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Me, Myself, and I
Two Days Later

Two Days Later

‘Twas our third day there, and all through the house, all the creatures were stirring, even a mouse. I finally met Casper on the evening of the second day. Talk about him preceded his arrival: “He’s so cute!” “He’s such a good ambassador!” The house, filled with chatter about him, prepared to receive him simultaneously. Although they wouldn’t be meeting in the house, the house needed to be cleaned. So I, with a lack of anything more worthwhile to do, scrubbed toilets and showers side by side with Dimension 2 Taylor/Zoe. She seemed to be doing remarkably well here, and we had been getting along well, with only a small squabble that morning.

Taylor donned her armor, to at least obey the law a little, and went out to the meeting. Limited space in the backyard forced the meeting to have a small attendance. The only humans there were Taylor, Taylor/Zoe, Torrin, Indie, Finnigan (a girl, despite the boyish name), and I. The animals present included Casper, two bodyguard grizzlies, the parrot interpreter, and several squirrels and finches who served as witnesses to the proceedings. Despite the informal setting, the dealings were quite formal.

Casper would say a paragraph in his animal language, the parrot would repeat in English, Taylor would reply in English to the parrot who translated it all back to Casper. I mostly sat and watched the words fly across the bare branches. Taylor/Zoe stood nervously next to a bear, trying to make it seem like the conversation was between Taylor/Zoe and Taylor, in case any non-APE member saw.

Taylor told a few jokes and complimented his carefully groomed fur. He told about his mate and their most recent litter, and complained about how hard it was to feed them and keep them warm. I wondered where he lived, and made a mental note to ask Taylor the next time I had a chance.

After the initial casual conversation, they went right to business. First, they reviewed what they discussed two weeks earlier, which involved proper handling techniques for reptiles. Obviously, they wanted to include all animals in their treaty, which they hoped all governments would sign to end this war. Even though we were a good thirty feet from the house, I could hear the beat of the music. They had it up loud.

The second idea on their docket involved nature reserves. “More land should be donated to have places for wild animals to roam. After all, we were here first. Humans take, take, take as their population grows and force animals to smaller and smaller territories. Then they wonder why the animals are eating garbage, encroaching on human’s territory. We are just trying to reclaim what is ours.”

“True,” Taylor said. “I have watched several documentaries on this. It’s amazing how animals can adapt to living in cities.”

“Were any of those ‘documentaries’ animals-made?” Casper asked.

“Um, no. I am not aware that animals make documentaries.”

“They don’t. I just wanted to show that those TV shows are probably biased and don’t properly show the animal’s side of the story.”

Taylor chuckled and said something to Torrin, who laughed too.

Later, they discussed if animals should be owned. “Animals,” Casper argued, “should be allowed to choose whether they want to live in a person’s house or not, and be free to come and go. You humans, thinking you are superior in every way to us animals! I despise the lot of you! Well, except for you and your organization, I wouldn’t mind wiping everyone else off the face of the earth!”

He had a point. “I agree,” Taylor said, motioning Finni to take notes. “While I do not feel that animals are superior to humans, I believe that animals have been grossly mistreated for too long. And look at the results! A huge war, when the government could have done what I am doing. I, too, feel that humans are misusing their opposable thumbs.”

Casper laughed. “You are too funny! Making jokes when all is serious! You humans have such strange ways. That is all on my agenda for today. I trust that you will write up my statements and add them to the treaty?”

“Yes, I will have Finni do so right away.”

“Thank you for the bread! That hit the spot yesterday!”

“Oh, you’re welcome. Goodbye, Casper.”

“Goodbye.”

“The bread?” I asked, once we got into the house and took off those awful helmets. It felt like half my hair had been snagged and pulled out, and a reinforcing crossbar pushed on my nose.

“Casper, his mate, and their thirty-seven children live underneath the house. I give them a little bread and some leftovers now and then, when I can spare it.”

“How do you get food?”

“It’s sent to the house, grown in greenhouses, pollinated by workers since the bees are obviously uncooperative. Usually, the delivery vans are taken out en route, but the animals spare the one that comes here, since it feeds many APE workers. Of course, they have to sabotage it every now and then to avoid suspicion, but they warn us in advance so that we can store up a little food.”

“That’s nice of them.”

“I know, right?”

“It’s funny how you get along better with a mouse, through a parrot interpreter, than with English-speaking humans.”

She chuckled, but her heart wasn’t in it. “Very funny.”

“So where do the grizzlies live?”

“I’m not sure, they don’t talk much. But Claude lives here.”

“The squirrel?”

“No, the parrot. Just sits on the back of the chair and chatters all day. Everyone loves him. No cage or anything. I’m sure Casper would have a heart attack if his interpreter lived in a birdcage. Not that I would do that, or anything, after our discussion today.”

“What do you guys do for fun? And how do you escape notice, with all the people coming in and out every day?”

“Fun? We have no time for fun anymore. I get up at seven and the day goes on exactly the same as it has been for three years. Holding meetings, delegating tasks, wringing my hands over the right words to say so that I don’t make anything worse than it already is tends to take up most of your time. Of course, there’s TV, but nothing on except bad news.

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“As for the escaping notice question, we’re very careful. When we do have an official show up, we can quickly change the appearance of the house to a trashed party house. That’s why the music is so loud. To disguise our conversation, and so that it’s easy to tell them the reason so many people are coming in and out is because of our three-year-long party. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to feed myself and Claude.”

I obviously wasn’t going to get much else out of her. I started to leave the room and, for a lack of attention, bumped into Indie. “Oh, hey! Nice to see you again, Taylor. I don’t know how you got in here so quickly from the kitchen with all these people!”

She nearly had to yell over the bass. The speakers were right next to us, and I steered her away. “I’m not the leader Taylor, I’m Byrd.”

“Oh, Byrd! Nice to see you again, too.” A patch of her jumpsuit on the back of her hand lit up, and she checked it. “I have just a few minutes. What’s up?”

“You know, I’m wondering where Tanner, Thomas, and my dad are. I haven’t seen them since I visited.”

“Thomas and Tanner are working a lot these days at the greenhouses. They get home late and leave early. And your dad is on an APE trip, trying to set up cells in Oregon.”

“Are Thomas and Tanner on board with APE?”

“Not really. Thomas more than Tanner. Like I said, they work a lot, and so they can’t contribute a lot besides the money.”

“Makes sense.”

“Oops. Gotta go to a meeting. See ya around, Byrd.”

“Bye, Indie.” I thought she was cool. If she was in a book, she’d be the best character, no doubt. Very spunky. I felt like she would be very good at butt-kicking in some sort of survival/dystopian rebellion series.

My stomach growled at me, and I realized how hungry I was. I had only eaten a tiny piece of toast for breakfast. So I warmed up some vegetable soup and ate that for lunch, with Claude as company. As weird as it was to converse just the same with a parrot as I would a human, I felt at ease. I had finally learned to ignore the music as best as I could, and Taylor/Zoe had not bothered me all day. She seemed terrified to stand next to those grizzly bears, and she immediately excused herself afterwards, saying that she felt faint.

For the first time in my memory, I fell asleep at the table.

The Next Morning

“What are we going to do?” someone asked. It sounded like Indie. I tried to open my bleary eyes, but someone had superglued weights onto them. I fell back asleep.

The next time I woke up, my wrists and ankles were strapped to a chair. Next to me, one of the Taylors was similarly restrained, and the third paced in front of us. The bound Taylor and I exchanged worried glances. What was going on? I had never seen this room before, but it smelled like a garage. Must be the meeting room.

“Finally, my plan is complete!” The pacing Taylor cackled. What is wrong with her? “I have captured both of my selves, and now it is time to finish them!”

I now knew why authors make villains tell the good guys their fiendish plan: for hope, so the reader does not give up.

I also wondered which Taylor this was. Possibly Dimension 4 APE-leader Taylor, who seemed conniving enough to do this. No way could it be Dimension 2 Taylor, the one who brought me into this mess, nor could it be Boy Taylor. The portals were shut down at least until tomorrow evening.

“What do you want with us?” I asked in a low voice. I didn’t want to seem weak or frantic.

“Oh. Would you like to know?”

“Yes, actually, seeing as it’s me you’re planning to dispose of.” I tried to draw out the plan from her, and to at least prolong the time for someone to rescue us.

It was as if she read my mind. “You think anyone’s going to rescue you? Think again. I dismissed everyone this morning. No one is in the house except for the three of us.”

Great. I could still hear the music playing. I hoped against hope that someone knew, and would come.

Taylor continued pacing, occasionally babbling to herself. Again, the strapped-down Taylor and I exchanged nervous looks. I wiggled against my restraints. They weren’t tight, but I still wasn’t able to get my hand out. With the jumpsuit on, it was nearly impossible to get my feet out because of the large boots attached.

I speculated about what she would do to us. I had no idea. I didn’t know how a version of myself could be so malicious as to want to hurt others, especially those who had been nothing but nice to her. I felt worried, but an odd, pervading sense of calm filled my mind. I thought to myself that everything would be okay. Part of me protested, but by that time my eyelids were drooping again, and I fell asleep.

“You drugged me!” I shouted. “What are you thinking? What did I ever do to you?”

“You pushed me aside, to further your own interests. You hurt me, physically and emotionally, as you helped yourself. You’re a selfish brat, and that’s why I’m ridding this world of you,” she answered.

“That’s not fair! Just put me back in my own dimension, and I’ll leave you alone, and you can forget all about me. Please,” I replied. “I thought you were my friend, but I guess not. This is certainly a damper to our friendly relationship.”

“Our friendship is of no importance to me. I just want you to be out of my life.”

“And I will, if you let me go back to my own dimension. I’ll even break the portal for you, free of charge. Just let me go.”

Turns out, it wasn’t Leader Taylor who captured us, it was Dimension 2 Taylor. Angsty teen that she is, she apparently thought that I am the source of her problems.

Leader Taylor and I needed help. I could see the concern in her eyes. She was tough, but apparently not prepared enough, and neither of us were strong enough to break out of the zip ties.

We were out of options. I felt ready to give up, and didn't know how we would get out of this pickle. I also didn't know if anyone else knew about our predicament or particularly cared if they did know.

A knock on the door startled the deranged Taylor’s ranting. “Who could that be at this hour?” She opened the door - her first mistake. Indie and three other APEs burst in. I want to say “with guns blazing,” but they had no weapons, only fists. “Let my friends go!” Indie demanded.

Taylor backed down. “I - I wasn’t going to harm them! I just want them… um, out of the way.”

Indie snarled. If she wasn’t on our side, I’d be shaking in my boots! “Let them go, and you won’t get hurt.”

Obviously, Taylor was interested in self-preservation. “Fine.” She backed away behind the table and knelt down. Her hands, which should’ve been in the air, did something under the table and came out with a Taser, scaring everyone in the room.

I heard my heart pound in my ears. My instinct was to run as far away as possible. Where did she get that weapon from?

The Taser really changed things. Even Indie seemed taken aback. Her partners backed away slowly, like one would with a crazy person - and I guess that Taylor is crazy.

She waved it around. “I know how to use this, and I’m not afraid to! Get out, and no one will get hurt.”

I doubted she would have the guts to use it on another human being. I certainly didn’t. However, she had surprise on her side, and the adrenaline pumping through her whole body can make you do weird things. “Go out, Indie. And your posse, too. I have some… unfinished business.”

They went up the stairs slowly, not wanting to leave but not wanting to get Tased. I could see the conflict play out on their faces. Finally, Indie made her choice, and charged toward Taser Taylor like a linebacker, taking her out at the knees. The Taser flew up into the air and one of the people who came with Indie caught it with one hand. I recognized him as the one who wore a gas mask on the first day we were here. He didn’t seem very nice, and my suspicions were confirmed when he Tasered first one, then the other of his companions. This encounter was going downhill quickly.

I felt helpless, and tried to scoot my chair away, but he noticed me. The stun gun whined as it recharged and he aimed it right at me. I squirmed and he fired. The darts whistled into my abdomen. First intense pain, then blessed unconsciousness.