“My, my, you are eager, aren’t you? Very well. You take a seat and get comfur…,” Goyun frowned, “comster, comper… comperfertable,” he finally spewed out triumphantly, “Ha, thath a thunny word.”

“Hilarious.”

Goyun was far beyond picking up on sarcasm. He stumbled around the room blowing out candles slowly, and largely ineffectually. He spent an inordinately long time spitting at the flickering flames and giggling at his own failure. All the while, Vish, eyes almost as wide as Goyun’s, jerked his head from the heap of pillows to the stumbling drunkard.

An incredible thing happened at that moment in time. Without any words exchanged, gestures swapped, prior-discussion or pre-meditation, Gabriel and Lydia both made the decision to hold off for a bit, and just let things play out a bit longer. Just a little bit longer.

His odyssey finally complete, Goyun stumbled over to where Vish was propped against the wall, hugging his knees, and flopped down next to the mind-mapper.

“We should’th left some of those lights so I can see those charming eyes off yourth; tho’th are the real jewels here.”

“Uuuuh, I don’t know what to say,” Vish whimpered.

“Shhhhhh., don’t thay anything,” Goyun said, trying to press a finger to Vish’s lips and jabbing him in the face instead.

“Why don’t you put out the lights first?” Vish all but shouted.

Goyun looked around, his face a picture of puzzlement, “They are out… Aren’t they?”

“I think you might have missed one, over there,” Vish pointed to the Lydia shaped pile.

“It lookth out to me.”

“Why don’t you put out the lights!” Vish yelled, his voice quavering.

“Oh, I thee what you want,” Goyun grinned, fishing a handkerchief from his sleeve, “You want me to blindfold you!”

“Oh, fuck this,” Vish smashed a palm against the merchant’s forehead and launched his soul from his body.

Goyun flopped onto the floor, a heartbeat before pillow mountain crumbled.

“Vish, what the hell did you do that for?” Gling snapped.

“You arseholes! What happened to springing out when I give the god damn signal?” the mind-mapper glared.

“Signal? I didn’t hear any signal,” Gling said, his/ her face deadpan.

“You fucking liar.”

“I didn’t hear the signal,” Lydia said, “Are you going to call me a liar?”

“See, it’s two against one, Vish. Why would we both lie?”

“I clearly said, ‘why don’t you put out the lights?’”

“Is that what you were saying?” Lydia shrugged.

“You really should enunciate. It was kind of hard to hear under all of those pillows.”

“You’re lucky that guy was so off his face that I was able to shunt him out of his body without a fight,” Vish scowled.

“Well, now what?” Gling asked.

“Now we wait for that prick’s libido to die down and then we have a little chat.”

Gling sighed, “Okay, this is not ideal, but I guess we can work with it. Say, are you okay there, buddy? You’re sweating quite a lot. Are those tears in your eyes, or is it just their usual jewel-like shimmer?”

Vish threw a pillow, in the absence of anything heavier to hand.

They didn’t wait long before choosing to retrieve Goyun’s soul. They had already lost most of the evening, and they had no idea who, if anyone, might be waiting for his return.

Grudgingly, Vish went over to the candlestick he had imprinted Goyun on, and reunited the merchant with his body.

Goyun came-to slowly, shaking his head and struggling to prop himself up. He anchored himself against the wall and clutched at his face as if it were sloughing from his skull.

It took a while for the shakes to subside. When they did, Goyun said, “Whoooo-eeee!”

“What was that now?” Vish asked.

Goyun fished the small vial back out and squinted at it, “This stuff is stronger than I realized. I must remember to tip my supplier,” he laughed.

“Oh, you have got to be kidding me,” Gling groaned.

“Oh, you brought friends! I like your style!” the merchant grinned at Vish.

“Firstly, okay, firstly, these are not my friends, they’re a bunch of arseholes. Secondly, that wasn’t drugs; I just removed your soul from its body.”

Goyun blinked, “You removed my soul,” he clutched the front of his tunic, “from my body?”

“Yes, and imprinted it on that candlestick there!” the mind-mapper pointed for emphasis.

Goyun looked at the candle in question and back at Vish.

Slowly, the merchant seemed to comprehend.

“That… was, awesome! Can you do it again? I’ve never experienced anything like it! Does it have to be candlesticks or can you do it with other things. Ooh, try a pillow!”

“Son of a…”

So, Vish did try a pillow - a pillow he beat repeatedly against the wall and had to be convinced not to set fire to.

“Are you, uh, are you alright, there?” Gling asked when he finally wrestled the pillow away from the mind-mapper.

“Being hit on by a guy really bother you that much?” Lydia snorted.

“It’s not that he hit on me, okay; I don’t care about that. It’s that he didn’t treat me with any respect,” Vish said, rubbing his own arms.

“Say what now?” Gling said.

“It was like he didn’t even think of me as a person. I was just some, gorgeous, sexy creature, put on this world for his enjoyment.”

“Congratulations, you now know what it feels like to be literally any woman,” Lydia said, a-sympathetically.

“That’s how women feel all the time?” Vish was aghast, “… Even the paid ones?”

“You’re hopeless.”

“He called me a sexy raisin…”

Gling massaged his forehead, “Uh, Vish, if you wouldn’t mind?” he said, holding up the pillow.

“Yeah, yeah,” he smoothed the creases in his uniform, “Okay, I think I’m ready.”

The mind-mapper put Goyun back.

“Ha-ha! Amazing! It was like I was really there!”

“Oh no, I am not having this. You were-” Vish started to explain, but gave up when it became evident that the merchant couldn’t hear him over the sounds of his own, crazed, laughter.

“Oh, for aether’s sake,” Gling said.

“I’m not done yet, Gabe, not by a long shot,” Vish snarled, “I’ll get him nice and cooperative.”

For the next turn of the third wheel, Goyun’s soul got batted around like chlamydia at a camp site. The merchant occupied a floorboard, a nostril hair, a shoe that was taken for a jog, a drink that was both shaken, and stirred, a fly caught in a spider’s web - and this was to name just a few of Goyun’s short-lived incarnations.

Each time they recalled him, the mercenaries asked Goyun what they needed to know. Each time the merchant came back, he was more ecstatic than the last. Goyun actually begged to go again.

“Just a thought, Vish,” Gling asked, somewhere between the shoe and a gob of saliva, “the drugs and alcohol, they’re in his body, right? I mean, his soul shouldn’t be altered by what he’s taken, should it?”

The mind-mapper scratched himself vigorously, “It takes the person as they are then and then. Sure, it’s their essence that is imprinted, but their awareness still sticks to the familiar. He could feasibly feel drugged up if he still thought of himself that way. That said, I think he might just be bat-shit crazy. Why, are you suggesting that we might need to wait for him to sober up?”

“I’m suggesting that we may have to explore other methods of persuasion,” Gling said, as gently as he could.

“Say no more,” Lydia stepped in.

Lydia spent another half-turn interrogating Goyun in a more ‘traditional’ fashion. She stopped short of breaking every bone in his body, but Lydia certainly didn’t shy away from roughing the merchant up. When she was done, Goyun’s face looked as messed up as his mind was.

Regrettably, the merchant seemed to enjoy that too.

“Aether, I don’t think he’s going to break,” Gling said bitterly.

“He’ll break,” Lydia said, visibly flustered, “One way or another, he’ll break.”

“I don’t know, Lydia, I think we’ve done all we can do.”

“There’s always more you can do,” Lydia responded, staring down at Goyun, who was cackling to himself as he cradled his ribs.

“I think we’ve taken this as far as I’m willing to go,” Gling said, semi-decisively.

Lydia looked at him with disgust, “Then I suggest you find a different profession,” she sneered.

Gling glared back but kept his voice relatively calm as he said, “Step away from him, Lydia. That’s enough now.”

She spat on the floor, but Lydia did as she was told. She shuffled away from Goyun, who looked genuinely disappointed to see her go.

“He wins. We’ll tell Vagalad that we couldn’t get him to talk,” Gling sighed, “No amount of fame or money is worth this.”

“After all that,” Vish said, sinking to the ground, “I can’t believe we failed after all that.”

Vish squatted on the floor and fished Rodney out of his cage. The cricket merrily hopped out to meet him, clearly pleased to be free of his confines. The mind-mapper calmed a little as he petted the creature, letting himself get absorbed in the simple task.

“AAAAAAH!!!”

“Aether!” Vish and Gling shouted at the same time.

“Get it AWAY from me!”

It was Goyun who had shouted, and he had done so loudly that Chloe had to go backstage to make sure there had not been another pyrotechnic mishap.

“Get that monstrosity away from me!” Goyun reiterated.

“What, Rodney?”

“That, that thing!”

Gling looked at the small creature in Vish’s hand, “You’re afraid of the cricket?”

Goyun hissed at Rodney and swiped the air between them.

“Well, well, well,” Gling said, placing a dainty hand on each hip, “Vish, my man, I believe you had some questions for the gentleman?”