Jade stood at on the edge of a cliff looking out over a sea of clouds. It was her birthday party, she was somewhere near twenty-one years old. She was eating a yum-yum. They brought back memories of a simpler time when her body was not obsessed with adult things.
She laughed to herself. The yum-yums had been at her eleventh birthday party, her first party ever and first at the lab. She had been separated from Zaggy for the next year because of quarantine. She had felt horrible the whole time, but she had kept herself together. Then she got to her twelfth birth day party with only an illusion Zaggy there. But she held it together. Then she couldn’t find any yum-yums. And she broke. It was childish. It was stupid. It was the final blow. She had cried until she passed out and didn’t wake up until the next day.
Everyone made sure she there were yum-yums for every party afterwards. The parties had become more of an event for everyone to exchange small gifts. Only Karimere (who had a personnel file from before the fall) and Cinder (who had been born in the lab) knew their birthday or real age anyway.
Today’s party was over. Only she and Zaggy remained in the sim-room.
“I’ve got training. I will see you at dinner.” Zagreus said.
“Wait.” She said tapping her foot. “Talk.”
He walked up beside her, looking out over the clouds. “How goes it Kitten?”
She sighed. “I’m not a kitten anymore. Zagreus.”
“You worried about tomorrow?”
She was worried about getting the implant. But he was trying to change the subject, again.
“It’s going to be ok. It’s a very low risk procedure. You should be back on your feet in a day or two. I…”
She slapped him leaving her hand and his face stinging. Damn that felt good.
“I deserved that.”
“I wanted you to touch me, but that thing you did was…was…I don’t know what that was. Have you never heard of foreplay? You pressed every button at once.”
“Lili likes it.” He shrugged.
She slapped him again, the other cheek. “You are real stupid sometimes.”
“When it comes to women, I think you can make that every time.”
“Stop being a smart ass and talk to me!”
“I’m sorry. Ok? I didn’t mean to hit you with that sensation. It was a reflex. You were pressing buttons pretty hard yourself.”
“I had to do something to get your attention. Now tell me, why do you keep ignoring me?”
“I can’t give you what you want.”
“Why not?”
“I just can’t. I can’t even think about it.”
“You won’t even give me a chance.”
“You don’t know what you are asking of me.”
“I don’t know because you have always kept me locked out. I can feel Lilithana better than I can you most of the time, and she is dead. Do you hate me that much?!”
“I care about you. I need you to trust me. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“I’m not a child! You don’t have to protect me! I can decide what I want! Maybe I should get Karimere to order you to do what I want! I bet she would!”
“You are better than that.”
“What do you know?! You aren’t my father! I am just some random mortal that means nothing to you.”
“You are much more than that. And you are a better person than that Jade.”
“No. I’m not.” She activated her shadowcat powers for an instant, hiding her movement. She got a hand behind his head and planted a kiss on his lips. She was tired of being the little useless mortal girl. She wanted to know how he really felt. She had powers and she could use them. She wanted this. Physical contact increased their connection. Intimate contact increased it even further. She pressed her body against him.
He gripped her shoulders but did not push back.
She pressed hard and could sense him focusing on his mental defenses. *Surrender. I will never trust you again if you don’t show me.*
*I don’t want to hurt you.*
*Then let me share your pain. I care for you.*
*Jade, I never want to see you suffer.*
*I love you, Zagreus.* She pressed her attack.
*I’m sorry…* He sent, but there was an echo of someone else in it.
***
Jade’s eyes opened to an unfamiliar tunnel blurring past as she ran through the Deep Dark. Her heart pounded as her heavy paws pounded the stone. Her claws strained for grip trying to get any speed. She panted. The chittering sounds followed relentlessly. She tried to look back but couldn’t do anything. She had no control.
This was a memory.
She felt a moment of warmth as her heart raced, but it was quickly swallowed by the panic of the memory as Zagreus turned a corner to find three anterra tearing apart a giant mushroom. Anterra were no smarter than their tiny counterparts, but you don’t need to be smart when you can flood an entire cave system and eat everything down to the stone. He darted past them. He took a searing cut to his front leg, from a rock, as he dodged a bite.
The memory faded and skipped. The chase continued and Zagreus was near collapse. He smelled other predators in the area, but had no choice. Run, run, run! His lungs burned and his body ached. Blood leaked from his wound. He rounded a corner.
A dead end. But there was a ledge high on the wall. He jumped.
With all claws scraping, he managed to get enough of a hold to barely hang on. He struggled to gain the ledge as the chittering noises increased below. He looked up to see a knarklaw staring down at him.
“Dammit.” He said.
Knarklaws are often described as armored anger. They are a kind of biped turtle beast. While they typically only come up to a remnant’s shoulder, knarklaws easily out mass them multiple times. Their shells and skull are hard as stone and their dull rough grey skin is prized as a source of armor. They look slow and ponderous. But their stumpy neck and limbs can extend some distance at freighting speeds. Their beak and long claws are dagger sharp. On top of all of that they can move through stone like it was water. Knarklaws are one of the last creatures you want to encounter in the Deep Dark.
With an un-seeable motion of its arm, the knarklaw gripped his whole head and snatched him forward over the ledge, sending him sprawling behind it.
The knarklaw laughed down at the anterra. It sounded like two stones grinding together.
What? Knarklaws can’t laugh.
Everything glowed bright yellow, blinding him. There were searing noises mixed with screeching and the smell of burning flesh. He finally lost his battle with exhaustion.
***
He woke to a large hunk of blackened anterra meat lying within reach. And a bowl of water was there as well. He ate greedily. He looked around and he was in a strange cavern with smooth squared off walls. The only opening was filled with fallen stone. It looked like it had been sealed forever.
The knarklaw walked out of a wall. “You are awake.” It graveled at him.
“Knarklaws can’t talk.” He said.
The knarklaw morphed into a remnant woman with yellow hair.
Jade thought she felt far too familiar.
Her clothes were rugged and patched over multiple times. She said. “Imagine my surprise when I saw a talking shadowcat.”
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He stared up at her.
“I showed you mine. Now show me yours…little man.”
He morphed into a remnant. All he had left were the worn rags on his back. He had lost everything when the anterra attacked.
She walked over to him and started poking and prodding him. She had some strange tool with a pink energy pointing at his wound.
“Hey.” He crawled backwards away from her.
“You are my guest. It is my duty to take care of you. Be still or I will make you still.”
He let her work. She had him trapped here anyway.
“You smell like a dozen different shadowcats. Were you living with them?”
“What do you care?”
“How long have you been away from people?”
“He shrugged.”
“I am Sarya Shadowbane.”
“Zagreus.”
“You are welcome to stay with me for a while. It would be nice to have some company. Get some rest. We will talk more, tomorrow.”
The memories faded and shifted.
Zagreus was now going through a bag. Sarya was asleep nearby. His arm was cleaned and had a mark of fresh skin from the healing unit. He found a package with some brown cubes. They smelled so good. He ate two of them.
They had a rich flavor and his mouth got really warm. Soon he was feeling tingly and quite relaxed. Sarya’s scent…Mmmmm. He slowly made his way over to her. A powered sword-staff appeared from nowhere and it was pointed at his throat.
She sat up. “What are your intentions mortal?”
“You…smell…goooood.” He had a bit of a slur.
The weapon disappeared. She looked up at him, her mouth twisted, slightly annoyed. “You ate my half and half didn’t you?”
He shrugged and smiled.
“It is rude to steal from your host. I was going to let you rest first, but you seem more than willing now. I will let you have your fun, but only if you promise me you won’t take anything else without asking.”
He hung his head and nodded sheepishly. He would do whatever she wanted at the moment. He wanted, needed to do much more than that. “I promise.”
“It would be a shame to let my limited supplies go to waste.” She smirked at him and lay back. “Be as rough as you want. You can’t hurt me.” Her clothes vanished.
The memory stopped, faded, reappeared, faded, repeatedly.
***
Jade sent *What are you doing? Why are you showing me this?*
Zagreus sent. *I don’t know these memories. You broke something.*
*Stop this! I don’t want to watch you screw some random hole.*
*I’m trying.*
*Try harder!*
*You try NOT thinking about something. Try not thinking about the time you got your cat head stuck in that pitcher of juice.*
They were suddenly in her memory. The glass pitcher distorted the lights and she could feel the pitcher squeezing her cat head, the juice soaking her fur, she ran around her room in a panic, mewling for help.
*Told you.*
*This is not funny!* She couldn’t help but laugh.
***
That memory faded and shifted. Now Zagreus and Sarya sat on a ledge far up on a large cavern wall. She lay against his chest looking out over a cavern of giant mushrooms that glowed green and yellow across the open floor. They had been together about a two years. His life of fear and desperation had been replaced with something more. He felt content.
Jade’s real chest tightened. Pain tinged through this memory.
***
Fade. Now Zagreus was leaving a village after trading for supplies. Sarya didn’t go into villages. She never told him why. But he was glad to trade for her. He neared their meeting point.
A sharp pain shot through his lower back. He fell on his face. He couldn’t move. The cave glowed with scarlet arcane. A large stone lifted from the ground then shattered against a wall.
“Come out Glow Stick.” A woman stood over him and bellowed at the darkness. “I know you are there…I have your little pet…Are you just going to let him die?”
Nothing but echoes returned.
“I guess I will just take him with me. It’s been a while since I dissected anyone alive. He looks like he has some strong lungs. I love it when they scream.”
The cavern glowed impossibly bright. The air roared. The skin on his back and head burned. His hair melted away. The stench was awful. Moments later he felt the familiar sandy feeling that came with traveling through stone. He fell out of the wall into their room. Spots of pain dotted his eyes as he fell on his face.
He could hear the dull sounds of large chunks of stone being shifted by force, somewhere, far too close. Sarya wasn’t afraid of anything. She faced the most dangerous things in the Deep Dark laughed. But she was bathed in fear now. And it was his fault.
She patched his bleeding lower back quickly and dulled the pain of his burns with a healing unit. She stood, reached her arm into a wall and pulled out a bag. She quickly emptied the contents beside him. It was a collection of data crystals and metal geometric shapes. She set some of the shapes in a circle around him.
“I’m sorry about the burns. I never should have stayed in one place this long. I was so stupid. I’m sorry. I am so, so sorry. Please forgive me. This will hide you from her. Someone will find you soon. I’m sorry.” She kissed him on the cheek.
She pressed a button on a fist sized ball and let it go. It hovered over him. A dull grey dome of energy appeared over him. She ran and disappeared into the wall. The sounds of shifting stone grew farther and farther away.
Eventually feeling came back to his limbs and he was able to move again. But he was still in his little dome. He waited for Sarya to return. He balled up and cried.
A tiny illusion of Sarya appeared projected from the orb at the top of the dome. “Um…Hello. Sweetie.” He sat up. “If you are seeing this it means that I am probably gone. I’m sorry. But an associate of mine should find you soon. He is a golem and his name is Kytheras. He is a complete asshole, but I trust him to do certain things. He should take you to meet some people I know. They are not the best people, but you will be taken care of.”
She wiped away a tear. “I should have told you the truth about me, but I was selfish and wanted you all to myself. The people you are going to meet are worshiped as gods but they are not gods. They will bleed and die, it just takes a little more work. I am…I mean, I was, one of them as well.”
“You are a special person. I know you will do great things. And I hope you don’t hate me for sending you to them. I want you to take care of them for me. Lili is a sweetheart and you should ask her if you ever need help. Cinder, well, she is sensitive. She really needs a friend. Kari is stubborn. Don’t show her weakness. If she gives you a choice make the one you want and stick with it. She will respect you for it. I will let you make your own judgement on the others.”
“You will know what I have told you, but you won’t be able to focus your memory on me. It’s for your safety. It’s better if they don’t know we were together.”
The illusion blew a kiss. “I failed you. I love you. I’m sorry.”
***
Jade tried to block out all the pain and anguish that flowed from Zagreus. Her whole body felt twisted and sore. Tears poured from her.
***
Fade. Zagreus stood in a hallway of the lab. Lights flickered and a plate of food sat on the floor in front of him. The food was an illusion. He turned to see the camo fade from a filthy, starving little girl. She was hunched over a plate and shoveling the food into her mouth. *My food.* She sent.
“That was Lili’s.” Zagreus said. He felt sorry for the starving little girl. He just wanted her to be full and happy.
*My food. I eat. Food mine.* She glared at him as she continued to eat.
***
*THAT’S ME?!* Jade sent. *I looked horrible!*
***
Fade. Jade watched though Zagreus’s eyes as a little remnant girl sat stuffing her face with yum-yums at her eleventh birthday party. Jade could feel Zagreus’ heart warm as the little girl smiled.
Fade. Now Jade watched a screen from quarantine as the little girl cried because no yum-yums were at her twelfth birthday party. Jade felt the twisted guilt from Zagreus failing to be there for her.
Fade. Now Jade watched as the little girl danced and sang in front of an illusionary crowd in a cave in the sim-room. The little girl was older, taller and her voice had changed. The crowd shook glowing sticks while they cheered making the whole floor of the cave glow. Sitting on the side ledge, watching her perform, Zagreus felt content. Zagreus felt…pain.
Fade. The memories came faster. Overlapping. A memory of Jade speaking would trigger an almost identical echo of Sarya. The dark haired image of Jade bled together with the light haired images of Sarya. More and more. A laugh. A look. An exasperated sigh. Echo upon echo flowed through the memories. Zagreus was being haunted by the ghost of his first love and Jade was the trigger.
***
Jade broke away from Zagreus and nearly collapsed. Arms caught her.
“Are you ok?” Lilithana said. A ball of silence went up around them.
“NO!” Jade shoved her off. “I AM NOT OK! I as far as physically fucking possible from OK! What in the hell was that?!”
“I don’t know what you experienced.”
“Sarya Shadowbane.” Jade gasped. “Why does she look like me? Sound like me? Did you clone me or something? Why does it hurt for Zagreus to even be near me?”
“She is your mother.”
“What?!” Jade and Zagreus said.
“Sarya Shadowbane is the mother of Jade Shadowbane.”
“So…I just tongue kissed my dad?” Jade made gagging noises.
“No. You two are not related.” Lilithana’s head tilted as she asked Zagreus. “You mated with Shadowbane? I thought you had just borrowed a god’s name from legend.”
“Yea. Um. Sarya. I forgot. I don’t know why I took her name… How could I forget?” He looked in a daze.
“Her personal powers were related to memory. She could read people’s whole life stories like a book, with just a touch. A little forgetfulness would have been doable as well.”
Zagreus nodded, turned and walked towards the door.
“Is he going to be ok?” Jade said softly.
“Are you going to be ok?” Lilithana asked.
“I want to tell him I am sorry, but I don’t want him to hear those words in my voice. I am scared to talk to him because I might hurt him. I had no idea. I feel sick. Am I a bad person?”
“Everyone here understands being lonely. It comes with the mission. It comes with being a Mecromancer. We have to work through it as best we can. Today was a rough day, for both of you.”
“Why did you come back? Did you know what was happening?”
“I knew you two were vulnerable. I was going to stop both of you if things became dangerous.”
“Gotta protect the Second and Eleventh?” Jade said coldly.
“Yes.”
“If I am so important how did I end up living with shadowcats as a child? Did my mother just abandon me?”
“Sarya had been away from us for centuries. Whenever she had a child she would leave them with a family she trusted. She was being hunted and that was no life for a child. Your family’s village could have fallen to anterra or war or countless other threats in the Deep Dark.”
“Those memories felt so real. It was like I got to meet her.”
“Your mother would be proud of who you have become. She was a strong woman. I had the utmost respect for her. She is the only one who has quit that did not become our enemy. We had an unspoken peace with her after she left.”
“You still let her die.”
“She made her choice.” Lilithana nodded. “Though the one who killed her is very much an enemy and is to be eliminated with all force possible.”
“Good.” Jade clenched her fists. “Why didn’t you tell me about my mother before?”
“I thought it best if you focused on the present, not dwelled on the past.”
Jade shook her head and left.
***
A few hours later Jade was trying to go to sleep when Zagreus came to her door. She let him in. He kissed her forehead. She couldn’t speak.
“Kitten.” He sounded far off, rambling. “I’m sorry about not telling you about your mother. I’m sorry about how I have ignored you. I’m sorry I can’t be what you want. I am sorry…”
She took his hand. “Shhh…”
They stood in the dark and silence. Just the sensation of their feelings though their touch sharing all the twisted pain and regret that had been stirred up that day. He seemed to be digging deeper and deeper into the mire.
“Don’t be sad.” She kissed him on the cheek and hugged him. “You let me see my mother. I felt your love for her. It was beautiful.”
He nodded as his tears dripped on her shoulder.
She guided him back to his room and helped him to bed. She curled up next to him. There was no way she could leave him alone like this.
Half asleep he muttered. “I love you Kitten… I love you Sarya.”
She cried herself to sleep.