Adult Eunjae's POV

The day started like how it used to. Repetitive, unchanging, and boring. Regardless, I faced the day with disinterest while I become one with the crowd, serving my role in this inescapable, cruel story called life. I have long understood that we can't get everything we want. Growing into an adult made me realize that freedom meant the ability to only choose the few options handpicked for us by society. To deviate from such options, based on firsthand experience, is truly scary. I have learned to accept this fate. In the process of doing so, somehow, the way I look at the world has changed. I feel like I have become a manufactured being, with the purpose of pleasing the general populace.

Life may seem monochromatic, devoid of any pleasurable colors, but it doesn't mean I haven't done something for myself. I have to live my life in order to continue living. In fact, I'm engaged to my girlfriend of three years. We're probably going to get married soon. As for the exact date, we haven't reached an agreement yet. Honestly, I should feel happy and excited that I could start a family I can call my own. But deep inside me, I know I'm only serving my role in life, just like a dead leaf on a river, moving to where the waters go.

Early morning in March, a season between winter and spring, neither too hot or cold, I walked to my workplace after getting off the bus I use to commute to work. The distance from the bus stop and my workplace is quite far, but the next one is even further. It took a bit of getting used to, walking so far early in the morning, before I could face the day without a grumpy look on my face.

I chanced upon this one coffee shop one day on my way to work. Since I almost always do overtime these days, going to this coffee shop early in the morning has become a habit for me. It has also become a good way to take a rest in between the long walks I have to do daily.

Windchime rang while I pushed the wooden door, letting myself into a place that smelled roasted bean. Just a few footsteps from the entrance, I walked to the counter. A familiar girl on her teens greeted me with the same fresh smile which I responded with one approving nod.

"One Iced Americano. Please add ...", I said but was cut off by the staff.

"One Iced Americano with an extra teaspoon of sugar, correct? That's 3500 won sir.", she seems to know me enough. I guess, being a regular here, it's not a surprise they know my preference when I order the same exact thing every time.

"Alright."

I walked to the closest table and browsed through a magazine while I waited for my drink. It didn't particularly take my interest since it's not even the latest issue around. I have also read quite a few pages before. However, there isn't really anything else to do and I believe even taking out my phone right now is not the best choice either. She... has probably mailed me something like "Good Morning" or "Have you eaten?". I'm not confident I could keep my facade. At least, not today of all days. It's best to pretend to not know. Maybe... after I've taken my morning coffee. Just not right now.

The disk-shaped queue pager rang with a loud buzz and I soon left for the counter to receive my order. I feel like I'm in desperate need of a coffee right now, knowing that my condition isn't the best. Maybe not physically... but emotionally and mentally, I feel like I'll break any moment soon. The coffee works wonders, however. It never failed to calm me down.

On my way to the counter, I noticed how much the customers have grown. When I first entered this shop, I was all alone. I even thought that the coffee they make doesn't taste good, seeing how there weren't many people around. Yet now, it's almost packed full. I have to be extra careful since there are people carrying their drink and I don't want to go back all the way to my apartment just to get changed.

Quite on the contrary, however, while I am thinking all of these, I felt something brush against my shoulder.

"What am I even doing?", I asked myself while I turned around to face the person I inconvenienced. Thankfully, the other person wasn't carrying anything. Should I have made him splash hot coffee, I'll probably get an earful.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bump into you. Were you hurt somehow?", I apologized and bowed, humbling myself since I know I was absent-minded. Well, even if I'm not at fault, as someone with manners, I should have the courtesy to initiate an apology.

I once again checked on him, just be sure, if he was hurt somehow. However, rather than finding something like a stain on his body, when my sight brushed his face, disbelief and surprise were painted all over his face.

The author's content has been appropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

"Kang Eunjae? Is that you?", the person asked. I didn't even have to ask how he knew me. His voice, while sounding a little bit hoarser than I remembered, belonged to that one person I know. He was someone close to me and probably one of the people who knows me the most.

"You... Minseok. How come...", no more words came from my mouth as soon as I received a tight hug. Minseok didn't even bother the questioning glare we receive from the people around. He must have missed me a lot. Knowing how my friend has never changed, I gladly hugged him back.

"Minseok. Let's take a seat. Their staring is killing me.", I jokingly said as we both took our order and moved to one table.

"Shit dude. It's been like, what... five years? Where have you been?", Minseok took the liberty of asking me first. He probably has too many questions. I'm afraid I can't even answer all of them knowing that I don't have that much time left either. Somehow, though, it was a relief to see him.

"Yeah. Sorry.", While I'm glad to have met him, somehow, there was an air of awkwardness around. I don't know how to say things in my mind. At least, in a way that makes sense and acceptable.

"Eunjae, you know very well I'm not asking for an apology. I'm worried you know.", Minseok sighed and extended an arm over, patting my shoulder for whichever reason he had.

"Well... I've just been here in the city. Working my ass off. How about you? I didn't think you'd come live in Seoul."

"Well, I have someone to meet here and I'm waiting for him right now. And I'm not really staying in Seoul for long. I just have something to take care of and go back home... maybe in two days?"

"I see... You seem to be doing well."

"Of course I do. And dude, don't speak as if you're not living the dream. I've heard you're engaged!? Damn, Hana's one fine woman you know?"

It didn't surprise me that he knows. It's not like I have told Hana to keep our engagement a secret. And since we're all in the same university and department, it's even more unlikely that the news didn't reach Minseok's ears.

"Yeah... we haven't decided on a date yet, though."

"Well, no rush. We're only so few who are left unmarried but it's not like we'll die if we don't get married by thirty."

"Right..."

Somehow, I noticed Minseok looking at me curiously. Creases formed on his forehead while his lips pointed to a dramatic pout. He seemed to have been thinking over something, which, for someone who rarely takes things seriously, is quite rare.

"Something's odd about you. You don't seem all that happy to me. Aren't you glad to see me?"

"No. It's... not like that."

"Uh-huh. Then what?", Minseok crossed his arms. He was surely getting immersed in this interrogation. But as someone close I haven't seen in years, I can't bring myself to blame him at all. If there's someone to blame... it should be me.

"It's just... today...", I tried to tell what's on my mind, but somehow, I don't know where to start... or how much should I say and how much should I omit. He knows everything that had happened to me during my university days. I have confided in him quite a lot of time. But to speak of words in my mind I never once thought of telling anyone... is quite hard.

"Today? What's with today? It's March 7... and?", Minseok looked confused while he tried to sort my response. He even took his phone to check on the date. However, his confusion didn't seem to last long. A glint of insight has probably struck him seeing how shocked he seemed to be right after.

"Don't tell me... You still can't get over him!?"

I kept my mouth shut while my gaze fell on the ground. There was no point in talking about something that didn't make sense. I have a fiancee that every guy will be envious of. I should have long bragged about her. Everyone seemed to think she's way beyond my league... that I need to bring more effort to deserve someone like her. So why is it, that I can never tell Minseok? That... in my heart, there was no Jang Hana. All these years, I'm still longing for him.

"You're crazy dude. Wonwoo is...", Minseok was left in a daze. He must have realized how stubborn my heart has become. Five years is never a short amount of time. No matter how much I long for someone, I should have moved on... just like everybody else. Yet, I can't bring myself to do that. I am someone, who has deviated from the norm. That's the very reason I'm always within the brink of losing my sanity.

"Wow... you're really..."

"Stop. I have to get going. I have to go to work.", I didn't want to hear more. I know I'm in the wrong here and that my actions didn't make sense. Even a high schooler can probably make a better decision than me. Yet, I don't want to be told off. This is something I will carry in my mind forever... 'til the last day of my life. And it's never going to change no matter what.

Minseok must have realized he shouldn't have said that. He began to panic as he started to look for something in his pocket. As he reached what he was looking for, he extended his hand over, with one business card in-between his fingers.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to pry. This is my card. Do you have time tonight? Let's drink. Don't you dare stand me up."

"I'll keep in touch. I promise."

I forced a smile and after a few more words, I left the cafe. Minseok is a good friend. He was my roommate in college. I didn't want to cut ties with my colleagues but after what happened, plus the pain of losing my lover made me a mad man. I wanted to forget everything. That was the only way I could keep on living. Because every time I see them, I was reminded of the pain of losing someone dear.

Jang Hana was the only exception. She was just as broken as me. We're two broken people that relied on each other to keep on living. And, she's my retribution, my repentance... because I broke her for the sake of my guilty romance.

"I miss you, Wonwoo."

I spoke softly as I lifted my head towards the sky, hoping that this prayer like desperation will be heard, no matter how futile it was. At the same time, my mind wandered to recall our memories... from where it all began.