Awareness came slowly. First came the realization that I was being leaned on. Second came the realization that I was sitting down. Third came the realization that I could hear faint sounds of metal squeaking.

My eyes opened to see an absolutely adorable sight illuminated by the faint blue glow emerging from the braindance terminal above us; Rebecca drooling slightly on my shirt as she slowly breathed in and out, still out like a light. I could feel the soft sensation of her breathing on my chest and the spreading wet stain on my shirt, as her hand slightly twitched every now and then. She was still half-naked, but I couldn't find it in myself to find it sexy, somehow. Like I was too busy enjoying the cuddle to care.

I simply sat there for a while, taking in the sight, before I let my head flop back on the cushion. The corner of my vision said that it was 10 am. Well past my usual time to get up.

But the fact of the matter was, I just didn't want to. I hadn't felt anything like this in a long, long time, and… I needed this. Even setting aside the whole damn anti-cyberpsycho therapy plan, I hadn't been held like this in ages. I hadn't been seen by anyone as being worth holding like this in ages. I could do my morning routine later, this could only happen in the early hours in the morning.

So I simply sat there for minute after minute, letting her lean on me and simply luxuriating in the feeling of being held. Being wanted. My mind was blissfully blank. There were no worries, there was no stress, there was just peace and quiet. All the joy of socializing without any draining of my batteries. I let myself to a half-conscious state that was neither asleep or awake while holding her back.

Eventually, though. All good things came to an end. Almost half an hour later, she shifted, and then opened her yellow and pink eyes. She saw me looking at her, and then realized that she was drooling, she flushed slightly as her wrist came up to wipe her mouth. "Mornin'." She said with a grin, seizing control over herself.

"Morning indeed." I nodded. The two of us quietly looked at the other, waiting for them to make a move, before Rebecca got up, extracting herself from my side.

"Well, day won't catch itself!" She said with a chipper smile. "I'm gonna go wash up real quick, and then we can do breakfast. You good with Moonchies?"

"Sounds good." I muttered, getting up from the couch. Rebecca walked over to the fridge, grabbing a half-finished bottle of Real Water and chugging it. She gave a satisfied sigh, before tossing the empty bottle in the bin, walking into the shower room and shutting the door, leaving me and Pilar alone in the room with each other.

I turned to look at what he was doing, and I saw him messing around with what looked like a Lexington pistol. I watched him work in silence as I thought about talking to him, but decided against it since he seemed like he was in his groove. But then he sighed and wheeled around his chair. "If you got something to ask, just ask. Having you watching over my shoulder isn't doing me any favors." He grumbled, fiddling with a screwdriver.

"You're her techie, right? The one who modified Rebecca's guns?" I asked, leaning against the divider wall.

"Yeah, when she gets the wrong idea of what caliber guns should fire, it always ends up being me making it work. What about it?" He said, crossing his arms and raising his chin.

"...What on earth possessed you to soup up a Carnage?" I couldn't help but ask, giving him an exasperated smile.

"Puppy dog eyes." He said, completely flatly. "And when that doesn't work cause I don't fall for hers? A gun to my head."

I chuckled briefly, and then stopped when I realized he wasn't laughing with me. "Wait. You mean, actually?"

"Well, it was pointed at my back for most of the time as I worked on it. I needed my space." He said, scratching his chin.

I tilted my head, I could easily see it happening in my head... "But why?" I asked, she definitely didn't act that way when hanging out with me or David, come to think about it. Except for last night, maybe, and even then it was only against Pilar.

He shrugged. "Because she's a goddamn psycho?" At my stare, his face scrunched up. "Wait, don't tell me you were too busy staring at her ass to notice that she freakin' shot my hands last night! I mean, they're bulletproof, but still!" He said, waving his mended fingers at me.

"I didn't think that she'd actually hurt you in a way that you can't bounce back from." I stated, leaning in slightly out of concern. "You good?"

Pilar seemed taken aback, but quickly waved me off. "Yeah, yeah. What's a little bit of ricochet between siblings? Besides, it's not like I'm going to find better backup in this city. Especially since she needs me around to actually make her stupid ideas work."

I looked at his hands for a while. They seemed fine now, but there was something that I had to ask. "But she still cares about you, right?" I vaguely remember in the show that she was really broken up about Pilar's death. It was part of the whole reason I'd kicked off Plan B in the first place.

"Probably. Just that she's psycho." He gave me a nod. "Kinda like you."

I froze up a bit. Ah, we're going there, are we? "I… don't suppose you can expand a bit on that?" I asked, my mind all of a sudden in disarray. I needed a moment to recenter myself.

"You were running around covered in blood." He stated as he pointed at me with the screwdriver, seeming incredulous that I had even asked. Which was fair, because nothing he said was wrong, it was just a bit much to recall all at once. "And that aside, nobody fucks off to Northside on a late night to blast gonks without either having a few screws loose or being the biggest gonk I've met. Or both. Seriously, what the hell did they do? Kill a choom or something?"

"That's…" I hesitated mentally reviewing my words, before continuing. "Pretty much the case, yeah." Well, not that it was Maelstrom that did it, but rather there was a certain person that threatened to kill a choom of a choom and… huh.

Why had I kept going with Maelstrom?

It had seemed so justified at the time, but now that I was being questioned the reasoning seemed to vanish like smoke.

"Fuck." I muttered. "I need to talk to Vic."

Pilar grunted. "Therapist?" He asked, taking a piece of the Lexington from the table and messing with the screws.

"Ripperdoc, actually." I replied absentmindedly.

He stared at me for a moment, gun parts forgotten. "No way. No fuckin' way. Is Vic short for Viktor? Viktor Vektor?" He jabbed the screwdriver in my direction.

I blinked in surprise. "You know him?"

"Know him? Fucker, he's a living legend! Anybody worth their goddamn salt in the Medtech circles knows him!" He spat out. "And what, you just gonna walk up to him and ask. 'Well jee, doc. I think I'm going cyberpsycho!?'"

I thought about that plan, before shrugging. "Doesn't seem to be anything wrong with that idea. Why?"

He seemed to have a brief conniption at the idea of me asking a ripperdoc for medical advice. "You are fuckin' explaining to me how the hell you found that guy and where he is one day, got that?"

"Sure." I shrugged. "By the way, I don't suppose you can modify my Overture to fire depleted uranium rounds or something, can you?"

"Can you pay me enough money to move to City Center?" He asked rhetorically, a flat look on his face.

I gave him a confident smile and snapped my fingers in his direction. "No."

"Then come back when you have the eds." He said, wheeling around in his chair and going back to work on the Lexington. "But don't go pissing off too soon. Becca would choke me if she found out that I managed to get you to fuck off before she's done with you."

"Mhm." I said, crossing my legs. I considered asking him what on earth me and Becca actually had, my agent began to ring, an alert flashing in my vision. It was Regina. I found myself pausing, staring at the alert, before I pulled it out of my pocket and put it up to my ear. "Razzle here."

"Got a job for you. Tyger Claws are setting up an operation in Kabuki. I need someone to clear them out and send a message. Sending you a message with details attached." The call ended without any preamble, and I stared at my agent for a moment.

I felt myself hesitating. I needed to talk to Viktor, and I wanted to do it before I did anything else. I didn't think that I was going cyberpsycho, or that I was so close to the edge that a job was going to send me over, but I felt the urge to stop nonetheless. To put a stop to everything and just go cold turkey for a minute, to check if my head was screwed on straight. I… I was scared. Scared enough to slam on the breaks as hard as I could to check the engine, as it were.

I opened up the message and ignored the details that Regina had sent.

- - -

Raz: I'm sorry, but I'm not going to be able to take this job. I'm taking a brief siesta. I'll let you know when I'm ready again.

Regina: If that's what you say.

- - -

I let out a breath, and put the agent away as Rebecca exited the shower. "Wassup?" She asked, raising an eyebrow as I looked in her direction. She still hadn't put her jacket back on, but I couldn't focus on that, my mind still a buzzing hive of activity.

"Turns out I've got the rest of the day free, that's all." I said with a small smile. I needed to back up and chill the fuck out. I could still do my usual exercise routines, but I felt the urge to take my foot off the gas entirely. I didn't like it, but I didn't like the exercise either. I simply did it because it made me better, it was incremental progress that nobody could take from me. That wasn't important now, though. Right now I needed to check myself before I wrecked myself.

I had a long road ahead of me. Better not to crash before a month had even passed.

I got up off the divider and walked into the kitchen area, where she pulled two packets out of the fridge and passed one to me. I tore open the packaging as I sat down at the table, biting into the sweet treat. It looked and tasted a little bit like a choco-pie, but the chocolate shell had the consistency of sugar crystals, while the interior had the texture of uncooked dough. "Nothing to do?" Rebecca asked around her own mouthful.

I swallowed my bite. "Nah, plenty. Just… I need to take my nose off the grindstone. That's all. Get a handle on me. I'm planning to head to my ripperdoc, see if I can get an opinion."

She nodded slowly, seeming to study my expression. "Sounds good. Not like I've got a gig today, so I can come with!" She said with a wave of her Moonchie. "You wanna go now, or…"

"Yeah, nothing stopping us, right?" I paused. "Except for the headhunt. Shit." I muttered.

"Headhunt? That some kinda corpo slang?" She asked, raising an eyebrow. "I only got so many braincells, choom, and I'm not wasting them on corpo words."

I tilted my head. "Actually, I think it does technically mean hiring some other corp's personnel in some cases, but in this case it means someone wants me dead. Bullet to the head. Hence, headhunt."

Rebecca sat up straight. "Who'd be stupid enough to try and zero you?"

"Maelstrom." I admitted. "Been killing a lot of their guys, so I got a target on my back. Gonna need to disguise and maybe head out separately. Try not to give them any ideas."

"That's cold… and preem! How many of those gonks have you flatlined, anyways?" She said with a gleam in her eye.

…How many had I killed by this point? The hunts usually had four or five, and I'd done about five or six of those, then there was my meeting with Rebecca, which was… eight? I'd run into more with our day out, but I'd only killed one then. Then I'd had a few more gigs from Regina which had a good deal more, and then there was last night where I'd killed maybe… twenty-ish?

"A lot." I muttered. Pretty close to a hundred, maybe. Seventy? How many members did maelstrom have again? I think it was mentioned somewhere in the NCPD public reports. "I can't give any firm numbers, but it's at least fifty." I said. Then I realized that I'd kinda just told her that I'd killed fifty people and froze.

She seemed shocked, her eyes searching mine for any hint of deception. "Damn… fifty of those metalheads down?" There was a burst of giggles. "Now that's preem, choom!" She lifted her Moonchie. "And here's to fifty more!" She exclaimed, before scarfing it down.

My face scrunched up. I don't know what I'd expected, but… "You don't think it's weird or anything?"

She raised an eyebrow at me. "Weird? 'S not weird! It's preem! You're taking down gonk after gonk for eddies, rep, and the sheer thrill of it! It ain't weird! It's something all Solos do!" She shook her head. "B'sides, every one of them had it comin'. The only good Maelstrommer is a dead Maelstrommer! That's the rule!" She gave me a mischievous grin, the corners of her mouth curling slightly upwards.

I was taken aback a bit by her enthusiasm, "Thanks, I guess." I said, looking away. Pilar wasn't kidding, was he? It was nice to know that she wasn't going to immediately dump whatever we had over me being a killing machine, but… that made it clear that I needed someone else's opinion. "Wanna get going?"

When I looked back at her, her gregariousness seemed to have died down a little. "Sure, sure." She said, eyeing me. "You got somewhere in mind?"

"Yeah. Think we can meet up next to Megabuilding H10?" I suggested as I walked over to where my cleaned jacket was and threw it on. "I'll pop out first, then you later, and we meet up there?"

"Sounds good." She said, a neutral look on her face. She perked up for a moment as she waved me off. "See you later!"

I gave her a casual salute before pulling on my helmet and walking out the door. Even the dilapidated streets and ruins of Northside seemed brighter under the sunshine today, though my mood was hampered a bit by the thoughts of my behavior.

…I needed to check the catalogue. See if there was anything that could help me here.

Halfway through my journey through poorly maintained sidewalks, I received a ping on my agent, a message from Rebecca.

- - -

Rebecca: Hey, want to see if David's free too?

- - -

I considered it for a moment. I had some inkling of what this day could be if he wasn't involved, and I'm pretty sure Rebecca knew it too, but that she was suggesting that we give David a call anyways suggested that she cared in a way that I genuinely hadn't expected.

David was pretty normal, compared to the two of us. His perspective could be invaluable on this sort of thing. Sorry Becca, but I guess I'll have to make it up to you later.

- - -

Raz: Might be for the best. Good idea, and thanks for the suggestion.

----------------------------------------

In the shadows of the Megabuilding, my stand-system hybrid hovered in the air in front of me as I looked at the defenses available to me. I wasn't sure about pulling out my agent and messing with it out in public, but the windows and pop-ups seemed like fair game. I scrolled through the options, carefully reading through the text as I waited for the others to arrive.

[Stress Defense] seemed like a no-brainer. Five or ten credits, but a shred of what I had available to me, and I'd be "Protected from degenerative mental effects", which seemed like it could include anything from sanity-destroying eldritch sights to cyberpsychosis induced by chipping in cyberware, but I wasn't so sure that it would be the be-all-end-all.

It was a theory yet to be put to the test, but I wasn't so sure that having my brain be protected from degenerative mental effects would stop me from being myself, or from me changing for the worse. And it certainly didn't seem like it would affect my behavior aside from ensuring that I'd be able to act calmly under pressure, which I was pretty sure I would be able to do anyways with [Gamer's Mind].

The fact of the matter was, my sanity wasn't just my ability to recognise reality for what it was, but also my perspective. My ability to relate to and understand people, and my actions involving them.

I might be protected from degenerative mental effects, but did that mean anything if I simply saw people as walking sacks of goodies and EXP? Would it do anything to alter the course of my personal philosophy after day after day of killing and grinding for stats? Would it do anything to prevent me from becoming the kind of person that would take the world, turn it upside down and shake it until everything I wanted from it fell out?

Somehow, I doubted it.

"Hey."

My head snapped up, and I took in David as he walked up to me, an awkward smile on his face. I grinned back, getting up from the wall I was leaning against as I dismissed the windows. I'd pick it up later, when I was in private. "Good to see you."

"Rebecca called me over, is this about last night?" He asked, a curious look on his face.

My expression crumpled a bit. "Sorta. I kinda figured that between you and Becca you had a more ordinary perspective of violence. And I've got a weird relationship with it, so…" Weird didn't cut it. I was linked to it, now. Like a vampire was linked to blood, or any being was related to food. I grew stronger from it. I was molded by it. A part of me wanted to try and make a Bane quote out of it, but I held off.

He blinked. "But you sounded like you put way more thought into it than I did." He protested.

I shrugged. "Your view is still helpful for just trying to model what the average joe on the street thinks." I paused. "Well, compared to the two of us, anyways. Not like you're entirely normal either. Speaking of the deviI…" I gave a wave at the blue shorty making her way over. "Hey Becca!"

She simply gave me a bemused look as she approached. "No need to act all the way, y' know?"

I shrugged, and David looked between the two of us. "So where're we headed?"

"Misty's Esoterica." I said, setting off with the two beside me. "You're gonna love it. It's got wind chimes and tarot."

His face scrunched up. "Tarot?"

My grin was wide. "The arcana. The means by which all is revealed."

Rebecca's face scrunched up. "Raz, are we going to meet some sort of quack?"

"No, but we are going to make a pitstop with him on the way." I said with a grin as we walked.

Their confusion cleared as I approached the site of the living landmark, only to see that he was sleeping on a mattress tucked into a nook in the street. David and Rebecca stared at Garry, David had wide eyes, while Rebecca had a look on her face somewhere between exasperation, frustration and disgust. "This is a hobo." She stated the obvious.

"We talk about the moon vampires sometimes." I said with a wide smile.

Her look of confusion utterly sent me, and I couldn't help but guffaw, doing my best not to wake the man up as he dozed on the mattress. "You need help." She finally said. "Like, actually."

I strangled my amusement, still fighting my smile as I used my neural link to will a certain fraction of my money to be sent to his account. Twenty eddies departed my account and entered his. "Ganbette, Prophet-san." I said, before turning around and walking into the shop. "Hey Misty. Vic busy?" I asked, as I walked in.

"He's free." The bored looking woman said with a nod. "Just walk on in."

"Don't mind if I do, then." I said, stepping around the counter and into the back alley. David's face scrunched up as he took in the trash-filled alley with a few homeless people. He tapped me on the side. "Razzle, you sure this guy's on the up and up?"

"Yep. Former ringside physician, now a ripperdoc. Was pretty good to me the last time I came here. Got my eye installed here." I said, pointing at my cybernetic eye. "Seriously, he's good. Hasn't got the best array of stock, but if you got something and need it chipped in? Go to Viktor."

We stepped down the staircase, and I pulled open the shutter doors that he had closed. He was watching a boxing match on his computer as we walked in, but looked up as I drew close. "Razzle, was it?" He said. "Wasn't sure that I was going to see you again. You solved your little problem?"

Ah, right. We had talked about this when I last came, hadn't I? "Yep. Dead and buried." I jabbed a finger at him. "David, Rebecca, meet Viktor Vector. Apparently a living legend."

David and Rebecca gave me a look of confusion, while Viktor's smile grew awkward. "Just old, that's all. Apparently that's enough in this city." He dismissed with a wave of his hand. "So, what're you here for today?"

My own smile grew awkward, on one hand, it felt a little wrong, talking about it with the two of them in the room, but on the other, they had seen me last night, so it's not like they weren't aware of the issues I was facing. "A little worried about going over the edge. Psycho." I said, finally. "I wondered if you'd know anything about that sort of thing."

Viktor's smile vanished. "A little, but not much." He said with a frown. "You didn't seem like you had much chrome in you when you came in. Installed anything else, lately? Are you getting any shakes? Problems with the hardware?"

I shook my head. "Didn't chip anything in." Though there was that template, come to think of it. "I just feel worried is all. My recent behavior seems a little… much. Thinking that the path I'm on might not lead to any good places."

"Hm." He gave me a look, then the chair. "I can give you a check-up. See if there's any bugs or anything, but that's pretty much it." He turned to David and Rebecca. "Maybe it'll be best if the two of you took some seats up at Misty's."

"Uh... Sure." David mumbled with a nod, looking around the clinic one last time, before giving me one last look of concern that I waved off. Rebecca's brow was furrowed, she seemed unsure what to make of Viktor, but she went with David as he went upstairs.

I took a seat at the chair as he got to work, pulling a screen up in front of him. "So talk to me, what happened to the reason I chipped in those Kiroshis?" He asked as he began to mess with the panel.

I shrugged. "Simple. I found the guy and I shot him 'til he died." I said, a strange wave of reluctance passing through me.

"That's it? Doesn't seem like something that'll get you to walk in." He said with an eyebrow raise that I could see behind his sunglasses.

I swallowed. "It's what happened after. It was too simple. I ended up making things more difficult for myself by going out and… blasting every Maelstrom member I could find." I said, "Killed a whole bunch of them, and I only stopped when David and Rebecca saw me and… I realized how it must have looked to them. Standing there, holding a LMG and covered in blood." I chuckled a bit, though there was nothing humorous about it. "Little surprised they didn't shoot me before I could say anything."

Viktor's face scrunched up, but he didn't comment, seemingly unsure what to say.

"I mean, it's not like I'm a bleeding heart all of a sudden." I continued. "They're Maelstrom. Pretty much everyone in the city would do what I did if they had the firepower, it's just… who does that? Who goes out in the middle of the night and just… runs the gamut?" I rhetorically asked, waving my arms a bit. It made sense in the context of gaining EXP and grinding skills, but it felt removed from humanity in a way I couldn't explain.

"But you didn't go out for Maelstrom, or did you?" He commented, turning to look at me. "Why don't you tell me about the reason this all happened?"

I paused, my rambling all of a sudden turning into silence. Why was this so hard to talk about? "It… was a cyberpsycho. Roaming Northside. I was worried it was going to target my friends, so I decided to… preempt the problem. Take him out before he could do any damage." I admitted. I left out the part where I was doing this because I had a vision of the future, but it's not like I was wrong about anything I'd said. "So I found him and… shot him. 'Til he died."

This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

There was a hesitation in me that I couldn't explain. For some reason that I couldn't put my finger on, I didn't want to talk about this. Why?

"He was trying to kill me, the whole time." I suddenly announced. "He had a projectile launch system, you see. I managed to blow his hands off in the opening volley, and then he just… pointed the stumps at me and kept trying to fire them. Constantly. There was nothing there but killing intent."

Was that it? Did I see myself in the cyberpsycho? A man who'd jump to murder in a heartbeat? A man so taken in by killing that he couldn't even recognize that his arms were missing? I wasn't like that now, and I was worried that I'd be that in the future… but there was still something else, a conclusion I had yet to grasp.

"They both needed to go down. Maelstrom. The cyberpsycho." I commented out loud. What I didn't mention was the strange feeling of regret that came over me when I thought about the cyberpsycho, but not Maelstrom. What was it? What was the source?

"Well, sounds like you took care of that." Viktor said, rubbing his chin. "But you don't sound too happy about it."

"Because I'm not. And I don't know why. The course of action I took, I'm pretty sure I would have taken no matter what. Knowing what I know now, if there was another cyberpsycho, I'm pretty sure I'd do the same thing." I paused. "Well, maybe not. Maybe I'd try to subdue and call in Regina, next time, if they were just as… weak."

Weak. The cyberpsycho had been weak. Why had that upset me? Why was the fact that this upset me made me even more upset? Well, I knew what the answer to the latter was, because I wasn't thinking logically. But the former… "I need a moment to think."

"Take your time." Viktor said, tapping at the panel some more with a look of concentration.

Was it the lack of adrenaline? The fight that I'd been looking for that had failed to manifest? No, because that wouldn't result in this feeling of saddening regret. Of unhappiness, maybe, but there was something else that made me want to take back my actions.

I'd needed and wanted the template to find the cyberpsycho. I wanted to take out the cyberpsycho, though it wasn't just the glee at a fight that pushed me, but also satisfaction in the knowledge that Pilar would live another day. I still liked the fact that I had this strange new power that I could call my own, that I was special. Not special in the truely grand scheme of things, but special in Night City. What was it that I regretted?

It was like a knot that I had trouble entangling. My own memory wasn't so good that I could easily recall my feelings that night, so I had to work backwards, filling out the void in me like a jigsaw puzzle until I found the piece that didn't fit. It wasn't my actions that I regretted, was it what I'd said? What had I said?

I'd said something along the lines of him being disappointing, hadn't I? Which was true. It was what I felt. It wasn't what a logical person would think, and boy did that rankle me, but…

"Hey doc." I muttered. "What does being sane mean?"

He gave me a serious look. "I can't answer that kind of thing for you."

I stared at the ceiling. "Fair."

Tangent about sanity aside, I did regret saying that. But why? Because I wasn't treating him like a person, but a challenge for me to overcome?

…Fuck.

"Perspective." I realized. The answer hadn't come to me like a bolt of lightning, but rather like a key I'd been searching my room for, only to realize it was right in front of me on my lap. "I'd lost my perspective of things."

I was sorry. I realized it now. Not for killing him, but for deliberately ignoring that he had been a person, once upon a time.

There was something in my eyes, and my face scrunched up as I wiped at my face. I breathed heavily, in and out. I wasn't sure that this was all of it. Actually, I was certain that this wasn't all of the issues that plagued me. I probably had countless pieces of emotional baggage to work through, but this was a step towards regaining clarity. To keep a hold on who I was. To decide who I would be.

"Razzle." My head tilted to the side, to see Viktor leaning on his lap. "I'm a doctor, and a technician, but not a therapist. I can tell you all you need to know about your body, but you don't have any problems with rejection. You're barely even chipped in. Everything here is ticking over fine." He said, gesturing towards the panel in front of him before folding his sunglasses and giving me a stern but earnest look. "Talk to Misty. She can help you more than I can, when it comes to this sort of thing."

I paused, thinking about it, before I nodded. "...Yeah. I really should." I admitted. "I'll go do that right now. What do I owe you?"

"For a checkup? Nothing. Just make sure to come in every now and then, got it?" He said, leaning back in his chair.

I couldn't help but give a slightly wet laugh. "The fuck're you guys running? A charity?" I couldn't help but joke, before shaking my head with a sigh. "...Thanks. For everything."

"Don't mention it." He said, wheeling himself back to his computer, where the boxing match was still underway.

I took a moment to gather myself before heading upstairs. When I entered through the back, I saw David sitting at the front desk with Misty, while Rebecca watched the happenings with disinterest. "And for the last card we have… the Moon." Misty intoned, laying out the card on the table.

"And… what does that mean?" David asked, a curious look on his face. He was leaned in, his focus completely held by the cards on the table.

Misty's face was in a frown. "I'm not sure. The Moon is a portent of mystery. I'm not sure if it represents your path or the forces acting on it. It could be both, even."

Rebecca made an unflattering noise. "Everything can mean anything, David. That's how divination works! They tell you that corpos are gonna make things worse, that the sky is blue and tell you to try harder." She rolled her eyes. "Might as well ask the hobo out there for advice on finance."

"Don't knock Garry's life hacks." I said, pointing at her. That earned me a look of genuine worry that I waved off. "Kidding. Kidding. Seriously though, the way I see it, general advice is still a good way to check yourself before you wreck yourself." I said as I drew closer, giving Misty a nod. "What's his spread?" I asked, as the cards returned to the deck.

Misty glanced over to David, who's expression scrunched up. "Devil was the first. I… don't remember the other two." He admitted, sheepishly.

"The Reversed Chariot and the Reversed World." Misty helpfully filled in.

I couldn't help but snort. "Jesus red-headed stepchild Christ, David. Who the hell did you piss off?"

"Oh don't tell me you've been taken in, too." Rebecca said with an expression of dismay. "What, you're gonna recommend Crystal Radiation therapy next?"

"Nah, I personally don't believe in that sort of thing. I'd swear by the tarot, though, that shit is a multiversal constant. Also, I'm pretty goddamn sure that Misty is actually a witch." At least 20% or so. I glanced over to David. "Helluva spread, by the way. Devil, Reversed Chariot, Reversed World, Moon. Addiction, loss of control, lack of completion, mysteries?" I summarized.

Misty made an unpleasant look at my quick summary, but David gave a shrug. "More or less." He said.

"Sounds like you should be careful with the chrome, then." I said with a silly grin. "Of course, I'm summarizing something that can have a myriad of meanings, so don't take my word as the be-all and end-all."

"Sure." He gave a shrug. "Any other advice?" He asked, turning towards Misty.

"Don't focus exclusively on cyberware as a source of addiction." She said, severely. "Night City is filled with all manner of excesses and oppressors."

"Got it." David nodded, as his expression formed. He glanced over at me. "We ready to go?"

"Not quite. I'm not having issues with rejection or anything, but the spiritual side of things is a little bit more up in the air." I tilted my head towards Misty. "I might need a moment with the resident oracle, first."

He shrugged, walking over to one of the chairs. I took his seat and looked over to Misty as she raised an eyebrow. "Back for another Tarot reading?"

"Nah, I kinda want to chatter first. Get in touch with myself. It's not that I'm seeing cyberware-induced hallucinations or anything, but rather I'm a little bit worried about what I'm going to be." I tilted my head. "See, the thing is…" I workshopped my answer for a while. I kinda wanted to just up and say that I was talented with murder, but it felt a little arrogant. "I seem to be killing a lot of people lately, and I'm worried that eventually, if all I have is a hammer…"

"You'll see a world of nails." Misty nodded. "You're worried about losing control. Of becoming a slave to your drive."

"And of other things. The cycle of violence. Losing perspective. Forgetting who I was. But at the same time I'm also frustrated with myself for getting caught up with all these issues, too." I admitted. "I feel like I'm immature for being like this, which is a silly feeling to have, I figure that everybody runs into this sort of issue eventually, but…" I trailed off, helplessly.

Misty gave me an intent look, before speaking up. "Do you know how much business my shop gets?"

I seriously considered it. "A few customers a day? Or one average?" I asked, watching for a reaction.

She tilted her head. "Actually, here's a better question. How many customers do you think came to get in touch with their spiritual side, between your previous visit and today?"

I was lost. "Uh… five? Maybe?" I studied her expression, when it didn't shift, I continued. "Six?" A slight shake of the head. "Four, three… no way." I breathed. "Fuckin' zero?!"

She gave a helpless shrug. "People in this city are no longer in touch with their spiritual side. Sure, they may care about their mental health, but often they turn to pills, and those that don't turn to life coaches instead. They learn breathing exercises and mantras, but they don't seek to understand or challenge their own thoughts and actions."

"I don't… feel more emotionally mature than a massive chunk of this city." I tried to imagine it. Me, a bastion of self-reflection and inner peace. I shook my head. "Okay, but this city's lopsided state doesn't necessarily mean that I'm healthy, right?"

"It doesn't." She acknowledged. "You seem to be worried about the future, but what about your present?"

I winced. There was the cyberpsycho and Maelstrom, but that was yesterday. What I did then and what I'm doing now was a near total turn and I couldn't shake the feeling that maybe, just maybe, I was overreacting. I felt frustrated with myself at the moment, I wanted to get back into the swing of things, but I was still worried about my headspace. "Not that great, I guess. I think that I've found the key to not acting the way I have been, but I'm still worried." I paused. "And frustrated with myself. Can't forget that." I said with a slight smile.

Misty seemed to think for a while. "And where does this stem from?"

"Lack of visible progress, I guess." I said, scratching my chin. "I can count the number of push-ups I can do. I can't exactly count the number of philosophies I've internalized." I paused, thinking. "What I'm saying is… when can I be sure that I'm ready again? Or that what I'm doing with my life is the right thing?"

"The latter is something that you have to decide for yourself." She said, settling back on her chair. "But for the former, I can say this. Recognising that your course of action is unhealthy is one part of a problem. Changing it is another. Forgiving yourself for making that mistake is part of it, too."

I thought about it. Nothing she said seemed wrong, it just… didn't seem to click with me. "Fair point." I said. I felt like a bundle of issues still, but there was only so much change I was happy to force on a single day, and I didn't feel happy forcing David and Rebecca to spend their entire time with me. I could come back here later, get something consistent going. "Thanks for the advice, Misty. And for listening to my problems."

"You're the first repeat customer I've had in a while." She shrugged. "Better than sitting here, waiting for someone to get lost and wander in."

"I think you have to charge me before I can be called a customer." I said with a smirk. Which reminded me. I held up a finger. "By the way, can I get one Tarot card?"

She raised an eyebrow. "For a reading?"

"Nah. For tradition. I'm naming something."

A funny little anecdote of the history of my new power. When stands were first introduced, they were named after the tarot and colors. Star Platinum. Ebony Devil. The Hanged Man. The World… and Hermit Purple. Then, when the author ran out of tarot, they were named after the egyptian gods instead, and after a few of those, he started naming them after bands and songs.

It seemed like a funny thing to do, so I would.

Misty shrugged, and began to shuffle, before plucking a card from the top and laying it down. On the card, the Sun stood behind a cowboy-like figure on a motorcycle. "Freedom. Renewal. Bright futures." Misty's head tilted. "And truth."

"Greatness and splendor, too." I said with an amused smile. Just calling it 'The Sun' seemed uncreative, and 'Orange Sun' didn't mesh with me either. 'Ra' seemed like a bit much, I'm pretty sure that 'Horus' was taken. Maybe songs related to the sun, then? 'Mr. Blue Sky' was a mouthful in an unfun way, 'House of the Rising Sun' was somebody else's, 'Black Hole Sun' was a song that I'd never heard before, though I knew of the title. I wanted it to be familiar to me, to mean something to me.

I sat there for what seemed like minutes, puzzling through my mental archive of music before I spoke up. "[Sorairo Days]." I stated. All around me, orange circuits blazed with a brief surge of light, before fading away. I smiled. It rolled off the tongue well, it was even from a Studio Trigger work, and if I ever ran into copyright trouble, [Solario Daze] would work perfectly as a substitute. It felt right in a way that words failed to describe. I stood up. "Take care, Misty."

"Anytime." The frizzy-haired woman failed to react to the momentary spiritual manifestation, so either she had an insanely good poker face, or she couldn't see it. Less likelihood that she was an actual witch, I guess.

I turned to where David and Rebecca were sitting. "And sorry for dragging you out all this way for my issues."

David shrugged. "It's fine. Not like you wouldn't do the same for us, right?"

"I absolutely would." I agreed. There wasn't an iota of hesitation within me as I admitted it, so little that it actually surprised me a little to realize. Back when we'd first met, I figured that I was going to be a simple trespasser, an invader to his story that reorganized things to my liking. Now… I wasn't so sure. Discounting whatever Rebecca and I had, he was pretty much my only friend in Night City. Misty and Viktor were nice, but we didn't exactly hang out, or anything.

…Maybe I should see if they're available at some point?

As we exited the shop, I blinked as I heard the distant sounds of gunfire. Ah. My eyes snapped towards David, who looked back at me in askance.

I was hesitant. I'd sworn off violence for a reason. I doubted that it was going to be an extended state of affairs, especially in Night fucking City, but this seemed… soon. Too soon. My fingers twitched to my gun, but I held off, waiting for David to say something as I began power walking in the direction of the gunfire.

My eyes briefly snapped to Rebecca, who was jogging to keep up with my long stride. She had a grin on her face, and her sidearm was already out. "Wanna go mix it up?" She asked the two of us.

David and I looked at each other for a short time. He seemed hesitant for some reason. My mind blurred, and the world slowed as I pulled on [Reflex] to think of what to say, before releasing it. "Hey David, mind playing morality compass for a second?"

At his confused look, I elaborated, the words coming out in a rush. "Look, you're the one of us with the least inclination towards violence. If you say go, we can go."

His face twisted. "But aren't you worried you're going…" He paused, his mouth scrunching up as he forced the word out. "…Cyberpsycho?"

"I'm not going to be a chain around your leg, and neither am I going to sit there and let anyone take potshots at you." I said with resolution. That wasn't what a friend or a sane person would do. I couldn't let my fear of violence push me into inaction.

I could hear police sirens and yelling. We were on top of some sort of tunnel, and I could hear the gunfire coming from under us. My pace quickened. "Look, you don't have to worry about me. Worry about the guys downstairs. They have families, right? Families they might not go back to." David seemed briefly stunned as I rushed through my words. "Brothers, sisters, kids, parents, friends, all that sort of…" Oh.

I was an idiot.

My mind transformed from a buzzing hive of thoughts flying every direction to a placid lake, clear and still. "Give me a second." I said, before the world seemed to blur around me as I hurled myself at the railing, my hand lashing out to hook around it, the speed that I had built up let me swing over the wall of the railing as I stomped on its outer side, pulling the Overture out as I grounded my momentum.

Then, once I settled, I let myself drop to the tunnel below, pulling the moment wider with [Reflex] as I analyzed the situation.

There were three Tyger Claws trading fire with badges, the two groups hiding behind concrete pillars and corners. The nearest Tyger Claw saw me as I hit the ground, but all they managed was an aborted yell before I lifted my Overture and pasted the contents of his skull over the pillar he was crouching behind.

[+400 EXP]

I let go of [Reflex] as the recoil dragged on. Heads turned, and I lunged for cover, my back hitting the same pillar that the Tyger Claw's body was. As the recoil settled, I gripped the side of the pillar and pulled myself into a forward slide. I pulled on [Reflex] for the last time I'd be able to, the sensation of slowness beginning to sear my mind as my hands slowly took their place and I pulled the trigger, the bullet taking another life as they tried to lift their Pulsar in my direction.

[+400 EXP]

The final man threw his weapon down, his Japanese taking a moment to translate through my cyberware. "I surrender! I-" A spray of fire shut him up, but not mine. Bullets ripped through him in the torso, arms and throat as the cops unloaded their clips and magazines, shredding him.

My face twisted into a grimace, but I could see the slow rise and fall of his chest and his rattling breath as he hit the ground. I quickly made the decision to put him out of his misery, the last report of my gun echoing through the tunnel.

[+400 EXP]

Now, for the badges. "Are we good?" I called across the tunnel, to where the cops were.

I could see them watching me closely as I pointed my gun at the ceiling, but a cop with a bulletproof vest and a cap lowered his Ajax assault rifle and waved me off. "We're done here. Get out of here while we gather evidence."

I shrugged, before stepping out of the tunnel, my Overture returning to its holster slowly in order to not startle the cops. I looked up, to see David standing behind the pillar where the Tyger Claw was, a look of surprise on his face. "I probably should have waited, huh?" I belatedly realized.

"Yeah! What gives?" Rebecca called from where she was running down the staircase. She took in the scene quickly, "Ugh. Could have at least saved some for me." She grouched, her sidearm still out.

"I'll see if I can make it up to you later." I said with an apologetic smile.

She turned away, muttering something under her breath, as David looked at me with concern. "Yeah, sure, but are you feeling alright?"

I seriously considered his question. The fight had been over quickly, and though my heart pounded a little, it felt more like a result of my exertion rather than the combat itself, but I stood by my actions.

The NCPD may contain countless corrupt cops, gang collaborators, power-tripping wackjobs and jaded assholes, but there were probably more than a few people who hadn't done anything wrong. Or rather, nothing that they should die for. The Tyger Claws were people, but people who supported a criminal organization that engaged in sex trafficking and all sorts of nasty shit. I didn't see anything wrong with interceding the way that I had.

As for the last man… Well, he had surrendered, and the cops had shot him afterwards, which might be a war crime or something, but I wasn't exactly interested in turning back and giving the cops an earful over it. If it were Rebecca or David who'd been shot instead, then I might have been far more willing to take a swing at them, but I simply didn't have the same level of care for strangers that I had for my friends.

I wasn't going to try holding myself to an impossible moral standard, I simply wanted to be good-ish. Not a saint, just somebody who could sleep well at night.

I was satisfied, but it was still worth it to cross-reference, right? "I'm pretty sure I did some good just now. Sure, the NCPD ain't perfect, but their organization isn't dedicated to accruing power and wealth by any means necessary." Though that definitely didn't mean that they weren't being handed way too much legal power by the government.

Rebecca raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, they just sit on their hands when it comes to anything outside of gangs shooting at them. Or getting in the way." She sulked, folding her arms.

I glanced over to David with a raised eyebrow, but he offered a shrug. "I'm not about to go to bat for the Tyger Claws." He said, "If you're sure about this, I'm not going to stop you."

I nodded, before briefly considering the EXP popups. I wondered briefly if I could get [Sorairo Days] to stop showing them, only to shake my head. That seemed more like denial than anything else. The ability to grow stronger after killing, doing quests, and exercise was a part of me. Ignoring it wouldn't make it go away, I'd just have to make sure I didn't let it make me unrecognizable to the people I cared about. Or at least, that's what I thought.

Man, mental health was hard. Who knew?

As we began to walk off, simply wandering through the city, I spoke up again. "Hey David. Becca. If I said that I wanted to be the deadliest thing in Night City, or rather, the world. Would that be weird?"

Yeah, it would be. I immediately realized that as I palmed my face. Normal people didn't say shit like that out of the blue, and though I definitely wanted to be that, I could have definitely said it better.

Still, Rebecca spoke up with a pat on my back. "Nah, that ain't weird at all! Hell, every Solo out here wants to be the deadliest thing in Night City. Don't mean there's anything wrong with ya. Just means ya wanna be the best!" She gave me a daring grin. "Just don't think I'm gonna give up my spot without a fight!"

David had a content smile on his face. "Nah, it's totally weird." Rebecca whirled around with a look of betrayal on her face, but he kept going. "But it's also very… you. You know what I'm saying?"

"I guess." I said with an easygoing grin. What they didn't know was that someday, I would be. Someday I would be able to lift mountains with my bare hands, shrug off nukes, run faster than sound and plunge through the depths of the arcane. And I might be targeted by every fucker on the globe then, every corp, gang, country and John and Jane Doe who wanted something from me.

But till our conflicts grew enough to reduce Night City to pillars of salt, till I fucked off to some other world that wasn't so depraved or deprived, till they realized exactly what I was…

I briefly paused as I walked, my eyes blinking somewhat as I reviewed my train of thought. Wow, ego much? I shook my head with a snort, before walking a little faster to catch up to the two of them. No matter how strong I got, I would always be what I was. A dude, failable, lacking in reach, not an island, but a piece of a whole.

And no matter what came my way, I doubted that I would ever change in the way that I'd happily hang with my chooms.