With little fanfare, the lunch at Miners Creek High School commenced. Rocco walked into the lunchroom famished as he had not had any breakfast before school. On the menu was the famous rectangular pizza topped with cheese food and hamburger accompanied by corn and green beans. Rocco waited in line and spotted Austin.
Rocco had a new crush. He wanted to tell someone about Mike but who could he tell? He was not out to anyone—not even to his best friend Austin. He was not even totally out to himself. He was willing to explore the option, but this decision did not mean he wanted to fully embrace his queerdom. He was just open to it right now. One time, he was sleeping over at Austin’s house and this topic came up. He and Austin just finished swimming and were changing out of their bathing suits. Rocco caught a glance at Austin’s naked body. As he looked, he thought Austin was an okay looking guy. He was not muscular but not overweight. Austin had a slightly out of shape, doughy body. Puberty had set in for both, but Rocco’s body was further along than Austin’s. At this point, Rocco had the body of an 18-year-old even though he was 15. Austin looked up and caught Rocco looking him over.
“What?” Austin asked
“Nothing,” Rocco looked away. Austin pulled up his dry shorts.
Austin hesitated a bit. “Hey, it’s alright if you are…you know.” Austin knew about the teasing Rocco got from the other guys. He knew how they would call Rocco names.
“You know what?” Rocco gave him a puzzled look.
“You know, gay. I’m not though.” Austin said nonchalantly.
Rocco was a little taken aback at this. This wasn’t the first time someone flat out accused him of being gay, but he wasn’t expecting it in such an accepting manner. Perhaps, this was why he was such good friends with Austin—he just accepted Rocco for who he was. But, again, Rocco himself didn’t know who he was and was not at all open to the possibility at this point in his life. In any case, he didn’t really think of Austin in this way. Austin was his friend—Rocco had no desire for anything else with Austin. It would be like going out with a brother. Rocco was just curious how he compared to Austin.
“I…” Rocco stumbled for what to say. He did not know how to respond. “I don’t…” Rocco hesitated a bit more and then responded decidedly, “I’m not gay.”
“It’s cool, man. Want to jam a bit?” Austin responded without missing a beat and went over to his drums. The two dreamed of being in a rock band and making it big by the time they were 18. They both knew it wasn’t going to happen, but a guy could still dream. Rocco finished putting his clothes on and picked up the guitar. Austin had been playing drums for a couple of years, but Rocco just started to learn to play guitar a couple of months ago. He could only play two or three chords. Austin talked him into learning an instrument because he wanted someone to play with. Their other friends were not into playing music. Austin had a cheap electric guitar that he never played. Austin just could not get into the guitar like he did with the drums. So, Rocco decided to give the guitar a try. He was good at keeping the rhythm. He thought about playing drums, but Austin had taken that spot already. Now all they needed were some more members for the band.
“Hey Rocco, how’s it going?” Austin interrupted Rocco’s reminiscing.
“Hey man. Not bad,” Rocco wanted to tell Austin about Mike, but it was way too soon. Besides, it was just a crush and, like most of the crushes he had on guys, they would go nowhere. It was just fantasy. “What about you?”
“Awesome,” Austin responded. Rocco was taken aback. They always talked to each other sarcastically, but this was an authentic response.
“Wow, what’s been happening?” Rocco replied. They really had not had any time to catch up today.
“Do you know Wendy Rhodes? I found out this morning that she’s liked me for like a year.” Mike said
Wendy. Yeah, Rocco knew of Wendy but didn’t know her that well. Wendy Rhodes was a junior, a year behind Rocco and Austin. She was a pretty, petite girl with light blond hair and a smile that stretched from ear to ear. She always wore big glasses that complimented her round face.
“Really?” Rocco was kind of happy to hear this. Austin had never had a girlfriend since they knew each other so it was about damn time for this to happen. Austin was an average looking guy, but he was far from homely. He had so much to give another person.
“Yeah, I was a little shocked,” Austin said.
“What do you think of her?” Rocco asked.
“She’s cute and pretty awesome,” Austin beamed. Rocco knew Austin liked her.
“What are you going to do?” Rocco raised an eyebrow.
“I think I might ask her out,” Austin contemplated. It was obvious he was in “like”, so Rocco was not at all surprised.
“Well, you could ask her to the party next weekend,” Rocco reminded him.
“How could I forget our first official show?” Austin responded in his trademark sarcasm.
“Yeah, glad you remembered. You’ve been absent from practice this entire month,” Rocco said accusingly.
“I know, I know. My job picked up quite a bit last month and I couldn’t get off,” Austin responded.
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“We’ve been without a drummer for weeks. I hope you haven’t forgotten our playlist,” Rocco was a little concerned. It was hard to practice when a rock band is without a drummer.
“I’ll be fine. It’s your punk ass I’m worried about,” Austin replied snarkily.
“Unlike some folks,” Rocco blinked several times and looked over at Austin, “I actually practice every night.”
“Fuck off,” Austin laughed as Rocco paid for his lunch and waited off to the side of the lunch line for Austin to pay for his. They found a seat at an empty table and were joined by their two other bandmates, Pete and Raz. They spent their lunch time eating and arranging their playlist. They had not settled on the order of songs. They would start with a Pearl Jam song, followed by some Nirvana and Stone Temple Pilots. They would then throw in some Def Leppard and Guns n Roses. These two were not Rocco’s favorites but would be songs for the audience. Austin wanted to do a Led Zeppelin song and a Pink Floyd song. They would end with a Runaways song. There was not a slow song in the mix. That was not their vibe. They wanted to focus solely on the hard rock. This would be their first show, so they wanted to set the tone for rest of their high school career. As they all settled on the playlist, lunch was over, and they started to get up. Since this party was likely to have a good mix of all classes, a thought crossed Rocco’s mind as he left the lunchroom. Would Mike be at the party?
Mike
It was 45 minutes after Rocco left that Mike entered the lunchroom. It was standard practice for Seniors to eat first, then Juniors, and finally the Sophomores. Mike’s group was one of the last groups to have lunch.
Mike was not particularly hungry. He had a hearty breakfast and was so anxious from this morning with Rocco that his stomach had not settled. He’d had butterflies since he met Rocco. As he stood in line, his friend Chris poked him on the shoulder. Chris was with another guy, Stanton. Mike hated Stanton. He was such an asshole. Stanton was the kind of kid who got away with everything. He was arrogant and was quite a bully. He was also one of the most popular guys in Mike’s class in junior high, so everyone thought Stanton walked on air. The most Mike could do was tolerate Stanton.
“Hey Mike, how’s high school been going so far?” Chris asked.
“Not as bad as I thought it would be,” Mike replied. “I’ve met some cool people.” The line was at a standstill. It seemed the staff had to fix more lunch.
“Yeah, who?” Chris asked. Stanton stood next Chris absolutely bored.
“Some of the other kids from the other junior highs, and I’ve met some juniors and seniors in my classes,” Mike responded. And then there was Rocco, he thought.
“OOO, Mr. Popularity,” Stanton interjected. Mike ignored his comment.
“Hey, have you heard about that party next weekend?” Mike asked.
“Of course we have. Aren’t we all going?” Stanton answered Mike’s question even though he was not asked.
“I got see if I can go,” Chris responded to Mike.
“Can’t you just sneak out?” Stanton tried to stick himself in the conversation.
“Maybe,” Chris said to Stanton.
“I mean everyone’s going,” Stanton said.
“I heard there was a band,” Mike said.
“Yeah, some skater kids so I’m sure they will suck,” Stanton rolled his eyes.
“How do you know this, Stanton?” Mike asked in an annoyed tone.
“I got my sources,” Stanton retorted.
“Do you know this guy, Rocco? I have class with him,” Mike asked.
“Oh yeah, the gay guy,” Stanton snorted.
Mike started to blush. “Is he really gay?” Mike asked. His interest was piqued.
“That’s what they say,” Chris replied. How did Chris even know who Rocco was?
“So, he’s said it for sure,” Mike probed.
“Well, not for sure. But come on, he looks like a dick sucker-ass fucker,” Stanton said.
“Man don’t be gross,” Mike said disapprovingly.
“I’m not being gross, he’s the one who’s gross,” Stanton responded.
“You’re the one who gross, Stanton,” Mike said and gave him a sneer.
“You’re awfully protective of him and his type. Doth the lady protest too much?” Stanton said.
“Fuck off. You don’t even know what that means,” Mike said and turned his back on the two. Chris and Stanton snickered while Mike fumed. Stanton was disgusting and Chris was just as bad to be complacent with Stanton’s display of ignorance. Mike spent the rest of his lunch silent while Stanton continued to be his obnoxious self at the expense of other people. Chris laughed with him in solidarity. Why in the hell was he even friends with these dicks?
“I haven’t had a chance to ask. How’s MCHS been so far?” Joe asked after Mike buckled into the seat of Joe’s BMW.
“It’s been alright,” Mike replied, a bit despondently. Joe picked up on Mike’s mood.
“Are you sure about that?” Joe asked cutting Mike a look as if he knew better.
Mike hesitated about responding thinking back to lunch but then took a deep breath and started, “I met a really cool guy who is in my first two periods but my friends…” Mike stopped in frustration, “I thought they were my friends, that is. They made some gross comments about him.”
“Who are we talking about?” Joe took his key out the ignition and looked over at this little brother.
“This dude, Rocco. He’s in your class,” Mike looked over.
Joe paused. He knew Rocco and he knew the stories floating around about him. Joe and his friends had been cruel to Rocco about his queer tendencies. It was more his friends that were overtly cruel—Joe just laughed and let them call Rocco names. Joe felt it was now time for karma to kick him in the ass.
“Yeah, I know Rocco,” Joe looked down.
“He said you’re cool, but your friends have given him a hard time,” Mike looked over at his big brother.
Joe grabbed the steering wheel and breathed out, “That’s all true, we called him names.” He then corrected himself, “I didn’t, but I just stood there and laughed which is just as bad.” Just like Stanton and Chris had done at lunch…same shit, different classes.
Mike started to tear up. He knew his jock friends were dicks. But his own brother? He loved and admired his big brother. How could he be such a disappointment? “How could you just stand there and let it happen?”
“I can’t say it was my proudest moment. There’s nothing I can say or do to undo any of it,” Joe said regretfully.
“Yeah, there is. You could apologize to him,” Mike quickly answered.
Joe looked down. “Yeah, I guess I could.”
Joe shook his head and looked at his brother. He noticed Mike had a tear running down his cheek which took Joe by surprise. “Listen, Mike, I will apologize because I treated Rocco just as bad as my friends by just letting it happen. I like to think I’ve grown up a little bit this summer and realized the error of my ways.” Joe stopped because he started to get a little choked up. “I can tell I let you down and I’m so sorry for that.”
Mike wiped away his own tears and smiled, “Just saying what you said makes up for it.”
“I promise you. I will apologize. I will make this right,” Joe said. Mike grabbed his brother’s hand and squeezed it.
“Can we go home?” Mike asked.
Joe started the car and said, “Of course.”
As they were pulling out of the parking lot of the high school, Joe added, “So Rocco thinks I’m cool.”
Mike chuckled and replied, “Yeah, he thinks you’re cool.”
“I thought he thought I was some dumb jock,” Joe replied.
“Well, he still thinks that and he’s not wrong,” Mike immediately replied without missing a beat. The two brothers laughed as Joe pulled onto the main boulevard.